What is having confidence vs. low self esteem?

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   John Sarkisposted 9 years ago

   What is having confidence vs. low self esteem?
   
   You're considered crazy if you're grossly obese, yet tell others you're the perfect weight; you're considered crazy if you're driving an old Kia, yet tell others you're driving a brand new Bentley; yet, you're considered to have low self-esteem if you're very unattractive and admitted, instead of telling others that you're good looking!  Okay, be it looks are subjective to some degree, - but not that subjective...isn't having self-confidence telling it like it is?

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2. 81

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   Confidence is usually associated with one's belief that they lack the ability to complete a particular task successfully.
   Having low self-esteem is for the most defined as someone that (lacks love of self). In any relationship they're usually a doormat and will allow people to walk all over them, they'll take verbal and physical abuse, accept a mate cheating on them and so forth.
   People with low self-esteem don't believe they (deserve) to be respected, loved, and treated fairly. They usually do not have any "boundaries", "lines drawn in the sand" or "deal breakers" that would cause them to walk away from toxic relationships.
   I don't believe a person who admits they're unattractive automatically has low self-esteem. I've known men who would quickly say;
   "I know I'm not the best looking guy in the room (BUT) I have a great sense of humor, I'm financially secure, I enjoy traveling, my hobbies include.... and the list goes on and on."
   A person with low self-esteem does not see anything (worthwhile) about them self. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses! The person with low self-esteem only acknowledges their weaknesses.

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   1. 80

      John Sarkisposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I'm referring to how society views us, not how we view ourselves.  You could be so ugly as to make Freddy (N. Elm Street) look like Brad Pitt and still be confident.  I'm asking about social stigmas and how unacceptable it is to admit you're ugly.

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   2. 81

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You said: "isn't having self-confidence telling it like it is?" Isn't telling it "like it is" telling the (whole) story. Instead of just stopping with "I'm fat". Self-confidence means you also acknowledge you have other attributes! You press on!

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   3. 80

      John Sarkisposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not referring to subjective reality - I like onion rings and some people do not, etc.  Society judges people without all the facts - you could look like Freddy and have more self-confidence than B. Pitt, but society wont ever believe you do.

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   MizBejabbersposted 9 years ago

   "isn't having self-confidence telling it like it is" I don't think that is necessarily so, John. I really think Dashingscorpio is closer to the truth. For instance, I work with a lady who is grossly obese, but she has a strong personality. She does not have low self-esteem. She says "I know I'm fat, but I don't feel fat." People shake their heads and say that they wish she could lose weight before she has a heart attack, but nobody would think to question her self-esteem, her competence, or her confidence. On the other hand, I used to know a really nice-looking young woman who was in a one-sided marriage and did have low-self esteem.  I don't believe we have to shout our lack of looks to the world. When a person has a high regard for himself or herself, most other people regard them highly, too, regardless of what they look like.
   I believe you are describing some of these "fake" people. I know one gal  who is short, weighs about 90 lbs., wears a fake derriere, and has had breast implants, yet she tells everyone that she has always been "curvy" (her word, not mine). After all the work she has had done and in her 4 inch heels, she really is whistle bait. What kind of self-esteem do you think she had/has? I truly don't know.

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   1. 80

      John Sarkisposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Great hearing from you...  The way people look is irreverent (see my answer to dashingscorpio).  My point is the way society views us. - Actually, unattractive people oftentimes have higher self-esteem than good looking ones do....

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