ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why a Traumatic Childhood Is Difficult to Overcome

Updated on June 8, 2018
Carola Finch profile image

Carola is a mental health advocate and a freelance writer who focuses on mental illness.


People who suffer from childhood trauma are often asked, "Why don't you just get over it?" Many people do not understand the profound negative impact that abuse and/or neglect has on victims, and the barriers that exist to recovery.

My Story

I had a traumatic childhood with emotional and physical abuse, bullying, and neglect. My parents’ negative messages spoken over and over me that I was stupid and could not do anything right. I was harshly criticized at home about most things – the way I spoke, how I cleaned house, or my poor math skills. Kids at school confirmed that I was dumb, ugly, awkward, and unable to accomplish anything. They made fun of me. I began to believe that I was an inferior being that did not deserve love and respect like other people.

For many people like me, childhood trauma like this resulted in low self-esteem, a poor body image, and difficulties facing the challenges of family life and the workplace. I came to realize over time that I had allowed my experiences to define me. They became recordings in my brain that told me who and what I was.

The fallout from childhood trauma can be:

  • Higher risks of mental illness such as anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder
  • Behavioral problems
  • Health problems such as heart disease
  • Drugs and alcohol abuse
  • Compulsive behaviors such as perfectionism or workaholism

The online publication Psychology Today reports that previous research studies have come up with these disturbing statistics:

  • Up to 80 percent of those with childhood trauma will meet the criteria for at least one psychiatric disorder at the age of 21
  • Up to two-thirds of adult patients being treated for substance abuse have a history of childhood emotional, physical, or sexual abuse

Barriers to Overcoming a Traumatic Childhood

For a long time, I flogged myself because my struggles with low-self esteem, depression, and anxiety continued long into adulthood. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just get over it? I have discovered there are a number of barriers that make these negative effects extremely difficult to overcome for me and others who have experienced childhood trauma.

Fear of the pain

Trauma causes tremendous emotional pain. Many childhood trauma victims are terrified that if they allow themselves to feel the hurt, the pain will be unbearable and overwhelm or destroy them. They suppress it and pretend that it does not exist.

Not recognizing and acknowledging the hurt

“You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge,” as TV guru Dr. Phil often says. When I was growing up, my parents saying that I was stupid and administering severe physical punishment for my supposed was normal to me. In my late teens, I discovered that other teens were not treated this way. I watched other families and saw that they had a different dynamic. I asked one girl if her parents hit her and slapped her, and her adamant "No!" and expression of horror at the very idea was eye-opening for me.

I also realized that I had to rethink my view of what was normal and what I thought about myself. The childhood recordings that say things such as: “You are stupid and incompetent,” “You can’t do anything right,” and “You are not worthy to be loved” could continue unchecked if I did not challenge them.


Unhealthy coping behaviors

Some people use drugs or alcohol to deal with the pain of the trauma that they suffered in childhood. Substance addiction has its own set of problems that mask the true source of their pain – the trauma they suffered in childhood. They also may use fellow addicts to create a sense of family that is missing from their lives.

People who turn to drugs or alcohol to deal with childhood trauma can get caught in a vicious cycle of addiction and rehab, never facing the source of their pain. Some rehab centers now provide dual diagnostic services that help patients deal with past trauma as well as their addictions.

Some victims close off their emotions and numb their feelings, hurting their relationships with others. I tried to stuff my negative feelings about myself deep down as a young person and built an emotional wall around myself. This wall kept me from experiencing the pain and processing it in order to heal. Unfortunately, my efforts to suppress my emotions did not always work. My anger and hurt would simmer under the surface like lava in a volcano and then erupt when I least expected it. I could not control it.

Some people try to heal their hurts by seeking the love and approval of others. Other coping methods could be perfectionism, workaholism, and obsessive-compulsive behaviors.

Unforgiveness and bitterness

Victims of trauma may get stuck in bitterness and unforgiveness. These feelings may be intensified if the people that hurt them do not admit damaging the victims. The perpetrator may also have escaped being held accountable for their actions or have died. Victims may be plagued with anger, emotional pain, and a desire for vengeance that invades their thought life.

When I was in my twenties, I had bursts of uncontrolled anger and spells of anxiety or depression. These emotions invaded my thought life and interfered with my relationships with others. I eventually recognized that I had not released the pain and rage resulting from a traumatic childhood. Once I released those negative emotions through forgiveness, I could begin to heal.

My healing journey

For me, the journey to recovery began with recognizing how these barriers were blocking my path to healing. I had to allow myself to acknowledge and feel my childhood hurts. A lot of negative emotions came to the surface that made me cry, rage, hurt, and grieve my lost childhood. I was surprised however, to discover that not only could I handle these emotions, I could release them by forgiving those who hurt me and focusing on my healing. Many people in my life helped me on my way to understanding how the trauma in my childhood negatively affected me.


Concluding Thoughts

Forgiveness was a key element in my healing from childhood trauma. When I released the emotional fallout of my childhood, I could begin to heal. Once my thought life was clear, I could challenge the recordings that told me I was worthless, stupid, and ugly and redefine myself as an attractive, intelligent person worthy of love and respect.

I still struggle with the fallout of having a traumatic childhood at times. Low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and past hurts sometimes bubbled up. I deal with this by understanding the barriers that are keeping me stuck in my pain and deliberately seeking to overcome them.


8 Reasons It's So Hard to Overcome a Tough Childhood, Psychology Today, David Sack, MD
Children Who Experience Early Childhood Trauma Do Not ‘Just Get Over It’,, Jane Evans
Child Abuse and Neglect: Consequences, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

© 2015 Carola Finch


Submit a Comment
  • GoldenRod LM profile image

    John R Wilsdon 

    3 years ago from Superior, Arizona USA

    Very interesting analysis of abuse in childhood and resulting barriers to a balanced life. Repetition of demeaning language can lead to a warped sense of reality. It is possible to convince yourself as a child that what you are being told is the truth. Trying to reconcile a lie with reality can lead to a very tough life where you build a belief system that is terribly broken logically. An example would be if you are abused for labor and your parents tell you "all kids do that." Or when you show that something hurts and you are told you are a wimp. One way to cope is to deny that things hurt you. You can also say to yourself that your parents wouldn't lie, so contradictions to "their" rules must not be right. You must have seen something incorrectly. This back and forth to reconcile what you experience with what others say can lead to serious mental illness. It would be wonderful if parents were aware of what this does, but I fear that there is a lot of work to be done. Good hub.

  • Carola Finch profile imageAUTHOR

    Carola Finch 

    4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Thanks for your comments. Regarding your question, denise.w.anderson, I am not sure what type of relationships you have with the people you mentioned. I do know after many years of being in emotional healing ministries and recently being trained to provide lay pastoral care that people usually resist efforts by others to help them, no matter how well-intentioned. People have to come to terms with their past on their own and be willing to work on their issues.

    All we can do is listen to them, and encourage them to do whatever they need to do to heal without trying to fix them. As far as forgiveness is concerned, you can emphasize that forgiveness is for them. They will be free from anger and hostility. They do not need to think about the perpetrator again. Hope that helps.

  • denise.w.anderson profile image

    Denise W Anderson 

    4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

    I know people with similar issues. How can I help them work through their feelings and forgive the perpetrators from their past who are already deceased?

  • FlourishAnyway profile image


    4 years ago from USA

    Childhood helps builds the foundation. I wish you the well in your journey forwards.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)