ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why Do You Treat Me So Bad?

Updated on December 28, 2010

Take Good Care of Yourself

We are living the lives we have because we have chosen them. The outcome of the choices you made yesterday, three days ago, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, ten years ago, are the stuff your life is made up of now. I never knew how true this was until the moment I became a mother. Having the baby in my arms and knowing she was depending on me and me alone made me want to be the woman I am today. Once I made my mind up to be a mother to my child, I also made a vow to give up my childish ways. At least those I was completely aware of. I wanted to be the best parent I could be. One thing I knew for sure and believed wholeheartedly was that children need both parents. I was willing to give my child that, but not in E. St. Louis. I knew I had to move away. I have never thought about this until now, but did I know Brett (my daughter’s father) would not want to leave the city? I don’t think so.

I look at the people around me and for the most part, no matter what age, I see children scrambling to fit in, trying to make it seem as though they know what they are doing and failing miserably. The divorce rate is a great example of how children playing adult games can really mess up something great. If only we would take more time to get to know who we are and what we are about before jumping into a lifelong commitment with someone, we could have the love of our lives. We really could have it all. Yet, what we have is a bunch of statistics, with plenty of data to back it up that clearly shows we do not play well with others.

There is woman reading this right as a kid. She gladly did everything, because that is what mothers do. She does not realize the impact her play will have on the rest of her development. She will sooner than later learn that the playtime would have been complete had she had massage time. But no, we neglect ourselves in the name of loving others, who we often don’t know either. Yes, I am talking about your family. The people who you claim you do all you do for. Those people who ignore the signs of your needing a rest to make sure you get what they need done. Yes, those people.

Our bodies are crying out, “Why do you treat me so bad?” It really does want to know so it aches and pains you until you can no longer stand it. You find out the problem and then are faced with the choice of taking care of yourself, or to continue on the path you currently walk. I’ve had some very spiritual moments during health crisis. When my gall bladder was taken out, I learned why gluttony was a sin. During the attack, I was eating fried chicken. I’d throw up, then turn around and eat more. I was almost literally paralyzed with pain. I finally got my fill of chicken and the vomiting stopped. I later learned I had basically fried my gall bladder by eating so much fatty foods. I would not have ever stopped overeating had the pain not been so great. The pain made me take a good a good look at what I was doing to myself.

Why did I treat myself so bad? I feel sort of silly saying it. It really is so simple. I hated myself. I didn’t know how worthy I was of living a good life, of feeling good about life and how important it is to live life as long as you take a breath. Watching my husband slowly lose his life has made me renew my commitment to life. I now know my husband is not mentally flexible or enlightened enough at this point in his life to understand the dynamics that have come together to form the life he has created. I do think he is astonished he has lived this long and does credit it to the fact I love him. This may true, but my love for him has not made him want to take care of his health.

I cried this morning because he is in so much pain and discomfort. His legs and thighs have filled with fluid. He feels like he weighs 300 pounds. Every time he tries to lie down his breathing is interrupted and he has to get up and walk around. I know when he is almost too far gone, when he coughs over and over and can’t seem to catch his breath. He will not listen to me and I refuse to call an ambulance because he will refuse to go and that cost too much money. Why should it even come down to that? Childishness is the answer.

He has remained in a childlike state too long. His need for immediate gratification and constant good times has caused him to live with rose colored glasses on. Now, after fifty years, he is seeing more clearly, thus the little boy ignores the truth. He does not accept his kidneys are only functioning 24%. He does not accept he was told to be watchful of the signs of stroke. He does not accept he can very seldom hold something in his hand, or open a bottle. The little boy denies and lies to himself and others to try to remain in a place less threatening and more fulfilling.

What about me? I sit back and wonder why he is so cruel to himself. I sit back and think of ways to approach the subject of going to the doctor. I ask if he has taken his meds. I encourage him to do so. Tonight I cried for me. I cried for the woman who will be without the man she is learning to love and respect more and more every day. She will soon be without him again, but it won’t be like ever before. This time when he is gone, he won’t be back no more and she’ll left to wonder why he treated himself so bad.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)