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Updated on October 13, 2012

After I Have Passed On


Why are you here now that I have passed on, coming in droves with sad faces as though you have just lost someone of importance to you. We parted with discontent and I left the door open for you to approach me if you wanted to repair our relationship. You did not step forward to do so yet you are here, standing on the podium with tears in your eyes speaking as if you know me and as if my death has caused you some great pain. I have not seen or spoken to you in years, you don’t know me, and I have changed greatly in the years since we last spoke, why are you here now? I have always stood for truth and justice and yet you stand there speaking hypocrisies of our lives together and how much you will miss me. I have been out of your life for years did you not miss me then, when there was a chance for us to reconcile our relationship. Why do you miss me now when there is nothing that can be resolved between us? If I was that important to you, then would you not have fought to fix our relationship years ago? We cannot fix anything now that I have passed on.

If you knew anything about me at all you would not be here now. You would have known that I died as I lived and you were not apart of my active life, so I do not need you to be apart of my death. I am content if I lay here with only my children weeping over my loss. After all they were the ones that laughed with me in my life. They were the ones that shared my joys and my sorrow and they were the ones that cared for me as I slowly slipped away. When they needed someone to console them, they could not call you because you and I had parted ways. Yet here you are with your sad face and tears in your eyes asking to be recognized as someone important in my life who has suffered a great loss. However I lost you years ago, did you cry then, did you ask for sympathy then? If I was so important to you why didn’t you try to resolve our issues while I was still alive?

I have not changed my opinion now that I have passed, I still believe that you have wronged me, I still believe that you need to own up to your lies and betrayal and I still believe that you owe me an apology if you wanted us to remain closer. You refused to conform then, so why are you here now. If I could stand up now and speak, I would ask you to leave. I do not need your phoney meaningless tears. I would not have accepted them when I was alive, why do you think that I would accept them now. I do not need your show of remorse now; you should have been remorseful while I was still alive for all the pain that you have caused me. You should have made the effort to come to me so we could have worked on healing our relationship then. So why are you here now?

Is your presence here now for you to be counted in the numbers, to be validated and ease your conscience. Might your presence be because you are afraid of what others would say if you didn’t show up? Why does any of that matter now when everyone here who knows me, knows that I do not want you here? I died as I lived, I make no apologies for removing from my life the people that caused me and my children harm. I gave you all those years to step up and own up to your wrongs and I was always prepared to rebuild our relationships. So, if you were never a part of my life since then it was because you did not believe that our relationship was worth working out, so why are you here now?

You should have been there when I laughed, danced and sang. You should have been there when I struggled, fought and failed. This was the journey of my life and if you were a part of it then you have earned the right to weep over me now, to be saddened by my lost and to comfort my children as they mourn, for you were truly an active member of my life. If I have not spoken to you in years, then why are you here now?

Do not say that you still cared about me from a distance. If it was from far away and in your own world that you treasured me when I was alive then do so now that I have passed on. Why are you here? It is through our glorious lives that we make a stand to embrace all who we care about no matter what. It is while we are still alive that we take the opportunity to mend fences and heal wounds. If in these many years past we couldn’t find our way back to our relationship then do not think that at my death, that at my funeral you can simply show up because you have not earned the right to weep over me!

Your tears are nothing but a sad deflection for you to gain sympathy for yourself from my death. You are using my children’s grief to manipulate them into accepting you as someone who cared about me. How dare you come here!


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