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Death of A Child - A Parent's Worst Nightmare

Updated on November 5, 2010

The Bravest Boy I Ever Knew

It will be 9 years since the death of my step-son. Even though he was not of my genetics, I am very proud to have called him my son. His sisters were proud to call him their brother. As I gaze at what few photographs I do have of him (before the illness and during), I think he knew he was very loved by all the people in his life. His dad, mother, myself, his sisters, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc... We all miss him terribly. He was a wonderful young man. I have to say young man, because he was 17 when he died. We all were blessed to have gotten to spend that many years with him. (Good times, and the bad times.) I honor him with the words step-son, because he had a mother. She loved him deeply as well.

I was recently posed with the question of "How does this make you feel....loosing a child?" This came at another recent funeral for a friend's child. I told them it was like walking through a nightmare in which you can't wake up from. It was sad because this young man heading to his final resting place was about the same age as my step-son when he died. It made me remember how life is very precious and we should celebrate every day we have with the people we love.

Being in the step-mom position, was a very tough place to reside. I did not wish to take over the "MOM" position. He had one. Divorce is an evil thing, and people become very hateful and bitter. I still helped raise him, and loved him like one of my own children. He was family, and as a mother, I wished he never had to go through the torture and hell that he did when he became sick.

I wish I could write an entire help guide to how to curb some of the pain of loosing a child. I can't. I wish I could bring him back, but I can't. It is a black hole in your heart that never seems to fill. An emptiness, that never leaves. I am sure his mother feels the same way.

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I guess the best advice is let the people around you, mourn with you. It is a truly heart breaking event when you loose a child. It kills a lot faith you have in things. Knowing that you have people around you that love you, helps. However, you are in a fog at the time and might not see it.

It has been 9 years, he would have been 26 years old this year. What would he have done with his life? I hope great things. I like to think about this and smile. No doubt he would have tormented his sisters, as brothers do. Broke a few girls hearts before maybe finding that one perfect girl. Maybe he would have went to college. Memories are a great thing. I use them to celebrate his life, and hardly if ever think about the bad things. His sisters do the same.

Another thing, don't chastise the people who say "I don't know what to say to you." They truly don't know what to say, and many have never lost a child, but can see the great pain you are feeling. Talk to them when you are ready.

How do you react when you know your child is dying? The best that you can. You will cry, you will feel like your heart is being ripped out. You will be angry at life. However, I am proud to say...He was the Bravest boy I ever knew and no one or thing can ever take that from me.

Families Come in All Forms

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    • brittvan22 profile image

      brittvan22 

      6 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Very inspiring story, I pray for you as you heal. I lost my daughter a year ago and there is nothing like it, as a mom.

    • dragonlady1967 profile imageAUTHOR

      dragonlady1967 

      7 years ago

      Thanks jpcmc :-) I agree....and I hold those memories close.

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 

      7 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Hold on to these memories. This is something no one can ever take from you. There is not a lot we can do for the departed other than pray. But I pray more for the people they left behind as they have to carry the loss until they are reunited once more.

    • dragonlady1967 profile imageAUTHOR

      dragonlady1967 

      7 years ago

      Thanks DJ- God Bless You too :-)

      Wheelinallover - the loss of a child is like a piece of your heart ripped out and a hole that never fills. I like to think whenever I think of him, I am honoring him, his life, his memory. It's the only meager thing I can do. Sometimes I day dream what his life would have been like (he'd be 27 this year). It always gives me a smile. I had no control how the world took him, but the world has no control how I remember him and dream what he could have been. A deep felt hug for you.

    • wheelinallover profile image

      Dennis Thorgesen 

      7 years ago from Beatrice, Nebraska U.S.

      My First son died at age 3 months, when I was 18 years old. I was unable to deal with it at the time so became an alcoholic. I have been a recovering alcoholic for 25 years now, I quit on the anniversary of my son's death. Finding and being able to talk with others who had lost young children and becoming a father again helped me a lot. I thought after I lost him that I was going crazy, woke up nights because I "heard him cry" and every time I walked into his room for the first few months I swore I heard him breathing quietly in his crib. Part of my heart was ripped out the day he died, its never been replaced, and can't be. The other people who had lost young children told me it was perfectly normal. Thank God for that. I just wish I had found them sooner. I spent 13 years of my life buried in a bottle and living on autopilot.

    • Ask_DJ_Lyons profile image

      Ask_DJ_Lyons 

      7 years ago from Mosheim, Tennessee

      I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my 8-year-old cousin back when I was 13. It still is such a loss even today as he was so full of life! Thanks for sharing your very thoughtful hub! God bless him, and you, and your whole family!

    • dragonlady1967 profile imageAUTHOR

      dragonlady1967 

      7 years ago

      Thank you Pennyofheaven...your words were inspiring. :-)

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 

      7 years ago from New Zealand

      You don't need to figure out how to mend a broken heart. The pain is a process that allows you to remember just how remarkable a person he was. Trouble is we sometimes don't like the pain. Allowing the pain to be because it is natural will allow it slowly to lessen. It does lessen. There is no time frame for healing and I am not sure whether anyone completely heals from such a loss. Your memories will be forever and the spirit of love for him will always be as his will be for you.

      I do agree life is precious.

      Thank you for your hub. I am deeply moved and inspired by your strength!

    • dragonlady1967 profile imageAUTHOR

      dragonlady1967 

      7 years ago

      Creativeone59 - thank you for your post, I appreciate it alot. I haven't figured out how to mend a broken heart yet....but know hugs always help alot. He was a remarkable young man. :-)

    • creativeone59 profile image

      benny Faye Douglass 

      7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you so much dragonlady, for a beautiful hub of encouragement to mothers that have lost a child, this will maybe touch a aching heart. I appreciate you. Godsped. crativeone59

    • dragonlady1967 profile imageAUTHOR

      dragonlady1967 

      8 years ago

      I love your comment. Thank you multifunctions. Very well put.

    • multifunctions profile image

      Sanjay Sapre 

      8 years ago from India

      these memories are like paitings . they do not change themselves but they do change the world and our perspective towards life. i am sure this event must have given you more love and greater care towards others. because you can truly understand that life is not forever.

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