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What you pursue says a lot about you:How not to become your own worst enemy

Updated on October 31, 2016
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I thought long and hard about writing this hub. However, as much as I tried to avoid it I couldn't. These past few months I have noticed an increase in the elderly people I speak with and I was saddened by a repetitiveness in the conversations I seemed to be having with each of them.

First I should confess that I have always had a heart for the elderly, the homeless, and animals; so, when I speak with our elderly I soak in the wisdom that flows from the mouths of those who are seasoned and lived a long life.

As I'm captivated by worldly wisdom and stories rich with history I could detect an underline of loneliness in their voice. A long life doesn't always mean a satisfying life and it broke my heart when I had to find ways to gently pull myself from them. It made me wonder where were their families? and where were their children?


Source

How Not Building Healthy Relationships Can Cost You in the End.

Unfortunately, careless attitudes toward our elderly is all to familiar and appears to have escalated with each generation. My ears are tuned to listen to the said as well as the unsaid therefore, I was able to detect that some of the elderly I spoke with were put in homes due to illnesses, but most were there due to strained relations with their offspring. This makes me wonder are we breeding children who are now putting work and their own desires ahead of family?


Statistics Show There is a Breakdown Between Parents and Their Children.

According to (Medical News Today.com) There appears to be a breakdown in communication between parents and their offspring. Middle age children in particular seem to pull away from aging parents as they live their own lives and form their own families. Also what cannot be denied is the lack of nurturing that is essential to the character building of the young that will carry them into adulthood. I used the word nurturing as apposed to raising because even if a parent is there physically, some are not there emotionally.

Also what cannot be denied is the steadily increase of global outsourcing and the advancement in technologies, that are making it hard for the average person to find work. In a two parent home, both parents now need to work to put food on the table leaving a generation of latchkey kids to fend for themselves as their parents work to pay bills and put food on the table.

As a result of the things we must do, our words on morals, and values, that we try to instill in our younger generation are just that-words, if they are not backed up by action then the words don't carry much weight. I know people who have put their parent or parents into homes for various reasons, some were justifiable reasons and some just didn't want to be bothered.

Humans remind me of this saying "monkey see, monkey do." and unfortunately, the things we see, speak louder than the words we speak. When I think of the people I know who put parents away and hardly visit them it makes me wonder "What kind of message are they sending to their own children and are they planting seeds that will eventually cause them to eat the fruit of their own way."


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How I learned to be a Wise Investor.

I remember when I was a slave for Corporate, living my life, living my dreams. A young, successful woman blazing the trails and living life by her own rules. I wasn't a bad person I was taught to be this way if not by words certainly by what I saw.

Then, one day I got laid off along with many others and my world crashed. I had invested so much time and energy into an investment that I felt would pay off in the end, only to learn that the thing I invested in was cold and empty and had no love for me the way I had love for it.

I realized that I invested my time and love unwisely but I was lucky because it didn't take me to be old to find this out and I was able to turn things around. I wrote this poem and it reminds me of my other "Bitter Fruit" both, are about a person who realized too late what was important in life. I hope you enjoy it.


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The Wise Investor- A poem

My friend's called me the wise investor...

I've been called that all my life...

Wheeling and dealing was my drug of choice...

It was a rush that kept me high...

I chased after money and material wealth...

I was blinded by greed and didn't see much else...

I burned many bridges along the way...

Anger and bitterness was a path that I paved...

I broke many hearts and it hurts me to see...

That i'm eating from the garden planted by my own seeds...

And I'll tell any investor who cares to hear it...

I was rich in the world but poor in the spirit...

By the time I was through chasing the world...

My children were grown...

My spouse was gone...

All my dear friends had finally moved on...

And I found myself completely alone...

Now, I'm old and nearing the end of my life...

But I no longer think of myself as wise...

As I sit at home all alone...

I can barely get my kids on the phone...

I was a foolish investor and that's a true fact...

When I chose to invest in things...

Without understanding...

Because things have no heart...

They wouldn't love me back...

Invest in things that will appreciate with time.

Let's all remember to invest in people more than things. The things you pursue says a lot about your character and what's important to you. Don't be your own worst enemy. A wise investor realizes that this race in life will come to an end and what will matter most are not the things we accumulated but the relationships we've built. Our material wealth won't visit us in the hospital. Our material wealth won't laugh with us over fond memories from the past. Our material things aren't capable of loving us.

Proverbs 1:31) says we will eat the fruit of our own way. If you plant seeds of love, kindness, nurturing and respect, you may be blessed in your old age and reap what you have sown.

Rate your thinking on elder abuse.

If a parent was neglectful due to drug abuse, financial reason, or, just not wanting to take responsibility, does that give their child the right to neglect them?

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Rate your thinking on elder abuse.

Is neglecting your elderly parent the same as abusing them?

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© 2016 Dana Tate

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    • Dana Tate profile image
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      Dana Tate 8 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      Alan, thank you for reading and even more for leaving a comment. As far back as I can remember, I have always been a person who cares about the plight of others, including animals. It has been both a blessing and a curse for me as you can imagine my spirit can become very heavy.

      I did not have a loving relationship with my own father. I never realized I held any anger towards him until I began to search myself for self-healing. What I saw was a string of broken relationships due to a lack of nurturing I never received from my Dad.

      They manifested in many ways from lack of trust, aloofness, even neediness. Once I pinpointed the problem I was able to find forgiveness for my Dad. I understand that whatever his issues were they had nothing to do with his love for me. I couldn't understand this as a child but as an adult with her own issues I was able to comprehend.

      My message is always the same. Let's realize and appreciate things of true value like Spouses, family and friends. Iv'e seen so many people chase after more money and more success and realized at the end what they had was more valuable than gold.

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 8 months ago from Tasmania

      Thank you for this hub, Dana. It's great food for thought and deeper understanding.

      Personally - I have no children, never had a partner, now 75. As most relatives live far away and lead their own lives; as I have rolled on and on, so many times, "gathering no moss;" as friends and acquaintances drop off the perch, one-by-one; as the emptiness of religious dogma and rhetoric becomes so obvious and leaves a void ----- I am left with a strong determination and at the same time an unfathomable peace and happiness.

      It comes from honest contemplation of the life I have led: warts 'n all, the good times, the bad, the ugly or embarrassing. The successes, the failures, the stupid, the wise, the boyish antics and the nobility of age.

      And many a time the saving grace is being able to laugh at myself, warmly, lovingly.

      Looking back at my parents as fellow human beings, having a much deeper understanding of their backgrounds and seeing them now from adult perspective, comes my respect and forgiveness.

      This frees me from Guilt, such a negative and destructive emotion!

    • Dana Tate profile image
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      Dana Tate 9 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      Mel Carrier thanks for reading and commenting. Of course you are exactly right. There are parents who are wonderful and somehow their children don't value them and vice versa. My own father, whom I adored, never took to me for his own personal reasons. I was a child born in marriage but his other children were not. Yet, he adored them I never understood that. Most parents try to raise their children the best way they can but society plays a huge role in how the child comes out in the end. I appreciate your wise words. There are many ways to see a situation.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 9 months ago from San Diego California

      I loved your poem and I agree with the basic premise of what you are saying but, unfortunately, it doesn't always hold true. There are horrible parents who are doted on by their children in their old age, and then there are wonderful parents who are completely abandoned. When we sow the seeds, sometimes we don't know what kind of fruit will sprout. Sometimes children completely reject their parents values, through no fault of the parents. I wish it was easy and formulaic, but parenting can be an unrewarding, heart breaking business.

      You are a wonderful writer. Sorry I didn't check in for a while.

    • Dana Tate profile image
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      Dana Tate 9 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      CitrangadaSharan- thank you for reading and leaving an insightful comment. Yes, parent's should always be taken care of. It is a natural order of creation and we cannot ever repay them for being a vessel who brought us into the world. Some people do not realize whether they were good or bad is not so much of a point. But to understand they are vessels and therefore human. If we understand they are human just as we are and make mistakes the same as us they will have compassion where their heart has become callous. As always thank you hearing from you on my hubs is always a pleasure.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 9 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Great hub--Very touching and so much close to reality!

      I believe Parents must always be taken care of . We cannot thank them enough for their contributions in shaping our lives. One can realise it only when we ourselves become Parents.

      Lot of insightful thoughts in your hub and wonderful poem.

      Thanks for sharing!

    • Dana Tate profile image
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      Dana Tate 10 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      Thank you Frank, it just came to me when I started focusing on why as human beings we can not see the clear picture of what is truly important in life. That kind of blind-selfishness boggles the mind. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 10 months ago from Shelton

      In reality, being your own worst enemy is just another way of shouting at the world. I think... If you're not sure of where your internal compass points sometimes you can lose your way.. Love the poem too great read kind of made me think..hmmmm

    • Dana Tate profile image
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      Dana Tate 13 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      always exploring, a similar thing happen to a friend of mine. His aunt had a stroke and she was so angry about her condition she took it out on her entire family. Eventually, they put her in a home I know they wished it could have turned out differently but it didn't. You will see her in heaven and she will understand never live your life with regrets its just wasted energy.

    • Dana Tate profile image
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      Dana Tate 13 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      Jodah, that story is all to common. I know families that live in the same walking distance and rarely visit each other. It is so sad to see the breakdown in families, which should be a bond that outlasts anything. Everyone appears to be so busy, and most are doing nothing. Thanks for liking the poem.

    • Dana Tate profile image
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      Dana Tate 13 months ago from LOS ANGELES

      Eric, you are one of the lucky ones. I'm not surprised though I'm sure you are a great dad. Unfortunately not all children have good parents, but still I feel parents should be respected regardless. Thanks for commenting.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 13 months ago from Southern Illinois

      While I was reading this, my mother came into view. She had a stroke and it affected her emotions. I brought her into my home to care for her, but her outbursts of anger disrupted my family, so I put her in a home and she only lived a few months. If I could go back I wouldn't ever put her in a home. When you're young with a family you can only see today. What a shame that is. I know I will see her in heaven, but still, I have regrets. Your hub is priceless. Thank you so much.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 13 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for sharing this wonderful hub, Dana, There is an important lesson to learn here. I always felt guilty that I wasn't living close in the last few years when my parents were aging. My wife did move down to care for them while I stayed behind with my job. That was until my dad passed away and I moved down to care for my mother.

      We recently had a disagreement with one of our sons about respect. That we always seem to be told what we should be doing, always asked for favours, but rarely get any help when we ask for it. They live 45 minutes away but have visited us twice in the last two years. We visit them at least monthly and have babysat the children at their home on numerous occasions. I rue the day we can't care for ourselves. Loved the poem.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Boy Dana, I have two sets of children. Three nearly middle aged and one 6. I just hugged my six year old and told him it was from his Hay Hay 2,000 plus miles away. My children are just so respectful and caring for me.

      I blame their mothers.