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Why Do I Think I'm Ugly

Updated on July 10, 2016

A Self-Esteem Problem

There is a huge problem with self-esteem in our society today. We do our best to put ourselves down. We do our best to let other people put us down. We learn to hate ourselves. We want to believe that everyone else is better than us.

It doesn't just affect women either. There are a lot of men out there who believe they are the worst people on the face of the earth. They believe they look horrible and can't do anything right. This is a huge self-esteem problem and millions of people suffer from it.

There are serious side effects to having low self-esteem. Some people feel like there is no way out. Some people feel they must end their lives to escape the pain of what other people think or say about them.

There are some extreme people who have low self-esteem and take it out on others. Some people are bullies because of that feeling. Some people actually go out and sue other people or start killing people to make themselves feel better or to find a way to end their own lives without taking it themselves.

I worry about the state of our country, the state of a world where we thrive on putting other people down. Thrive on trying to outdo each other both physically and perceptually. We're not doing anything to build each other up. We constantly tear ourselves down, pushing each other further into the darkness of our soul.

If we don't get out of that abyss, we might find we don't care about anything anymore. The people we love and the things we enjoy will nolonger mean anything to us. That's a scary thought. I wouldn't want that for anybody.

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Is the Media the Real Problem?

The media gets blamed a lot for self-esteem issues. The fact that beautiful people are put on the front of magazines and full spreads of super skinny people are the ones normal everyday people look to copy, to mimic themselves.

I think this is partially true. Magazine pictures and the movies are full of beautiful people at their prime. They don't show the realistic skintones with all its blemishes and discoloration. The media and the movies airbrush everything getting rid of anything that's not perfect. This means everything that we see is perfect even though the people who are being photographed are not.

Seeing celebrities and models is nothing new. We just glamorize it in magazines and on TV. Hundreds of years ago it was royalty that dressed up and wore makeup to cover their flaws. They wanted to be seen as perfect by their subjects. This meant their subjects looked up to them, wanted to be them.

I don't think any of this glamorizing should be something that we worry about. It's there to be seen. It's there to entertain us. It's not there to make us want to be them. The fact that we compare ourselves to these people is ridiculous. We should not be comparing ourselves to them. If we don't like something about ourselves we should change it. If we want to try something new, something we've seen in magazines or on TV, we should try it. We should do it because we want to change not because we want to look like somebody else.

Sarcasm Runs Rampant in Our Country

We learn at a young age how to be sarcastic. We learn to joke around about serious things, to try not to take them so seriously. We try not to let them affect us even though we let change the emotions beneath the surface.

We let sarcasm be a crutch or a defense mechanism to keep us from getting hurt. Sometimes, though, when we are sarcastic to those around us we end up hurting them instead. Sarcasm is a tool we use to help ourselves but we don't always realize how painful our sarcasm can be to other people.

Being on the receiving end of a sarcastic attack can be painful and annoying at the same time. Sometimes things just don't need to be said and when we are speaking sarcastic we are egging on the conflict, possibly even urging a fight of some sort. When we make those kind remarks it's better to use the old wife saying, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.”

I think it would be an interesting challenge to see if we could make it through an entire day without being sarcastic. For some people I think this will be an extreme challenge. If sarcasm is built into their persona and if we take sarcasm away they won't have a whole lot to say.

You are Separate from People's Words and Thoughts

We take what other people say about us very seriously. We believe in what other people say and how they feel. We take it so personally sometimes that we feel like we have to defend ourselves because of what other people say.

People change their believes all the time. Sometimes they believe you were one way because of how they feel at that particular moment. You go to them later down the road and you will find they no longer believe that about you.

People say things they don't always mean either. They feel like they have a right to act and to speak upon their emotions. They feel like they need to let you know what they think, when they think it, no matter what kind of consequences there are to those thoughts and feelings.

You can make the choice to listen to somebody rant and rave about you, but also choose not to allow it to affect you. I find if you let people blow off their steam many times they will come back and either apologize or at say they didn't mean as much as they flew off the handle about. Even if they didn't mean everything they said, it is their opinion and you are entitled to yours. If it means there will be a rift between you and you need to avoid the person, then so be it. Don't allow their negativity to mold who you are as a person.

Love Who You are and You will Become Beautiful

Many times people don't like themselves. Self-esteem is just that. If you have low self-esteem then you don't like yourself. To have high self-esteem you have to learn to love yourself.

This is not always an easy task. Loving yourself comes with being happy with who you are. To be happy with who you are you have to accept yourself, accept your limitations and push your boundaries to their furthest extent. When you can find your own limits then you can find out who you really are.

Loving yourself is a choice. Even if you don't like some of the things that you do, you can still choose to love yourself. You can always make a choice to change the things that you do not like about yourself. You can only make those changes if you were aware that they need to be changed and that they can be changed.

One of the ways to be positive about who you are is to look into a mirror and smile at yourself. Tell yourself daily that you love you. Tell yourself that you are the best person you know you can be. Tell yourself that you are going to strive today to be better and to be happy. Once you are happy then you can begin to love yourself. It also works the other way around. Once you love yourself you will find you'll begin to become happy.

Take Action. Be Passionate. Control Your Willpower

The only way you can build your self-esteem is to take action. Find the things that make you happy. Find the people that you want to be around. Find those people who build you up and strengthen your personal vision.

I try to set a goal for myself every single day. If I can complete one task towards making myself happy then after a full year I will have 365 tasks completed that will make me a better person. These tasks can include things like traveling to other countries or meeting new people. These tasks can include starting a business and finding a passion for an idea or cause but you couldn't live for.

Sit down with a pen and notebook paper and create a list of things you would like to do in a perfect world. Write down things that you think will make you happy. If a new house and a new car will make you happy then write that down. If a new spouse and children are going to make you happy then write that down.

These goals do not have to stay the same on a daily basis. You can constantly change them. Writing them down daily will help you keep your mind on those goals. As you write those goals think about a task that you can do that will take you one step closer to achieving those goals. If you want to meet somebody, make a task to go out where there will be people. Find a way to talk to somebody. Meet others who have the same interests as you do. Find a way to make connections with those people and find somebody to fall in love with.

I can't guarantee the acting upon a task is going to complete your goal. If you want to be married you have to find somebody who is compatible with your personality. You have to find somebody that you can fall in love with and they can fall in love with you. For some people that will never happen and I can't guarantee that it will. But acting upon it will make you happier. The journey to making that happen is something to strive for. It's something to create passion.

Help Each Other Know You are Beautiful

Finding a group of people who believe the same things you do is a huge step towards increasing your self-esteem. Find people who like the same things you do. Find people who are already where you want to be. Find out how you can mimic what they are doing to help make you happier.

Just knowing who these people are is not enough. You have to meet with these people on a regular basis. You don't necessarily have to create a meeting. A time where you guys talk about your goals and how you can build upon each other. Just being with each other is enough to make that happen.

Sometimes you will find people that work well with you. You can create a business or a club of some sort that will benefit your passion as well as theirs. If you can grow your passions at the same time then building upon those passions together will create a happiness that will build both of your self-esteem. This is the perfect world scenario. This is what you want to find.

if you can't find somebody with your passions you're not looking hard enough. There's 7.3 billion people in the world. There have to be people who are like-minded who share your thoughts and dreams. All you have to do is get out there and find them. If you have to move then move. If you have to try something new to put yourself in a situation where you meet those kinds of people, then that's what you need to do. Take that action and find those people who will build you up. Build that self-esteem and help others build theirs. Together as a group we can all be happy. We just have to be there for each other.

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