ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why Shy

Updated on January 15, 2014
BASHFUL
BASHFUL

Shy Guy

My personal traits of shyness have been bothersome at best.

I am a person who is able to secretly cut the big deal standing in the corner with 2-3 influential businessmen. Yet I am unable to do the podium, graphics, audio verbal presentations while facing a crowd.

I simply melt just standing behind a podium. Even with nobody in the room. Imagine my discomfort with people in the room, and all those eyes on me.

Yet, put me a golf course, at a luncheon, a night out on the town, with 3-5 of the most intimidating executives. Then I will deliver on the deal. Leaning out over a mahogany boardroom table explaining away to those same 3-5 people is no trouble for me.

Standing in front of them?, with all their eyes on me?, I Melt.

Now give me the largest crowd imaginable? and I will socially thrive, and even exert myself with joyful ease. A crowd where anybody and everybody could be exposed to my harmless antics, and playfully confident inquisitive nature. Making new friends never a concern for me when I am in a crowd.

Yet I can not approach the pretty girl who caught my eye and mind. I do know of all the influences. The ones that influence why I am shy.

Am I worthy of their admiration? Are they worthy of my mine? These are the two questions I wrestle with to the point of lost opportunities due to my indecision.

I am not being able to see in myself, what everybody else so easily sees. Yet knowing that I am who everybody sees. One who is trusted and relied on because of it. One who has seen, and has experienced much of what many will only ever be able to imagine.

When they approach me? I need not, I do not fear their rejection.

A self-taught man with a subtle quick wit, a welcoming glance, a chilling stare, an infectious smile and laugh. My voice to soothe you as much as it can rip right through you with its confident tone, or silence. Always seeming in control of my environment. Without having to come off as obnoxiously arrogant or inconsiderate because of such confidence.

I hate the potential of being a discouragement to anybody. So much so that I often avoid possibilities. I hate the potential of their being to my discouragement. I hate wasting time. Both mine and theirs. I will not mislead people, and fear being misled.

A master at managing, encouraging, directing, and participating in an impromptu moment of either serious discussion, or childish merriment. Yet a complete klutz with no ability to deliver a structured, choreographed presentation on any level.

To settle, is to cheat everybody involved. To never settle, is to never know. Which is what I combat to the point of lost opportunity.

Can one be so humble to the point of their being overwhelmed by it?

I mean I am comfortable with who I am. Understanding what my strengths are that influence positive reactions presented me. I know what my allure is that so easily subjects people to my comfort zone. I know what the deal is. I know the value that I do bring to any table.

Yet I cower and blush from simple recognition. I melt from any deserved admiration shared. Once people look at me and start addressing me with a sense of intimate admiration? I MELT !

Exchanging glances is never enough. Why do I have to keep pretending to be so tough? I wish they would come over and say hi. Because I hate intruding on them only to learn that my perception was wrong.

Why can't I see what they see? Even when I know it is there.

Why can I get it done in intimacy? Yet fear to address one intimately.

I am bad at rejection. Real bad at rejection. It seldom happens professionally. So not a concern there. Probably my winner experiences wanting me to protect the streak.

Yet I fear rejection on any personally intimate level. There is nothing I fear more than the rejection from one who caught my eye, and mind. And a human reaction is to step back from what we fear. I too want to be accepted for the right reasons.

I have never been in an intimate relationship that has been initiated by me. Fortunately for me? Whatever I have that makes people feel comfortable around me? Has enabled many of those pretty girls to be strong enough to approach me with their interest. Many have been as confident as I wish I could be... Thankfully!

But just once I wish I could approach one before she approaches me. Before she walks away wondering, like I will be too. Because I could not make that approach. I didn't want to intrude.

Shy and Bashful for me is also my personal protector, my guardian. Yes, there are advantages to being bashful. Being shy allows me to think before I react. Allowing me to constantly determine whether I am where I need to be. There has to be a reason that I am so guarded. I value what I have to offer. Maybe I value it too much.

My nature causes me to be ultra-considerate. Considering all things at all times in all ways.

Keeping myself aware constantly. This process takes time. Yet any slight delay caused by the process of contemplating is often mistaken as one being shy , bashful and aloof. Nobody wants those tags associated with their identity. Few people desire to be with those with such an identity.

They do not see the shy and bashful guy simply thinking in an ultra-considerate fashion.

Thinking on the behalf of their well being as much as my own.

Yes, there are challenges to being bashful. Yet, there are benefits too.

There is a balance to be found. I hope to find it.

Frustrating as it is.




Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      An interesting introspection for sure! Best of luck finding the answers.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Oh, I am not obsessing with a need to get answers... There are too many better things to be doing, other than that.

      For me?, this has been a challenge in life to manage, to navigate... But by no means has it ever led to any self destruction. It has its benefits as much as it has its frustrations. Balancing enough to make it seem somewhat benign.

      And there is no better way to know that a female is interested in me than when one sees something in me that causes them to approach me to initiate conversation.

      It has been said that I speak a more powerful language with my eyes, than I do with my mouth.

      If it were not for my eyes doing the speaking?... Chances are that it would never be spoke.

      Thankfully my eyes do a lot of speaking.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thanks for stopping by!, and thanks for the encouragement billybuc!

    • denisemai profile image

      Denise Mai 4 years ago from Idaho

      You did it! I hope that if you tackle what bothers you rather than avoiding it, you can conquer it. Good luck. I really enjoy your writing!

    • snoblet profile image

      Dave Rogers 4 years ago from New York

      Very clever with words, very nice short story, your work is very unique. Great job!

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you denise!, For your inspiration that turned my reply to your hub, into a hub of my own... I will take it from wherever I can get it... So again, Thank You Denise!...

      & Thank You too snoblet!!! *blushes*

      I would hate to be anything other than 'unique'..

      *smiles*

    • Kaili Bisson profile image

      Kaili Bisson 4 years ago from Canada

      You are not alone. I think all of us are more confident in some situations than in others. I too fear the podium! Thank you for sharing this.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you Kaili!

      For your kind considerate recognition..

      *smiles*

    • Deep Metaphysical profile image

      Deep Biswas 4 years ago from India

      But people tell me I'm pretty fly...for a shy guy!

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      I experience the same perception shared 'DM'... Again, being shy/bashful is challenging, even frustrating sometimes... But it does has its compensating benefits that are quietly achieved, but no less valuable... A shy person just needs to learn how to manage it to their advantage in order to allow for that balance to happen.

    • snowdrops profile image

      snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

      hi cm. many people also experiences this kind of situation. excellent write.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you very much snowdrop... *blushes*

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      When I read your hubs, it is hard to believe you have only been on hub pages for two months. I think you are going to go far.

      The good thing about shy men, they are introspective and in touch with their feelings. You do a great job of describing them. A lot of women are drawn to shy guys. They are so much more loyal and don't come off as egotistical flirts that overconfidently hit on every female with a pulse.

      It is good you recongnize the value of being shy. I hope you won't miss out on wonderful opportunities from not taking initiative. Exquisite hub.

    • izettl profile image

      Laura Irwin 4 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Interesting...Excellent description of your shyness. I was once very shy, school age mostly. I had to change out of necessity. I began in the restaurant business as a busser ( not much contact with people)then wanting, and needing, to make more money I became a waitress. Waitressing taught me everything about people and mostly they have their own insecurities. You get customers who purposefully want to trip you up and make you mess up and ask you tons of questions, well I wanted to outsmart them so I learned to be on my game with everyone.

      On love and the opposite sex, I always had mostly guy friends so I was never intimidated by men- men are easier to talk to than women- so I know your issue there. I feel the same way about women as you do....luckily I never wanted to be in a romantic relationship with one ;))

      I was in my mid-twenties wiht someone whom I was sure was my soul mate. After 9months of dating, he passed away after a drowning accident so I made a vow to myself to jump into life and if I feel something, then do it. If I wanted love or to get to know someone I did- I didn't date anyone for 3years after that and the next person I dated became my husband.

      Maybe, just maybe you haven't had to or needed or wanted someone bad enough...that may explain your love finding someone special) dilemma. Maybe not, maybe I'm all wrong about that. But I've known myself to be quite comfy being by myself so I never had the initiative to find someone until someone special to me died. I was playing it "cool" with him and did not say I love you abck to him when he said it. A week or two later he was gone...forever. Just like when I had a cancer scare, i knew having a child was what I needed to do in life although it was probably the most scary thing in the world to me...like you in a boardroom or audiend of more than 3-5 people but less than a really large crowd. So why bore you with te details of my life, well just hoping youy will find the necessity in things to overcome some of your problem shyness.It's an admirable trait to a point until you miss out on things in life because of it- and maybe you have or maybe you haven't.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you very much Tammy... Taking the initiative has been the most difficult thing for me... Probably due to my disdain of being perceived as 'Intrusive'... I just hate the feeling of not being welcome, and I avoid the potential of feeling that way... I have been told that I am a 'Thinker' and thinkers simply do not over-react in order to limit any mistakes... Yet as I mentioned, to take the time to think can come off as being aloof, or uninterested... Seldom is it recognized that I am simply thinking in order to make sure that I am doing the best thing possible for everyone involved... But that 1st foot forward, to introduce myself, scares the daylights out of me.. so I avoid it... Yet when I am introduced?.. I am on like a lightbulb with no fear...

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Laura, thank you !... You bring up the point of self seclusion after a tragedy... Although I was shy prior to my own tragedy experienced?, I am sure that losing my HS Sweetheart to a DUI accident when we were 19yrs old? only increased what already was my tentative nature... We all have baggage that influences us everyday... There is a piece of mine... Again, I am not one to intrude, but turn the light on me with an introduction and I will shine !!!

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      And Laura?, yes many missed opportunities with one I truly do regret... I am comfortable with myself, and by myself... I go to concerts solo a lot!, simply because my crew has all their responsibilities and obligations in life that I do not have... 'Family'... And large crowds I do thrive in because then I am just another brick in the wall... Put me in a coffee shop, and exchanging glances with the pretty girl on the fluffy chair in the corner?,, and I land up wishing I could just go up to her and say 'Hi, I'm Jeff, and I couldn't help but to notice.. yada yada yada...', but I can't do that... I depend on them to do that... And fortunate for me I have not only a voice that attracts them like fly's... but I have eyes that really do most of my talking... And sometimes, and again fortunate for me, such a girl has often been bold enough to approach me because the intrigue is just killing her... *grins*... I do wish that the intrigue would do that to me someday where I will not feel that intrusive fear...

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Also, it took me close to 5yrs after the death of my HS sweetheart before I met who was to be my wife... We were introduced... And it was a great 12 year run we had.. Opposites attract, but it is the similarities, the compatibilities that ultimately bind two people together for the duration.

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      My daughter (the daughter of a woman who never met a stranger) grew up shy. Until a very wise middle school teacher had her students do a research paper on a trait they disliked in themselves. After my daughter found many famous people who considered themselves shy, she no longer saw it as a fault in herself - just another part of her personality. She still deals with it as an adult, but she's not intimidated by it. It's a personality trait, one of many that make her the lovely woman that she has grown up to be.

      Hope you come to terms with this trait as well. It's not always a disadvantage.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you Kathleen... I had come to terms with my infliction early on in my teen years... I think within my article here I did specify that being shy does have its subtle advantages... And again, it really has not held me back from experiencing, and enjoying life... As I also indicated, it is something that does need to be managed... Arrogant is a title I never wish to have associated with my name.. For arrogance all to often is a reflection of a lack in true self confidence... I think my shyness is, again as I mentioned above, is a form of self preservation, protection of the qualities that I know I have, and am proud of.

    • izettl profile image

      Laura Irwin 4 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Thats really neat kathleen. Thats a great idea!

      You got me thinking Jeff maybe I should do a hub on whether opposites attract...forever? Do you think all opposites are doomed. my husband an I are quite opposite. we've been through so much together just in 7 yrs that cant hardly see us parting. I do wonder about whether our lack of similarities and shared interests will be our doom someday. Probably my only worry within our marriage. We both like dogs and road trips so when the kids are out of the house guess we can get a motor home and travel with our dogs.

      I see similarities in you that I have- I NEVER approached a guy...never. I always like who I was and was comfortbale by myself but I don't see the challenge in that- you dont know who you are until you are with someone else- in situations and times when the worst is brought out in you. You, not being mean, are taking the easy way out. it's easy to be by yourself, it's easy to be a good person if you're not challenged by someone else or kids (you really find out who you are and what you're made of with them). That's why buddhist monks are so damn calm- they spend almost all day by themselves. Yeah I'd be the best person I could be too. I'm not saying you're always by yourself but I'm saying that being with someone else or having kids puts you in scenarios that really let you see what you're made of and who you are in the best and worst of times.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Maybe not so much similarities as much as relate-abilities... And when I shared how opposites attract but it is the similarities and compatibilities? It must be understood that when I share a belief? There are always going to be exceptions to that belief... I am always aware of and take into consideration those rare exceptions...

      And no Laura, I am a shy guy. It does not mean I am necessarily a quiet guy,,, Oh No, far from it.

      Yet I am always in control of my environment.. And when I am not?.. I know that is the time I need to get away...

      I am actually very much who I am 24/7... I maybe alone in life per se'... But I am only lonely when I wish to be... I am seldom lonely.. I do enjoy 'company' way too much for me to allow myself to be lonely... Maybe someday somebody will come along an help me with that 'alone' part.. But either way, I am still going to enjoy my day.

      And being in control of my own environment has always shown my sense of calmness.. I never over-react.. and its really hard to get me mad enough to create an outburst.. Yet I can get excited easily when it comes to something I enjoy.. Good things tend to make me loose my cool and act out like a complete goofball..

      Yet it is my calmness, my sensibility, my reasoning that people have come to depend on and are always appreciative of their access to it.

      I just don't get bent out of shape easily.

      And if and when I do?

      It is usually caused by years of built up frustration.

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Well said! I'm going to email your hub and comments to my daughter. I think at 31 she would whole-heartedly agree.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      *SMILES* & *BLUSHES*... I love reactions that cause a positive reaction... Flattered Kathleen.. Thank You !!!

    • peeples profile image

      Peeples 4 years ago from South Carolina

      Well written. I too am similar. I can sell anything. I have a way with people that goes past my understanding. However I am truly shy and do best when either by myself or with people that are already close. I protect myself from being hurt. Shyness is not only a protection but it serves to keep things in balance. Enjoyed the read!

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you peeples.. *blushes*.. I have done quite well with it actually.. Once I learned how to work it to my favor.. It is said that I make people feel comfortable easily.. I think the bashful tempers the arrogance in a fashion that creates the presentation of confidence.. It's just that all eyes on me thing that kinda creeps me out.. bad.

    • pinkhawk profile image

      pinkhawk 4 years ago from Pearl of the Orient

      wohhh, I can really relate!...I think, it's really me. ^_^! Thanks for sharing a part of you...

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      It is sometimes nice to know that one is not alone... Thank you 'pinkawk'... I do hope you have managed yours as well as I have been able to manage mine... Although somethings will forever remain frustrating with this bothersome trait... Again, thank you!

    • KT Banks profile image

      KT Banks 4 years ago from Texas

      Sometimes like attracts like. Meaning, you and I are a lot alike. Most people who meet me, would never know the painful shyness I hide behind my smile. In business situations I am just fine, but at a party, I often want to hide.

      Unlike you, I don't like any part of being bashful. I find it downright painful. I'm happy you have such a good understanding of it. I voted this hub, Up and more!

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you ''KT' !!!... Although I have learned to manage it in a way that allows me to function capably? It took quite sometime to get there... Yet, I still struggle with that pretty girl at the party scenario... Surely because my interest and intentions are more personal and have nothing to do with dollars and cents... I will never overcome that whole scene of all eyes on me though.. It just makes me melt!

    • RunningDeer profile image

      RunningDeer 4 years ago from Iowa

      Being shy is one of the most torturous traits one may possess. I am painfully shy around new people. My mind blanks, and I have no idea what to say. There's nothing there in my head. I hate it. Well written hub. Voted up and shared!

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank You 'RD' !!!... It took that 1st step in recognizing and accepting the condition before I was able to learn how to manage it in a fashion that has allowed me to flourish in the business world even with my fears... Just as long as I can avoid having all those eyes on me... I suspect that you are in the midst of that 1st step... Yet, I will always struggle when I find my self interested in a pretty girl like yourself... *blushes* ... That being the most aggravating aspect of this condition.

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 4 years ago from America

      I have always been shy. Very shy it would take all I could do to walk into a store just to shop. I hate crowds and going to parties around strange people. What I end up doing is finding one place to sit and not moving from that spot. When I had kids I had to take them to the doctor for check-ups it wasn't easy for me to do that. Words just don't come out of my mouth easy. I do ok now with family and friends now. That shyness never completely goes away. Voted Up.

    • CriticalMessage profile image
      Author

      Murphy 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Thank you for sharing your experience here 'moonlake'... I believe social anxiety and shyness are siblings in their similarities... Maybe their extremes the only difference... And no, it has never gone away for me, but I have powered through with my efforts to manage it in a fashion that allows me to still thrive for the most part... I've actually turned some of it into a challenge to conquer.. Even when knowing some of my traits of shyness will never be conquered.. I think they add an element to my personality that allows people to feel less intimidated by me.. Less being the keyword there.

    Click to Rate This Article