A Grateful Heart Will Never Use
Somebody Doing A Great Job At Something He Didn't Have To Do
What Are We Using?
Every morning I wake up, I pray, I refuel my son and myself, we hit the gym or accomplish some type of physical exercise, go to school and work, and head home together for another refuel, bathe, pray and bed. This sort of life is a blessing to me. The blessing of simplicity. The blessing of monotony. The absence of using. Using drugs, especially alcohol; using people; using excuses; using justifications; and just using the gifts of this world that were simply meant to be loved. A clean pattern of life instead of a purposeless existence. A true blessing. A blessing that I take for granted more often than not. Until I see it all taken away from someone else. Then I stop in my tracks and make a gratitude list.
January 13, 2010 was the first morning I woke up clinically sober. (Since then I have quit smoking cigarettes in 2012 and have been fighting with sugars and caffeine.) Ever since then, I haven't really had a bad day. I was told if I continued to use, my life would get worse. If I got sober, my life would get better. Hands down, it did. I typically live a vividly beautiful life that is sky rocketed into a fourth dimension. The only thing is-sometimes it's hard to see the picture when you're inside the frame. Sometimes I forget where I came from and how good I have it. Last night at dinner, my sweet child looked at my mango strawberry stuffing and bacon wrapped scallops and refused to eat. I told my son, that some people in this world wouldn't get the chance to look at that food. He gently separated what he would eat from what he would not and negotiated into finishing his dinner.
Why Are We Grateful
I need to consciously become more aware everyday for what I am grateful for. There is one thing that separates me from you, or anyone else, including God. That thing is my ego. My ego tells me I am a spectator, up above watching situations and the world around me going on. The truth is I am not a spectator. I am down in it.
Lucky for me I grew a level of desperation only as sincere as the dieing at a very young age, which opened me up to some real miracles and a divinely designed network. This allows me to remember some very vivid circumstances and possibilities that are still out there for me and the ones I love. To date, we have buried dozens of the kids I went to school with. I just turned 29 years old. Maybe that is average. All day I see and feel the ego and separation within this world. I know there is a better way to live and feel. The latter is what I want my beautiful child to see.
I'm grateful I got to wake up, sober, in a house with a comfortable bed! I've got a lot of loving and supportive people in my life. I've got a decent working brain and body and soul. I've got family, parents and a community. I have life! I've never been broke sober! I have to consciously refocus my negative to positive thinking.
Remembering Gratitude When It Hits The Fan
When someone on the road begins to irrationally or obnoxiously drive near you, do you....
How to Have a Good Day
It's tough to consciously refocus my negative to positive thinking. Some people were possibly born with an innate unawareness of negativity or the results thereof. Some people are gleaming happiness upon arrival to this world. This was not the case for me. It took breaking my neck in a near fatal car crash, and waking up a month later to achieve an ability to even begin to be grateful for being alive. That sounds insane to me now, but that is the truth. I was so unaware of my ability and the beauty within myself and this world. Something tells me I'm just now on the brink of this awareness. I'll probably only really understand it the moment I go back to my Creator.
Until then, I'd like to live 'as if' I am supremely grateful to be experiencing everything in every little moment that I am blessed with. Yesterday "I got to" work 17 hours with four hours of sleep after working nine hours the night before. Today "I got to" go take an employment test after eight hours of sleep. And I will go to work again tonight after I spend a few hours with my family. These are the black and white frontal view logistics of my day. The supporting facts are that I "get to" do this because 1.) I am alive, 2.) I am healthy and sober and able to work, 3.) I have a family that helps me meet my commitments...and the list goes on and on and on....
I'll leave you with this...last week coming home from a job interview I saw a tiny figure walking on the side of the highway. It was 50 degrees-nothing close to as bad as it's about to get here in Upstate New York. I turned around and I picked this man up, after I had put my purse on my side and kept a pencil in my hand in case of need for a weapon. As he anxiously ran to my car, face froze and snot pouring from his nose, I gracefully put down the pencil and asked the man his name. He told me, Matthew. He told me he lived under the Phoenix underpass. I was in shock, denial and disbelief. None of my friends live under bridges. I was starving and though I don't have a lot of money, I had some in my pocket. $20 to be exact. I asked Matthew if he'd like to have lunch and he lead me to the nearest diner.
Conversation was small. He had no family. No kids. No job. But he did have a few cats that he loved and cheered up noticeably when he talked about those cats. He wasn't exhaustingly thankful but when we were finished and I was on my way out he looked at me and said something we all say to each other carelessly every day. When Matthew said it to me I knew he meant it. I knew that if there was a God that Matthew believed in, he was most certainly going to ask this overly used phrase to become true.....he looked at me and slowly and sincerely said, "Have a good day."
I stayed sober again today, I apologized when I could, I worked hard and I loved my family. Now that's what I call a good day.