Addiction in the eyes of others
My Run in with Addiction
As a child I remember playing banjo and kazooie on my nintendo 64. I would spend endless hours of my life playing this game I remember hearing the word addiction in my house for the first time the description of this word described my game time on my nintendo 64, almost instantly I thought to myself well if mom says that a person with an addiction needs help then I need help. My view on addiction was far more different back then than it is today. My step father was and still to this day an addict back then it was daddy took his medicine he is going to be angry tonight, today it's he promised he would get help but this is the 100th promise he will probably overdose soon. I know what you may be thinking isn't that a little harsh?It may be but no one ever looks at addiction from the eyes of the addicts spouse, parents, or children and maybe it's time some people understand that in a family where one loved member is an addict everyone in the family grows an addiction of their own... I was about 9 when I started to understand my step father's addiction I knew so many different pill names that you would think I could have been a pharmacist. When he took his meds he would show violent behaviors and bear the mind of someone that the average person would think was mentally insane. I remember my mother crying on the more violent nights I remember watching him abuse her and then shift the abuse towards me when I hit about 14 that's when a place called rehab came into our lives he was gone for a few months each time he was sent to rehab by a court we would always visit him on visitation days he seemed happier in these places he would get some type of reward every time he graduated from rehab that he would proudly hang on a wall in our parents bedroom and then a week or two later he would be back to taking the things that put him in the places that gave him the awards and yet a few months later another award would hang up we as a family were addicted at the time we just didn't know it we were addicted to the thought that one day it might end one day he would be better that we would be the same family that we once were. When I was 16 my step father left my mother for another man that's when I realized how addicted my family was for a year he had stayed with this man while my mother fought harder than anything to get him back and us girls helped we all begged for this man to come home each time him or his boyfriend would threaten us threaten to take the home from my mother and have her the girls and I out on the street each threat nastier every time we received one we were addicted to this man who hadn't cared whether his children slept on the street or not when he finally returned home for yet another try to rid him of his addiction things started to get really bad he would snort pills in an unlocked room where his children could easily see, he would threaten to kill himself in front of his children, there would be times where we thought things were getting better and then his own father would send him out to sell the same drugs we were trying to keep from him. I couldn't handle the abuse or pain he put on the family anymore on one of the worst days of his addiction he asked me to run him to a rehab and pick up his buddy so he could live with us in our home the same buddy he so badly wanted to hook up with on the way to pick up this man who hadn't been much older than me at the time he freaked out in my car screaming for me to turn back go home that he left the oven on which he hadn't the truth was his friend turned the offer down filled with rage I dropped him off at my mothers work due to the stress from his freak out session and headed to the local probation office. I wanted to turn back and leave I knew that he would go to jail but I couldn't do it I couldn't watch him suck the life out of my sweet Mother or my two baby sisters anymore so I told his probation officer go to the house search his pills, drug test him do something next thing I knew he was in jail for almost a year a week later. For once in a long time I had a sigh of relief only to find out that once he got out of jail he started his drug parade right back up he had dragged his family through hell and back finally after 17 years of abuse addiction and neglect my mother had separated from his iron grip her addiction was finally gone. Slowly the addiction of him my sister's and I had grown was fading but it wasn't and still isn't completely gone. He still harasses the family begs for help like he did millions of time growing up, he even stole money from his children and left them stranded in a state half way across the country. My addiction may forever stay with me I may forever feel obligated to help this man who tells everyone he will get help but never does but the truth of the matter is you can only help so much and eventually there will no longer be pain or sadness eventually his addiction will eat him into nothing you can't fix something that doesn't want to be so families don't give up on your addict but don't grow an addiction along side with them. Try to look at what addiction can do to a family before judging a family who has given their lives to helping an addict I hear alot of it isn't his fault, why are families giving up on them don't they love them truth be told we will always love them but we needed to fix our own dangerous addiction and once again live a happy life their addiction no longer was ours and people need to understand that it's okay to be happy it's ok to want to live a better life sometimes an addict has to fight their own fight because no matter how hard the person who stands with them fights it will never make a difference
Signed the daughter of an addict who is almost free from her addiction.