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TERMINAL....Does it mean imminent death?
My daughter, eldest grandson, and baby grandson today...every day is so very precious
You can read more about this family
Hair grows back. So losing it is no biggie, right?? Pretty much. But, when it begins to fall out by the handful, then it is disconcerting. After huge patches of scalp become evident, all over the precious head, it is time to shave it all off.
There are those who allow their thinning hair to stay wearing it like a badge of honor. And that I can totally understand. My daughter decided to wear her baldness as a badge of honor instead. Our motto became "bald is beautiful."
We traveled together to our favorite shop in St. Augustine and bought lovely silk scarves to further adorn her sweet head.
In the picture above, she has just gone through her fourth clinical trial and she can still smile. Smiling with her is our NuNu pup.
Bald is beautiful was her mantra for a while...
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
— Thomas EdisonThe words of Mr. Edison apply so appropriately to the situation in which my daughter and grandson find themselves.
They have refused to give up and give in...despite the years of treatment and uncertainty, they continue to push forward.
And, I am so thankful for that.
Smiling with her precious boy five years ago
The word terminal like many in our language has multiple definitions. Decide which word adequately defines the term for you in this article. After reading the article, select the one that is most appropriate in your mind.
1. situated at or forming the end or extremity of something: a terminal feature of a vista.
2. occurring at or forming the end of a series, succession, or the like; closing; concluding. 3. pertaining to or lasting for a term or definite period
That is his....'paleeeaaazzz, not another picture taken of me!!!!' look
Not too many weeks ago, a question was posted by me that read:
Is there a line you should not cross when talking with others?
What prompted me to post the question was the day before I had been asked:
"So, when is your daughter going to die?"
After picking my jaw up off the ground, I responded that what people do not understand is that terminal does not mean the person will die THAT day, the next day, or very soon. It quite simply means that the disease is not curable. Those who are diagnosed as terminal may live only a short time or they may live on for years.
She wanted us to notice her new hair....
She looks so well. He looks so well.
Do not be fooled by appearances. For many of the years that both my grandson and daughter have gotten up each day to face once again CANCER, they have "looked so well."
So often those who knew me well would say those words to me. As in disbelief that those who were so ill could look so healthy It preyed on my mind too. They did not look sick. And often do not now. Until I take a closer look into their faces. And see etched into their faces the pain and scars of the years of fighting to have so normalcy.
There were times that they looked frightfully ill. Too weak to move, too ill to even chat. Huge amounts of weight lost or gained depending on what drug they were taking at the time.
Do not be fooled. Cancer has no look. It is deceitful and cunning.
Every day ...live it to the fullest...
Angels and miracles ....
At the time of the diagnosis, she was told she had about a year to live. There was no way she would survive longer than that. She had had aggressive chemo and radiation and it had made little difference.
But her resolve remained. She would get up every day and embrace it. She remained active in Relay for Life and in volunteering at the American Cancer Society office until she was just physically unable to do so. In the photograph with the hat trimmed with fluffy purple trim, she was heading up a Relay for Life.
She would go in for her oncology visits and the doctor would look at her and say:
"You know, you aren't supposed to be here." And, she would just smile and say. "I know. but I am."
The only way he and other doctors in whose care she found herself told her that it was only a miracle that she was on the planet. Her primary oncologist died last year.
We know why she is here. Angels have followed us all of these years and they surround her and her son and shield them against that diagnosis.
What it means to the family
A diagnosis of terminal can turn a family upside down. It can tear at the very fiber of each member in the family. The whole dynamic of the family can change.
For a moment, the telling of this story slows down for a moment and flashes back to the day I heard the diagnosis my daughter received.
By the time she was told her cancer was terminal, we had already been on the roller coaster for 3 years. There hardly seemed much more we could be told that could make our lives any more complex. Cancer had already spread throughout her body. Chemo and radiation had become a part of our lives.
One day my daughter came home from a routine oncology appointment. As I usually did, I asked what they had told her that day. And, she quickly replied. "They told me to party like a rock star."
Zap. Bam. Shudder. All of it internal. Flashback even further to the day 3 years earlier when we were told she had colon cancer. We held each other and wailed. It was not crying. It was wailing. Our insides exploded onto the red Georgia clay and our tears fell in waves onto the ground. And our hearts struggled to stay in our chests.
And, then when there were no more tears, as if we washed the fear away, we began our lives anew. And it has remained so since that time. I told my child that she should never miss one moment of any day from that point forth.
Trying to second guess the future buys not one extra moment. But walking into each new day with the resolve to greet it and find the goodness and joy there, is the only way to live.
I guess you can say that hearing party like a rock star was yet another bump in the road, my daughter would say. It changed nothing. Our resolve remained.
Friends since middle school, these two remain best friends today.
Years before, her son receives a terminal diagnosis
One family member with a terminal diagnosis is one too many. But, some families face this diagnosis with more than one beloved family member. Four years before my daughter was told her years on the planet were numbered, she had been told the same about her son.
She had received correspondence about her son from a doctor. She called to speak with someone about the correspondence. A young man came on the phone and began to talk to her. He said that since her son was now terminal his medical coverage would change
She said, "Wait, Wait, what??? That's my son you're talking about. What did you just say?"
He sort of mumbled and then said, "Oh, M'am. I thought you knew."
That was how she found out of his diagnosis. When she went in to visit his oncology team later in the week, the doctor apologized profusely. The young man was not supposed to break the news to her.
It really did not matter in the long run who had told her. The sting was still there.
This remarkable young boy did not know at that time of the diagnosis. He just knew he felt pretty rotten most of the time but he got on with the business of living. We have often said he taught us how to live. He embraced and still does embrace each day and squeezes all of the living out of he can.
He could moan and groan and wail..."Why me??" But not once has he ever done that. He learned to make his own pathway out of darkness into the rays of hope and light that surround him.
At Relay, everyone could spot my daughter when they needed her.
Soothing but upbeat music for the soul
The Momma and the Nanan
As my daughter's Momma and my grandson's Nanan (his baby brother calls me Nini), some long and winding roads have spread out before me.
Through the chemo, the frequent trips to the doctors, the radiation, the vomiting, the hair loss, the days of being unable to move from a chair because of a weakened body, the hospital stays for both daughter and grandson, the loss of appetite, the dramatic loss of weight, the swelling from the meds, I have been there.
I will not pretend that I have not cried a few thousand tears. I will not pretend that focusing on living one day at a time was easy.
But the reality of life is one day at a time is all we have. When I came to terms with that, it enabled me to wrap my arms around each new day and rejoice. Worry would change not one thing. Worry and trying to figure out what would happen at some time in the future would not add one moment of living to either grandson or daughter.
So, I have chosen to believe that H O P E comes with each new day. Relishing each moment in that new day and the time I have to spend with these loved ones makes it possible to live one day at a time.
Do you know someone with a terminal diagnosis.
A sick child with a sick Momma
When my grandson was younger, he would see his Momma shuffled off to the hospital at all hours of the day and night. He would see her admitted to the hospital and he would visit her each day while she was there.
He would see her come home and be so ill she would spend days curled in a little ball.
It takes its toll on a young life. it becomes more real and more frightening as the young child becomes a young man and understands much more than he did as a little boy.
It has been difficult for him. He does not really talk about it much but when he does we can hear the fear he tries to hide. And, it is okay. It is good for him to share his concern and fear and know that what he is feeling is perfectly normal.
My daughter and grandson
When the new day comes
When the new day is about to arrive tomorrow, get up early enough to watch the sun's rays peek through.
- Stop for a second and love and hug those precious to you
- Stop as you rush out of the door and look around your yard.
- Take a look at any beauty nature is offering you.
- Take time to be thankful for the small things in your life that add up to big things.
- Do something unexpected for someone.
Live each day completely and thoroughly EVERY DAY.
It means that we will seize the day---that's what it means.
Carpe diem...carpe diem...seize the day.
No one knows when their time will come.
A terminal diagnosis means no cure. It does not mean to give up. It does not me to stop living. It means the doctors must tell you what may happen---according to what has happened to others in the past, this diagnosis is what they think you can expect.
It does not mean to go dig a hole in your back yard and get in it. It means to seize the day.
Scream, holler, lose your mind, throw things, swear ---do all of those if you must. Then look life squarely in the face and be thankful that you have today. Be thankful that your loved one has today. It isn't over till it's over. Trite, but true.
My daughter had gone off of chemo for two years as it was killing her faster than her cancers. She has just begun a new chemo today which has been known to slow growth in brain tumors. So, another new attempt to keep this disease from progressing even further.
Each day is a gift. Each loved one is a blessing. Hug 'em and squeeze 'em.
Immerse your lives in day to day living
Our lives were turned upside down and inside out with this nightmare that came to us just as I imagine it does for those millions of others who come face to face with catastrophic illness. But then we realized we had a choice to make about how we would live. And we have chosen to love each other TODAY because no one is guaranteed tomorrow.
Each time some new, scarier part of this hellacious disease raises its ugly head, we swerve a little, crash and burn a little and then dust ourselves off and go forth .It renews our determination to bathe ourselves in the joy of all of the things we may otherwise take for granted---precious moments just enjoying watching baby grandson discover, problem solve, and play is just one part of that loveliness.
You see there really is too much wonderful in each day for us to be stuck in the grips of worry and fear. A diagnosis of terminal for this family was really a wake up call.
The whispered words came to us--- Before it is too late, find what really is of value and immerse your lives in it.
And, that is our goal each day. It has become a way of life, it comes with the dawning of each new day, without thought: It is a part of who we are now.
sources
© 2013 Patricia Scott
Comments
- Author
Good morning Cliff
It is very humbling, at least it has been for us, to realize that all that we ever really wanted or needed was our family and friends. Too often we chase our tails looking for SOMETHING. But we have it and truly we are blessed.
Thank you for visiting. And I do hope that others can find some benefit from reading this.
Angels are on the way to you today :) ps
- Author
Good morning Cliff
It is very humbling, at least it has been for us, to realize that all that we ever really wanted or needed was our family and friends. Too often we chase our tails looking for SOMETHING. But we have it and truly we are blessed.
Thank you for visiting. And I do hope that others can find some benefit from reading this.
Angels are on the way to you today :) ps
- Author
Good morning rajan jolly
thank you for the prayers and well wishes.
We are so blessed to have the support of so many. It definitely makes this walk easier. Each day brings a promise of a new 24 hours to love and celebrate each other and the gift of life.
And know, rajan jolly, that I am returning blessings to you and yours.
Sending you many Angels and much goodness... :) ps
- Author
Good morning rajan jolly
thank you for the prayers and well wishes.
We are so blessed to have the support of so many. It definitely makes this walk easier. Each day brings a promise of a new 24 hours to love and celebrate each other and the gift of life.
And know, rajan jolly, that I am returning blessings to you and yours.
Sending you many Angels and much goodness... :) ps
Beautiful hub, pstraubie48! You and your family's courage is very inspiring. Thanks for reminding us all to appreciate the little things and just live life to its fullest. May the angels guide your family always. :)
I admire the courage all of you have shown in the face of adversity. It takes a lot of grit. But life is not meant to die a thousand deaths each day in the belief that there is no tomorrow.
Sending all my prayers your way. I'm sharing this story as it will inspire many to savor each moment to the full and draw strength and hope from this.
Voted up, awesome and shared.
- Author
Good afternoon Celeste
Trust me when I tell you we have cried many tears but truthfully most of them are happy tears. The blue hair came after many many months of NO hair but in the scheme of things, that is such a small thing.
Wear that bald head as a banner that screams I AM A SURVIVOR.
Feel free to email me if your journey gets to be a little tricky---I am a great listener .
Many Angels are on the way to uplift and comfort you :) ps
- Author
Good afternoon Celeste
Trust me when I tell you we have cried many tears but truthfully most of them are happy tears. The blue hair came after many many months of NO hair but in the scheme of things, that is such a small thing.
Wear that bald head as a banner that screams I AM A SURVIVOR.
Feel free to email me if your journey gets to be a little tricky---I am a great listener .
Many Angels are on the way to uplift and comfort you :) ps
- Author
Wow, Glimmer Twin Fan...some comments quickly bring the emotion associated with this journey to the surface quickly. We are blessed and we are lucky to have each other.
This week has once again opened new avenues in this journey but we just 'keep on keeping on.'
Thanks for your visit :) Angels are coming right back to you :) ps
- Author
Wow, Glimmer Twin Fan...some comments quickly bring the emotion associated with this journey to the surface quickly. We are blessed and we are lucky to have each other.
This week has once again opened new avenues in this journey but we just 'keep on keeping on.'
Thanks for your visit :) Angels are coming right back to you :) ps
Your article had me in tears. I have just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and I start chemo soon. I know my hair will fall out and I will feel rotten on occasion. I will however, party like a rockstar, and wear flamboyant scalves, because I won't have hair to dye blue :0). Your family's strength is inspiring and your love for each other is so clear. Thank you for a wonderful article.
This is an incredibly beautiful piece. Your daughter and grandson are lucky to have you. Thank you for this.
- Author
Hi JBeadle
It sure does.
and sharing our journey is a way for us to let others have a peek into our experience. It is different for each one of us but knowing that we are not alone somehow helps a bit.
Blessings to your daughter, JBeadle. May each day bring you each an abundance of joy.
Sending Angels your eay :) ps
- Author
Hi JBeadle
It sure does.
and sharing our journey is a way for us to let others have a peek into our experience. It is different for each one of us but knowing that we are not alone somehow helps a bit.
Blessings to your daughter, JBeadle. May each day bring you each an abundance of joy.
Sending Angels your eay :) ps
Cancer sucks. My daughter is now a 16 year survivor from childhood leukemia and your words ring so true. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for fighting. Thanks for showing people that the true victory is to live and not surrender.
- Author
Thank you, Augusfanani
For your kind words. The fact that others reach out to share good wishes with us means so very much. One day at a time is how we are choosing to live.
Thanks for stopping by
Sending Angels your way :) ps
- Author
Thank you, Augusfanani
For your kind words. The fact that others reach out to share good wishes with us means so very much. One day at a time is how we are choosing to live.
Thanks for stopping by
Sending Angels your way :) ps
I send my pray and encouragement to your family and thank you for the positive energy and inspiration you share with us.
- Author
Good morning Colin
And thank you for sharing your kind thoughts with me.
Our life on this planet is so closely tied to those of others that each time we reach out as you have done, it makes our bonds closer.
Losing your Dad and Mum is huge. Both of my parents have been gone for too many years...my Daddy in 1987 and my Momma in 1991. There have been so many things I wanted to share with them and their physical bodies were not here for me to do so.But sometimes I just talk to them anyway.
You are such an amazing writer that you bring ideas to our lives that lift us up so very often. And thank you for that.
And, we here in our little Florida town will once again find another day to wrap ourselves in and celebrate.
Angels and blessings are on the way :) sp
Good morning dear Patricia. This may seem like an odd thing to say but the message and the theme hear from you is one of life's affirmation.
And it is your bravery and solidarity and your sense of acceptance which makes this sad and tragic story one of hope and love and understanding.
Naturally I had mixed emotions reading this - as I watch the daybreak over the lake and look at my cats - all things of life and living and manifestations of God but you see my dad died from cancer back in 1992 leaving mum and I alone in this world and I lost my mum too in 2004 and coming from a small family I have no one else left except my cats.
I love your beautiful heart and I admire your strength and I pray for you and your family ........beyond that my friend , words escape me at this time as I am sending sincerely my warmest wishes and good karma to you from Colin and his cats at lake erie time ontario canada 8:01am
It's better to have loved than not to have loved at all.
- Author
Thank you, drbj. We are so blessed. We have so many who are cheering for us and wishing us well. Who could ask for more than that? it has taught us how to live.
Angels and blessings are on the way to you.:) ps
- Author
Thank you, drbj. We are so blessed. We have so many who are cheering for us and wishing us well. Who could ask for more than that? it has taught us how to live.
Angels and blessings are on the way to you.:) ps
Patricia - Your beautiful daughter and handsome grandson are blessed to have your love and devotion. Sending you and them bunches of angels forevermore.
Your strength is amazing. You have the right attitude: live for today. That's really all any of us can do. I wish your family well. It sounds like tenacity and love is the best medicine of all!
- Author
Good morninTirelesstraveler
You are so right. You know a doctor friend of mine told me that about 95 percent of medicine is educated guessing. They listen and observe and test and retest and then THINK this or that is the disease. And they have to tell you all of these horrible possible scenarios with your illness just in case they got it wrong or right or if something horrid will happen sometime in the future. I must admit my whole view of the infallibility of doctors did a 360 when cancer came to town in our lives. that is a whole other article.
One reason I wrote this today was because of the question I was asked. But then while I was writing it new parts of this &&&^%&$ disease have emerged so I guess I needed to use this article as a bit of catharsis---sending it out into the universe to bounce around.
I appreciate you stopping by....hoping a lovely day for you today
Angels are on the way. :) ps
- Author
Hi Peggy
Your words to me are always comforting. Knowing that others are reaching out to send positive thoughts our way makes a huge difference. And for us being able to reach out to others is also important.
We keep on keeping on each day being thankful that another new day has come for us to ENJOY.
Have a lovely lovely day Angels and blessings and hugs are on the way back to you :) ps
- Author
Hi Peggy
Your words to me are always comforting. Knowing that others are reaching out to send positive thoughts our way makes a huge difference. And for us being able to reach out to others is also important.
We keep on keeping on each day being thankful that another new day has come for us to ENJOY.
Have a lovely lovely day Angels and blessings and hugs are on the way back to you :) ps
My dear, my dear.
There is a reason doctors are practicing. They haven't gotten it right yet.
Nobody on earth determines the number of days we walk on earth . When my doc said," Metastatic", I asked him how long I had to live. He just said, there is someone with almost your same situation and she is past 2 years. Well we are 3 years down that road. The hair has come and gone and come back again. I am healthy, I will continue to be healthy until further notice.
What doctors don't tell you; the better your support group, the longer you live and the better your quality of life. Your daughter and grandson have a tremendous supporter. Keep up the good work. Holler if you need a cheering section or anything else for that matter. Judy
It is all too easy to take life for granted until things like this smack us right in the face. Your advice about enjoying what is possible from each and every day is the best advice ever and an admonishment to those who are not doing so right now. We NEVER know when our last day on earth will be and the beginning of our next life will begin. Hugs and blessings to you, your daughter and your grandson and everyone else in the family that their diseases are affecting. All the up votes and will share. Sending legions of angels your way.
- Author
Hi Eddy
Thank you for your kind words. Today has been a day when I have needed to keep in mind our mantra and wear the banner of courage in my heart and mind.
Sending Angels to you this afternoon. :) ps
- Author
Hi Eddy
Thank you for your kind words. Today has been a day when I have needed to keep in mind our mantra and wear the banner of courage in my heart and mind.
Sending Angels to you this afternoon. :) ps
- Author
Sana
Thank you for stopping by.
Every day is a gift...can I say it LOUDLY???
We are blessed to have the love and support of so many.
Sending Angels your way this afternoon.
:) ps
- Author
Hi Janshares
Emailing me is fine. We draw strength from others. I was just talking with my daughter about this whole issue this morning. Being the Momma of a sick child and Nana to a sick grandson I have learned so much about reaching out to others.
Angels are on the way this afternoon. :)ps
- Author
Hi Janshares
Emailing me is fine. We draw strength from others. I was just talking with my daughter about this whole issue this morning. Being the Momma of a sick child and Nana to a sick grandson I have learned so much about reaching out to others.
Angels are on the way this afternoon. :)ps
This wondrous read really hits the spot and thank you for sharing such a touching gem. Voted up,across and shared. Lots of love to you and your wonderful family.
Eddy.
really heart touching 1 ,,,Almighty God has already bestowed a lot of patience on u ppll,, stay blessed ,,really ,,,,ive gone through oll thiss,,,a very good hub,,,an encouragement to others !!!!
Thank you for this, pstraubie48. You are amazing. I'm so overwhelmed as I read this because of what I'm dealing with in my family. Your suggestions are what I needed this morning. Don't be surprised if I email you. Voted up and useful.
- Author
O, my. this moved me to tears. Good tears...As I have said so often, knowing that others care helps to lighten the load.
Today is another day to celebrate life, for sure.
Sending Angels your way. :) ps
- Author
O, my. this moved me to tears. Good tears...As I have said so often, knowing that others care helps to lighten the load.
Today is another day to celebrate life, for sure.
Sending Angels your way. :) ps
This was really touching. I especially loved this line: "A terminal diagnosis means no cure. It does not mean to give up." Voted up and beautiful/awesome because your daughter and grandson are both.
- Author
Hello Carol
Nice to see you this morning
New things creep in each day it seems. But there is so much joy that we do not let them become a reason to let dark clouds move in---no time for that.
Thank you for your kind words, Carol. I am not sure if you all realize how uplifting it is to know that others are wishing us well along the way.
Angels are on the way :) ps
- Author
Hello Carol
Nice to see you this morning
New things creep in each day it seems. But there is so much joy that we do not let them become a reason to let dark clouds move in---no time for that.
Thank you for your kind words, Carol. I am not sure if you all realize how uplifting it is to know that others are wishing us well along the way.
Angels are on the way :) ps
well told and well lived. I can almost feel your daily thoughts. However, you have learned well to live, accept and appreciate as many of us not do when just faced with daily tribulations. My thoughts, prayers for you as you live each day.
- Author
Good morning Laurence
You just never know what people are thinking. Try as I may I never will figure that out.
However a small thing like that will not weaken our resolve to make each day count, you know.
Thanks for stopping by to offer your kind words.
Sending you Angels ....:) ps
- Author
Good morning Laurence
You just never know what people are thinking. Try as I may I never will figure that out.
However a small thing like that will not weaken our resolve to make each day count, you know.
Thanks for stopping by to offer your kind words.
Sending you Angels ....:) ps
I can't believe that anyone would ask a question like that, ps, it's monstrous! How can anyone be so insensitive and casual. Probably plain stupid too if truth be told. Many, many happy days of happy life to you all, you deserve it. :) x
- Author
Hi Sonya
Thank you for visiting. I really believe that sometimes people just do not think before they speak. I was aghast.
Actually that was the reason I decided to write this hub.
Sending you Angels again today :) ps
- Author
Good morning Randy
Thank you for your good wishes. We truly embrace each day with renewed belief that it is one more day to share the simple pleasures of life with those we love.
It really has taught us to show our love more often.
Sending Angels on the way to you this morning :) ps
- Author
Good morning Randy
Thank you for your good wishes. We truly embrace each day with renewed belief that it is one more day to share the simple pleasures of life with those we love.
It really has taught us to show our love more often.
Sending Angels on the way to you this morning :) ps
- Author
My Dear Friend Bill
No words are needed...often, less is more. Just knowing you are sending good wishes is more than enough.
Sending along to you equal amounts of hugs and blessings carried on the wings of the Angles that are headed your way :) ps
- Author
Dear Sweet Martin,
Know that my prayers are with you each day. Each of us has unwanted, unwelcome interlopers come into our lives. You clearly have leaned to put them on the back burner as you go about writing the lovely and humorous works you share. I am enjoying your book so much. Angels and blessings are on the way :) ps
Thank you for this. I am going back again to neurology to try to find out why I losing control of my body. So here's good luck all around.
Your daughter is beautiful. I admit,I got a little angry and had to pick MY jaw up off of the ground when I read the thoughtless question from the person questioning when your daughters last day was. I voted this article up, and said a pray for you and your family.
No words come to me, but then I don't think you expect any. I'm sending your, your daughter and grandson a huge hug. Thank you for sharing this story with us all.
Sending love your way
bill
My heart goes to you and your family, Patricia. And my admiration for your courage knows no bounds. :)
Randy
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