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Coping with Your Anger

Updated on June 29, 2012

Coping With Chronic Anger

Why learn to manage your anger?

1. Chronic anger is a physical strain on your cardiovascular system and can lead to heart disease, heart attack and stroke.

2. Anger doesn't solve problems. By learning to control your anger and channel it into positive coping skills, you will help resolve the problem rather than make it worse.

3. Being more positive and less angry about life and other people will make you a happier person.

Anger is not an involuntary emotional response to a specific situation. Anger arises from a way of viewing the world. At its core, anger represents an outlook of grandiosity, self-righteousness, inflexibility, and judgmental attitudes.

The Side Effects of Anger

Anger is not helpful

The many difficulties associated with anger, aside from health, are:

1. Difficulty solving problems constructively

2. Anger overlap. A tendency for the anger, which may start in one area of your life, to overlap and extend into other areas

3. Preoccupation with thoughts of revenge

4. Alienating others. Adopting a hostile attitude, needlessly alienates many people, with whom it's helpful to have positive relationships

4. A predisposition to physical and emotional abuse. Those closest to you, especially your children and spouse, may take on the brunt of your anger, intentionally or not

Anger Management

The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life
The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life

"Les Carter has assimilated his years of experience counseling people trapped by anger into a book that I believe will prove helpful to many readers. The Anger Trap offers fresh information and understanding that can lead to recovery and reconciliation."

- Zig Ziglar, author and motivational speaker


10 Anger Management Strategies

Tips on Coping with Your Anger

1. Keep an "Anger Log":

How often during the day do you engage in aggressive actions such as slamming doors, honking your horn, yelling at other drivers, or barking at others? How often do you provoke people to yell, scream, or honk their horns at you?

How often do you have negative thoughts about other people? "What a jerk she is!" "I'd like to punch him!" "Why don't these morons move faster!"

How often do you blow your cool? Do you shout angrily, fantasize about physically assaulting someone, or even explicitly threaten violence? How often do you find yourself frowning, impatient, irritable, in a hurry, gritting your teeth?

Take an honest look at your anger level. Even if you think it is everybody else's fault, make note of the frequency and intensity of your anger.

Once you have kept your anger log for a week or so, you may see that you are angry more often than you thought, or you may see a pattern to your anger. This gives you the chance to deal better with your anger and to resolve some of the issues that are keeping you angry.

2. Talk to yourself:

Make a promise with yourself to try to delay getting angry. Don't you have better ways to spend your time than being angry? Usually many situations are not worth getting angry over. Your time and your health are much too valuable.

Don't jump to conclusions about the motives of the person who may be annoying you. The person who is not moving through the traffic light on schedule is not deliberately trying to keep you from getting to work on time and is probably not a stupid idiot either. He or she is probably just tired and momentarily distracted. Besides, you are probably not going to be late anyway.

3. Cool It!:

When you become aware of hostile thoughts or attitudes, tell yourself to "Stop!", "Chill" or "Cool it." Telling yourself to stop being angry interrupts your thought patterns, decreasing the chance that you will become angry.

4. Distract yourself

When you see that you really have created a 'tempest in a teapot', then back off from the situation and find some way to distract yourself. Listen to the radio when you are trapped in traffic or read a book when you are late. This will take your mind off of a situation you can't change.

5. Decide what you can do about the situation; then do it and let the anger go:

If whatever is making you angry is important, then do what you can to help change it and then get on with life. Holding on to anger after the event has passed just makes it all worse.

6. If you are chronically angry, take a look at yourself

Do you keep finding examples of situations where life is unfair?

It isn't fair. Life's unfairness is not a new discovery. What's the point of continually getting mad about it? It's also true that some people are jerks. Why bother getting mad about that?

7. Avoid over-stimulation.

- Get plenty of rest and exercise.

When you are always upset, you are more likely to feel and express hostility. Too little sleep, working under time limits, and too many items on your 'to do' list will keep you nervous and jumpy.

Watch your diet. Give up or sharply cut back on sweets, caffeine, cigarettes, and alcohol. All of these contribute to overreactions to people and situations.

8. Learn to listen

Start listening. Don't jump to conclusions. Fight the urge to break in with your own comments. Try to learn something new by listening. Don't turn conversations into cross examinations.

9. Assume other people have good intentions.

If you get angry a lot, you probably don't trust other people. You assume the worst of them. Many times your evaluation of their motives may not be correct.

Try to accept other people as they are and not how you want them to be. Try to look at the situation from the other person's perspective.

10. Learn to laugh at yourself.

We all do things that, in hindsight, are an over-reaction to something that is really a very trivial event. Laughing at ourselves helps to get rid of the anger and to keep the event in perspective.

Source: Fleet & Family Support Centers

Marine Corps Community Services, MTF Mental Health

10 Ways To Create Happiness

1. Don't blame others for making you unhappy. Take responsibility for making yourself happy.

2. Give yourself permission to make yourself happy - even if in so doing, it seems to make others unhappy.

3. Make time for yourself - do things which bring you pleasure and enjoyment in the short-term.

4. Do things for others and your community without expecting anything back in return.

5. Sacrifice short-term pleasures and put up with brief discomforts- this will eventually lead you to achieve longer-term gains.

6. Accept the fallibility of others and yourself.

7. Don't take things personally.

8. Take a chance even when you might fail. Try new things at things at work or in your personal relationships.

9. Don't worry about what people think about you and what you are doing.

10. See uncertainty as a challenge - do not be afraid of it.

Source: SMART

4 Common Myths About Anger

and The Reality...

Myth 1: Aggression is the instinctive and only way of expressing anger.

REALITY: Aggression is a learned behavior, acted out by individuals who have poor impulse control and have used and gotten away with it in the past.

Myth 2: Expressing anger releases and gets rid of it.

REALITY: This is not necessarily true. Constantly venting your anger every time you get upset can actually increase hostility and frustration!

Myth 3: Tantrums in childhood are healthy expressions of anger.

REALITY: Tantrums are usually a way of controlling parents and the situation, and they reinforce the habit of demanding immediate gratification.

Myth 4: You should always express what you feel, including rage and hostility.

REALITY: It is not always beneficial to say what you feel. It is important to express your feelings in a considerate and respectful manner, and not in thoughtless or destructive ways.

In other words, think before you speak or you may blindly hurt someone simply to relieve your anger.

Anger Wisdom and Quotes

Anger Wisdom and Quotes
Anger Wisdom and Quotes

Your Thoughts, Any Additional Tips?

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    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Action requires kndeleogw, and now I can act!

    • beaworkathomemom profile image


      6 years ago

      Being able to control your anger is a favor you do not just for others but for yourself.

    • girlfriendfactory profile image


      6 years ago

      Some great ideas here for those grouches out there! Probably something to include is if their anger issues aren't going away, it is a good idea to consult with a doctor. They are professionally trained to deal with this type of thing. ;)

    • Othercatt profile image


      7 years ago

      I sometimes have a great deal of trouble controlling my anger, but it's gotten better in the last couple years.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Thank you for submitting this excellent lens to the Emotional Wellbeing Group on Squidoo.

    • PeterStillman profile image


      8 years ago

      Hi everyone - I have just published an article on How To Handle Stress Effectively. If you are affected by stress, it helps to understand the cause and symptoms in order to find ways how to deal with it.

      I hope you will find it helpful as an additional read on the topic

      Have a great day


    • dahlia369 profile image


      9 years ago

      Thank you for joining one of my groups! See more and add your lenses to link plexos at:

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Great lens! You've got some really helpful information here. Please feel free to stop by my lens and say hi when you get the chance.

    • dahlia369 profile image


      9 years ago

      Wonderful lens!! :)

      Thank you for joining one of my groups! See more and add your lenses to link plexos at:

    • Wendy L Henderson profile image

      Wendy Henderson 

      10 years ago from PA

      A Lens. I've learned as I've gotten older to not take life quite so seriously. Now when something goes really wrong, I just say to myself, Isn't his interesting. LOL. 5 stars.

    • ayngel boshemia profile image

      Ayngel Overson 

      10 years ago from Crestone, Co

      I wanted to stop by and thank you for lensrolling Learning how to live with yourself, I am truly honored. You have so many wonderful lenses I look forward to reading all of them.

    • giacombs-ramirez profile image

      gia combs-ramirez 

      10 years ago from Montana

      Sometimes our bodies lose their ability to respond creatively to different situations. An example is those who respond to everything with anxiety (fear) or those who respond to everything with anger (boundaries). Becoming more aware of it is the first step to allowing new responses. Great lens and tips toward achieving this.

    • JakTraks profile image

      Jacqueline Marshall 

      10 years ago from Chicago area

      Excellent lens on anger - a lot of good info without being too wordy and an enjoyable mix of modules. Already lensrolled it.

    • Lamarena profile image


      10 years ago from Ireland

      It wouldn't let me to lensroll your lens for some reasons, but I've featured it in my The Laws of Happy Life lens. Thank you.

    • Lamarena profile image


      10 years ago from Ireland

      Great lens, thank you. Sometimes is so hard to control the anger. It's very important to know how to deal with it. I lensrolled your lens to my a> lens. 5* and favorited for sure.

    • OhMe profile image

      Nancy Tate Hellams 

      10 years ago from Pendleton, SC

      A very wise lens. Thank you.

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      The anger log is a great idea. I also like the tip, "Give yourself permission to be happy." So many people just don't realize that it's OK to be happy no matter what is going on and don't even realize that they do not allow themselves "too much" happiness.


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