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You Can't Help Someone Who Doesn't Want Your Help

Updated on May 31, 2012

My grandfather used to say “you can only lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink.”

This is so true. Or is it?

An alcoholic will not mend his ways until and unless he is ready to do so, nor will a drug addict give up his dependence on drugs until he is good and ready to get clean. This is the conventional wisdom.

It is very difficult to refrain from trying to help a family member or a close friend or relative who is heading down the wrong path. Not only am I guilty of trying to help when I was not asked, but I keep making this mistake over and over again out of a sense of duty and love, and despite rejection after rejection.

But no more. I’ve now reached a place in my life where I have decided to use a different way to help those who do need help, and whose lives will continue in a downward spiral if they do not receive that help. It’s an easier way, a better and less stressful way.

A few years ago I found Neville Goddard. Since then I’ve read many of his lectures, not all, but many. To read, understand and digest all of his lectures would be a lifetime endeavor. Neville taught that if we want something to happen, even to see someone behave differently, all we have to do is to imagine it. He calls it imagining. Imagining creates reality. If someone is unemployed, imagine him gainfully employed, hear him tell you about the great job he found, and this will come to pass.

Neville’s 1954 lecture The Pruning Shears Of Revision is one worth reading. Neville says that we can revise our day, at the end of the day, to make it the way we want it to be. If we don’t, the unrevised day will advance into the future to confront us. But if we revise our days, our tomorrows will be better.

I have used visualization, imagination, and vision boards to get the things that I want and I’ve also used Neville’s pruning shears of revision to improve relationships and situations. It works. It really does. But at times, being a weak human (I know, a flimsy excuse), I forget what really works and attack a problem head-on. That, believe me, only makes matters worse.

Revision, imagining, visualization - these are my new “weapons of love” to solve problems I and others face. I can help people without them ever knowing that it was I who caused the “good luck” to appear in their lives. And they don’t need to know. In fact, it’s best if they didn’t know.

Google “the pruning shears of revision” and download it free. I think you will love the beauty and the wisdom it contains.

I leave you now with a quote from Neville: be careful what you are imagining, for what you are imagining you will create, though it may convulse the world.


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    • somethgblue profile image

      somethgblue 3 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee

      Don't make the mistake that giving and caring are two sides of the same coin. Giving is its own reward and does not require that any one cares for the act to be rewarding.

      As long as you take the time to give requires that you care and that is the only thing you can control, your own actions.

    • profile image

      buddhaanalysis 3 years ago

      There is another kind of people in which by helping others , we are supposed to waste our own time and peace but those people have no care for that.

    • Ramsa1 profile image

      Ramsa1 5 years ago from A citizen of the World

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Pringooals.

    • pringoooals profile image

      Karina 5 years ago from Edinburgh

      Bery useful and very true. Voted up!

    • Ramsa1 profile image

      Ramsa1 5 years ago from A citizen of the World

      Thanks for commenting, Somethgblue.

    • somethgblue profile image

      somethgblue 5 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee

      Interesting that someone that I suspects imagines they understand the basic principle that 'You can't help someone that doesn't want your help' would make the mistake and distinguish alcoholism from drug addiction.

      Alcohol is a DRUG, period end of story! I suspect most people would be stunned to learn that the Big Book of AA considers anyone that drinks more than twice a month and alcoholic.

      Anytime one drinks, smokes, eats, shoots or otherwise any substance that alters their brain chemistry, including coffee and cigarettes they are getting high, PERIOD END OF STORY!

      Actually you can help someone that doesn't want your help but most people are unwilling to go to the lengths required to do so, ever volunteered at a soup kitchen?

      Ever given a given money to a perfect stranger and expected nothing in return?

      Every given money to a family member and expected nothing in return?

      Here is a concept that perhaps you may want to try . . . imagine only good things for other people, never for yourself. Imagine a world in which every being on it only thinks about their neighbor, family members and strangers and prays for them . . . eventually someone would be praying for you!

    • Ramsa1 profile image

      Ramsa1 5 years ago from A citizen of the World

      Thanks for your comments, Jewels. The Pruning Shears is indeed a mind boggling concept. Believe me, it does work. Try it for yourself and see.

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 5 years ago from Australia

      This could be literally mind boggling! LOL. I like the concept. I must imagine myself as that strong human being who practices these concepts and makes them work. Now that will be something. :)

    • Ramsa1 profile image

      Ramsa1 5 years ago from A citizen of the World

      Thanks for the visit and the follow, Debbie, and for sharing.

    • Ramsa1 profile image

      Ramsa1 5 years ago from A citizen of the World

      I know exactly what you're saying, Lovedoctor. Thanks for the visit and the vote up.

    • Ramsa1 profile image

      Ramsa1 5 years ago from A citizen of the World

      Thanks for visiting and commenting, Rahul.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      great message and so true.. love your hub..



    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      This is very true. Unfortunately, there are times when you have the best intentions at heart for others, but yet they don't see it that way. They take it as some kind of criticism when you are only trying to help. vote up great hub.

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      We must all adhere to this message!

      Beautifully done Rasma!

      Great hub

    • Ramsa1 profile image

      Ramsa1 5 years ago from A citizen of the World

      Thanks for visiting and commenting, Roohi. It's much easier and effective to help someone who asks for your help.

    • profile image

      Roohi Khan 5 years ago from India

      Very true. You sure can't help someone who doesn't want your help.

      I would like to add here though. You shouldn't also waste your time trying to help someone who doesn't want your help. While you are trying to help this person, there may be someone out there who really wants your help and would actually take your help too. So, move on as quickly as possible.

      Glad to see that the book helped you. Will surely check it out myself.