Confessions of a Food Whore and Diet Junkie
Confessions of a Food Whore and Diet Junkie
I remember my weight problems started when I was about eight years old. That’s when I realized I was actually fat. Someone told me to my face. And although I don’t recall her name, I do remember her face. She was a skinny and pretty girl around the same age as me. Boy, were my little feelings hurt.
Dealing with my weight has been an ongoing struggle. Most of my family is overweight, so to me, that only made losing weight harder. If a doctor would have diagnosed me, they would have called me an emotional binge eater. I was literally obsessed with food and at the same time I was extremely eager to lose weight. Talk about double standards!! I would eat even when I wasn’t hungry. I think I binged so much my body nor my mind knew when I was full. Food was my comfort zone. When I was happy I ate, and even when I was sad I ate. Sometimes I ate to the point my stomach hurt in agony and I’d have to unbutton my pants, make my way to a couch, the car, the bed, or whatever was near, and lay down while covering my forehead and my stomach with the palm of my hands.
Afterwards I drank water, a lot of water. (That was my little secret) Water helped me dissolve all that food away quicker, so I could eat some more in another two hours or so. As I lay there in misery I would always say out loud: “Why did I do this to myself?”
If I was really depressed over my eating, which was often, I would force myself to go on a 5 to 10 day diet that included whatever the latest diet pills were, sometimes taking two different types at one time. This also included intensive exercising. I think the longest I’ve stayed on a diet was about 2 weeks. And I promised myself each and every time that I would stay on my diet and lose my weight. However, after about 5 to 10 days, the food was calling me to come on back home, and of course I would go. It was like I was in a bad and abusive relationship with food. I loved it, but I hated how it made me feel afterwards. The food was my control and I was the follower. I would overeat all the time. This cycle went on for years and years.
It was pathetic and I was embarrassed about it and I felt horrible about myself as a person. Before I even put the food in my mouth, I knew exactly how it would make me feel or what it would do to my thighs, butt, waist and hips. But I shoved the food in my mouth anyway. I remember going to stores sometimes late at night craving all kinds of junk foods, but mostly my favorite candy bar, which is called "Chunky". I’d get four of them and eat them all. If I wasn’t eating that, I would go to whatever fast food was open and eat whatever.
I think it would literally amaze people at how much I stuffed my mouth, and then afterwards have the nerve to feel bad.
I remember reading something about the meaning of insanity. It stated, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” I started to wonder if I was a crazy person with a eating problem.
Okay enough of that... Way too depressing...
Now I’m a different person. I don’t tell this story for anyone to feel sorry for me or to feel depressed. It’s actually kind of embarrassing, but the New Year is coming and losing weight is on a lot of peoples top agenda’s. And around this time of the year I start to think of my goals, which always includes ways to eat and live healthier. It took some soul searching and rewiring my brain to change my ways. It also took a lot of courage and love for myself to really change.
At this point in my life, I’m at a healthy weight. Dealing with my weight and eating habits was hard, very hard. Even now, I wouldn’t call it the easiest thing. I work out a lot, well at least three times a week.
Here’s a big Tip: If you just make it a habit of working out, your body will get used to you doing it and you will be pulled to work out on a consistent basis. Start small. Walk down the street, around the block, around the park. It’s usually the first step, that’s the hardest. Put a date on your calender RIGHT NOW. Commit to yourself and at least one other person, that you will work out that day. Focus on that date and work out. After that is accomplished, do set another date.
At night when you are about to go to bed, think about the next day. Think about how good of a day you will have, plan out what you want to eat – healthy foods that is. When morning comes, try to eat something right away – healthy foods that is.
Honestly, looking back, I made an entire lifestyle change. I would still like to lose about 10 pounds, but that’s beside’s the point. I don’t see it as a dieting anymore, because with diets eventually you’re going to want to go off that diet and eat that pizza or cheeseburger or that Chunky bar or whatever it is. You can’t deprive yourself ALL the time. So that’s why exercising is so, so important. Work out only once a week if that’s all the time you have. But I’d highly recommend three times per week. It also makes you feel good. Exercise is such a stress reliever. Exercise gives you a type of high and exhilarating feeling that no drug can ever give you.
Water is also very important. In my opinion, people drink way too much soda. If soda is your thing fine, but maybe try to replace at least one can of pop with a bottle of water. Start out slow, but whatever you do, definitely get in enough water. It definitely adds a boost to your metabolism.
If one of your New Year’s resolution is to lose weight, know that you can do it. Think of it more as a lifestyle change. Take the first step, then the second and then the third. Take it one day at a time. Take baby steps.
Okay so here’s a recap of what has helped me with my weight loss. The top 4 things:
1. Exercise – at least 3 times a week. If you can only do once a week that is awesome too.
2. Water – drink up.
3. Focusing on living a healthy lifestyle whenever possible, and doing whatever I can to make myself feel good.
4. I finally fell in love with myself - the real me.
You can do it!