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Improve Communication Immediately

Updated on July 12, 2014

I Live in a Communication Challenged World

My life has been one of communication challenges. I have lived in two cultures most of my adult life (and I don't mean man and woman). My husband and I speak Spanish, yet my children and I speak English. My son is dyslexic which presents all kinds of communication challenges. And I read and speak energy, which most of the known world does not. I've learned some simple but very effective techniques to help improve my communication with clients, family and friends. Try these and see if your own communication challenges improve!

Warning: These tips start practical and become gradually more subtle. If you are a "if-you-can't-see-it-or-hear-it-it-doesn't-exist"person I suggest you try a couple of the more "far out" techniques and see if they work. You just might surprise yourself!

1st Communication Technique: Say I instead of You

Communication 101

When you have something to communicate to your spouse or partner, use the pronoun "I" instead of "you" to convey what you are feeling.

For example: If your partner does something that doesn't seem very appreciative, or seems to be ignoring you, don't say: "You don't appreciate me!"

Instead say, "Lately I need some appreciation."

Next ask questions. For example:

"Do you know what makes me feel appreciated?"

Your significant other may say "no" or may something like:

"Sure. You like it when I water the lawn."

At this point, you can either agree or offer some other suggestions. ("What I really like is when you rub my feet while we watch TV.")

Speak in concrete actions versus vague abstracts. If you are truly open to communication versus the blame game or right/wrong accusations, you'll discover some amazing things about your partner.

2nd Communication Technique: Change Yourself First

Slightly harder but works like magic

How do you get a partner to change a really annoying habit? Like put down the toilet seat, or squeeze the tooth paste from the bottom, not the middle. This next technique is a gem for getting things to move. It might be hard to believe, but try it and you'll have a great technique to add to your "trick bag."

It goes like this: Whatever the other person is doing that is driving you crazy, stop and think for a moment what about it is most frustrating to you. For example: Is it being stubborn to change? Insensitive to others? Not listening? Not empathic or compassionate?

Identify that quality then ask yourself, "Where in me am I acting or feeling that same quality?" Immediately resolve to dissolve and release those actions and feelings. They may be something very different than your partner's actions.

Don't fixate on the other person, but focus on changing your own inner landscape. The next thing you'll know you'll have a completely changed partner. It's magic!

What To Do If Someone Constantly Interrupts You

When my husband and I are having a conversation that we're passionate about (lots of emotion!), he constantly interrupts me. It's very frustrating and I don't feel heard or acknowledged as having something important to contribute. I invite you to share what you do when you get interrupted (and don't be limited by the two choices below).

How do you handle being interrupted?

3rd Communication Technique: Set Your Dial

Easy, incredible and amazing

Communicating is all about timing. With this simple, yet very profound trick you can dramatically improve your communication immediately.

This technique was developed by Ron Davis, founder of The Davis Dyslexia Program and author of "The Gift of Dyslexia." He developed it because he noticed that many dyslexic or ADD kids had timing issues in their classes. Kids who ran a faster inner clock than their classmates, actually felt time moving too slowly. This would heighten their fidgeting and boredom. Children who ran a slower inner clock felt time moving too fast and could never get their work done on time. And all of them had problems communicating with their teachers and peers.

Davis developed the dial for kids to self-determine what number they were on in comparison to those around them. Then with intention the child would adjust her dial to match. It creates an instantaneous and positive affect. People who use the dial feel an instant connection with others as well as being in sync.

Ready to try it? Imagine a dial with numbers between 1-10. Number 1 represents a state that is almost asleep, while 10 represents over the top hyperactive similar to the effect of drinking 5 large double lattes. Without too much thought, just ask yourself what number are you on right now? Now set your dial to five while you read this (and if you're already on five that's fine). This is because I've set my dial on 5 while I write this. Reread this post and see if there is a difference in how you respond or understand it.

Did you notice a difference?

Now try this with your wife/husband/partner or kids. You don't have to tell them what you are doing. Just imagine what number your dial is on and ask yourself what number their dial is on and adjust yours to be the same or close to it. Teaching this to your family members is even better...they can bring their dial down when they are too hyperactive or bring it up when they are tired.

Need more ideas? Try it with your boss when you ask for a raise. Or if you are the boss, try it with your fellow coworkers. Teach it to your kids to use with their teachers. You can even use it to help you understand a different language or heavy accent.

4th Communication Technique: Silent Communication

A little bit of telepathy can work wonders

I use this technique when I want to communicate something that is perhaps in a different realm of awareness from another person's normal level.

For me that is energy, but for someone else it might be something technical like computer programming, algebra, or any other conversation.

Imagine the person you want to communicate with standing in front of you. Now speak all that you want to say, again in your imagination, and when finished send that communication bubble 3-5 feet above their head.

Wait a day or two, then have your conversation. The other person will have an energetic reference point of what you are saying and communication will go like a breeze. Instead of waiting a day or two, you can also wait till the person says something that will show you they've "received" the communication.

Why does this work? Because we are all telepathic.

5th Communication Technique: Find Out If You Allow Yourself to Be Supported

Establishing Trust

This technique is fun to do with a whole group such as a family.

When it's time to communicate something very deep, trust in the other person is absolutely vital. To establish trust you need to know where you are supported by that person, and where you support them.

This technique very quickly establishes that. It's called the donkey lean and I first learned of it from Fritz Smith, developer of The Zero Balancing Technique.

Stand back to back with your partner. Lean into each other at the shoulders. You may have to adjust your height if you are a lot taller than the other person. Now each of you, move your feet away from each other. The other person is now holding you up and you are holding him/her up. You want to find the balance point where you are in total balance. The effortlessness of this pose, when in balance is amazing.

It may take some adjusting back and forth as you find your point of support. It is different with each person. You'll quickly discover if you allow yourself to be supported or if you over support (either position is uncomfortable and not sustainable).

When finished, turn and speak to the other person. Tell them whatever has been hard to say. You'll have the inner reference point of trust with this person because they know exactly how to support you.

Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Rosenberg is brilliant in his approach. A must have for every library.


Marshall Rosenberg

6th Communication Technique: Discover the Power of Your Energy Fields

Set Up Your Energy Fields

Learn how to set up your energy fields. These fields are like our atmosphere and they protect, connect and communicate for us.

The best way to set up your energy fields to communicate your intentions is through Crystalline Consciousness Technique.

I cover this topic in more depth in this lens.

Books on Communicating

The Gift of Dyslexia: Why Some of the Smartest People Can't Read...  and How They Can Learn
The Gift of Dyslexia: Why Some of the Smartest People Can't Read... and How They Can Learn

Ron Davis tells his story of discovering his gifts and bringing those discoveries to others.

Inner Bridges: A Guide to Energy Movement and Body Structure
Inner Bridges: A Guide to Energy Movement and Body Structure

Smith write a beautiful book about energy, blending Eastern and Western knowledge.

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

This is an invaluable book on breaking destructive communication patterns with certain people.

Bodytalk: The Meaning of Human Gestures
Bodytalk: The Meaning of Human Gestures

Most of our communication is nonverbal. Begin to understand the signals others are giving you.


What's Your Communication Challenge or Tip?

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    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Hi, Ener-G. I just revisited your lens and was astounded to realize that I did not pick up on the tip about Setting Your Dial Number when I first read it. Maybe it resounded more for me today. Normally, my dial is at about 8 or 9 when others around me normally runs at about 5 or 6. I can more closely understand this now because today I am functioning at about a dial setting of 3 (very exhausting few days). So, it really makes sense today! Thank you so much!

    • Franksterk profile image

      Frankie Kangas 

      6 years ago from California

      Thanks for sharing these excellent techniques. One tip we used over the years is when one of us wanted some alone time we would put a hat on. The other person would see the hat and knew exactly what to do -- leave the other alone for a while -- where verbally telling someone you want to be alone can hurt their feelings even when they understand the need. We've progressed now to not needing the hat nor even words. Blessed. Bear hugs, Frankster

    • ZenandChic profile image


      6 years ago

      I needed this. I have trouble with my partner. I recently got upset with my aunt and we were able to work through it healthily, but with my hubby not so much luck.

    • ZenandChic profile image


      6 years ago

      I needed this. I have trouble with my partner. I recently got upset with my aunt and we were able to work through it healthily, but with my hubby not so much luck.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Thanks for nice lens!

      The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw :))

    • Wendy Gillissen profile image

      Wendy Gillissen 

      7 years ago

      Wow, wonderful informative lens with great tips! I especially like the telepathy tip, a real eye-opener;-)

    • LisaAuch1 profile image

      Lisa Auch 

      7 years ago from Scotland

      Making it clear, I am not having a go at you for not doing a job, its just that job needs doing, and I am just saying!!

    • profile image

      Leanne Chesser 

      7 years ago

      Back to bless your lens :).

    • Othercatt profile image


      7 years ago

      As a teen I was taught to say "I feel ___ when you ___". As an adult, filling in the blanks has really helped me to be clearer when I'm trying to get my point across.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      An excellent lens - it has given me some ideas for my next lens around dispute resolution. My blessings to you, o wise one

    • JakTraks profile image

      Jacqueline Marshall 

      7 years ago from Chicago area

      Nicely done lens and interesting ideas. I'm always looking for new ways to work with my counseling clients so I'm glad I stopped by. Giving an angelic thumbs up to you.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Hmmm, I think it is dealing with all the communication misperceptions -- when a person says one thing and the other person hears something totally unrelated.

    • OhMe profile image

      Nancy Tate Hellams 

      7 years ago from Pendleton, SC

      These are some very interesting Communication Techniques that would help not only with communicating with spouses but in the workplace. I do a lot of volunteering and serving on committees and communication is always the key to an event or project being successful.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I would like to reaffirm the fact that, What we say is less important than how we say it! Listeners focus more on the tone than on words. I have used Espoir Smart Communication through Cricket. Before I argued to drive a point about Cricket & seldom got a brownie point. I learnt pleasant ways to tell the same thing & now people believe whatever I am saying.

      By using the Espoir Smart Communication series I have a deeper understanding of inter-personal success fundamentals. I have learnt that people are not influenced by our thoughts but we need to influence their emotions to get your way.

    • pkmcruk profile image


      8 years ago from Cheshire UK

      Some great tips and advice on how you can easily improve communication and ensure understanding by adopting simple techniques. Blessed by a passing Squid Angel

    • RhondaAlbom profile image

      Rhonda Albom 

      8 years ago from New Zealand

      Great communication tips here.

    • indigoj profile image

      Indigo Janson 

      8 years ago from UK

      Some thought provoking suggestions here. I especially like the idea of setting your inner dial so that people can be more in tune with one another.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I enjoyed reading this a great deal. Although some of your ideas are a bit "out there" for me right now I AM working on being better able to focus my energy on what I want to happen in conversations and, indeed, in my overall life. Your insights were helpful in that regard. Nicely presented and challenging to say the least!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Why don't they teach these things in school? Excellent presentation of different types of communications. I always remember one of The Four Agreements - Never assume anything. It really helps when communicating.

    • profile image

      Leanne Chesser 

      8 years ago

      I like how you've included techniques that go beyond the usual. I'm reviewing this lens today on Squidoo Lens Reviews. Stop by to check it out and grab a badge.

    • awakeningwellness profile image


      8 years ago

      Very helpful!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Very useful ideas! Well done another great lens.

    • SusannaDuffy profile image

      Susanna Duffy 

      8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      If only the whole world could read this. We all need to improve our communication and these tips to make our communication clear, understandable and worthwhile are a great resource. Blessed by an angel today

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Many thanks. It really helps me to improve my communication skills. I hope you can share many other tips on this

    • julcal profile image


      9 years ago

      Great lens! 5*

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Great lens! You've put together a lot of helpful information here. I'd love for you to visit my lens and say hello when you have the chance.

    • sittonbull profile image


      9 years ago

      I echo Lexi's comment and add that this would be a valuable as a required study topic in our educational curriculum... from grade school right on through college. Fundamental and advanced communication! What a different world this would be! Thanks for a fascinating glimpse into the skill we all can and need to improve ...Ironic that most of us seem reluctant to inventory our deficiencies there. Could it be that we don't have information like this as a regular topic of study or conversation?? Duh? 5* favored

    • monarch13 profile image


      9 years ago

      Congratulations, you were nominated for The Healthy, Wealthy and Wise Group Excellence Award!

      Good Luck and Good Health!

      Monarch 13 (Michelle)

    • monarch13 profile image


      9 years ago

      Valuable resource! Thanks for sharing, 5 stars!

    • giacombs-ramirez profile imageAUTHOR

      gia combs-ramirez 

      9 years ago from Montana

      [in reply to Graceonline] Great tip!

    • ecogranny profile image

      Kathryn Grace 

      9 years ago from San Francisco

      Superb lens. Your communication tips and resources are excellent, and I learned something new. Years ago, a successful salesman taught me to slow down my speech to match the speech velocity of the person with whom I was talking. At that time, I spoke very rapidly and was aware all too frequently that the eyes of the person with whom I was conversing would begin to glaze. I learned to pace myself to the person with whom I was in dialogue and my entire world changed. Thank you for taking the time to build a truly informative lens.

    • religions7 profile image


      9 years ago

      Great lens. Thanks for sharing

    • Lexi LM profile image

      Lexi LM 

      10 years ago

      A great read! Ironing out communications is the basis for everything else we do, this is a valuable lens, Five Stars!


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