Improve Communication Immediately
I Live in a Communication Challenged World
My life has been one of communication challenges. I have lived in two cultures most of my adult life (and I don't mean man and woman). My husband and I speak Spanish, yet my children and I speak English. My son is dyslexic which presents all kinds of communication challenges. And I read and speak energy, which most of the known world does not. I've learned some simple but very effective techniques to help improve my communication with clients, family and friends. Try these and see if your own communication challenges improve!
Warning: These tips start practical and become gradually more subtle. If you are a "if-you-can't-see-it-or-hear-it-it-doesn't-exist"person I suggest you try a couple of the more "far out" techniques and see if they work. You just might surprise yourself!
1st Communication Technique: Say I instead of You
When you have something to communicate to your spouse or partner, use the pronoun "I" instead of "you" to convey what you are feeling.
For example: If your partner does something that doesn't seem very appreciative, or seems to be ignoring you, don't say: "You don't appreciate me!"
Instead say, "Lately I need some appreciation."
Next ask questions. For example:
"Do you know what makes me feel appreciated?"
Your significant other may say "no" or may something like:
"Sure. You like it when I water the lawn."
At this point, you can either agree or offer some other suggestions. ("What I really like is when you rub my feet while we watch TV.")
Speak in concrete actions versus vague abstracts. If you are truly open to communication versus the blame game or right/wrong accusations, you'll discover some amazing things about your partner.
2nd Communication Technique: Change Yourself First
Slightly harder but works like magic
How do you get a partner to change a really annoying habit? Like put down the toilet seat, or squeeze the tooth paste from the bottom, not the middle. This next technique is a gem for getting things to move. It might be hard to believe, but try it and you'll have a great technique to add to your "trick bag."
It goes like this: Whatever the other person is doing that is driving you crazy, stop and think for a moment what about it is most frustrating to you. For example: Is it being stubborn to change? Insensitive to others? Not listening? Not empathic or compassionate?
Identify that quality then ask yourself, "Where in me am I acting or feeling that same quality?" Immediately resolve to dissolve and release those actions and feelings. They may be something very different than your partner's actions.
Don't fixate on the other person, but focus on changing your own inner landscape. The next thing you'll know you'll have a completely changed partner. It's magic!
What To Do If Someone Constantly Interrupts You
When my husband and I are having a conversation that we're passionate about (lots of emotion!), he constantly interrupts me. It's very frustrating and I don't feel heard or acknowledged as having something important to contribute. I invite you to share what you do when you get interrupted (and don't be limited by the two choices below).
How do you handle being interrupted?
3rd Communication Technique: Set Your Dial
Easy, incredible and amazing
Communicating is all about timing. With this simple, yet very profound trick you can dramatically improve your communication immediately.
This technique was developed by Ron Davis, founder of The Davis Dyslexia Program and author of "The Gift of Dyslexia." He developed it because he noticed that many dyslexic or ADD kids had timing issues in their classes. Kids who ran a faster inner clock than their classmates, actually felt time moving too slowly. This would heighten their fidgeting and boredom. Children who ran a slower inner clock felt time moving too fast and could never get their work done on time. And all of them had problems communicating with their teachers and peers.
Davis developed the dial for kids to self-determine what number they were on in comparison to those around them. Then with intention the child would adjust her dial to match. It creates an instantaneous and positive affect. People who use the dial feel an instant connection with others as well as being in sync.
Ready to try it? Imagine a dial with numbers between 1-10. Number 1 represents a state that is almost asleep, while 10 represents over the top hyperactive similar to the effect of drinking 5 large double lattes. Without too much thought, just ask yourself what number are you on right now? Now set your dial to five while you read this (and if you're already on five that's fine). This is because I've set my dial on 5 while I write this. Reread this post and see if there is a difference in how you respond or understand it.
Did you notice a difference?
Now try this with your wife/husband/partner or kids. You don't have to tell them what you are doing. Just imagine what number your dial is on and ask yourself what number their dial is on and adjust yours to be the same or close to it. Teaching this to your family members is even better...they can bring their dial down when they are too hyperactive or bring it up when they are tired.
Need more ideas? Try it with your boss when you ask for a raise. Or if you are the boss, try it with your fellow coworkers. Teach it to your kids to use with their teachers. You can even use it to help you understand a different language or heavy accent.
4th Communication Technique: Silent Communication
A little bit of telepathy can work wonders
I use this technique when I want to communicate something that is perhaps in a different realm of awareness from another person's normal level.
For me that is energy, but for someone else it might be something technical like computer programming, algebra, or any other conversation.
Imagine the person you want to communicate with standing in front of you. Now speak all that you want to say, again in your imagination, and when finished send that communication bubble 3-5 feet above their head.
Wait a day or two, then have your conversation. The other person will have an energetic reference point of what you are saying and communication will go like a breeze. Instead of waiting a day or two, you can also wait till the person says something that will show you they've "received" the communication.
Why does this work? Because we are all telepathic.
5th Communication Technique: Find Out If You Allow Yourself to Be Supported
This technique is fun to do with a whole group such as a family.
When it's time to communicate something very deep, trust in the other person is absolutely vital. To establish trust you need to know where you are supported by that person, and where you support them.
This technique very quickly establishes that. It's called the donkey lean and I first learned of it from Fritz Smith, developer of The Zero Balancing Technique.
Stand back to back with your partner. Lean into each other at the shoulders. You may have to adjust your height if you are a lot taller than the other person. Now each of you, move your feet away from each other. The other person is now holding you up and you are holding him/her up. You want to find the balance point where you are in total balance. The effortlessness of this pose, when in balance is amazing.
It may take some adjusting back and forth as you find your point of support. It is different with each person. You'll quickly discover if you allow yourself to be supported or if you over support (either position is uncomfortable and not sustainable).
When finished, turn and speak to the other person. Tell them whatever has been hard to say. You'll have the inner reference point of trust with this person because they know exactly how to support you.
Rosenberg is brilliant in his approach. A must have for every library.
6th Communication Technique: Discover the Power of Your Energy Fields
Set Up Your Energy Fields
Learn how to set up your energy fields. These fields are like our atmosphere and they protect, connect and communicate for us.
The best way to set up your energy fields to communicate your intentions is through Crystalline Consciousness Technique.
I cover this topic in more depth in this lens.
Books on Communicating
Ron Davis tells his story of discovering his gifts and bringing those discoveries to others.
Smith write a beautiful book about energy, blending Eastern and Western knowledge.
This is an invaluable book on breaking destructive communication patterns with certain people.
Most of our communication is nonverbal. Begin to understand the signals others are giving you.