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Guide to Quiet

Updated on November 26, 2014

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .

The less said the better.

Soundproofing is good but even better is removing the noise itself with enforcement of noise ordinances. If your city will not enact and enforce a tough noise ordinance, then file a massive class action lawsuit on behalf of all citizens to receive damages for hearing loss and deafness against the mayor, city manager, and city council or alderman. This will inspire other towns and suburbs to do the same until the whole noisy world is quiet and people will no longer tolerate noisy highways (let people buy electric cars) and noisy airports. Noise pollution does not just cause us to lose a sense we value. It also costs our children and ourselves economic opportunities. It causes our children to fall behind in school. It even can get us killed if we cannot hear a danger coming or hear a warning.

In this lens I hope to eventually cover everything from Anechoic Chambers through Noise Pollution to Quiet Zones in updates.

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This registry opens up the possibility of a quiet dinner at home.

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No one ever accused butterflies of being loud. They may make noise but it would be microsound and require special audio equipment to record. That is why I have this illustration of a butterfly garden.

One can go into the wilderness seeking quiet. However, coyotes and wolves howl. Deer and moose can be quite noisy. Frog ponds can be quite noisy. Crickets are not usually bad but cicadas and other insects in large numbers can be deafening. Even at sea humpback whales and a few other whales use subsonics to communicate over mind boggling distances of a thousand miles or more. Even whalers do not complain about whale sound since they use the sound to help find and kill the whales. Do I have to say that I am for the whales and against whaling? If so, then I am saying it. Normal people (not whalers obviously) find whale sound entrancing and pleasant. Dolphins and porpoises are at the other end of the scale from low pitch whales. Their sounds do not carry far.

Fish are usually thought of as the silent type but croakers croak and drum well . . . drum.

Fish that you wish would make a swish

or a sound would be barracuda and man-eating shark

but even dogfish do not bark.

There are no mermaids that sing like Petula Clark.

So where do you go to get some quiet?

No screaming birds or growling grizzlies on a diet?

Not in a noisy city where you cannot hear yourself think

Not in an overcrowded jail with mad inmates on the brink

Not at sea with wind and waves that splash

Not at a landfill with seagulls picking through trash

Not on the side of the railroad tracks with the rumble of trains

Not in thunder storms when it never rains

Not on construction sites with pile drivers

Not in inner cities with ghetto blasting jivers

Not in suburbs with lawn mowers

and the everlasting leaf blowers

money pit owners hammering on their addition

screaming kids from sugar and caffeine malnutrition

garage bands practice cranked up to eleven

police called after seven

parties at all hours of the night

So move to town, gentrify everything in sight

Not in churches with screaming preachers

Not in stadiums in the crowded bleachers

Not near a busy airport

Or the gunnery range of an army fort

You can't do much if you are the nice sort

If you shoot someone, you'll land in court.

End of poem. Obviously I am against violence as a way to get some peace and quiet.

Where do you find quiet? Out in a sandy desert with no wildlife. In the polar region of Antarctica away from the coast with their Katabatic and penguin rookeries (though you still have to avoid human activity and those planes landing on skis). And out in space there is no noise.

-- Unless you get really close to the sun. I guarantee that, sunward of Mercury, your spacecraft will be buffeted by solar winds and communicate noise through the hull even without the radio turned on. So if you are determined to get some quiet, then head for a sandy desert not under a jet plane route, the neglected parts of Antarctica, and Pluto.*

*not Neptune because it has the worst weather of any planet in the Solar System and that means noisy wind. Jupiter has tremendous radio noise. Mars has sandstorms and dust storms. And we already know about Earth.

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If you are into micro-sound, then you might find it interesting that even moles, ants, and worms make sound as they tunnel. If you have ever watched a nature show about foxes in winter, then you know that they listen for the sound of mice tunneling through the snow to get to seeds and grain on the ground underneath the drifts and blanket of white stuff.

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Tinnitus results if you do not stop loud noise. Loud music, loud television, loud movie theaters,

Fortunately, one of the loudest sounds in the world -- a space shuttle launch -- is gone for good. And police and gun shot victims are making progress in quieting the persistent crackle of gun fire in suburban drive-by shootings. The police do not care about the victims in the inner city because they tend to be minorities and poor whites. And county sheriff's deputies ignore rural hunters -- if they can hear them over the roar of tractors and four wheelers.

The obvious solutions are to turn down the music and the TV. Avoid loud concerts. Complain to the theatre management that the sound is too loud. Drive an electric car and brag about how quiet it is. Let fools drive unmuffled infernal combustion and lose their hearing. They will not hear people talking behind their backs (about putting them in old folks homes) anyway.

Also look for food free of salicylates. Allergies to these in aspirin (which is acetylsalicylic acid), herbs, spices, nuts, fruits, vegetables, caffeine products (coffee, cola, caffeinated tea, chocolate), and yeast lead to deafness. I would like to point out that the culprit is not vegetables or nuts but the salicylates that they may or may not contain.

37% of children with only minimal hearing loss fail at least one grade.

— Bess, 1998 (study)

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This ad poster is talking about trains but it could just as well be talking about buying an electric car.

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Rachel Carson is famous for her other book, "Silent Spring". However, you do not want that kind of quiet for it comes at the cost of dead songbirds and a dead planet -- including dead humans and including you.

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Thank goodness for this idea on airliners.

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I was surprised to hear that there was a radio free zone in the USA despite knowing that (since the Patriot Act) we live in a totalitarian country with NSA eavesdropping of our phone calls and email, omnipresent Homeland Security surveillance, a Supreme Court that hands our rights over to "corporate persons" and disenfranchises us, and a slithering Congress that eagerly signs bills like the Patriot Act into law and then seems shocked when the CIA spies on them (just like it spies on you and me). However, this radio quiet zone is not for Radio Free America broadcasts to the huddled masses in the US of A yearning to breathe free nor is it Voice of America gypsy broadcasters broadcasting from a pirate ship off the coast nor it is an imitation of certain European countries that have a family night when the stations are off the air.

No, this is simply a zone where radio quiet is requested so that radio astronomers can listen in on radio waves coming from space.

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This is a basalt cliff along the mid-Columbia River.

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This is Amtrak's Hiawatha.

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dsearls
dsearls

Creative Commons license. Doc Searls.

In the photograph, this couple shares their last quiet moment for the next twenty years before having children. And if they have several children, the clock is re-set with each newborn. Twenty years before the youngest moves out. And with the economy the way it is, they may not move out and the older ones may move back in. In which case, there will be no quiet before the grave. And not even then because you will be turning in your grave over the children and grandchildren fighting over your little estate of mortgages and credit card debt.

Hope that you go to heaven because it is awfully noisy in hell with all that screaming from swimming in lava and not being able to die.

On that cheery note, congratulate the happy couple!

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Empty nest syndrome. Some people simply cannot stand themselves and so they fill up their lives with noise to distract themselves from that fact. Not all children are noisy and not all children feel an infantile urge to scream or cry to get the world's attention. There are quiet babies and contented babies. If we must have babies, then let all babies be quiet babies who are easy to care for and who actually like quiet (and so they contribute to it by keeping their mouths shut) and who enjoy contemplating existence.

Let the pediatricians of the world and the genetic counselors and the child psychologists and early development specialists and nutritionists and safety engineers and nurses help the overwrought parents too foolish to do family planning. Let the parents use birth control and contraceptives if they have a family history of producing murderers and sociopaths and people with Münchausen syndrome by proxy and so spare the rest of us their troublesome progeny who invariably become national leaders who lead us into wars, climate change, economic depressions, genocide and killing of their own citizens. Let all this come to pass to make life easier for the pre-nursery school teachers so that kindergarten teachers do not have to release miscreants into grade school.

What is the purpose of life? Life itself. There. No expensive Freudian therapy. No years in rehab from taking drugs because you are too much a simpleton to work out a personal philosophy or to take philosophy courses in university or to read a thick book on philosophy.

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Creative Commons license.

The photograph is of a hotel in Ethiopia despite it being taken by A. Davey from "Where I Live Now: Pacific Northwest".

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Many libraries are good places to find quiet but you have to find the ones with traditionalist librarians who shush the noisy people and the ones with security guards who throw out noisy people and enforce the no cellphone rule. This eviction would not be necessary except for the intelligence-challenged people who cannot modulate their voices to a whisper and who cannot find the mute button on their cellphone -- though, mysteriously, they can find every other button. Let them text if they must communicate. There are those whose parents should be locked up for producing children and failing to home train them with polite manners enough to take a cellphone conversation outside with the smokers and other social rejects.

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photo Creative Commons license, Author: Launauro

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National Cathedral

Benefits of Quiet

spiritual -- You can hear your conscience (usually drowned out by power, greed, and other corrupting influences) and so you won't end up like sociopaths (death penalty or life sentence). You can get in touch with your soul. You can hear beauty, or at least beautiful sounds, including silence. Your intuition improves. You can experience transcendence. You can reflect upon wisdom. You can seek direction. You can find peace. You can build self-confidence. While your mind figures out how to get justice, your spirit can remind you that it is the spirit of the law and not the letter of the law that ultimately wins justice. You can improve your creativity or be inspired to do creative work. You can prioritize important values and lose urgent values (such as placing value on getting addictive drugs). You can appreciate existence and know the meaning of your existence. You cannot do any of these things without quiet.

mental -- the mind

physical -- the brain: heal damage to the anatomy of the brain, better functioning of the physiology of the brain

health -- the body

financial -- business people, investors, and other report financial success as a direct result (not a by-product) of quiet

Quiet People Make the Best Friends

PDPics
PDPics

Examples:

1. people who for medical reasons do not talk

2. laconic cowboys

3. reserved businessmen and women (some belong to clubs where talking is forbidden)

4. uncommunicative haughty upper class people who decline to speak -- if you shut up, then you may discover that while conversation is nonexistent, that they are excellent friends

5. obstinate children who refuse to speak -- instead of taking them to a shrink for autism, adopt them

6. monks and nuns who have taken a vow of silence (God bless them!)

7. taciturn individuals who hate to communicate thought or feeling and who repel communication but not friendship

Quiet Media

turn off the television

turn off the radio

turn off the computer (except to see one my sites, let's not go overboard)

throw away the cellphone

go back to land line

let the answering machine do its job

take off the ear buds, Bluetooth and headphones

turn down the volume (to zero)

get on the Do Not Call Registry

attach a zapper to your phone line to zap telemarketing calls

report telemarketing calls to the FCC

report harassing phone call to the phone company

pay your bills off completely so that bill collectors will not call

use call block

don't do business at home

If operating a home business, then at the first success in getting customers or clients, open an office, hire a secretary to take calls and stop doing business from home.

texting is quieter than talking aloud but know when to get quiet time away from the device

give up loud music and switch to quiet music

tell the movie theater manager to turn down the volume

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Quiet Places

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Quiet Places

  • a cemetery
  • a comfortable chair in a corner of an unused room
  • a couch, davenport or sofa when everyone else is away
  • a hotel room on the next to the top floor (top floor will get helicopter and airplane noise through the roof)
  • a fire watch tower in a forest
  • a large empty garden
  • a city park during times when you're the only visitor
  • a county park (most people don't know they exist)
  • a little used state park (avoid the busy parks)
  • a little-known national park (obviously not Yellowstone)
  • in the middle of the ocean in the doldrums where there is no wind nor wave on a private yacht with the motor and other noise turned off [It helps to be rich.]
  • outer space -- in the vacuum of deep space it is quiet away from the sun (where there actually is noise in space) and away from planets like Jupiter that produce a lot of natural radio noise and like Earth that produces artificial radio noise
  • the lunar surface of Earth's moon
  • There are radio quiet zones near the national radio astronomy observatories.
  • rural areas far away from air routes do not have the constant sound of jet airliners, military planes, or helicopters
  • rural area far away from highways
  • suburbs where noise ordinances are enforced

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Most houses of worship sit empty in the six days between sabbaths.

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GNU Free Documentation License granted by photographer Joe Mabel

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Because most people ignore anything that won't turn them into Borg and because they regard books as obsolete, most traditional libraries are empty these days. You can go there to escape loud radios, boom boxes (ghetto blasters), and people screaming into their cell phones (so that the whole world will know their business).

You want the kind of traditional library where the librarians call security to have people talking on cell phones thrown out and their library card taken away permanently.

I once saw burly security guards toss a talker head first down a flight of stone steps. The talker was still yakking away before, during and after the concussion!

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This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

Carmichael Library

Quiet Places - (conclusion)

  • your car parked in your driveway
  • your car parked anywhere there are no parking meters, traffic noise or other noise and you feel safe.

    [That last part, where "you feel safe" means that you can meditate, pray, read, or just look at the scenery without concerns about being assaulted by criminals or hassled by police who think that you are a troublemaker. The police are just doing their job but you want quiet. So pick the right place to park. Seldom used inspiration points are a good choice.]

  • a sand sea type of desert

    Editor's Note -- Jesus liked deserts and gardens except on those two occasions when Satan hassled him in the desert and when He got arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane. God Himself enjoyed walking in the Garden of Eden until Adam and Eve ate off the one tree that they were supposed to leave alone. Gardens put up signs that say: "Don't pick the flowers" so that flowers will be there for others to enjoy. That was probably the kind of prohibition at work back then.

    The moral of the story?

    1. Grow your own cutting garden if you cannot stand to leave flowers alone.

    2. Grow an orchard of forbidden fruit trees if you like eating poisonous fruit that takes away your immortality.

    3. Working and sweating is good exercise. It keeps you in shape.

    4. Stupidity and insanity is bad.

Ideas for Quiet

Problem: People can have loud voices and show a marked preference for loudness in general. This includes singing in shower, playing TV loud, playing music loud, always wanting to talk or argue, snoring, and having loud parents and friends. You do not want these things in a spouse.

Solutions: Either marry a quiet person or don't get married, live alone.

Problem: Marriages produce screaming babies who then become brats acting out and then teens with loud music.

Solution 1: Get sterilized with a vasectomy or tubal ligation.

2. Use birth control, contraceptives, prophylactics, morning after pill, RU-486, and mifepristone. If you are really stupid and retarded and plan to wait until the end of the third trimester and then have an abortion, then just make arrangements to put all your children up for adoption the way surrogates do. Better yet, do not conceive in the first place and thereby save Pro-Lifers the cost of maintaining counselors, adoption services, and orphanages. No one will adopt your unwanted child (low IQ, genetic problems from inbreeding, multiple health issues, product of rape, drugs in system of crack babies and meth babies, wrong color, AIDS, congenital birth defects, etc.). Instead, prospective parents will browse the catalogs of healthy babies from China or Russia. You will also save Pro-Choicers the cost of maintaining abortion clinics and the high costs of security to protect themselves from right wing psychos. Of course, if you were smart, then there would be no Life versus Choice debate in the first place. You would plan your family (if any) but Pro-Lifers are against any family plan that involves family planning since they are -- duh -- against Choice.

3. Check out the families of people you date. Keep your eyes open and ask questions. If the babies in your prospective fiancé's or fiancées family are all screamers, then run as fast you can. Break it off and never take their phone calls. Tell them that their family is genetically loud if you must but you are wasting your breath.

4. Not all babies are loud. Many babies are so healthy and easy to please that they are always quiet. These babies are smart enough to know that their parent or other caretaker will feed them, change their diaper, bathe them, and take them to the doctor on a regular schedule. Why cry when the adults come like clockwork? Beyond these simple needs of not having colic, diaper rash, hunger or discomfort, a baby does not need much else. These babies are smart enough to know that constant screaming means delay in receiving food and easing pain. These babies don't mind being alone. They prefer their own bedroom instead of having to listen to you snore in your bedroom. Being quiet, they avoid provoking the kind of nurse or nanny who abuses babies. If you discover a family so quiet that even the babies are quiet, catch an eligible single person from said family. Tell the competition every negative lie you can think of about said single in order to chase them off and, therefore, be able to court them with no distractions. Like noise. It is all about quiet.

Problem: You have been conditioned like a lemming by your religion, by the economic growth people, and by the military to have a large family.

Solution 1: Get deprogrammed or seek psychotherapy.

2. Get a college education and a graduate school education.

3. Don't have children. Be a child-free couple. Enjoy rubbing your carefree lifestyle in the faces of those who call you selfish for not wanting to selfishly spread your genes all over the world.

4. If you must have children, then only have only one child. Your home will be much quieter. An additional benefit is that an only child will have a higher IQ.

Problem: Your previously quiet child has become noisy.

Solution 1: Have them tested for the drug du jour.

2. Get them on a Feingold diet. Sugar and junk food make kids bounce off walls.

3. Move. Take away their cellphone and credit card. Put tracking software on their computer. Have a private detective follow them around. For sure, they are hanging out with loud trouble-making friends. Moving to another state or another country will probably break such "friendships". If it doesn't, then you are a bad parent.

4. If you are in a ghetto, then move out by ANY MEANS NECESSARY as Malcolm X would say. Go to college. Get two, three or four jobs. Move in temporarily with relatives who do not live in a ghetto. If you are a poor white and feel similarly trapped by a cycle of poverty, then move out of West Virginia or wherever the rural hellhole. The company that owns your town does not care that the plant or mine where you work is killing you from the the dust and chemicals in the air. An unhealthy environment will screw up your children, kill you and leave them orphans.

5. If you are a farmer doing industrial farming, then all those agricultural chemicals are killing you and your family. Switch to organic. An unhealthy environment will screw up your children, kill you and leave them orphans.

6. If your child continues to be loud after you have gotten them off sugar/other drugs/junk food and after you have gotten them away from a loud crowd of "friends"; then send them to Catholic parochial school in your town or county. I know for a fact that they accept Protestant students. Catholic parochial schools generally do not accept the nonsense that goes on in non-Catholic schools. At any school, your child should learn to be smart not loud, academic not athletic. They can play sports only if they make straight A's. Coaches often rig grades so that stupid star athletes coast through school. Such coaches do not care about minority children having a way to support themselves after they are too old and injured to play. In certain sports like girls' gymnastics, a girl can be washed up before she is an adult. They are thrown away like garbage.

7. If your child continues to be loud after being enrolled in parochial school, then send them to boarding school in another state. Generations of upper class parents swear by the effectiveness of prep schools. There are boarding schools within the price range of middle class parents. There are scholarships and other programs for the children of lower class parents. Lack of money is no excuse for not choosing this option.

8. If your child continues to be loud after being enrolled in boarding school, then send them to military school. There are now such schools for girls too.

9. If your child continues to be loud after being enrolled in military school, then time for tough love. Call the judge and ask them to send your child to reform school. Kiddie prison.

10. If your problem child continues to be loud after being sent or sentenced to reform school, then put them up for adoption. You will have no choice because they have burned through your bank account in school costs, medical costs and legal costs. If you have other children, then the problem child has hogged all the available resources and robbed the siblings.

Problem: An adult family member, previously quiet, has become loud.

Solution: This is probably a medical issue with a medical solution. There may be some injury or strange illness. Low IQ people do not know how to lower their voices in a library. You would already know if they were mentally challenged and so you can rule this out. Sociopaths do not care that they disturb others. Again, it is unlikely that someone become sociopathic if they previously had a conscience. Sociopaths are like that from an early age and so you can rule this out if your family and your psychiatrist observe them. This leaves injury, illness, and insanity.

Problem: Hearing loss.

Solution 1: Avoid loud sports where the team encourages air horns and permanent deafness decibel levels. Stick to golf.

2. If you have to travel economy a lot, then do not get a seat near the jet engines. If you are rich, then travel by airship rather than noisy jets or noisy prop planes.

3. Shop for an electric car. Compare electric cars by reliable statistics on their decibel levels at idle, 70 mph cruise and full throttle acceleration in the on ramp of a superhighway.

4. Have architect design a house for maximum quiet.

5. No crunchy cereal or snacks or other noisy food on the grounds of hearing, nutrition and etiquette. We are civilized human beings, ladies and gentlemen. We are not beasts. We do not make noise while we dine.

6. Give away barking dog and caterwauling cat to a person who lives far away, certainly not in your neighborhood where you would continue to hear their noise. Get goldfish and plants instead.

7. Remove from office local officials who will not enact and enforce noise ordinances. There are rifle mikes that can focus on specific moving vehicles and that can be attached to VU meters and computers to record their decibel level. If they say such equipment is too expensive, then they do not know how to comparison shop and should be removed from office on that ground alone. They can get the money by melting down for scrap metal the machine guns and the armored tank that they have for riot control. Homeland Security and the Pentagon surplus matériel department must be building a police state to sell military weapons on townships. On the other hand, better this than cheap drones peeping in people's windows.

Ways For Communities to Fight Noise Pollution

1. tough noise ordinances

2. sound walls and/or berms along highways

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