Why won't my ADHD/ODD/OCD son learn from parent discipline, school discipline or

1. 53

   worn outposted 14 years ago

   Why won't my ADHD/ODD/OCD son learn from parent discipline, school discipline or natural...
   
   negative consequences?

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2. 68

   ledefensetechposted 14 years ago

   How do you discipline your son?  When I was younger a friends' aunt came to live with them.  She was handicapped and couldn't move around very well.  She had a young son who was ADD and took advantage of the fact that he could act up and when she tried to spank him, he'd run away.
   
   Then he moved in with my friends family and that didn't work anymore.  He'd raise a hand to his cousin or one of us and well, he couldn't run from us.  An interesting thing happened though.  Over time he got to know us better and started admiring us, I have to wonder why now, but then it just seemed natural.  After a while when he started having problems, we'd just ask him if he needed to sit in the corner for a while.  Since he knew we could make him sit in the corner no matter what he did, he'd usually stop his behavior or at most have to spend 15 min staring at a wall. 
   
   I'm making a total assumption right now, but my assumption is that your son doesn't have much of a relationship with you or anyone in authority positions.  Rather than being able to leverage your relationship with him in an attempt to moderate his behavior, he probably holds you and anyone else in authority with contempt, which is why the discipline part isn't working.
   
   As for what you can do, well going a little in the boot camp direction would probably help.  Setting definite limits with him and penalizing him for crossing those limits is a must.  Once he realized you're serious, then his behavior should moderate.  The second part is just as important.  Once he knows you mean what you say, you have to develop a relationship with him.  Find out about your son.  What does he like and why?  What kinds of questions does he really have that he's embarrassed to ask anyone?  (I believe that question to be one of the most important, I know when I was a teen I had a lot of questions I didn't feel right asking anyone.  It would have been nice to have someone I trusted enough to be able to do so.) 
   
   Finally understand that you may not be the person he can trust enough to do this with.  It can take a long time to build trust, especially if you've made missteps as a parent.  One thing at a time.  Set limits and let him know you're serious, then go from there.

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3. 62

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   One reason is that a child with all three of those disorders can't always learn the same ways other children do.  There's a reason he has been diagnosed with those three disorders, and there's a cause at the root of his having them.  He's living with something different going on in his brain that makes a whole lot things in life more difficult for him.
   
   Kids with ADHD often act impulsively, so even if they've learned the "rules" they often can't/don't stop and think before acting (and doing something against the rules, or good sense).  If adults are using the wrong kind of discipline (either for a kid with these three different problems or even a kid without them) kids get "all disciplined out" and stop bothering to try to please adults or do what's right.  If a kid lives under too much stress (and these disorders, by themselves, are all stressful to a child who has them) that can make learning "rules" or keeping "natural consequences" in mind hard to do.
   
   I'm guessing you already do this, but the best thing a parent of such a child can do is make sure he is getting help from a trained therapist and ask that therapist about the best and most effective ways to help this child at home and in school.
   
   Even with kids who don't have these problems, learning is generally done best when parents and teachers focus on understanding the child, rather than on discipline.  With a child who struggles with a brain or brain chemicals that cause or result from these disorders, the understanding what works best with the child is even more of a challenge to parents.  That's why professional guidance is so important.

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4. 72

   Enelle Lambposted 14 years ago

   adhd discipline, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder adhd, adhd teen, adhd parenting, If I had been told that I would be the mother of a wonderful, smart, handsome boy, I would have been thrilled and excited with my new role.  If I had been told that this same wonderful, smart, handsome boy... read more

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