ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Why You Should Learn to Regret

Updated on May 13, 2015

Regret nothing!

We all know the phrase and have heard it many times. The more fortunate amongst us have used it - directing it at others, and the less fortunate have heard it - being directed at them. So why do people say it?

'Regret nothing' is usually uttered to explain away an uncomfortable social blunder or to provide an excuse for a bad decision. It is intended by well-brought up people to make you feel better about some unacceptable deed/behaviour you have committed. It is a well-intentioned gesture on your friends' part but totally misguided because it offers you nothing in the way of personal growth.

Why should you regret nothing you've done? Just think about the times you have offended someone or been unkind or behaved in a way that was shameful to you and to your loved ones. Should you not take responsibility for your own actions? Of course, you should. It will do you good.

Embrace 'regret' and do it often

Regretting the bad decisions you've made in the past is an essential step in achieving personal growth and a step in the right direction to develop maturity and strength of character. The ability to regret will provide you with new insight into your behaviour and often offer new and better ways of handling yourself. By recognizing the wrongs you've done, you will become a better person who is capable of taking responsibility and learning from their mistakes. Unless you regret certain things that you've caused to happen, you will never learn your lesson or grow into a better, kinder and wiser person.

Regrets are a wonderful way of 'unloading' guilt. If you regret something, you're giving it the thought that you should have given the regrettable action before it happened. So, in essence, you are growing from the experience. That is all anyone can really hope for as you cannot go back to the past and change things. You can, however, do the next best thing - take responsibility for your actions and make things better with those you've hurt.

How do you tell people that you're unhappy with them?

It's often helpful to let others know what's bothering you, or it can build up in your mind and become an even bigger issue for everyone involved. So how do you tell your friends that you're unhappy about something they do? Tactfully, that's how. You do want to give feedback that is not going to create a bigger problem for you so what you need to avoid is unnecessarily hurting people's feelings. You've got to be gentle but firm at the same time to get your point across in an acceptable manner.

A good way of doing this is to prepare what you're going to say in advance. In order to do this, you think about the outcome you want to achieve out of the conversation. If the outcome is to change the other person, you might as well not have the conversation at all; you cannot change anyone else but yourself. If you're trying to let people 'have it' because they've made you angry, the conversation will end up in an argument and worse. If your outcome is to reach an understanding and a new way of communicating and solving issues, then go ahead, but do it in private as giving negative feedback to people in front of others is never a good idea. You may humiliate the other person and make your audience feel uncomfortable; no understanding will come out of this.

The technique described in this article that will help you approach the person correctly is called the 'feedback sandwich'. It's simply a way of softening the blow, so to speak, of putting a not so nice thing, i.e.a complaint, in between two nice things, i.e.compliments. You'll be well advised to master this skill as this is a great communication tool which you will need throughout your life, frequently.

How to give negative feedback

1. Make it about you, not them

Remember if you find someone annoying, you are really just taking your point of view into account as the other person probably finds their behaviour just right for them. So you need to phrase your concerns in a way that will not ruffle the other person's feathers too much. A good approach is to say: "I really enjoy your sense of humour but sometimes I find you a little over the top" rather than saying: "You're such a rude person." It is important that you tone it down and also make sure that as much as possible, the other person will see this as your problem too. So it will be positioned as a problem you can both solve together.

2. Be specific rather than general

Don't waffle too much or dance around the true issue. It is important the other person knows what it is they do that you're angry or concerned about. If you stick to a specific problem, you can say you can both work on a solution and this is a positive thing.

3. Don't exaggerate

Take words like 'always' and 'never' out of the conversation. If you start throwing exaggerations around, the other person will start to feel defensive and be inclined to be less cooperative. The discussion may even take a turn for the worse and degenerate into an argument, straying from the point altogether.

If you stick to these steps, most of the time a compromise will be reached. It only needs good will and practice.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Lot of smarts in that pogisnt!

    • mperrottet profile image

      Margaret Perrottet 

      6 years ago from San Antonio, FL

      I completely agree with you - having regret is a healthy reaction to having done something that wish you hadn't done, and is a means of growth. I don't think it's healthy to dwell on things in the past and feel guilty, but it's part of growing as a human being to learn from mistakes and correct them. Voted up and useful!

    • Simba73 profile image


      6 years ago from UK

      Good wise words my friend



    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)