ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Exactly How Young Is Too Young to Attend a Funeral of Someone, Relative or Not?

Updated on March 11, 2020

When someone people love dies, like a well-loved uncle, parents ask this question: how young is too young to attend a funeral?

Most people have already attended a funeral, be it a co-worker or a cousin. There are a lot of people crying their eyes red out of grief and sorrow. Prayers, if the services are of some religions, are said. Songs, tributes, and stories about the deceased (especially eulogies) are recited.

But there are parents up in arms on deciding whether children can attend those emotionally-taxing events. They are worried that such an occasion, especially if it involves their loved ones' bodies on display, would actually traumatize them. Some of them shield their kids from the services just to keep them emotionally safe.

Does Age REALLY Matter?

Few experts wholeheartedly agree with parents on what age is appropriate enough to partake in the most essential part of the bereavement process.

Advice columnist Ann Landers wrote in response to a parent who was debating on whether her young child can attend her mother's wake noted that 8, not 5, was the most mature age to do so.

"The viewing at the mortuary is only one aspect that may be perplexing and upsetting to the child.," wrote Landers, "Lowering the casket into the ground and leaving Grandma in the cemetery would be much more difficult for a youngster to deal with."

So why do few experts and some parents think that children under 8-10 are the least emotionally mature to attend a funeral. Most obviously, they have short attention spans, which means that sitting for a long time listening to sermons and eulogies can be boring to them.

Source

But the main fear about kids attending a funeral is how the process and rituals work. When parents know that there will be an open casket wake or visitation, they worry that kids would be very traumatized by the sight of the body. Remember that embalmed bodies aren't like sleeping bodies. Morticians try very hard to make them look as lifelike as possible, but they aren't really the same.

Lowering the casket or coffin into a hole in the cemetery or pushing it into a mausoleum or tomb can also scare children, some parents and even experts say. They fear that the process makes kids really upset that they will "never see their brother, sister, or other loved one ever again."

Here's one mother's experience on responding to a letter about an in-school funeral

Maturity and Preparedness are What Matter

Most other experts and some other parents think that children's maturity level - independent of age - is the most important factor in determining if they can attend a funeral. Another factor is how do they understand the concept of death and dying.

Proponents of letting children attend a funeral only if they know how it's done and how mature they will be state their reasons why it's necessary. Most of them think that shielding them from the services can make them just as scared of death as having them go to an open casket viewing without prior preparation.

Pro-kids-at-funeral proponents say that it actually teaches them that death is a huge fear rather than a part of life.

"To shut your children out of such a rich and valuable life lesson is to deprive them of an opportunity to grow." wrote Marty Tousley, a clinical nurse, "Letting them participate in the family rituals of grief and mourning shapes how they will cope with future losses and ultimately with their own mortality as well."

They believe that there is absolutely no age restriction on attending a funeral. It's how prepared ahead of time that really matters.

If the wake is open casket, proponents of taking kids to funerals prepare them ahead of time to make it a less traumatizing experience.
If the wake is open casket, proponents of taking kids to funerals prepare them ahead of time to make it a less traumatizing experience. | Source

Experts who agree on this tell their parents to prepare their kids not only what behavior and attire are expected (After all, it's often very rude and disrespectful to the bereaved to have brightly-clothed children misbehaving in the services.) but also what will be going on.

Parents who follow their advice would often determine whether it's an open or closed casket or coffin wake.

If it's the former type, they'd explain to the kids that their relative or friend's body looks like he or she is sleeping, but the body parts have stopped working altogether. They explain that he or she cannot get up from the coffin or casket to hug them, sit with them in the chapel pews, or awaken. They avoid euphemisms like "passed away," "sleeping," or "gone."

They'd also explain that funerals are family reunions to remember the person. They are held to celebrate his or her life, say goodbye and thank you, and be comforted.

Besides explaining the funeral process, like sermons and eulogies, parents who follow said experts' advice also give kids a choice on whether they can attend. If they can't, they'd assure them not to feel ashamed or guilty and videotape the service for them.

Despite the fact that most babies are disruptive in serious events like funerals, this boy is such an angel. His mother must've prepared him ahead of time.
Despite the fact that most babies are disruptive in serious events like funerals, this boy is such an angel. His mother must've prepared him ahead of time. | Source

Many parents and experts who believe that taking kids to funerals can visually explain what death means to them only if they are prepared to see what is expected. But be aware that few others believe that doing so can cause emotional trauma and stress - in few cases even if prepared.

Well, on debating whether kids can attend a funeral all depends on the type of parent or guardian.

How old can children attend funerals?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)