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Letters to YOU: "How do I stop living in fear?"

Updated on June 17, 2011

Dear You,

Fear is all in your mind. It’s not external. It’s there for a purpose – to protect you. Fear is helpful in small doses. The problem starts when fear overtakes your life – you respond irrationally to events in your life, you limit your vision and think negatively most of the time. You might have a fear of heights or a fear of failure – you perceive heights or failure as a possible threat, but it’s not a direct threat, just a perception. Use these tips and start living happier stress-free life.

- Educate yourself. What is it that you are afraid of? Admit it to yourself. It won’t make you a worse person. On the contrary, it takes courage to identify the gaps in personal development. If you fear to start a new business, then learn more about it and gain extra confidence. If you’ve always wanted to learn a new skill, just ignore the fear of failure and do it anyway. Even if you don’t succeed at first, learn from your mistakes and do it again. There are no people who got everything right from the first time.

- Once you’ll become aware of your emotions and what they cost you on a daily basis, you will control your emotions, not the other way around. This stage is all about self-regulation. Start thinking before you act. After all, no one is rushing you to make impulsive decisions you might regret later. Don’t let your negative emotions become too strong. Recognise them at an early stage, stop and think how you can control them.

- Talk to your family and friends. These people care for your well-being. Express your concerns and emotions, seek for an advice. In case if your fear is on the border with paranoia, seek for a professional advice.

- Use mind power training i.e. practise self-affirmations on a daily basis. “Affirmation is a declaration that something is true” (Wikipedia). Affirmation is the way to convince self that something is true. Once you will start believing in what you are saying (i.e. affirming), then you will realise that it’s not just a simple statement, it is in fact already true. Your daily affirmations to fight fear could be:

I relax knowing I can handle it all.

I stand tall and take responsibility for my life.

I know that I count and I act as if I do.

I spread warmth and love everywhere I go.

I let go and I trust it’s all happening perfectly.

I peacefully allow my life to unfold.

I am finding the gift in all experiences.

I am powerful and I have nothing to fear.

Whatever happens to me in any given situation, I can handle it.

Every single day I courageously expand my comfort-zone by taking a new type of risk.

- Start thinking positively. Positive thinking is one of the most important contributors to success, even more valuable than luck & fate, because unlike the latter, positive thinking can be controlled. Negative thinking is the road to depression, anxiety and failure. If you are blaming everyone else around you for your miserable life, maybe it’s the right time to stop and think what you can do to start thinking positively. If you are a person, who doesn’t want to start thinking positively, then you have to change your attitude. If you are a person, who simply cannot start thinking positively because you don’t know how to, then you have to learn a new behaviour pattern. Either way, the time you realise that your life cannot continue being miserable, you will have two options – 1. Accept your life as it is or 2. Change something.

- Take control of your own life. Live by faith and facts, not by gossip and media.

Be healthy, happy and wealthy… and Remember: “Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood”.

Always by your side,

Tati Irodova


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    • Tati Irodova profile image

      Tatiana Irodova 6 years ago from London, UK

      Thank you wendi_w! I acknowledge, that fear is a very complicated subject. However, it's still possible to be afraid of the silly things less..

    • wendi_w profile image

      wendi_w 6 years ago from Midwest

      Very well written hub, as a survivor of chronic ptsd I know a few things about fear of all kinds. You give some good ideas on cognitive behavior techniques that can really help.