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I agree, a nice glass of wine will do the trick most of the time, and I know that those downer drugs you mentioned have no place in real relaxation.
It seems to always comes back to being physical. The more we workout our bodies the more we'll be able to recognize a state of true relaxation. It's like we need one to have the other.
Indeed, Lisa! You have brought up an excellent hypothesis! Perhaps like our ancestors whom were so mobile (way back when they were hunters & gathers) we perhaps are truly at rest. In other words our relaxed state is aerobically based?