Living Life Around My Disability
Who am I? Where am I?
After I have had a seizure I try desperately to piece my confusing life together. I have had Epilepsy for most of my life, having my first Tonic-cyclonic seizure at the age of sixteen after being struck down in a hit and run accident. I am now the ripe age of fifty-six. My writing career didn't begin for me until I was forty-seven. I had discovered a career that I was passionate about and could do even with my disability. It has been a long road with many bumps to get to the point of finally finding something that I might be able to make a living at.
Dragging Myself Out of the Doom and Gloom
There have been times when I have wondered what my life would have been like if I did not have my disability. I think of the wonderful perfect life I could have had; perhaps even sharing it with a husband and children. Having a perfect life is something everyone dreams of whether they have a disability or not. In reality, most of us do not have perfect lives. I try not to think of the "What Ifs" as this tends to lead me into a state of depression. I try to think of the cup as half full instead of half empty which isn't always easy. It is easy to fall into a state of self-pity if we allow it to happen. Once there it is very difficult to drag one's self up and out of the doom and gloom.
Stress Equals Seizures
Speaking for myself it has or can be very difficult to always look on the bright side of things. Believe me, I have chosen to look at the darker side of things at different times in my life. One of these times was a very emotionally draining break-up with my then-fiancée now husband. This added excess stress in my life causing me to have more seizures than ever before. One of the main triggers for me that will or does tend to lead to a seizure is if I get too stressed out. Well splitting up with my fiancée fell under that category at that time in my life!
Living Alone with Epilepsy
During this stressful period, I ended up moving back to my parent's house for a month. I then got my own apartment which I quickly settled in to. I shared my apartment with my Red Devil Cichlid (Mr. Fish) he had been a great roommate and companion. For most of my seizures I have had throughout my life I have been alone when they have happened. I have been blessed for the most part that I haven't suffered any serious injuries from them other than a few black-eyes and fat lips over the years. Many people are surprised when they learn that I had lived alone and taken Grand Mal seizures. During this period of my life, many people asked me the following question: "Aren't you afraid to live alone especially since you take seizures?" I explained that my Epilepsy was part of my life but it does not totally control or run my life. I obviously have many things I don't do because of my disability but I like to do as much as I can for myself not depending too much on others.
My Loved Ones Suffer
My disability has not only been stressful for me but also for my family and loved ones who have had the misfortune of seeing me in seizures. I myself have never seen someone in a seizure. Don't get me wrong I am not saying it is something I want to see. I know how helpless my loved ones feel when witnessing me thrashing and gasping on the floor. I know seeing this has caused them great grief and despair over the years. This awful part of the seizure I myself have no memory of which I think is a blessing as it is not something I would want to remember. On the other hand, there are many memories I have lost largely due to my disability that I wish I could remember.
Working Around My Seizures
On a happier note, when I graduated in Nov 28/2011 from my Freelance Writing course; I was so happy when I accomplished this. I have always liked telling and writing stories since I was a small child. I felt so frustrated when it came to trying to find a career that was suitable for me as well as my disability. I had tried different jobs and careers most of which never lasted long largely due to my seizures. The thing I find frustrating is never knowing when the next seizure is going to occur. Freelance Writing is a career that can work around my seizures. I can work from home and be able to work on my own schedule! I still have much to learn in this field but I am enjoying learning as I continue my journey towards becoming a successful writer.
I feel that my guardian angel came up with this great idea for a career or at least had something to do with putting it right in front of me. I can't tell you how my journey has finally led me to become a freelance writer but all I can say is I'm glad I am here today. This has given me hope that I can succeed while living with my disability. I know there are life and happiness beyond the seizures and I'm reaching out to grab a piece of it! If you are someone who suffers from a disability or is just feeling down try and find something that you are compassionate about and set some personal goals for yourself. Start with small goals that are within reach. Remember nothing worthwhile is ever easy to achieve so if there are some bumps in the road along the way no worries; this is all part of life's journey. Just keep moving forward towards your goal and eventually, you will reach it!