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Are Infertile People Annoying?

Updated on March 9, 2015

Are Infertile People "Annoying"? Before you react in anger to that statement, please read on.

Infertility is a subject I spend a considerable amount of time researching and writing about for the internet - because it is an issue that affects me personally. A while back, I looked at the search traffic to my one of my articles about raising infertility awareness and discovered some surprising results. Several Google users had apparently come to my page by searching the internet for the phrase "infertile women annoy me".

"Really?" I thought, with quite a bit of confusion. My page was largely about the many annoyances people dealing with fertility problems face in their daily lives - certainly not about finding people with this disease annoying! I couldn't even figure out at first how or why people with fertility problems could be considered annoying.

Then I thought about how often discussions and news articles about the disease, in non-"infertile-safe" spaces, devolved into ugly, critical remarks being made about those affect and their struggles. (Just look at the comments posted to Melanie Notkin's recent Huffington Post article, "The Truth About Childless Women". In another wonderful Huffington Post piece, "What Are You, Barren?", I was actually called "morally reprehensible" in the comments for wanting to try to have a biological child instead of "just adopting".)

So maybe there really is more resentment and misunderstanding about this condition out there than I realized...

Therefore, I decided to open up the topic for debate, here on THIS page. Are infertile people annoying, with our efforts to conceive and to raise awareness about their disease? Or is it in fact today's society and fertile people at fault: people who don't understand the struggles of those struggling to conceive?

I spent time researching some of the common arguments and objections raised - and also the problems infertile people perceive that they face daily.

Quick Opinion: Are Infertile People Annoying? - Later on you'll have the chance to sound off in detail after reading the arguments, pro and con.

Are infertile people annoying?

See results

Infertiles Are Annoying!

What are the common points raised? I'll try to list them here.

Reasons Why Infertile People Are Annoying

What's Wrong with Infertile Women and Men? Let's Look at the Arguments

What follows is a list of common reasons given as to why infertile people are annoying. Do you agree or disagree with these statements? (Please note: I am not saying I agree with these statements or disagree with them! But that they are arguments I have all heard made before.)

  • "Infertile people are selfish and self-absorbed with their obsession over having their own children. It seems like their entire lives revolve around the fact that they can't have children. They should just get over it and move on! There are plenty of other things they can do with their lives besides mope over being childless."

  • "Infertile people are obsessed with making me feel guilty about enjoying my own children, family holidays and celebrations. They don't want to attend my childrens' parties or other events. They act like attending a baby shower or celebrating Mother's Day is the worst thing in the world. They never respond when I post baby photos or first-day-of-school pictures on Facebook. I always feel like I can't talk about my own children around someone who is infertile, even if I feel badly for their situation and try to be sensitive about it."

  • "Infertile people want health insurance to pay for their fertility treatments. They should suck it up and pay for it themselves if they want a kid that badly. Why should it be covered by health insurance - which means in effect I'm supposed to pay to help them maybe have a child?"

  • "Infertile people should just adopt. There are plenty of kids out there that need a home already and the world is overpopulated. All that money they spend on infertility treatment should go towards adopting and supporting needy children in our world already."

  • "Infertility is often the fault of a person's actions anyway - promiscuity, having abortions, or being otherwise abusive toward their bodies. I don't have any sympathy for them because they've brought this condition upon themselves."

  • "If a person is infertile, it's probably because God knows he or she wouldn't be a good parent in the first place. Children are a blessing from God, and he's not going to give them to people who don't deserve children."

  • "Infertile people are lucky and ought to realize it! They don't have to deal with saving for college funds, finding baby sitters, spending their weekends schlepping kids around to different activities...they can just relax and enjoy life without all the responsibility of raising kids!"

  • "Fertility treatments such as IVF are wrong and an act against nature and God's plan. Only God should have the power to create life. And what about all of those embryos that are created in laboratories and never given a chance at life?"

The Human Overpopulation Crisis - How Overpopulation is Affecting the World

Examining the overpopulation crisis - an argument often raised as to why infertile people are annoying, and should adopt if they truly wish to parent a child, not go to lengthy extents to have their own children. Do you agree or disagree?

Do you believe we are suffering from an overpopulation crisis? - Yes, no, or unsure?

Is overpopulation a real issue we are facing today? What do you think?

See results

Infertiles Aren't Annoying

Making the case in support of those struggling with this condition.

RESOLVE's Message About Infertility - Bringing Hope, Support and Awareness

RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, has prepared the following video to explain why awareness is important and how this disease impacts millions of lives. Do you agree with their message?

The Fertile World is Annoying and Insensitive - Not the Infertiles

Reasons Why Infertile People Aren't Annoying

Once again, what follows is a list of common reasons given as to why infertile people aren't annoying. Do you agree or disagree with these statements?

  • "Being infertile has nothing to do with one's inherent fitness for being a parent or not. Just look at all of the cases of child abuse and neglect in the news, every day. Plenty of people who aren't cut out to be parents have kids anyway. So how can you say those abusers are more deserving of a child and better equipped to be one than an infertile man or woman desperate for a child to love?"

  • "There are plenty of causes of infertility that have nothing to do with personal or lifestyle choices. There can be genetic causes of infertility, as well as those caused by other diseases, like cancer. Men and women who have lived perfectly "clean", "healthy" and "moral" lives can be affected by infertility just like anyone else."

  • "Adoption IS great - but it's not the answer for every infertile couple out there. Many infertile couples do decide to adopt in order to build their families. But there can absolutely be reasons why it's not for everyone, and not every couple may be eligible for adoption based on their ages, financial status, and otherwise. The wait list for domestic adoption can be very long and overseas adoption can be iffy and extremely expensive - just like going through fertility treatments."

  • "Fertile people often ARE ignorant of how hurtful their casual words and actions can be to someone struggling with infertility. When you are able to have a child without months or years of planning, treatments, heartbreak and financial burdens, you just don't understand what kind of pain an infertile person goes through - and how little offhand remarks or situations can feel like a knife in the gut."

  • "Pregnancy and childbirth is a natural part of being a woman and something many women feel a strong desire to experience - and extreme depression if they can't. Of course there are women who never want to have children or just accept it without too much heartbreak if they can't have one. But for many it feels like an important thing to be able to experience in life."

  • "Health insurance covers many conditions brought on by personal choices and actions, like diseases related to smoking, obesity, and alcoholism. Why not cover infertility, when it generally is NOT caused by a person's choices in her life?"

  • "Overpopulation is a straw-man argument and my dream of having just ONE child isn't going to destroy the world. "My body, my choice." Women have fought long and hard for the right to control their reproductive rights and access to birth control and abortion. Having access to fertility treatments should be no different and we should let every woman decide if she wants to have children - and how many of them."

  • "The annoying thing is Infertility - NOT infertile people."

YOUR TURN! Vote on Whether Infertile People Are Annoying - Join the Debate: Are Infertiles Annoying, or Not?

You've read the arguments on both sides. Now, tell me what you think - are infertile people selfish and annoying, or is it the fertile folks who need to get a clue and learn about the real issues of infertility? Anyone can leave a comment here, anonymously or signed-in.

Are Infertile People Annoying?

Yes, they are annoying!

Yes, they are annoying!

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    • Anonymous 3 weeks ago

      I think ALL people can be annoying. I have had my fair share of annoying woman infertile or otherwise. That being said, my infertile sister in law never missed an opportunity to make me feel badly about my 3 successful pregnancies. She is infertile. I have no relationship with her b/c of her petty jealousy. At my baby shower she scoffed when I responded to a question about my health, that I'm feeling tired and sick, I had gestational diabetes, but because she's infertile, I'm not allowed to mention in my OWN house at my Own shower. Without her cattyness: "I wish I could feel sick and tired b/c I'm pregnant " it's like... ok, we ALL get it you're struggle is harder there everyone else's . The point is, EVERYONE has struggles. While infertility can hit people harder b/c it is such a fundamental function for our biology-----that doesn't mean that you OWN misery. I think the problem that the rest of us have is when people wallow in their misfortunes and develop a bitterness and jealousy that makes them annoying to be around.

    • Anonymous 5 months ago

      I don't feel bad for infertile people who can't consider adoption. You know why? Because I already feel bad for the KIDS WITH NO ONE TO LOVE THEM. THAT is a much more real and heartbreaking struggle. Infertile people need to stop and think about OTHERS and not just themselves!

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      They feel entitled to wallow in their grief and feel that other people's ability to conceive takes away from their ability to conceive. It is not a zero sum game - my ability to conceive my baby does not mean I stole my sister's ability to have a baby; likewise her unwillingness to be happy for me or see her nephew just makes her and everyone around her more stressed and anxious which can't be good for her fertility. I believe in Karma and jealousy breeds bad Karma

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      I agree with P, they are oversensitive! The mental issues they suffer are huge, this affects everyone around them, and some women will stop living their lives and get obsessed with this mission of having a baby. They have to be strong and deal with this problem wisely and live their lives.

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      They are overly sensitive. On many pages I've seen the "dos" and "donts" of what to say to people. God forbid we tell you to relax. They walk around like psychos, neurotic about conceiving. It's annoying. It's science. Natural population control. Get over it.

    • ComradePrincess 4 years ago

      But only because I see the other column is overflowing. Infertile people are NOT annoying. If my stepmama hadn't been infertile and had had kids instead of meeting my mother later in life, I wouldn't be alive. I hope everyone respects the validity of your struggle and all the beautiful things you manage to bring into the world.

    • m massie 4 years ago

      I think it would be devastating to know that I couldn't continue my genetic line, that I was a genetic "dead end'. Even people who don't think of it like that specifically will be hit with a deep sense of desperation and anxiety about it, and that understandably turns into an obsession with achieving reproduction! You can think logically all you want about how many people are in the world, and even be blasé about reproducing little copies of yourself, if only you HAVE the choice to do it if you want. But then again, anyone with a serious ongoing defect or problem who constantly talks about it or makes you endure another pity party about it, is going to be annoying. Whether its infertility or a mean boyfriend or a bad sciatic nerve.

    • Cinnamonbite 5 years ago

      The world is SO overcrowded that forcing fertility just seems selfish to me. I just look at infertile people and shake my head in disbelief.

    • paul-evan 5 years ago

      I understand things are sensitive, but is it another woman's fault she has a child and you don't? I see women everyday acting like they are allowed to hate other's for having kids. the right goes both ways. I feel sorry for the people who suffer but wish they would learn not to hate others because they did have kids but t o bee upset at the illness that keeps them from having's not unfair others have children.IT IS UNFAIR YOU CAN'T. 9 this was a huge issue with my sister.)

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      I'm not annoyed by the fact that someone is infertile. I've seen how devastating it can be to someone. I've also seen the desire to have a child with one's spouse, have that special oneness with them, become a creepy, single-minded obsession. It's not about seeing a human develop from you or helping to make a decent, self-reliant, productive human being. It's just about wanting a kid, being sad that other people have kids, only thinking about or talking about not being able to have a kid. The obsession "annoys" me because children in general can become a sore subject, no matter how innocent the discussion is. It also annoys me because I feel like it's something that shouldn't consume your life like that. My spouse and I don't know if we want kids and if we do, I don't know that I could have any myself. I, personally, don't know what it's like to want to or expect to have a child only to find out for certain that you can't. I'd be very open to adoption, but I also know the research on how poorly children can do when in foster homes and group settings too long. And adopting a *pet* can be nearly impossible. I don't know if I could handle the process of adopting an actual human child. It's such a complicated thing!

    • Buddy55 5 years ago

      The infertile people that I know are intensely annoying, demanding and self-centered, which is probably why they're so bizarrely offended at the very mention of adoption: they want a clone! You can't breed, too freaking bad, there are hideous things happening on this planet, and your uterus just ain't that mesmerizing.

    • Mandy 6 years ago from Montana

      I think, the annoying thing for me about infertility, is that there are so many children out there that need to be adopted, but people are rather adamant about having their own offspring. I never thought I would say that...but, since you mentioned it, I kinda annoys me.

    No, they are not annoying!

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      • anonymous 4 years ago

        I cannot have children but I have to say that I had a kind of opposite problem and had people driving me crazy because I wasn't obsessed enough. Our culture is so baby obsessed that it is ridiculous. Being a parent is everything. I got a lot of crap from my family about not going to therapy because of my infertility. It isn't anyones business. My husband and I have found ways of living rich fulfilling lives by doing things that families with children can't do.I will say that the whole "can't be happy for other people" is always a little rude in my opinion. If you can't have children and expect people to mourn with you, then you need to be happy with others. In the end our culture has taught us the everyones goal should be to raise up children that have their own genes. That is insane. There are families of all shapes and sizes and kinds all over the world. Lastly, there are people with problems all over the world. I found out about my infertility a month after my mother's second breast cancer diagnosis, not being pregnant has allowed me to care for her. If my husband and I every decide to adopt, we will go down that road, but, until then I really don't feel that it is that a big a deal to not be a parent.

      • AlphaChic 4 years ago

        When I see a parent upset or overwhelmed with his or her child, I just want to remind that parent how lucky he or she is. But, I don't. That would be annoying.

      • heath3rdawn 4 years ago

        If you have ever really gone through infertility you would know that no one actually hates another person for having children. They have a selfish instinct just like any other human being gets when another has something that they want. Hate is a strong word. People that would actually comment on another persons struggles as annoying.. are more than annoying their self.. they are pathetic.

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        I've had infertility for years. I'd get pregnant but sadly it always ended in miscarriage or ectopic. At a certain point someone said to me. What's more important, being a parent or having a child? Then my thinking shifted. YES I can love a child not born to me. We went on to adopt two out of the foster system and soon finish building our family by adopting two more. We are very happy we went this route with no regrets. Oddly I think of them as being born to us and actually forget they are adopted until someone brings it up such a doctor asking health history. They are so much a part of us. My biggest issue with fertile people is when they or their children ask if we are "the real parents"

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        This is just horrible. Infertile people are NOT annoying, they are struggling. I never did anything to my body to cause my infertility. I was 14 when I was diagnosed with stage 4 endo and 22 when I have to have my ovary removed and found out my tubes were bad. If God felt the way they say He does, He wouldn't allow these babies to be born. He gave me the strength and determination to get through my treatments and struggles to hold my daughter in my arms. Why do we not deserve to follow nature's course? Because apparently, so many people are having too many kids, the few who just want the chance to have ONE of their own should be punished? And of COURSE we want insurance to pay for it! My insurance plan covers gastric bypass, but not IVF. How fair is that?! Bypass costs MUCH more when everything is said and done, including follow up care. People get coverage for drug addictions, self inflicted injuries, etc, but I can't have help conquering a legitimate disease that I have no control over? And I know some people take advantage (ie: Octomom) but the majority of people who want help just want the opportunity to hold their own baby in their loving arms. There is no need to be hateful, we just want understanding while we fight for what we feel we deserve.

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        Infertility is one the most difficult things I have ever gone through, and for someone to say such a thing as we are annoying has no compassion r understanding of the human condition. My mind tells me I should just adopt, but my heart tells me that I don't want to spend the rest of my life in envy of every pregnant family member or friend I encounter. The pain is indescribable unless you have experienced the possibility of never carrying your own child. I say shame on the person who has so little compassion!

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        Wtf this blows me awy all this crap. So have you ever had fertility problemd for one thing you can't understand unless you experience it your eould you feel if you could never have kids of your own. Plus just go adopt like its that easy to just say hey i think im going to adopt today then bam magically gey a baby yeah that's not how it works. Two do you know how much it costs to see a fertility specialist thousandd and thousands of dollars. And also what is this about people who take bad care of themselves are the ones with fertility problems..let me enlighten. You gor a second, i am a healthy women in my 20s i eat healthy workout i don't drink ir smoke im a health nut..i habe been tested left and right and every test is normal i have seen doctors left and right they all say im perfectly healthy i have lost 5 babies for unknown reasons. God does not do this because people would be bad parents sometimes it just happens. And you know what it happens to a lot of healthy good why would hod let women who do drugs while pregnant have babies did you ever think of thay. If you have a child imagine how it would be never having then or losing them and having problems its not so easy if you don't want to jear someone talk about fertility problems then don't listen to them.

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        No; it's painful, it can make some women feel empty as a women. But the biggest problem is people who have children don't get it and think you should just get over it. Read the reason for "yes they are annoying " to understand this black and white mentality

      • EMangl 4 years ago

        all together a pretty strange question and discussion - why should it be my business when anybody does not want to have a child?

      • StewartClan 4 years ago

        No, infertile people are not annoying. To never hold your own baby in your arms and know that they are the most perfect thing you have ever made is really pretty tragic. I don't think people should feel that they have to have children, like it is their duty. I wish everyone who wants a child and is happy to give them love and attention could have one. While adoption is a way to take care and love children, I am not sure that it is quite the same thing. But we just all need to be a bit more laid back and take other peoples feelings into account.

      • anonymous 5 years ago

        Some of you people who find infertile people annoying are using straw mans are false premises to base your reasoning upon.First of all, adoption from the domestic foster system or domestic adoption system isn't so easy. There's a lot of hoops to jump through and some states make it very difficult to adopt. It's almost as if they make it so difficult to deter people from adopting. International adoption will also continue to be difficult, if not more difficult, as it's become more of a means of exchanging money than providing a child a decent home. In addition, there's a lot of health issues out there people aren't aware of. No one wants to talk about PCOS, endometriosis, ovarian disease, testicular cancer, etc. Most people would rather cover their eyes, sing, "la, la, la" and pretend the world is happy-happy-joy-joy, but it's not. Barren women have suffered throughout history for one, and they continue to suffer because of the expectation that everyone is able to have a child. Imagine going through menopause before you can legally drink, or having hormonal imbalances, or needing an ovary removed. Of course most people don't want to imagine it-- and why would they? To do so is to ask more people to think about someone other than themselves, yet it's the infertile people who are labeled selfish. Maybe next time an infertile person talks about their condition or facts about the disease they have, take a few minutes to listen and show some interest before deciding they're so annoying...all while allowing them to be annoying, too.

      • John Tannahill 5 years ago from Somewhere in England

        No, they are simply victims of one of life's misfortunes and they have to deal with that in their own way. Everyone should try to be more understanding. I hope that doesn't sound patronising. It wasn't meant to be.

      • Monica Ranstrom 5 years ago

        It is unbelievable to me how rude some people are! Unless you have been in their place, you have no right to comment on how they should feel or behave. Would we tell someone with cancer who is trying to beat the odds and get better to "just get over it" and die because there are too many people in the world? Children are a blessing and there is nothing wrong with wanting to conceive and have a child and going to extreme measures to do so.

      • stayathomegeek 5 years ago

        I didn't start my large family until age 35, when I finally found Mister Right. I worried about my own fertility until then. As luck would have it, I turned out to be Fertile Myrtle, and was able to punch out four kids quickly. I have a huge heart for those with infertility, including secondary infertility. I invite friends and strangers alike to bend my ear about their fertility treatments, in whatever depth they would like and as much as they like.I would never tell them the down side of parenting, as though it's not really so great -- because it isn't true. I love being a mother! I know just how much they are missing. I also am very careful not to utter the "A" word unless they utter it first. I wish I could do something more than just listen. The only thing I find annoying is the unfairness of it all. There's nothing about me that's any more deserving of children than anybody else. My only advice is for those who don't know yet -- consider not waiting for the "perfect" time to have your baby. Nature is not always so kind and it may not happen so easily.

      • anonymous 5 years ago

        It hurts when people are so mean. I have been trying to conceive for a whole year. Why shouldn't people with infertility be low and hurt. There are so many people making babies and not really wanting them then this person who I know was infertile and had so many miscarriages would have been a great mother! It heart breaking and not there fault.

      • KimGiancaterino 5 years ago

        I agree with kab. The annoying parents are those who produce children they can't or won't take care of. The rest of us are expected to pick up the tab. Now that's annoying!

      • Jessica 5 years ago from Southern Indiana

        I honestly cannot believe that someone would call someone annoying because they want to have a child and cannot. That's like calling a blind person annoying because they cannot see or a deaf person annoying because they cannot hear.I may be infertile - I haven't had any testing but I've been having unprotected sex with my husband for over a year and we haven't had even a blip of possibly being pregnant. I don't go around getting upset with pregnant women who are happy to be pregnant. I hug my friends and family, buy their precious babies adorable clothing and rejoice when their child is born. But I go home and cry because I may never get to experience that. Does that make me annoying?As far as adoption goes, I've thought about it but we don't have that much money. Yes, children are expensive...but to have an extra $20,000 tacked on top of the normal $150,000+ that you spend? That's just not something I can do. If I do turn out to be medically infertile, I won't be using any fertility treatments either. It's not that I don't think it's right or's a money issue.If I can't have children, then I won't. That's all there is to it. My husband and I might take in foster children at some point but if I'm infertile, we'll never have children of our own. If that makes me annoying then so be it.

      • Shelly Sellers 5 years ago from Midwest U.S.A.

        I am infertile and a barren woman! While it was a heartbreaking time to try to have a baby, it was also a time of self-discovery. I decided when enough was enough with trying all the modern medicine and techniques out there conceive a child. We decided on adopting from another country (due to my age) and God blessed us rather quickly with a 2-year-old son.

      • glenbrook 5 years ago

        No, they are not annoying. Self-righteous people who don't understand the issue are though...

      • Fay Favored 5 years ago from USA

        The fact that you have even asked this questions shows me how shallow people really are, and how insensitive they can be to a barren woman. It's not about having a baby of your own, but about wholeness as a person. Most people that are barren would adopt a baby in a heartbeat. I wish people would stay out of issues they know nothing about. If this is so annoying why don't you who can have kids stop, and just adopt? Then see who is annoying.

      • anonymous 5 years ago

        The arguments that say using ART (assisted reproductive technologies) is "playing God" are ridiculous for two reasons: 1. Thou shalt not judge - remember that one? Yea, it's not your place to judge. 2. If it were playing God, then it would work 100% of the time. God gave man the GIFT of ART, and yes some abuse that gift, but ART creates a scenario and then God decides from there if that woman will become pregnant. And will someone please tell me why some fertile people, who have never adopted or considered it, feel that fertile people are more deserving of having biological children and the full parenting experience from conception on? I say that it's ignorant people that are annoying, no matter what side they stand on.

      • TiannasCafe 5 years ago

        While I understand that some people in my family have problems with my infertility, I don't think I'm annoying about it. It's an extremely traumatic thing to deal with especially when everyone you know got pregnant naturally.

      • LissaKlar LM 6 years ago

        How could anyone who is infertile possibly be so cold and heartless as to say that infertile people annoy them? If you've never been infertile, how can you know how it feels, and therefore, you have no right to argue this point one way or another. It is reprehensible. Some women really struggle with this. Wow! I didn't realize people could be so callous. If you think the infertile people should adopt, then everyone should be under the obligation to adopt first before they have biological children. The way people are sometimes baffles me.

      • Frischy 6 years ago from Kentucky, USA

        It seems to me that most of the people who criticize infertile people are fertile. And most of the people who criticize people for not adopting have not adopted themselves. I am both an infertile person and an adoptive mom. Infertility and adoption are two separate issues. Adoption does not cure nor resolve infertility.

      • Sarah Switalski 6 years ago from Iowa

        My heart aches for the people in my life who are struggling with infertility. I know how it feels to want a child but can not begin to imagine how much it hurts not to be able to have one. It's one of the reasons I'm actually considering becoming a surrogate - I would love to help even just one couple make that dream come true!I have met infertile people who are annoying but that's just their personality, not a result of their disease.

      • miaponzo 6 years ago

        No.. they aren't annoying at all... it really must be terrible to want a baby so bad and have to go through all kinds of torturous treatments to get one.. and sometimes never get one at all. My heart feels for them!

      • resabi 6 years ago

        I don't think infertility makes one inherently annoying, not does it protect someone from being annoying. I was infertile and I'm pretty sure I was obsessive about it and irritating some of the time -- but no more so than, say a football fan during the season...

      • kab 6 years ago from Upstate, NY

        I'm much more annoyed with people who can't seem to stop popping kids out, and people who don't care for the ones they have.

      • Nicole Pellegrini 6 years ago from New Jersey

        There are annoying infertile people just as there are annoying fertile people. You can't call an entire group of people who suffer from a disease (yes, it IS a disease) "annoying" just because you don't understand what they are going through. I wish that more fertile people would take the time to learn the real facts about infertility and to try to be more understanding.

      My Last Words on Being An Annoying Infertile

      Maybe Being Annoying Isn't a Bad Thing, After All...

      In discussing this debate with a friend, she brought up an excellent point on the subject of being "annoying" about infertility. Being annoying isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially when you're trying to get people to stop and re-think their actions and judgments toward others. Part of being an activist is being annoying: getting in people's faces; making them think about uncomfortable topics; saying things that are unpopular or that others might not want to hear.I get that some of my friends are sick of hearing me talk about infertility and infertility awareness. They might roll their eyes at me the next time I rant about something I heard on Facebook and wish I could just "let go" of the subject. But I can't. It's important to me to bust myths about infertility and get the discussion out in the open. To help people dealing with infertility realize that they don't have to live in shame and remain silent about their disease. I am surely an annoyance many times over at this point for asking for a little understanding on the subject and not feeling comfortable talking to people who refuse to acknowledge infertility as a serious issue.So maybe I should embrace the idea of infertile people being annoying, after all. Because politeness and silence will not bring about change the way that action and vocal discussions can.

      My Other Articles on Infertility and Awareness

      Infertility and the Holidays: A Survival Guide
      When you're dealing with infertility, every day can present challenges to your mental health and well-being. Even so, the holiday season can be especially di...

      Raising Infertility Awareness and Coping with Fertility Struggles
      Fertility is a fact of life most people take for granted. Most assume that if you want to get pregnant and have children, it will be easy once you find the r...

      National Infertility Awareness Week
      National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) is a campaign sponsored by RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association. The goal of this annual event is to brin...

      Remembering Childless Women on Mother's Day
      For many women struggling with infertility, or those who are childless by circumstance and not by choice, Mother's Day can be one of the hardest days of the ...

      Did you have any other comments you'd like to leave at this point? Feel free to do so before you go. And thanks for visiting!Please note comments are reviewed before being posted. Any vulgarity and obvious trolling will not be posted.

      © 2011 Nicole Pellegrini

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        • AbigaleStorm profile image

          AbigaleStorm 4 years ago

          I work with couples with fertility problems and I have never found any of them to be annoying. Now I know, having fertility issues and and being infertile isn't the same thing, but some of the couples I work with don't know yet, if they are indeed infertile. Desperately wanting a child of your own and not being able to is surely devastating for many couples and they need our understanding.

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          I can't have children due to having cancer treatment as a teen - I am not depressed and have no intension of in your words "take some counseling or therapy session along with his fertility cure programs" haha that is funny.Now I must say that it was very difficult at first but I have lived through worse, Now knowing that I will never have a biological child I plan to spend my time treating myself to the things parents can't afford, lol.I have made the decision not to adopt as I want to live my life for me not for a child...............5 star holidays designer shoes bags and crayon free walls here I come.It is not for any of us to judge anyone who can't have a child it is a very painful thing to know that you are the full stop there will be nothing after you and that you end your family tree.A bit of compassion would go a long way - we are not annoying - we are just people who have a loot to deal with, and a non infertile person can never ever understand it.To the infertile people on here - You will find a way to be happy again and remember that we never face anything that we can't handle xxx

        • AlphaChic profile image

          AlphaChic 4 years ago

          I thnk most people don't know how devastating infertility can be. Thanks for your lens and all the good work you do.

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          heath3rdawn 4 years ago

          BTW- Thank you for raising awareness on ignorance.

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          @sybil watson: Sybil, with all due respect, most people who suggest adoption as an alternative are only trying to help. In no way does adoption substitute for pregnancy, childbirth, and raising one's own child - but no one is suggesting those things to be insensitive, let alone ignorant or annoying. It is a natural response to a very sensitive subject, although it may seem like a "quick" solution to a much more complex issue.I would find it insensitive if someone was indifferent to another who was infertile. Another thing to think about - if anyone is going to be overly sensitive about comments on their infertility, maybe they should keep that bit of information to themselves. I know that may be a diificult thing to do, but when you put your business out, you open yourself up for interpretation and discussion.

        • theallin1writer profile image

          theallin1writer 4 years ago

          Interesting lens, thank you for sharing.

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          sybil watson 5 years ago

          People who have not been through the pain of infertility have no right to judge those who have. Telling someone who is infertile that they can always adopt or that maybe they weren't meant to have children is insensitive, ignorant and annoying! You've done a fantastic job of addressing this very important subject.

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          sybil watson 5 years ago

          People who have not been through the pain of infertility have no right to judge those who have. Telling someone who is infertile that they can always adopt or that maybe they weren't meant to have children is insensitive, ignorant and annoying! You've done a fantastic job of addressing this very important subject.

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          TamarWrites 5 years ago

          Amazing lens! I can relate to it on so many levels.

        • JohnTannahill profile image

          John Tannahill 5 years ago from Somewhere in England

          I suspect the word "annoying" is being used (in many cases) as an understated expression of prejudice and intolerance. It may seem like acceptable behaviour to say you're annoyed by certain people when really it's a euphemism for something more serious. If it's a simple case of being annoyed, get over it. But is it more than that? I get annoyed when I'm stuck in a traffic jam next to an empty bus lane. That's being annoyed.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          Yes many are annoying as everyone has obstacles and problems in life and every single conversation they seem to bring this up. Please, never, EVER discuss your "cervical mucus" with anyone but your doctor. Good luck with your infertility but please suffer it in relative silence as most people do with their private medical conditions because your friends, co-workers and relatives do not want to hear about every time you speak to them.

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          SteveKaye 5 years ago

          The choice of having children is a deeply personal matter that is no one else's business. I'm amazed that anyone would dump disrespect on people who are childless.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          @shellys-space: Cosmic Mom... Of course you can talk about it now without breaking down... your a mom.. how about the many invisible ones who for many reasons could not adopt? we are no ones forever family despite 8 years of trying and not getting an approved homestudy because of personal religious prejudice of the equally imperfect and i might add wonderfully fertile case worker. Life goes on a lot easier for those with kids by adoption or childbirth.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          To those who wrote all those brainless things about how infertile people are annoying you may wish to consider these points: 1. My husband and I are childless because my husband is infertile. 2. We suspect his infertility it is due to labor he did (forced to do) from ages 13-18 yrs. (Yes, this happens)3. We have given most of our lives investing in other people's kids. People, I might add who are sometimes bad parents.4.I do not whine about infertility. I go to baby showers, take meals to new moms, and celebrate their pregnancies.5. Those same moms generally do not offer help when I am in a difficult place and do not come to celebrations when I succeed in other arenas where I am involved (This is my point of contention, not the infertility).7. Annoying has nothing to do with infertile or fertile it has to do with individual humans, of which category I would place all the whiners who do not take the time or energy to understand situations.6. Just sayin'

        • KimGiancaterino profile image

          KimGiancaterino 5 years ago

          Hopefully those who are annoyed at infertile people will take advantage of the resources you've provided here (and perhaps gain some compassion in the process).

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          I'm glad you posted the "10 things not to say" link. I checked it to make sure I wouldn't say any of those things! I'm good! Whew! I'm sure I'll come up with something insensitive and dumb anyway *fake smile*. I say the wrong thing a lot, but I AM good at acknowledging someone's feelings rather than assuming them! I'm glad you posted the "overpopulation myth" information too. I'm trained in demography so I didn't look to see all that it said, but since it basically implied that it's more complicated than "there are too many people" I figure it's cool lol. The world has been estimated to be able to provide for 16 billion people, and we're not even at half of that yet. Unequal distribution of resources is the problem. If you have a fertile land area that can feed a lot of people, but a warlord or governor who hoards the crop, you'll have starving people. If you live in an area that can't grow food or is hit by serious natural disasters often, then you'll have trouble. That's not judging people who live in those situations. I'm trying to be factual! Anyway, it's not fair to say "there are too many people anyway." It's so dismissive of someone's feelings! And THAT burns me up!I agree with a lot of people about judging someone else's decision. I do it just like many other people, judge someone else's decision, and if it's appropriate or someone asks me what I think, I'll tell them. BUT I wouldn't go so far as to legislate behavior by voting or supporting a lobby against fertility treatments or something. And about adoption, that process is scary and mysterious to me. I know very little about it, but I know enough that it's expensive, long, drawn-out, often disappointing, and could very easily end up in someone missing out on their chance to raise a child at a good time anyway, if there ever is a good time!

        • shellys-space profile image

          Shelly Sellers 5 years ago from Midwest U.S.A.

          Great topic and debate. I do know barren woman (I am one) can be a bit annoying and the poor husbands have their own issues to deal with, everyone survives :) I can talk about it now without breaking down and life did go on...we are a "Forever Family" with adoption.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          Interesting read. I have never thought of infertile people as being annoying. I think that any person can be annoying if they are totally invested/obsessed with a topic, but that could be any person, not just infertile people!

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          Buddy55 5 years ago

          What's tiresome is being subjected to the endless self-pity and barrages of 'rules', as in "DO NOT ever ask a person if they have kids!" A: I never DID ask you and, B: Have a clue about how demanding that sounds.

        • LissaKlar LM profile image

          LissaKlar LM 6 years ago

          Nice, hot, steamy debate. Really made me mad at people. Why would fertile people think they have the right to questions someone else's life choice. sheeeesh!!!

        • Frischy profile image

          Frischy 6 years ago from Kentucky, USA

          I like your point about being annoying is often necessary to create change. I believe things are better now than they were 20 years ago when I was a member of Resolve. At that time insurance did not pay for fertility work at all, period. I think now it does, although there is a limit on it. So it is better than it was, but not as good as it could be. Adoption is a separate issue from infertility, and a lot of people do not get that.

        • Wendy Leanne profile image

          Wendy Leanne 6 years ago from Texas

          This is simply the best Monkey Brain lens I've ever read. I read those 2 article links you share at the beginning and the comments are appalling. *~blessed~*

        • sisbrown34 lm profile image

          sisbrown34 lm 6 years ago

          I enjoyed your lens, found it on squidu and was curious about the heading. I never thought I was annoying but i probably was. I was a very depressed person and very unhappy around new mothers especially pregnant ones. so yes I think us infertile people can be annoying but not in a bad way. It took 7 yrs for me to have a child by iui. nows hes 11 and I couldn't imagine having another one! LOL

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          miaponzo 6 years ago

          Interesting debate! Thanks for bringing up the subject of infertility.

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          resabi 6 years ago

          I think it's possible to carry any overwhelming interest to the point where it annoys someone who doesn't care about the topic. In most cases, the annoyance caused has relatively little to do with the subject and a lot to do with the level of interest of the listener.