Why You Should Distance Yourself From the Complainers in Your Life
Few people realize how unhealthy it is to surround themselves with people who constantly complain.
However, complainers can cause huge problems for the people who waste their time listening to them because by its very nature, complaining is a negative behavior that spreads quickly and can suck the joy out of people's lives.
This is why people who understand that this problem exists should make it a point to distance themselves from the complainers in their lives as soon as possible.
Who Are Your Complainers?
People who constantly complain serve no real purpose other than to upset anybody who will listen,
You know who they are.
They're the people who call you up and drop their pile of irritating problems in your lap and when finished, hang up feeling great because they have cleansed themselves of their worries.
You sit there on the other end of the line wondering what just happened.
They think you're a great friend, but you find yourself fantasizing about killing them!
This is because you were fine before the call, but now are irritated, frustrated and angry mainly because you're sitting there with another person's problems in your lap that you can do nothing about knowing that they won't do anything about them either!
You're also upset because they got you again!
- Your neighbor calls to tell you she has a roof leak (she's had it for more than a year). She's complained about this problem consistently during that time, but has failed to address the issue appropriately.
- Your brother makes a visit and spends the entire time moaning about how poor he is and how he wishes he had more money. He's been doing this forever! When he (again) asks why it is that everybody else but him can have nice cars and take great vacations, you have to bite your tongue because you know it's because he has never had a regular job his entire life!
- Your colleague at work bemoans the fact that she can't find a man. You hear this story every day during lunch breaks and think, "Why am I listening to this...again!" You know that instead of moaning about her relationship problems she would do better shop for clothes that fit, get a good haircut and be less negative, but you know that she won't. It's almost as if she simply enjoys her misery, and uses you to do her venting!
The world is full of people who like to complain about their situations but refuse to do anything about them!
It's much easier to use their situations to make themselves feel better by using others as their listening posts.
Better for them, but not better for their chosen victims!
Why People Complain
People become complainers out of
- the desire to defame or denigrate others,
- the desire to get attention,
- personal empowerment,
- having nothing stimulating to discuss with others or
- the desire to vent.
Regardless of the reasons, complaining is a bad habit that accomplishes nothing but creates a great deal of negativity that affects the overall attitudes of the people who allow themselves to do it as well as those who allow themselves to listen to them.
The attitude of the listener becomes increasingly negative towards the complainer, and quite often the listener begins to complain about this situation. It can become an ongoing negative cycle that helps nobody and won't stop until someone makes a conscious effort to put an end to it.
Complainers Are Victimizers
Complaints don't always come to you in a phone call, but they always catch you off guard.
- Your sister complains to you about her boss,
- a friend bitches about her husband or
- someone you may not even know well simply decides to dump all of their personal problems on you.
No matter who they are, people who do these things are victimizing and harming you because they are creating negative feelings in you where none existed before.
They may even cause you to become what they are, which is even worse!
Complaining Changes Your Brain!
From the above example it is easy to see that the more complaining you do, the more likely you will be to do it again.
The problem is that constant complaining actually changes the structure of your brain, making complaining easier to do.
The result is that you create a habit that causes you to become an increasingly negative person who mostly sees the negatives rather than the positives in life.
Most people dislike being around people who have bad habits or bad attitudes, so this type of behavior creates relationship issues between you and others who cross your path as you move forward in life.
In short, you have made yourself a victim of your own habit who may not even understand that what you are doing is creating difficult situations for you.
Health Problems Can Result
Because complaining raises your blood pressure and blood sugar by releasing excessive amounts of cortisol, it also damages your immune system.
This makes you more vulnerable to a variety of serious diseases, some of which can actually kill you!
This is the bad news.
The good news is that you have the power to change this bad habit and get rid of the complainers in your life if you are willing to do so.
What Can You Do?
There is always going to be a temptation on the part of any individual to voice his opinions on various topics. However, stating your views on things does not require you to complain.
You might not like the food in a particular restaurant, but you can avoid problems simply stating your feelings about it and refusing to dine there again.
Here are some other things you can do that will help you to eliminate complaining from your life.
Find New Friends
The last thing you should want is to have to spend your time listening to people complain about everything under the sun.
This is not a good thing for them to be doing, and certainly is not healthy for you.
Groups of individuals tend to fall into the habit of complaining because it makes them feel good empowers them and also makes them feel like they are one of the gang.
The truth is that complaining often becomes the foundation for discussions between people because they have nothing better to talk about!
By walking away from these types of people and finding new groups that have active and positive interests, you will be healthier and happier.
There are many such groups that participate in positive activities such as having book clubs, financial clubs, groups that participate in all sorts of sports and nature interests.
Choose one that fits with your desires, hobbies or activities, join them and you’ll gain a much better attitude towards life.
Refuse to Listen
If you find it difficult to break away, make it a point to let the complainers in your life know that you have better things to do that listen to them.
It is frustrating to spend time doing this, especially when those making the complaints just want to run their mouths, rather than taking action to correct the situations they don’t like.
By telling them, as nicely as possible, to “put up or shut up”, you’re letting them know that running their mouths just to hear themselves talk or feed their egos is a waste of your time.
If they start, simply excuse yourself and leave. They’ll get the message. If they don’t like it, you’ll be forced to find others with whom to have relationships.
Refuse to Cooperate
From what has been said here, you should now be able to clearly see that it is up to you to make changes that will lead to a healthier, happier life.
You do not have to spend the time you have with chronic complainers.
Getting rid of them can be as simple as telling them that if they continue with this bad habit, you will not be able to spend time with them anymore.
You can explain what they are doing and give them the opportunity to make changes, but if they cannot or will not do this, then you have to distance yourself from them.
It’s that simple.
You are not their psychiatrist. You are not responsible for the things they say or the views they have.
If people want to do things that are detrimental to you, you have the right to distance yourself from them.
If they don't like it, too bad. Your health and well being should be worth more to you than any one person.
Has this article changed the way you think about complaining?
© 2018 Sondra Rochelle