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When Everyone Else is Pregnant and you're tired of hearing about it

Updated on November 12, 2010

There comes a time in some women's lives - and I am there now - where it appears that every other woman around you but you is pregnant or already has kids. Almost from out of nowhere, it seems that all your high school and college friends are having babies and every time you turn around, you see another pregnant woman at the grocery store or the mall. Oh yeah, two of your co-workers are set to go off on maternity leave any day now, too. As I said, these pregnant women are everywhere.

It's an awkward position to be in and it can be pretty painful, too, especially if you would like to have kids of your own but are unable to or have been unsuccessful in finding a partner to have them with thus far. Perhaps you would like to but the timing is still not quite right, as is the case with me. 

I'm certainly not implying here that if a woman of a certain age doesn't have kids yet and is not pregnant, that she should want to be. There is nothing at all wrong with a woman who makes a conscious choice to not have children even though on average, society may not yet be very supportive of this decision which is something that bugs me to no end. Women without kids and who may or may not want them are just as important as women who have them. I'm sorry to say, but having a baby strapped to your hip does not make you more of a woman or necessarily more worthy or reverence. That means no disrespect to moms either, but I digress.

Out of the loop

One of the things that can be awkward about having so many moms and pregnant women around you is the feeling of being an outsider, of being out of the loop. It happens at work a lot that a bunch of us go to break at the same time and what is the topic of conversation? Everyone's babies or pregnancies! It is hard to feel included in this kind of conversation because how can I possibly relate? I find myself saying things like "aw, that's cute" or "aw, how nice" while many times holding back tears from jealousy and feelings of inadequacy (I know that I'm not inadequate just because I don't have kids but I can't help feeling like I am anyway).

I don't think that moms and pregnant women deliberately talk about their babies and pregnancies to make those of us who aren't pregnant and don't have kids feel bad, but you'd think they could find something else to talk about. I understand that your kids are a big part of your life, but please find something else to talk about when you are around those of us without kids! I can handle a bit of baby talk, but enough is enough!

Your mom friends have changed

I realize that a helpless baby has to take priority over friendship but it still hurts. Let's face it, once your friends start getting pregnant and having kids, they just don't have the same kind of time to spend with you anymore. You might stay friends but it almost for sure will never be the same again. It's because even when you do get together now, your friend will probably want to talk all about her baby and if you're like me, this will get on your nerves.

I've run across a few moms in my lifetime who don't have their kids' photos displayed all over facebook and they almost never talk about them. It doesn't mean they don't love their children, it just means that they don't need to talk about them all the time. I definitely appreciate these kinds of moms.

What to do

Please let me know if you figure this one out because I'm struggling with it myself. For now, all I can suggest is to try to have as many non-mom friends as possible (I love my mom friends too). It's definitely easier to relate to other women who don't have kids and for them to relate to us, too. I therefore feel more comfortable around them, more understood and generally more appreciated. Perhaps you do, too.

Let's just say that there will always be pregnant women around us and sometimes they are just more noticeable than others! Eventually though, we just get tired of seeing them everywhere and tired of hearing about it.

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    • profile image

      lmad5989 

      5 years ago

      Reading this is such a relief! I hate feeling so bitter towards kids and pregnant women, but it just gets so annoying when they all get together and share stories of labor and everything that comes with it. I just kinda sit there, looking around in silence, what fun. I want kids, but not now. I just got married this year, so I want some fun time with my husband. His side of the family just had like 4 babies in the last 2 years. I hardly ever see any of them because they are always so busy, even when we try to work around their busy schedules. The fact of the matter is, kids take up time and energy and they usually come number 1 on the list.

    • Anaya M. Baker profile image

      Anaya M. Baker 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      I really appreciate hearing this side of things. I've wanted kids practically forever, (10 years?) but knew I wasn't emotionally or financially ready. Oh, yeah, not to mention the whole stable relationship bit. I'm now engaged to a great guy, and we plan on having a child eventually, but it will be at least another 3 years.

      In the meantime, my (much) younger sister got married and had a baby practically out of high school. Yeah, I have to admit there was a little jealousy on that one. Unfortunately, things didn't work out with her and hubby, so her child is now kind of my surrogate baby. I love my nephew, and I'm so glad to have the role I do in their lives, but it really makes me see how important it is to wait until you are ready. Yeah yeah yeah, I know everyone says you're never ready, you just do it one day, but I think there's definitely more ready and less ready. Also, if you're still in school, not financially stable, and have no health insurance like me, maybe this year isn't your year!

      Anyways, thanks for the chance to vent. Its so funny how doing the right thing, for yourself and the baby, by waiting til you're ready, or exercising your option not to have children can be so difficult sometimes. I like what TKLewis said about it, treating yourself is a great way to get through those moments. For right now, my fiancée and I say that we're "proud members of the No Kids Club." We give each other a high five, then slug a bottle of wine. I know in a few years that will change, and we'll be proud members of the kids club while stocking up on onesies and baby blankets at babies r us. that will be great. Just not now.

    • profile image

      TKLEWIS 

      8 years ago

      I am in the same situation. My husband and I know you can never 'afford' to have a baby, but we're working on paying off a few things and saving up before we start officially trying. We want children SOOOOO badly, but we both feel we need to be responsible and give our future children the most financial security we can. However, it was a little hard to take when my hubby's younger brother and his new wife, who got married a month and a half after us, told us that they are having a baby! We responded the right way and then took a walk so we could let our real feelings out. Now, it seems like every day, one of my friends on Facebook announces her pregnancy. I'm so jealous!

      My best strategy for dealing with this is to enjoy the things I won't be able to do when I'm pregnant. When I'm feeling really badly, my husband and I will go out for wine and sushi, spend a little cash on ourselves, and talk about what great shape we're in. These things help me appreciate the place we're at in our lives right now, and I know when pregnancy time comes and EVERYTHING changes, I won't be regretting anything.

    • profile image

      GreenOliveGirl 

      8 years ago

      This article came just in time! Two of my much younger friends are both pregnant and flaunting it all over...I'm happy for then but that's not easy when you really, really, really, want to have one of your own but the timing isn't right. I'm glad I have the will to hold out until the time is right but the world doesn't make it easy. Suddenly pregnant friends become best buddies with other women they previously didn't care for just because they're pregnant at the same time....

      Admittedly bitter,

      GreenOliveGirl.

    • PurpleOne profile imageAUTHOR

      PurpleOne 

      8 years ago from Canada

      @OttawaBorn - It's frustrating, isn't it?! I think you're right though and I do find that once people's kids grow up a bit, they don't seem to go on and on about them as much. Well, not in every case but in many at least!

      Thanks for commenting! :)

    • profile image

      OttawaBorn 

      8 years ago

      Thank you so much for posting this article. I am 33 years old, married with no children. My husband and the rest of the world is pressuring me into having a child before I'm reading. All of my friends are either pregnant or have young children and I never see them anymore!

      It's nice to hear another similar voice out there. I share your opinions, particularly regarding women who do not want to have children. It is a brave choice and I admire those who don't give into the intense pressure.

      Maybe once the young children grow up a bit, there will be less talk about them. That's what I'm hoping for and looking forward to!

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