- Quality of Life & Wellness
Why Excuses Make Us Weak
Why We Make Excuses
People make excuses because they don't want to damage their reputation. The reality, you just don't want to be bothered, should be what comes out of your mouth but it's not. Your friend has asked you to help her plan a party and as the time draws near, you just don't want to do it. Instead of telling her this, you suddenly become ill.
Why is it so hard just to tell the truth? Because we don't want people to think less of us so if we say we are ill we will get "that's okay" instead of "aw man I really need your help".
Society has made us weak instead of trust worthy. You promise your child to make cupcakes for their party but the day before you don't feel like making 30 cupcakes so you tell your child that "mommy doesn't feel well, we will buy some". Well now you have just lied to your child and a great example of making a lame excuse for being a loser parent.
Rationalization, also known as making excuses is a defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable or even admirable and superior by plausible means. It is also an informal fallacy of reasoning.
When people make excuses, it also causes guilt for them and frustration for the other person that they were given such a short notice of why you didn't come through for them.
An example I will share a time that I made an excuse which had a bad outcome. A friend of mine had epilepsy and she would always call me to take her places. Every day I had off she wanted to go somewhere. I loved her dearly but one day that she asked me to take her grocery shopping I called her that morning and told her my car broke down. So she took the bus to the grocery store, had a grand mal seizure and ended up in the hospital. Now I felt like an idiot, could never forgive myself for lying to her. Had I just said I don't feel like it, might have been the difference of what happened to her. So she was disappointed and now I felt guilty.
How Can We Turn it Around
If you are someone who is a habitual excuse maker it might be a good idea to ask yourself why you deliberately choose to be less than truthful. Do you fear the scrutiny of friends, family, or coworkers? Are you uncomfortable with opening yourself up to others? Sometimes, making up a lame excuse to avoid attending a social event is done for self-preservation. Are you afraid your attendance would make you feel inadequate, vulnerable, or foolish? (holistic healing.com)
Things you can do to turn it around:
Take care of yourself.
Use your experience, challenges and your difficulties to create opportunities.
Avoid excuses such as "I don't have anything to wear.
Build a positive mindset.
Get out of the trap of blaming your lost years.
Question your priorities.
These examples are only a small way to turn your excuses around. Honesty should really be the number one priority in your life. If you can't be honest with yourself and just say I don't feel like it, then how can you be honest with yourself.
You would be surprised how much people will understand and cherish you for being honest with them. If some of your friends want to go out to dinner and you don't have the money to go, don't say you are busy just be honest and say "I can't afford that right now". They may pay your way if they want to spend time with you. I am not saying to use it to your advantage every day to get stuff for free but why mux around and lie?
It's Just a Lonely Word
Is it Really a Big Deal?
If you have never been stood up from a friend, family member, or a date then you can't imagine the amount of turmoil and disappointment that comes along with it. If you can't be true to the people that care the most about you, then how can you be true to yourself.
Excuses make you weak hearted and in turn your disappointments will come at you like a lightening bolt. Find out what is wrong and why you are constantly making excuses. Is it because you have not faith in yourself? Or is it because you just don't want to do things that people ask you? You have to learn to be honest no matter what the outcome may be. If I had told my friend I didn't feel like going grocery shopping she may have stayed home and waited another day and not taken the bus which was stressful to her causing her to have a seizure. I am sure it probably had nothing to do with me not taking her but you never know.
Honesty defined by Wikipedia refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
When you make excuses you become a weak link and soon all those links will be broken and you will find yourself alone. Your friends will no longer trust you to help them, you won't be asked to do any extra assignments at work because you never come through, it will place doubt in other peoples mind about your character.
Billy Joel said it all. Honesty is Such a Lonely Word
Such Loyal Words from Billy Joel
If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you
I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe
It is always easier to lack truthfulness then to really be a good person. The only way you can gain trust is to keep your promises.
If our noses grew we would be honest
You Owe it to Yourself
We all have been weak at one time or another making excuses why we can't do something. I will start my diet on Monday because I need to eat all the junk food out of my house. I am going to start going to the gym and you pay the membership fee and that lasts for a week.
Start today by keeping your promises. Don't let something trivial invade your frienship. If you want to be dishonest then do it to yourself. Don't do it to people who love you.