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Updated on February 11, 2016

Famous Last Words

Taking on the responsibilities of Maid of Honor is hard enough with out being 13 states away from your bride. If you get the chance to do so I would advise against it. However if the bride is your sister, and she is a temperamental red head, well, I can honestly say I feel for you. Just throw as much money at the situation as you can and hope for the best! Even if you were to do everything perfectly there will still be issues, crying over Skype, and regretting not being an only child. Oh! and do NOT get non refundable flights...

Scary as it was, I was on top of everything. I was the Maid-of-Honor-Ninja! The bridal shower, the batchorlorette party, the catering and looking at endless posts on social media about the pros and cons of updos. (All while planning out the Holidays because of course who doesn't want the added stress of hosting your first Thanksgiving and Christmas for your boyfriends family. I promise this will be my next post)

The one thing I did not have under control was the dress. I have a rule about brides maid dresses. "Not my wedding, not my problem" You want me to look like big bird so be it. That was your vision for your wedding and I will not get in the way of what a bride wants. So I stepped back and told the other girls to find a dress that they liked and my sister agreed on. After a few "this is it" moments (and a few dollars spent on non refundable shipping) they finally found "the one". With the wedding closing in on us we were going to have my dress shipped to me in Florida just incase there needed to be alterations. But that is not what happened. It got shipped to my sisters house and we decided that I would just try it on the weekend of her bridal shower because it was only a week away at this point.

Never EVER only go up ONE dress size around the holidays. Nothing ruins a beautiful dress like trying to squeeeze into it. The words that almost haunted me forever "Seriously I can't do that much damage in 2 months" She had her day though, it was beautiful, and this rant has very little to do with her. I mention it because these were the trail of events that lead me to lose 2 dress sizes in 2 and a half weeks and what it did for my perception about everything.


Oh boy was I wrong. I was so wrong about the seriousness of the damage that I could do in two months. Going to the gym everyday was no match for the home cooked goodness that was me looking for validation. Not only did I do the holiday thing, but I could not put anything on the table that was not perfect so...I practiced...a lot. Who gets married in February anyway? I am convinced that in the winter I should be hibernating and a few* extra pounds are totally acceptable. "Seriously I can't do that much damage in 2 months". Girl.

When the rolls were not just something I served and that dress did not fit the realization of that silly sentence hit me. I could do a lot of damage. I HAD done a lot of damage. So I told my sister I had a really good tailor back home and not to worry. To be honest I lied to her and found myself fresh out of money so the dress was not going to get altered at all. I was. I got off the plane with my dress folded neatly in my laptop bag (don't judge me) and from that moment on focused all my attention on dropping at least to the dress size I told her to order in the first place with just over 2 weeks to make it happen. You will never know motivation like the threat of an angry red head and the fear of "I know a good tailor" being written on your tomb stone.

Put Good In Get Good Out

I know I know you want to know how! But there is no secret. It's just what you have been told to do all along. Don't eat garbage and exercise, Thats it! But thats not is soooo hard! I didn't even have this much trouble quitting smoking. It takes every ounce of will power to go to the gym when all you want to do is lay down. You really have to muster your best to say "no" to the really nice people in the office who brought you doughnuts. And to stick with it you have to be really, really afraid of letting your sister down.

My meals were pretty lack luster the first week because I had no idea what I was looking for. I had an idea of what I needed to do but not really how to get there. I cut out granulated sugar, dairy, most processed foods, and all grains. I would also not allow myself to drink anything that wasn't water. Cereal and pizza are 70% of my food pyramid so when I tell you this was not easy, that is an understatement. I was so strict with what I ingested but I am also a giant wimp so If I am even remotely uncomfortable I will give up. The one promise I made to myself was that I would not feel hungry.

The closest I can compare the diet to was "Clean Eating" or maybe "Paleo" but the reality was that I was making it up as I went along. I wouldn't use dressing or sauces because they are usually just sugar. My sister now has a plethora of pictures of plates of vegetables. I refused to call it salad if there was no dressing. My killer sweet tooth would have been the death of me but I kept apples and berries on hand at all times. Surprisingly this worked pretty well but if it was not enough I would chew sugar free cinnamon gum and that would do the trick. I've never been much of a meat eater but I did not cut out the meat that I do eat. I did however get pretty good at using seasonings instead of barbecue sauce.

5 days of this, I called my sister and asked her how big the cake was compared to the guest list. This was my dangling carrot. I just had to make it to cake day. I looked at the dress that was meticulously placed in view of my kitchen and had a sudden urg to see where I stood as far as progress. With my boy friends help the dress zipped all the way up! Now if I could just hold my breath and maybe not sit through the wedding I'd be ok. But it was on, it was zipped, and good golly that was NOT going to happen 5 days ago! This gave me a renewed drive that I can only explain as the feeling an evil villain must get when they think they have bested the good guy. I was so focused if this happened in just 5 days there was no doubt in my mind I could make it to comfortable in 12.

The lady at the front desk at my gym greets me by name now. Every day was half an hour to an hour of cardio and an additional half hour smashing around on the equipment until someone felt bad and showed me how to use it. Every other day I would drag myself out of bed to stream morning yoga. It shocked me how NOT hard it was to wake up. I kept to my weird crash diet but it was getting easier and easier to say no to friends wanting to go get a drink, or someone offering me a cookie. There were even snacks still in the house and they had stopped becoming tempting when I saw results at day 5.

Om NOM nom
Om NOM nom

The Magical Cake Day

On the day of the wedding not only did the dress fit but it was a little too big. I zipped it all the way up by my self and was suddenly so proud of what I had accomplished. The wedding was amazing and when it was time for dinner I though I can hold out one more meal for the cake. I had a pile of vegetables and some chicken. Then it was the finish line. The servers started passing out cake!!! I was so excited I promptly grabbed my boyfriends too with the intent on destroying both plates. But immediately after the picture was taken my sister swooped in out of nowhere and took one. I took two bites of heaven before someone called me away so I left my cake unattended on a table to make sure what ever the issue was was taken care of before my sister knew of it. I got caught up in what ever I was doing and by time I made it back the cake had been cleaned up. I had about 15 seconds to pout about it before my 2 year old nephew wanted to play so my ADD kicked in and I forgot all about the cake.

The rest of my time on vacation was a weird mix of running around and accidentally eating well so when we made it back to Florida it was fat Tuesday and I took that as a sign from the gods that I needed to eat everything bad for me. It was a great idea in the moment but here is the kicker. On regret Wednesday I had to fight to wake up in the morning. My stomach hurt and there were 3 new evil zits trying to push their way through my face. I felt dehydrated and blotted and I was so irritable the dog wouldn't come near me. Wednesday morning kinda ruined junk food for me. If it could make me feel that awful after one day I could just imagine what it had been doing to me over the course of years. I am not pushing any diet over another, nor am I telling you one exercise is better then the other. The lesson I learned from all this is put good in get good out. I will not be going to the extreme any more mostly because I have lived long enough with out cheese and my inner hippy is dying for some granola, but this was a wake up call to consider what I am putting into my body. It stared out about #allthecake.


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