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Why Some People Never Change

Updated on May 28, 2021


Jerry went to a therapist and after, made the following statement;

"I go with friends to the playground, then, to 'fix' them I sit on the bench. But they are playing basketball. They are having fun. They don't notice me."

Those to whom he spoke were smiling, ecstatic, Jerry had finally, after forty years of life realised something they'd known within hour or days of meeting him.

They expected Jerry to become a 'new person'.

Now that he realised what he had been doing since he was a child, everything should change.

It didn't take long to appreciate Jerry had repeated what he had been told. What he said did not in any way touch his twisted mind.

He remained exactly as he had been, someone who tried to 'fix' others by denying himself.


In the example of Jerry, he could say the words, but they never impinged on his personality. He was saying the words as if reciting a poem in a foreign language that he did not speak.

What he was doing was spewing out sounds to fool those around him into thinking that he had some kind of 'breakthrough'.

Jerry felt so triumphant in fooling his family. It was as if he'd won some kind of award.

This is because Jerry, as many persons who suffer from mental problems believes that he doesn't have a problem. Other people, even therapists think he has a problem. But that is because they don't understand how he sees the world, and try to put him into a pre named box.

This is the centre point.

The Failure of Psycho-Therapy

There are people who have developed an inability to alter their world view. No matter what they experience, no matter how it is defined, no matter how they reiterate, their internal disability prevents change.

There are those who, when certainties are shattered, reboot, so as to reestablish those 'certainties'.

Harriet suffered from false memory syndrome. She 'remembered' things that never happened. This is not recalling a green dress when she wore gold, this is recalling something that never happened. Things that could be legally or medically proven to have never happened.

When confronted with facts, irrefutable facts, Harriet went into pause. Then rebooted, and repeated the same fantasies she had before the proof.

As a person who suffers mental illness, she can never accept facts that contradict her fantasies.

There is no medication, no therapy which can confront her mental fantasies, and she will continue until death holding on to her fantasies, regardless of the proof that they are fantasies.

Few therapists will admit their failure in dealing with a person like Harriet. They will keep trying, and eventually help her to live beyond the fantasies, but never dislodge them.

Super Ego

In the mind of a person like Jerry, he believes his omnipotence. He is certain of his rightness and can never deviate from it.

No matter what he is told, no matter what he experiences, he will hold to the chains of his Super Ego.

That everyone around Jerry sees through him as cellophane, can never be accepted by him.

His attempts to 'play' people becomes a game in which others play him, and he does not realise it.

That his circle continues to get smaller, as he has to work harder to deceive, does not in any way effect his world view.

That he could verbalise the key error of his concepts does not mean he can internalise them.

Half Way

To change one needs to make an attempt. To see the errors, and not find easy excuses for them or twisted explanations, but to accept the reality.

Nick has been married three times.
Each wife left him for his abuse.
Nick refuses to believe he is abusive.
Nick will say that his wife (one, two or three) forced him to beat her, deserved it.

He will never admit he is an abusive despicable person who has no friends, who has no family, because no one wants to associate with him.

In his late sixties, Nick will repeat the same lies he told himself at twenty, despite the proof that what he tells himself are lies.

Simply put, if each time you do something you fail, if you are normal you will examine why you fail, not create fantasies to explain your a success.


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