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Funny Fears

Updated on January 2, 2013

WELCOME TO FUNNY FEARS

There are all manner of unexpected things that go bump in the night that might either give one the goosebumps or the giggles.

This light-hearted lens is devoted to the lexicography of funny fears that you didn't even know existed.

Okay scaredy cat, you can come out from under the bedcovers now, the mouse has gone.

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Image Credit: www.sketchedoutfiles.wordpress.com

Why not tame a dragon instead of slaying it? - Here be a dragon who isn't afraid to flap his water wings, wiggle his tail, and blow smoke rings, just for the he

Puff the Magic Dragon wondered why Noah scratched him off his list of endangered species to board his ark? If truth be told, Noah didn't like the looks of Little Jackie Paper either, which is why Puff and the lad now live in a Land called Honah Lee.

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Image Credit: Magic Dragon - imagegossips.com/magic-dragon.jpg

THE FUNNY SIDE OF FEAR - A spunky short story by Jack Handy

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion.

For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula.

The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off.

He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, Batman."

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Image Credit: Jerry Gaylord illustrator, www.aboutfacesentertainers.com

Why is the fear of long words called hippopotomonstroses-

quippedaliophobia?

Nothing but the naked truth please...

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Did you know that Lady Godiva, (who was nothing but a bare-essentials babe and an entertaining equestrian to boot), suffered from "vestiophobia" (a fear of clothes)?

This may also account for her unusual habit of riding sans culotte without the benefit of either a saddle or stirrups, not to mention taking the occasional buck-naked bird bath just for the shear joy and heck of it.

MOI...SCARED?

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For Those Who Think Dating At Any Age Is A Fear Worse Than Death

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GOOSEBUMPS OR GIGGLES?

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As the Emperor pranced about in what he thought was a gorgeous get-up, it was clear to everyone else in the Kingdom of Klutz that while he did not suffer from any debilitating disease such as andgymnophobia (a fear of nudity) nor did he harbor a compulsive urge to peek through the windows of homes that he passed in the street, (better known as crytoscopophilia), he did however possess a rather vain vision of himself as God's greatest gift to the fair sex.

A WORD OF HUMBLE ADVICE:

Don't sweat petty things or pet sweaty things!

FEAR OF FIGURES

Little Johnny had a ferocious fear of figures (numerophobia), particularly Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia (fear of the number 666) and Triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13), which is why he asked the doctor to write a note to his teacher to let her know that he was allergic to mathematics, witches, and black cats and that henceforth a robot named "Hal" would fill in the blanks on his arithmatic test and protect him from spunky spirits lurking about in the school yard.

Image Credit: Bill Mayer at flickr.com

THE JOY OF JAUNDICE

Horace Hiptwiddle, (known for his hilarious bout of hiccups during long-winded meetings, and frighful flatulence episodes in the wind section during symphony performances) is a unique soul.

Besides his odd body behaviors, his true claim to fame is a funny phobia, called "Xanthophobia" (a fear of the color yellow or the word yellow), which is why he never eats lemons, sucks eggs, or listens to "Mellow Yellow" if he can help it!

NO MORE PLUMAGE PLEASE!

The Duchess of Dither longed for a night out on the town with a jolly swagman sitting beside a billabong under the shade of a coulibah tree whilst quaffing a long cold one somewhere Downunder. The one thing she hadn't counted on was a bout of Pteronophobia, (the fear of being tickled by the feathers of "Hairy Canary" himself!)

BEWARE OF THE BEE'S KNEES

Look lover boy, I don't date anyone who's got Genuphobia (fear of knees), or Geniophobia (fear of chins), because they can't genuflect when called upon to do so!

SOMETIMES LIFE SUCKS...OR NOT

Scaredy cats and sticky stuff come in all shapes and sizes.

One of the funniest food phobias that come to mind is arachibutyrophobia (a morbid fear or embarrassment associated with peanut butter sticking to the roof of one's mouth, particularly while one is in a public place and unable to remove it with either grace or aplomb).

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Image Credit: www.jasondoveillustration.blogspot.com

HEAVEN HELP THE HIPPOS!

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Some folks have rather funny phobias...akin to amusing animal names. Take for example, Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (or fear of long words). And, by now yYou're probably wondering if you pronounce this very strange syndrome, let alone spell it?

Imagine the terror when these folks face the following:

-- The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

-- The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosesl.

-- And, the longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill (which is probably why they have no poisonous critters in the place)!

Of course, if you'd prefer another strange synonym for hippowhater... try Sesquipedalophobia it's way sexier!

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Image Credit: Jeope Wolfe, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Canada)

BOFFO BOOKS FOR FEARFUL FOLKS

Fears of Your Life
Fears of Your Life

Laughter for your loo...what do you mean you're afraid of T-P?

 
I'm Afraid, You're Afraid : 448 Things to Fear and Why
I'm Afraid, You're Afraid : 448 Things to Fear and Why

For those who don't want to sweat the small stuff of life.

 
What Would You Do If You Had No Fear? Living Your Dreams While Quakin' in Your Boots
What Would You Do If You Had No Fear? Living Your Dreams While Quakin' in Your Boots

It's time to let go of everything that's stopping you from living an awesome life!

 

RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD!

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Well, if you've got Ombrophobia (or fear of rain or of being rained on), you'd better buy oodles of big brellies or bumbershoots to protect yourself from the pitfalls of precipitation, particularly when it's forecast to rain cats and dogs for the next seven days.

POGONOPHOBIA POLL

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Are you afraid of people with beards?

See results
Plush Earth Dragon Puppet by Folkmanis Puppets
Plush Earth Dragon Puppet by Folkmanis Puppets

Have you met my friend "Dwayne the Dirty Dragon"?

 
Beleduc Large Fabric Marrionette, Draco Marionette
Beleduc Large Fabric Marrionette, Draco Marionette

Draco the Dingbat Dragon may just keep you in stitches so you forget all about those monsters under the bed.

 
Sunny Puppets Grey Baby Goat Marionette
Sunny Puppets Grey Baby Goat Marionette

Of course with "Ram-A-Dam-A-Ding-Dong" you just might be the hit of the party!

 
Melissa & Doug Deluxe Puppet Theater Bundle with Dragon, and Bannanas the Chimp Puppets
Melissa & Doug Deluxe Puppet Theater Bundle with Dragon, and Bannanas the Chimp Puppets

With all these wacky wild ones -- you'll be right at home in the Enchanted Forest!

 

HAVING FUN WITH FEAR...

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"My greatest fear is that there is no PMS ... and that this is my real personality!

POTTY PLANET 51

Pumpkin Pathology Poll

What is the fear of pumpkins called?

See results

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Poll

What is the fear of being turned into a pumpkin called?

See results

He may bring joy and jollies to someone... - But keep him away from those who suffer from Claustrophobia!!!

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Image Credit: Joy Boy - monkeyworks.files.wordpress.com - 2009/12

Beware of a White Whiskered Wunderkin

Santa Claustrophobia (Picture Puffin Books)
Santa Claustrophobia (Picture Puffin Books)

A ho ho ho humorous holiday gift for anyone of any age!

 

GETTING THE GOODS ON GOOSEBUMPS

Goosebumps happen for a variety of reasons, all of which can be traced back to man's early ancestors. Primitive man also felt cold and fear, but his "goose flesh," as it's also known, served as a defense mechanism.

Piloerection

Goosebumps occur when the arrector muscle at the base of arm hair pulls the hair up. The medical term for goosebumps is piloerection, from the Latin "pil" for hair.

Fluffy Humans

Piloerection kept early man, who was considerably hairier, warm, because fluffier hair traps heat between the skin and the environment.

Fear

Fear triggers goosebumps, too, for a similar reason. When a primitive human's hair stood on end, it made him look bigger to a predator and would hopefully drive it off.

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Source: www.Answerbag.com and Illustration Credit: Barf Comics

Goosebumps Bookshelf

The Haunted School (Goosebumps #59)
The Haunted School (Goosebumps #59)

Perfect gift for the "back-to-school" crowd!

 
Goosebumps #51: Beware, the Snowman
Goosebumps #51: Beware, the Snowman

Great for a cold winter's night by the fire roasting marsh mallows.

 
Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes (Goosebumps Presents TV Book #18)
Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes (Goosebumps Presents TV Book #18)

For those with an unusual urge to snuff a few lawn gnomes.

 
Welcome to Dead House (Classic Goosebumps)
Welcome to Dead House (Classic Goosebumps)

A great story for Halloween Night!

 

Goosebump Guestbook - Feel free to leave your biggest fears in our pity pot!

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    • SheGetsCreative profile image

      Angela F 6 years ago from Seattle, WA

      Such a fun lens! My biggest fear is probably taphophobia - I think I've watched too many scary movies!