Who I Am: I Am Not What I Have Done, I Am What I Have Overcome
Sometimes people make unwise choices, and because of those decisions, they are judged…but don’t judge me for the things I have done. I am not what I have done, the bad choices that I have made in my life will not describe me nor limit who I am as a person. At times, good people make bad decisions, and those decisions make them question who am I? I have spent years of my life searching to learn who I am at my core to know the characteristics that define and explain my very existence in this world.
In my lifetime, I have struggled, engage in battles that turn into days where I wanted nothing more than just to shed the very skin that describes me. I have cried, I have hoped, and I have prayed, and I desired to remove my beautiful black hair from the roots to eliminate the past that many judges of me. Although I used to want to remove my skin and cut the beautiful hair that many looks at to define me, I have learned to rid myself of every feature that allows me to be identified as "Negro" or "Other."
At one point in my life, I spent my days wanting the people around me to make a change — I even allowed myself to question if what people thought or said about me was true. The worst part of all, I found myself longing to escape a life that my mind, body or soul could no longer bear. I know that when sudden people look at me, they thought that my voice or lifestyle was not in what was acceptable. Some also felt I were unworthy to be in the same room as them or my skills are less than theirs. But through all of this, I have come to the reality that if I wait for people to think of me as what my value is worth or give me the respect I deserve, I will never in a million years know my value or get what my worth.
Currently, I'm doing nothing more than being unapologetically for me as I am a female, a black woman who has been rejected for this title that has always seemed to come with some negatives and advantages, yet I overcome. Over the years, as I developed into a mature woman, I have learned to demand respect and become many things, I am a friend, a child of God, a sister, a belief that I can, and I am an overcomer who now loves herself. No, it was not easy, but I have wanted nothing more than to know my truth, self since I am a black woman, I am beautiful, and I am gratified. So, don't judge me based on my past...I'm different now, and I am not what I have done.
If only you could see me when I was a victim of the world before I made a tremendous change, you'd see the battle scars and a broken-hearted person who stumbles and sometimes falls although I refuse to stay down and be defeated. It feels good to break the chains finally and be able to say I'm not what I have done. I'm an overcomer. I am a woman who knows how to love. I love and love and love until I have no more love to give. However, I learn through Jesus Christ to love people who do not like me, people who most people would not love, people who have hurt me or don't care about me.
I have loved people who have done nothing but take advantage of my love and hurt my heart repeatedly. I have loved people who have done nothing but benefit from me as they take and take and take until nothing left and neither are they. There are things about me that no one understands, and that makes me different from everyone else. I am one of a kind, so unique, and this one individual quality has made me stand out from the rest of society. But please, do not confuse me with what people say or think about me, I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become, an overcomer.
I am and love being a writer. I apply ink onto blank pages as I write and release all stress until I no longer feel the things that bother me inside. I write until I'm happy as nobody deserves to know all my troubles and secrets that always seem to hunt me except the pen and paper. I write when I'm stressed or when I find myself feeling lost. Writing help me to release all worries and express myself which helps me express myself in refreshing and unusual ways and find my way back to myself. Also, it helps me let go of anything that I refuse to hold onto and continue to express myself.
So, I have a choice, and I choose to focus on knowing who I am and bettering the person that I am, rather than allow other to make me a person I am not sure. I am unashamedly and proud to say that I learn who I am. Today in 2018, I think it's time that people know me, the real me, as I can express who I am and paint my own canvas to put into words just who I am. A brief outline, I am a woman, a black woman with multi-skills such as creative writing, Executive Administrative Assistant, customer service, manager, accounting/bookkeeping, and payroll. A child of God, a mother, a friend, a sister, a conqueror, fearless, blessed and I am not what has happened to me; I am what I choose to become and that is an overcomer.
Who I am: I am not what I have done, I am what I have overcome.
What Do you Think? Have you suffered from doing things that hurt others, and they defined you by the pain you cause? If so, what was your approach?
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Casting Crowns - Who am I with lyrics
The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you
Audrey Auld 'I Am Not What I Have Done'
I'm a very strong woman, a wonderful person and I know my worth!
© 2017 Pam Morris