Who or What is your Monster in Life?
My Torchuring Monster.
My Life's Monster is my mind!
My monster comes in many different ways and shapes. My mind is so intriguing, creative and with so much intelligence, but at the same time so destructive. I can build the tallest and the most intricate of structures, but I can destroy my self in a second without a single thought.
My opinions have been a great source of hope for others, they made an impact in their lives and gave them a new way of thinking how to live, my decision have served a greater purpose for them. The help I provided them with has kept them from making wrong decision and thinking twice before they fall again.
But I can't help my self from my own destructive decisions, I constantly make the wrong ones in which an instant could become very traumatic, hurtful and at times dangerous.
I try and struggle to make my monster go away and to make sense of this feelings and this monster that eats at my mind and that carves at the very core of my heart. Sometimes I run like a scared child and sometimes I stand-up to it like I am a Superman, but I lose every time and can't do much against it.
I hate this feeling I can't stand it, everywhere I turn there it is and everywhere I go it's there too. I am so tired of being scared and I am tired or running, sometimes I look up for help and drop to my knees to no avail. I am lonely and no one sees that every second I am being tortured and that I am about to harm my self again. I put up a front to make it seen like I'm fine, and truthfully I'm not...I look in the mirror and say "I need your help.....yes you help me to live“, help me and tell me how to destroy this monsters, as I cry and plea for help.
My monster has been with me since my childhood, I’m afraid and terrified of what the monster will do next. It frightens me and hunts me for days at a time...The child has grown to be an adult, but the monster has become more abusive, more powerful mentally and my monster has some very bad habits that are detrimental to my being.
My monsters makes me lie to my self about being honest; being truthful; lie to everyone; makes me drink; makes me do drugs and be abusive to my self and it takes advantage of a good situation. I can't stop the monster from controlling me from doing it all these horribly things.
I have come to the realization that my monster I see when I look in the mirror is “me“. I allowed things to affect, I allowed people to hurt me and I have allowed everything around me to affect me and not let me live, to let me have a better life for my self. I struggle to over come it.
Little by little I am breaking the monster down, I have made it kneel and beg me to let it live, as he tortured me for years. It's hard sometimes not to be "vindictive". I do not want to be resentful and definitely I don’t want to be "like him". I am a better person because of the daily fight I put up and looking for a way out from under its' power.
I personally don't drink to drink or due drugs. And I do not want to hurt myself either. But I do struggle with my own Monsters day in and day out. My purpose of this story or article is to inform you the world, that in one way or another we all fight a MONSTER of different shapes or of different forms.
The MORAL of this is that everyone in this world, has a monsters that doesn't allow them to be happy or live a happy or a full-feeling life. Please seek help from family and friends, that's the first step to the begging in to defeating your monsters.
I found the answers to my monsters, in a very unique way. I sat one day and looked for ways to go back and see where my life took a wrong turn, and how to fix it if I could and I believe I found it. The assignment I call it the "RMJ" test or process, however you want to call it, but it helped me find my answers that I had hidden away, pain that I didn't want to bring up because it was just to painful to remember or to go through it again. It destroy my monsters once and for all.
The "RMJ" is an amazing way to find and pin-point hurtful and happy moments in your life! I can show you how to do it, I am asking for a small donation of $5.00 - $10.00, I will show you how to find it, Psychologist couldn't help, this did!!! my PAYPAL email is: (email@example.com)