"Will The Real Narcissist Please Stand Up"?
Uh oh, not the “N”, word! “How dare you Robert! Asking me to stand up and admit that I am a Nnnnnnarcissst?
Do you have any idea how long I have been “hiding” this? You clearly do not understand the gravity of the question you are asking. Besides, do you think for one minute that anyone in this room, in their right mind, and on their own volition would actually have the courage to admit that they are narcissist”?
“Yes, you in the back, I see your hand. Thank you so much for your courage. Will you kindly stand up and introduce yourself”?
If only it would have been that easy? As I look back, I wish first of all, that I would have even had an inkling of what a narcissist is or what they look like? I could barely pronounce or spell the word, much less have any idea what it really was and moreover, that I was a full-blown perpetrator!
I just thought that I was like most men that I knew. You know, the boss, the head of my home, the one who calls the shots. Which in reality translates to controlling, abusive, aggressive, mean, unkind, jealous, insecure, no self-esteem lack of humility, and let’s not forget prideful!
I thought I was so clever at my sick game. Reeling her in with my well-rehearsed charming lines and my Rico Suave moves, only to get her within close proximity to make her feel completely worthless and to once again tear down her Lego castle like I had been trained to.
This particular screenplay was penned just for me by the devil himself. It attracted me at a very young tender age when he first lured me into his playground of sexual perversion. It may be different for others, but I know now that no matter what “candy”, he uses, his end game is the same. Taking advantage of innocent little boys, historically is certainly one of his favorite schemes.
By the time I became “aware”, of this Jezebilian spirit, she had already slithered her way up my spine and wrapped herself tightly around my body. Her hollow piercing eyes fixed on the real prize, my family. Her grip was now too tight and the irrational fear of losing her, to say the least, was extremely daunting.
She cheerfully obliged me with countless hours of intimacy, whispering secrets and lies that I swallowed, hook , line and sinker! She was determined to see me reach my full potentialand ensure that I received my awards and accolades. Little did I know that the main prize was a special place reserved for me in her dungeon of evil debauchery. Aka, “living hell!”
Nevertheless, this pathologic disorder perpetuated, but all the while my bride was relentless in her pursuit of true freedom, and with Joan of Arc as her mentor, the conniving malevolent spirit oppressing me was now on countdown!
I was being found out, exposed and less and less was I able to control, manipulate or destroy her Lego citadel. It was worse than being a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
The bouts of delusion were unbearable as I would go through countless cycles in this labyrinth of pure evil. Innumerable times I shook my fist at God , blaming Him for “batteries not included”! How dare this so-called heavenly father that I had given my life to, fearfully but not wonderfully, create me? What did I do to deserve this torment that had been plaguing me since I was a young boy? Did I have a sign on my forehead that read, “Abuse Me”?
It sure seemed that way. And as a result, there lay, in the wake of my life a myriad of broken relationships that I could only see in my rear-view mirror as tears streamed down my face.
“And in this corner, weighing in at 200lbs, the undisputed middleweight abuser of the year, 'The Catracho Kid', yearning to win this bout and be released from the grip of his contender, none other than the reigning champion of the world, Jezzie-Baal.
The fight was on but at the end of the day, it was not me that would win these rounds. The “Paraclete”, himself, unbeknownst to me had never left ringside? He had been there each time that I was knocked out and rendered unconscience. I too was in training and the coach was keenly aware of my limitations and knew exactly when I was near my last breath. This would never happen, not on His watch!
The time had come that I was able to muster the courage to stand up and say I am a narcissist and I will not retreat nor surrender until I am free. All of heaven stood up and applauded me and I was infused with a greater degree of vision as the scales fell to the ground along with the chains and fetters, manacles and leg irons that solidified my captivity.
When our ears are finally awakened and we clearly hear the voice of our hostage negotiator beckoning us to stand up against every other opposing voice screaming “don’t do it”, it is then that we begin our journey to true freedom from these terrorists that have come to steal, kill and destroy our lives and the lives of those that we proclaim to love.
Slim shady has nothing on this dark force employing her sinister ways on those that are in queue as a result of a ruthless diabolical plan that was fabricated in the very pits of hell.
Some modern science tells us that no one can be free from Narcissism, but I am living proof that one day at a time , one step at a time, we can live healthy lives, mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually, if we are willing to first, admit and own that we are sick and need help.