- Women's Health
Interview with Deanna Roy, Part Three
Deanna Roy is the creator of a website, publishing company and books about pregnancy loss
Deanna Roy is a writer, photographer, publisher, and a mother of two children and three angel babies.
is the creator of Facts About Miscarriage, a comprehensive pregnancy loss website that has provided helpful information and sources of healing
to women for over ten years.
It was my great pleasure to interview Deanna about her own journey through loss and healing, her pregnancy loss info website, and her publishing company, Casey Shay Press.
The Interview: Part Three
Nicole: Do you participate in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day?
Deanna: I held my first candle lighting in 2007, the first year I knew about October 15th. I found out on Oct. 8, so I had very little time to act. Still, I publicized it heavily, completely changing the configuration of my own site to make sure everyone saw the information about the remembrance day. I decided to hold our tiny candle lighting in public in Austin, and just my girls and I went.
The next year, since I posted to my site about the Austin public lighting, we got several families to come.
The third year, in 2009, I called all the local hospitals and talked to the grief counselors, as they knew where all the support groups were. We had about forty people come that year.
Last year we had over 50 people come, and this year I’m going to have to get permits and organize it more carefully as it’s grown too large to be informal.
Ours is a simple event. I have an hour’s worth of music to play. I provide candles as keepsakes plus families bring their own. We just sit for an hour and listen without talking. It’s very peaceful.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day Candle Lighting, Austin, TX, 2010
Nicole: Can you tell me about your “Sperm Meets Egg Plan”. Briefly, what is the plan, and how did you come up with it? Was there a hunger for this type of information from women who had visited your website?
Deanna: The plan is simply a quick start for getting pregnant again for women who have been pregnant once and don’t have an infertility issue. It acknowledges that “trying” to get pregnant can be “trying” and helps couples maximize their chances without getting worn out and missing an important fertile day. The plan combines ovulation predictor kits with basic fertility knowledge to ensure the sperm is waiting when the egg arrives.
Ha, I wrote this plan for MYSELF! When I wanted to try again, I wanted to be pregnant immediately. I discovered most women were like me, so I wrote up the plan for them too. As they struggled with things like lack of cervical mucus, I’d add sections to help them with that. So much Robitussin has been sold for reasons unrelated to stuffy noses.
When you’re trying after a loss, each menstrual cycle is like a little death. I just want to help them get back on track as soon as possible.
Nicole: Do you have a favourite website or online resource you would recommend to a woman who has suffered a pregnancy loss?
Deanna: There are different web sites for different stages. Often, if you’ve started at Baby Center or one of the big pregnancy sites, it makes sense to move to the loss side of those sites for support.
My own site is for those who are new to their loss or worried about loss. As you get through the medical part of it, there are great places for emotional healing. You can buy things at sites such as rememberingourbabies.net. Or can post your stories at sites such as facesofloss.com.
Nicole: All the work you have done for other women who have suffered a pregnancy loss indicates that this is a life passion for you. Do you foresee a time when you will have exhausted that passion, or will doing the work you do always be a part of you and your life?
Deanna: I’m guessing if I were going to give it up, I would have already. I’m well past my own fertility. My ob/gyn wants to yank the lining out of my uterus, but I haven’t let him yet. I’m getting remarried in 2012, so I will have more children, but it looks like adoption for us.
Pregnancyloss.info is my way of keeping my babies close. As long as I’m working on the web site I created in their memory, they are still with me.
I Can Make Life: Poems About Infertility and Miscarriage, Pregnancy and Birth
About Nicole Breit
Nicole Breit is a published author and poet. Her debut poetry collection, , explores the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual impact of fertility treatments, pregnancy, pregnancy loss, and birth. I Can Make Life was a finalist for the 2012 Mary Ballard Poetry competition. Her essay, “For Tristan: A Meditation on Loss, Grief and Healing” was published in The Sound of Silence: Journeys Through Miscarriage (Wombat Books, 2011). She is also the author of a number of online I Can Make Lifepregnancy loss resources. Follow her writing journey on her blog, Writing for my Life, or on twitter @NicoleBreit.