- Mental Health
Why Do I Hate Myself?
Why do I Hate Myself?
By Tony DeLorger © 2010
Blame is a misnomer for many reasons. If we create our circumstances, then blaming someone or something for our mistakes is simply wrong. If blame were a reasonable proposition, then it would be us as the bad guy. But even that’s wrong.
The world exists in a state of balance and it is ‘cause and effect’ happening here. The very concept of blame is invalid as we’ve said. We act, cause something to happen and life responds with an effect to maintain the balance. So regardless of our actions there will always be a resultant balance, whether good or bad.
Unfortunately when we are unhappy and have low self-esteem it appears to us that we are always in the wrong. All we see is our continued failures and negative circumstances a result of us being unworthy, fat, unattractive, unloved or unsuccessful. This constant negative reinforcement can do no more than keep us down, and ultimately cause us to hate ourselves. You can see that this is a downward spiral, gaining momentum each and every time something goes wrong. If we expect things to go wrong, then of course they will; this is our ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ again.
Each one of us is unique, a one off. There is no one else in this world like us and we must embrace the life we have been given and do our best with whatever we have. It’s never what we have that defines us but what we do with it. In the same way, we are each responsible for our lives, our thoughts and actions and if we are not happy with any of it, then it is we alone who must change it. It’s never someone or something else: a partner, a job, not winning the lottery or whatever, that creates your unhappiness.
Your unhappiness is the result of you accepting negativity as your master. So, do you want to change this?
We must then learn how to adjust our thinking and arrest the habitual negative thinking about ourselves. What is needed here is to establish some parameters for success.
If we are conditioned to believe we are failures, then we’ll believe it, subconsciously sabotaging whatever we do to reinforce our belief. So to overcome this we need to create small successes and accumulate them to give us more confidence and to then allow us to set achievable goals and work toward them. So each day, write a list of all the small tasks that you have to carry out: shopping, paying a bill, buying a card etc. Mark them off as you complete them and at day’s end, consider all that you have accomplished. Success begins with one small step.
Visualisation for Success
In your normal meditation, and after some deep breathing, I want you to imagine you are at an award ceremony, seated not far from the stage, feeling apprehensive but excited. There are three awards for which you are nominated –
1/ Organisational and Life Skills
2/ Weight loss and Physical Transformation
3/ Emotional Strength and Coping Skills
As your name is announced as winner for each category, you must walk up to the stage, collect your award and then give a short speech in thanks for your support and for what you’ve learned.
For each award you must thank people and explain the importance for you, of what you have learned and put into practice.
At first your speech may be ill-prepared and un-together, but after doing this once a day for a month, you’ll be addressing the audience with a planned and empowering speech, revealing all the important points about your journey.
What you mentally come up with in this visualisation (that is the contents of your speeches), needs to be written down and implemented as a day to day plan of execution.
For example, for the ‘Organisational and Life Skills’ award, you may talk about keeping a diary of your daily tasks, ticking them off one by one, succeeding and attaining your goals.
For the ‘Weight Loss and Physical Transformation’ award, you may talk about the importance of planned exercise and walking, not driving, to help your weight loss.
For the ‘Emotional Strength and Coping Skills’ award, you may talk about how you positively planned out a ‘chores roster’ for your kids to give you time for your meditations.
You see, what you yourself come up with in this visualisation, should be the very things that you implement to assist in your recovery to a more positive and happier life.
After a month of reinforcing these plans, your life will have changed and so will your attitudes and confidence. Each achievable goal will add strength and soon you will understand that you now have control of your life and as a result feel happy and that you are accomplishing your goals. In fact it won’t be long until you feel that there is nothing that you can’t accomplish. And you’ll be right.
When next you look in the mirror, you’ll be happy with what you see.
- Tony DeLorger's Books
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