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Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Updated on March 21, 2015
ananceleste profile image

Anan is an online blogger and private consultant since 2009 in the areas of relationships and interfaith spirituality.

Have you had you heart broken?

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To fall in love vs loving someone

I was lucky enough to taste the honey of being in love with someone. Also the peace and completion that loving someone brought to my life. A love devoid of traps and jealousy.

A love with ties strong enough to anchor me to the ground. A love that gave me wings and the desire to fly away. The same one that made clear that I lacked something. Meaning, even though he completed me, he needed more than I could offer. Or, it simply wasn't meant to be.

I have loved many, is simple, is pure and does not require to be reciprocated. Friends, family, even strangers just because. Now, I have only fallen in love once. I know what it feels to give openly, without reservation. And fell blessed about it. Pathetic isn't it ?

Maybe because I experienced it through the eyes of a child of fifteen ( that was the age I was when I met him). Or maybe I dared to believe that loving someone is all that I needed when being in love fails. Besides I learned by reading the bible that;

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevere. "- 1 Corinthians 3:4-7

I must be weird though. I love with all of those requirements and yet, when I fell in love this was the very thing that broke my heart.

What does it feel to have your heart broken?

I remember the moment when I had the sudden realization that , my love and his love did not fell into the same category. The how and the what is irrelevant, what matters is that, I knew that a part of my soul froze. Just like a frost bitten limb, my chest was devoid of air and I couldn't move, or blink.

My thoughts and my body disconnected from each other in a matter of seconds. There was no yesterday, no tomorrow; only the very real mourning of my soul. I felt like someone I loved dearly had died. What I did not know at the time was that It was me that died that day. Not because of what he told me, but rather that I knew it all along. For the longest it was a puzzle in my mind, because my heart never dared to feel again. It is a very real sense of disconnection, to the point of me thinking ; Where is my heart anyway ?

Can a broken heart be mended?

I don't know. Since that day I have been alone, even though we are still married, remaining friends. Only recently I decided to end it formally. This happened almost twenty years ago, and nothing could fix it, maybe that was the price that we both paid. Me for believing it , and him for not being honest about it from the beginning.

Can it be mended? I have no clue, because is not relevant anymore. I guess for most people is just part of life. To substitute one person for another, we ensure the continuance of life. My heart left that day and never came back. The night before was the last time I said I love you to a man. Sad...maybe, tragic... perhaps. Where does broken hearts go?

Where do broken hearts go?

To healing hands of time I guess. Like Mary Oliver said:

"Someone I loved once gave a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too was a gift."- Mary Oliver

I guess when time mends all of those broken hearts, it will return them, gold plated just if in case. Being in love is a gamble that two can win, or loose. When we love someone we win no matter the outcome.

In a nut shell...

© 2015 Anan Celeste


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    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 2 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Great words... ones which touch the heart no matter who you are... glad you are able to write about from a tender heart... sign of a great writer.

      Hugs from Canada

    • ananceleste profile image

      Anan Celeste 2 years ago from California

      I apologize Tusitala Tom, is not an excuse but it has been rather hard to find an editor. I have a degenerative brain decease, Fahr's disease. I just wanted to share this. I rely on others to actually write down these hubs.She hasn't been free lately. But, what I love about Hub pages is how other hubbers are kind enough to point it out. I used to speak four languages, but as you can see, it is useless to do this on my own. It was a nice ride. And I really do appreciated. Thank you.

    • Tusitala Tom profile image

      Tom Ware 2 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Another poignant presentation by an artist with words to describe feelings. But Annaleste, and I do not mean this to criticise, but you need to improve your 'craftsmanship' in writing. There are grammatical errors and spelling mistakes throughout some of your work. A way to help eliminate these is to make sure you read throughout LOUD what you've written. And don't just rely of Spell Check. It can let you down with words like there and their; allowed and aloud et cetera.

      Best wishes and keep up the writing - you're very good.

    • ananceleste profile image

      Anan Celeste 3 years ago from California

      Sorry guys for the typo.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Anan, this is touching and heartfelt. I have had my heart broken in the past and am also guilty of breaking others, so can relate. You need to edit your hub including changing the title to "Where DO Broken Hearts Go?"

      And a few other places, but overall an interesting hub.

    • Jay C OBrien profile image

      Jay C OBrien 3 years ago from Houston, TX USA

      Where Does Broken Hearts Go? Should be: Where Do Broken hearts Go?

      I have loved many, is simple, is pure and does not require to be reciprocated.

      I am sorry, I do not understand. How many have you loved? What is "simple" love?

      To love and not have reciprocation may be OK in a cosmic sense, but it is Not OK in a relationship.

      What we need to understand is that we are spiritual beings and not just the material. Even bad people need time to grow up and they do it in this world. Look forward to the next world.