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Who the Heck Are You? Love Is Not Free Will?
Not My Fault
Well someone sent me this message. I wrote something about love and that we do not need to understand it. Of course I waxed eloquent with ranting and Dierker dogma. But in the end it was just plain old “I don’t get it completely”. I cannot hold love. I don’t get to be love. I cannot touch love. I cannot wish love. I cannot really know love.
What the heck; I love. No I do not wake up in the morning asking in my prayers to love. Tried that and lost it. I cannot ask of others to love me and I cannot decide who and when to love. There is something about wives and children that makes me love but I cannot say that 1+1 equals love. I really really love nature. I cannot know why. I used to love ice cream. But now I am losing weight and do not love it anymore. I have carried a large 55 pound backpack; painful and I still love it. I love it when my sons beat me in battle from chess to soccer.
Love is a brutal reality. “She broke my heart”. Really? “I have wasted my love on bad women?” Really?
You just don’t get to get love. I am adopted and the youngest of six children. My mom had no choice but to love me. Not love me the same as my older siblings but better – at least for me. Not one day in my life have I loved as much as I have felt loved. Just go with that and do not trash the notion.
I just do not have a right to control love. It controls me. I just love sunshine and I get sunburned. I just love a huge plate of pancakes and I get fat. How the heck can I love being healthy but also love a good 3 shot glass of whiskey?
For a long time as a preacher man I preached hard that we cannot love things. We could only rightfully love God, others and our selves. What a bunch of hogwash that is. I love the picture right above me right now of my mom. Also right up there is a note from my dad, that I love. Heck I love my 220 “Hawaiian” shirts. I just love that smell of the dirt right after a rain – or just before one.
Sorry, I Do Not Like These Folks But I Love This Song. I Am So Silly
God Made This
I Do Not Get It
Love God? Sometimes I think that concept is a joke. What do you come home tired and meditate on loving God? Do you put your young boy to bed and kiss him on the forehead and think about loving him. Do you watch a video with puppies and say “that makes me love”? I really do not need to work at loving. But spare me, not that I do not need to work on loving.
I love my rosebushes. My wife loves the roses and my son loves how tough they are. Three people that love a thing for different reasons. Oh I forgot, I love my roses because like raising children they are one hell of a sticky wicket from time to time. Why do I love challenges so?
This is going to sound real weird but I like death, nope I love death. Oh horrible terrible violent death is just plain wrong. But death in general is really cool from my perspective. If you are like me and really believe that souls don’t die, only the body does then why would death not be loved? I know that is strange. But just for a moment think as the living part of our soul is love. If that is true, the “living” part is just the struggle. And again do not get me wrong, I would rather struggle than have some sort of harmony without struggle. I can be in the now and I can be in the moment and I can rest in hope and spiritual calmness. But I would rather swim against the waves and feel the freedom of failure.
I am sorry if you think I wrote that wrong. I love defeat. If you beat me then I get to come back and try to beat you. My son beat me in chess yesterday. Oh how want the come back and trash him, hands pumped in the air and a crazy victory jig. And if he beats me again then I will cry in defeat and pledge to get him back. If I lose, he wins, if I win he wins. Dads are cool like that.
So I have a training back pack at about 40 pounds. I settle that into my shoulders and strap on the belly belt and I am good to go. That evil horrible weight I just hate. And when I get in 5 miles of hills I am so rewarded and in love with nature. I love being tested. It makes absolutely no sense but I love it.
Have you ever thrown all your weight and strength to get a truck that is stuck out? Mud or snow or ice, don’t matter much. It is so rewarding getting it unstuck and home for dinner. You just cannot buy that love of action. It is a love of life. I can’t really feel my right big toe. It got badly frost bitten around ten or so. I actually can stick a needle though it without feeling pain. I love that big toe.
I do declare that I hear folk loving football or basketball players and teams. (don’t even go hockey or soccer on me) Totally ridiculous to me. But I am silly. Why not love teams and players? It is better than loving a dung beetle.
Really!?!? How Many Times Have I Fallen?
Perhaps I Should Stop Writing As I Have No Clue About Love
We Have No Choice.
My boy is starting to love my cooking. Kind of a learning curve for both of us. But if he loves what I cook I am in love with that love. I know that that is crazy but it is true.
Now let us talk about Dierker. I am a Dierker, was not born that way adopted that way. My dad’s name was Dierker at my birth my adopted mother was a Dierker. My father’s father and great grandfather was a Dierker. I have an ex-wife Dierker, I have 5 siblings Dierker and I have my wife and four kids that are Dierker. Can you even imagine that I do not love being a Dierker? Anything else never did cross this mind of mine.
I just simply do not do well.
I do great!
If I was an ugly sucker fish I would do great. My knee killed me hiking the mountain. I love my knee. Can you even imagine no knee?
So we whip it down here. Most won’t get this but, do not spur a horse. Lean forward on his back and let those reins loose. Let the beast of love make it’s own trail. Perhaps we will meet at the camp Love has given us.