Who is I - A Journey into Consciousness
It wasn't until my 30's that I started to question myself and all the beliefs I held about the world and my "Self". I had been financially very successful and on the surface I may have appeared to many as being quite fortunate. The truth however was that my life was spiralling out of control and I was very unhappy. It was during this time of crisis that I began to look within for the answers.
I decided to write an account of my life journey starting at the very beginning to retrace all of the steps that had brought me to that turning point and what happened when I turned that corner in my life. I am alive and writing this hub so obviously I have survived but I suspect that many do not survive. Those less fortunate than myself commit suicide, die from stress and heart attack, or that they do not survive with their mental health intact
In reading what I have to say about my journey, those of you experiencing similar changes can take comfort from the fact that you are not alone. You are not the only one who feels as you do and there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. If know someone who is going through crisis why not direct them to my story and help them find their way out of the bottomless pit they imagine they are in.
Sifting through the relics of the past
I have written my life story as a series of stand alone stories in which I revisit significant events in my life as if I was experiencing them again in the present. There is an ulterior motive for me doing this and the reason becomes evident as my story emerges. With this series of articles I explain the foundations for the method I used to purge myself of the past and any hold my limiting beliefs from the past have had over me.This is the same method I use with my clients at my own private practice. I want to show the world that it is possible to heal yourself but not without some effort and a genuine desire to know your self and the reasons behind your suffering. In this series of hubs I will show you how I have done it and the process involved in this journey of "Self" discovery.
In writing this series of hubs I show how (1) by a simple shift from writing about my life as a reporter to writing those significant events as if they are happening right now, I alter perception; and (2) in doing so, I rip open the veil of illusion that separates us all from the truth and keeps each of us a prisoner of our own minds.
Externalising those significant life experiences in a way that brings them back into existence affords me the opportunity to pick through the contents like someone looking though the personal effects of a soldier lying dead on the battlefield. He has no more need of them but the "I" who has survived can surely make use of them. I show you how to make use of the past in order to free yourself from it.
Little can be gained from an intellectual treatment of past traumas. Simply talking about events that impacted you emotionally must be dealt with at an emotional level if you are to resolve the problems that directly arise from these same traumatic events.
Free at last!
My article is an attempt to explain my concept of “Self” and "being". I intend to expose all the forces and influences that have shaped who I am today, leaving no stone unturned. I will use the evidence of my own life to expose the grand illusion all of us share, and I am excited at the prospect.
I suppose you could also say that I am embarking on a journey I have already taken to show you how I uncovered truth, and not the truth that depends on who owns it, but truth independent of the perceiver. I wish to take you by the hand and lead you through my journey from which I have emerged safely and in so doing to encourage you to do the same for yourself..
Is "I" a creation of the mind or is mind a creation of "I"? These are ideas that I explore as I tell my story. The real value of what I have to say lies in how it benefits you, the reader, and in how I show you the value of good therapy based on sound principles that work.
A changing mind can falter
I am a happy and content man today but there was a time when I was very far from the man who writes to you today. I feel very thankful to be me today and I feel more alive and healthy now in my 50's than I have ever felt before.
There was a time when it never dawned on me to question who or what I am and what was I doing here on this planet. Those same questions also made me go blank when I eventually did start to consider them and it felt like all the shutters were coming down whenever I did glance in the direction of those questions.
I even once felt that what I was attempting might even lie just beyond the reach of my conscious inquiring mind and worried that my inquiries might make my already destructive condition even worse the way Columbus must have also felt as he undoubtedly considered the possibility of his ship falling off the edge of the world.
Where had it all gone wrong?
I eventually realised that my self concept was inadequate and aspects of it were contributing to the problems I continued to experience in my life. After many years of trying to rationalise and intellectualise my “Self” I was forced to concede that my life’s map was wrong and in this series of hubs you can see clearly why.
My past contributed greatly to my concept of Self and in order to stand back from and examine myself and where I had gone wrong I needed to delve into my past in a particualr way in order to examine its contribution to what made me that unhappy and confused man. This series of hubs performs this examination without judgement and as critically as a scientist might perform an autopsy on a dead body.
I wondered about such possibilities as, what if it turns out that I am just an elaborate computer seeking to know my user? If so then from the onset my attempt as the tool to know that which is using me was already doomed. My mind was like a hamster on a mill when I first started and it felt as if things were getting worse before they eventually started to get better. I am reminded of A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) the movie and how I cried as I watched the boy do everything in his power to find his mother again.
I am reminded now of something a great man once said and which was a source of great inspiration to me on my journey, "What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?" I sacrificed everything in my pursuit of truth. I literally gave up everything in order to gain what I have today and I do not regret one moment of the journey. I want to share my journey with you here in this series of hubs and I invite you to join me by expressing your reactions in the comment box at the end of each hub.