When Everyone Else is Pregnant and you're tired of hearing about it
There comes a time in some women's lives - and I am there now - where it appears that every other woman around you but you is pregnant or already has kids. Almost from out of nowhere, it seems that all your high school and college friends are having babies and every time you turn around, you see another pregnant woman at the grocery store or the mall. Oh yeah, two of your co-workers are set to go off on maternity leave any day now, too. As I said, these pregnant women are everywhere.
It's an awkward position to be in and it can be pretty painful, too, especially if you would like to have kids of your own but are unable to or have been unsuccessful in finding a partner to have them with thus far. Perhaps you would like to but the timing is still not quite right, as is the case with me.
I'm certainly not implying here that if a woman of a certain age doesn't have kids yet and is not pregnant, that she should want to be. There is nothing at all wrong with a woman who makes a conscious choice to not have children even though on average, society may not yet be very supportive of this decision which is something that bugs me to no end. Women without kids and who may or may not want them are just as important as women who have them. I'm sorry to say, but having a baby strapped to your hip does not make you more of a woman or necessarily more worthy or reverence. That means no disrespect to moms either, but I digress.
Out of the loop
One of the things that can be awkward about having so many moms and pregnant women around you is the feeling of being an outsider, of being out of the loop. It happens at work a lot that a bunch of us go to break at the same time and what is the topic of conversation? Everyone's babies or pregnancies! It is hard to feel included in this kind of conversation because how can I possibly relate? I find myself saying things like "aw, that's cute" or "aw, how nice" while many times holding back tears from jealousy and feelings of inadequacy (I know that I'm not inadequate just because I don't have kids but I can't help feeling like I am anyway).
I don't think that moms and pregnant women deliberately talk about their babies and pregnancies to make those of us who aren't pregnant and don't have kids feel bad, but you'd think they could find something else to talk about. I understand that your kids are a big part of your life, but please find something else to talk about when you are around those of us without kids! I can handle a bit of baby talk, but enough is enough!
Your mom friends have changed
I realize that a helpless baby has to take priority over friendship but it still hurts. Let's face it, once your friends start getting pregnant and having kids, they just don't have the same kind of time to spend with you anymore. You might stay friends but it almost for sure will never be the same again. It's because even when you do get together now, your friend will probably want to talk all about her baby and if you're like me, this will get on your nerves.
I've run across a few moms in my lifetime who don't have their kids' photos displayed all over facebook and they almost never talk about them. It doesn't mean they don't love their children, it just means that they don't need to talk about them all the time. I definitely appreciate these kinds of moms.
A documentary DVD by a former BBC journalist
What to do
Please let me know if you figure this one out because I'm struggling with it myself. For now, all I can suggest is to try to have as many non-mom friends as possible (I love my mom friends too). It's definitely easier to relate to other women who don't have kids and for them to relate to us, too. I therefore feel more comfortable around them, more understood and generally more appreciated. Perhaps you do, too.
Let's just say that there will always be pregnant women around us and sometimes they are just more noticeable than others! Eventually though, we just get tired of seeing them everywhere and tired of hearing about it.
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