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I Am Suicidal! What Can I Do?

Updated on October 8, 2012

Feeling out of control and suicidal is terrifying, debilitating, and desperately lonely.

You can get through these awful moments. I know; I've done it and so have thousands of other people. Paradoxially, suicide, I believe, is a choice, but your choice ends if you choose it.

The worst moments of feeling suicidal do not usually last very long. If you can hang in there through the gut-wrenching wave of despair, you will stay alive and maintain your ability to choose.

Here are 10 options to help quell the suicidal fury in your mind when you are in crisis.

None of these are meant to heal your pain, and they can help you step away from the edge and make it through to tomorrow. In addition, Thoughts of Suicide will help you understand a little more of your thinking.

Feeling Suicidal and Thinking "I Want to Die"

This 3-minute video helps explain that being suicidal isn't your fault. It's a video about feeling understood and not feeling so alone. It isn't a pitch for my book, although I do show it at the very end, as this thumbnail shows. Please take a look. I've received a number of emails that it has helped people who are struggling. I hope it helps you.

#1 Breathe

Before you do anything else, take five deep breaths now. During moments when you aren't sure if you can stay alive or not, breath is shallow and the ability to think shuts down.

Inhale to the count of four, hold to the count of four, and exhale to the count of four. Five times. At least.

#2 Make a Phone Call

Call someone. Anyone. Now.

Two options are a Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) in the United States or Internationally, the Befrienders.

I've never called the Befrienders, but I have called the Suicide Hotline. It was very scary the first time. If you are not in the actual act of killing yourself or threatening to kill yourself right then, they will not send the police to your door. They are trained to talk with you and help you through the acute moments of despair. You will have to deal with an automated voice and some stupid music at first -- just hang in there. Please do not let fear stop you from making that call.

Call family or friends, your doctor, your therapist, your preacher, or any other supportive person. Talk to someone for at least ten minutes.

As a side note, please do not call someone who is reprimanding, judgmental, or negative. You are probably being excessively hard on yourself as it is.

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#3 Smell

I know this sounds weird...if you think you want to kill yourself, go into your bathroom and smell every bottle of shampoo and conditioner, every soap, and every lotion you own. Do it slowly and methodically.

If you are still fighting against immediate suicide, do the same thing in your kitchen with spices, herbs, and condiments in the refrigerator.

You will figure out which scents help calm your mind, and you will be breathing deeply in the process, which helps the nervous system relax and your body and mind work better.

When 99% of you feels suicidal, a fraction of a percent change is all it takes to stay alive when the Suicide Voice is taking over.

#4 Read

I know reading can be next-to-impossible when suicide is churning in your mind. It can help if you read to yourself out loud.

This easy-reading book has 28 short chapters to help you through the worst times. It is available on Amazon as a print book and for Kindle, and it's also available as pdf version at ChooseLifeOverSuicide. The site says it isn't available because it's part of Amazon Select. It actually is available for immediate download.

Read a full review.

When Darkness Comes: Saying "No" to Suicide
When Darkness Comes: Saying "No" to Suicide

Delve inside the suicidal mind with a raw and naked look at Angerona Love's struggle to stay alive after the fatal suicide of her fiancé. Love has broken the stigma with an insightful perspective of ways she stayed alive when her own mind relentlessly wanted to kill her. Helpful for people considering suicide, the people who love them, and mental health professionals, When Darkness Comes provides increased understanding into the mind of someone battling suicide and offers tips to continue breathing when breathing no longer seems bearable.

 
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#5 Look at a Picture

The voice of suicide has a way of making us think the world is better off without us and that killing ourselves is the best thing for the people we love. No more insidious, awful lie has ever been thought!

Sit down and think hard about the reasons you have to stay alive. Family, pets, friends, guilt, whatever it takes -- think of something worth staying alive for even though your brain is telling you to kill yourself. Write it down.

If you have a physical picture of the person or thing, even better. Hold this image in your mind and use it to fend off the raging storm of suicide in your mind. If the suicidal voice tries to argue otherwise, argue back. Whatever you have stayed alive for up until now is still worth it.

#6 Listen to Music

There is a rule to this one.

You are not to listen to anything that will further depress you. Nor should you listen to anything ultra-cheerful.

You are looking for slightly melancholy songs that contain hope -- songs about overcoming adversity, struggling through to the light -- that sort of thing. My personal favorite when I was struggling is below. It is the right combination of sadness and triumph to have helped me through the worst moments without wanting to puke from cheery, i's-dotted-with-hearts happiness.

Please add your favorites in the Comments section below.

#7 Take a Walk

Get out and walk. A ten-fifteen minute brisk walk can really help. I know it is incredibly difficult to think about going out when you feel horrible, raw, vulnerable, and suicidal; however, it can make the difference between being acutely suicidal and on the brink of killing yourself and just feeling generally lousy, suicidal thoughts.

If you don't want to go out in the public domain, stretch for ten minutes. Our bodies hold our pain and by moving and being active, even for a few minutes, you can release some of that tension.

#8 Get in the Shower

Take a shower. Change the water from comfortably hot to really cold. Do this back and forth a couple of times. The point is to force yourself to feel. It is hard to stay acutely suicidal when you make yourself feel your humanness.

When you turn the water off, dry yourself off, use lotion on your whole body, put on deoderant, and brush your teeth. By the time you've done all this, the worst of the suicidal thinking may well be over.

#9 Distract Yourself with YouTube

This one is easy. Find stupid, short clips on YouTube that have nothing to do with suicide, depression, hopelessness, violence, or negativity. Look up your favorite musicians, comedy, pets, anything to distract your mind through the temporary, suicidal crisis.

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#10 Caramelize Onions

This sounds weird too. It worked for me.

Why did it work? Chopping onions caused me to cry, which helped release emotion. Cooking the onions took up time, smelled wonderfully, necessitated my stirring them constantly, and was cheap to do.

It sounds strange, but try it.

1.) To caramelize onions, chop some onions into strips. They will shrink considerably, so if you're going to use them, make a lot. Don't dice them -- leave them as strips.

2.) Put some olive oil and/or butter in a pan and heat over medium heat.

3.) Add the onions and a little salt and pepper. Stir them often as they start to soften. Turn the heat a little lower.

4.) When somewhat soft, add a teaspoon or two of sugar and stir. Brown sugar is best, but not necessary.

5.) Keep stirring them constantly for 20-25 minutes. Scrape the goo off the bottom of the pan as you stir.

6.) When they are golden to medium brown, they're done.

Keep Giving Yourself the Choice

When I was suicidal, someone said to me, "I'm not asking you to take suicide off your list. I just want you to get it out of the number 1 spot."

It was wise advice. As long as suicide is your second option, you will always have the choice. Do whatever it takes, just get suicidal thinking and the desire to kill yourself out of the number 1 spot. If you can put it at number 3 or 4, all the better. Number 2 is good enough.

If you want support and don't know where to turn, please consider a licensed mental health professional to help you through this. If, for whatever reason, that isn't your choice, consider trusting someone with your feelings. Options include religious leaders, a support group, peer support and mentoring, a physician, or other community resources.

You do not have to go through this alone and there are peope ho wwill help and support you with kindness, respect, and compassion.

For some longer-term ideas about how to start climbing out of depression a little every day, please see 10 tips to help depression.

Please share your ideas for getting through the rough moments

A ten-minute distraction can make the difference between suicide and life.

How Do You Get Through the Hard Times?

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    • profile image

      sahan 3 years ago

      good

    • profile image

      queenbloveless 3 years ago

      i was diagnosed last year with severe manic depression. my therapist recommended medication highly. i denied it thinking i was in control of what i have. when i told my parents about the diagnoses they laughed at me and told me that they weren't going to have any part of my mental health and said no to medication as well. after months and months of going through mania, depression and paranoia and wanting to do drugs, such as opiates, i really want to and need to get on medication but i have no money at all and the money i do have i can't use for that... for the past two weeks i've been severely manic and not caring or even realizing what i'm doing. earlier today i started feeling the depression come back and it's coming back strong. i do believe that i'm suicidal because i can't deal with the constant mood swings and it's hard to talk to parents who don't give a shit about you whatsoever. i need help, i don't know what to do. i don't even want to wake up tomorrow.

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 3 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi Girlfriend. I have seizures all the time after the two surgeries. Sometimes a dozen a week (rarely big ones, but sometimes); sometimes three a week. I also had a mini-stroke after the second surgery. It's not terrible. An inconvenience and annoyance, yes, but not terrible. I'm not minimizing your experience and don't mean to be flippant, but you have to admit -- when you've had a seizure, at least you aren't aware of how much things can suck because you're pretty out of it. (Again, I'm not minimizing or invalidating your experience that it was awful. It's just something I've had to come to grips with and this is one perspective of a way to look at it. When your brain misfires, it can be a reprieve from the suckiness.) Hang in there.

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      anonymous 3 years ago

      Getting through so hard times, what a bunch of shit? I just got out of the Hospital last week so had 2 seizures. Now I am so being told I may have had a stroke now. I thought so I was trying to get along better. I am so very pissed off. I have all these tests I have to have. I am ao very unhappy more ao then I have ever been. I am told so don't drive and being put on anti seizure pills. I hate drugs, I hate hospitals and now I am so more wanting to end my life. Have you ever felt better and ao in life and just fuck the world comes down again on you? I feel so want to die ao terribly and be at peace. I know or believe God would set me free. I am tired and suffering and I don't like life anymore....sorry InquiaitiveOne, wish you were here to guide me and help me towards the way life could so be better...

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @InquisitiveOne LM: That link doesn't work.

      This one does:

      http://ww2.doh.state.fl.us/IRM00PRAES/PRASINDI.ASP...

      If anyone is interested, click on the "Link to Complaint" and you will see the report for the upcoming trial.

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi Christine.

      I completely understand your feelings (and think a lot of people here do). My therapist royally screwed me up, and in fact, the State of Florida is currently investigating him. Here's the link to the report filed with the State:

      http://ww2.doh.state.fl.us/DocServiceMngr/displayD...

      When therapy either doesn't help or, in my case, causes harm, it isn't encouraging. There are other options. None of them are easy (neither is therapy), but there are ways to begin feeling better and like life is not death sentence. I wish you well and will be thinking of you. Thank you for your concise and poignant words. It fits perfectly what so many people feel.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      What's truly weird is how easy it is to get tranquilizing drugs from doctors so you can stockpile. Even when they know you have suicidal ideation. My most recent therapist (fired for other reasons) knew I was stockpiling - I told him. He also told me I had been suicidal most of my life and never tried it - though he never asked if I had made past attempts. (I had.) Not sure I want to "die" but I know I don't want to "live". Hot lines always refer me to therapy, but how many does one try? Not an encouraging situation.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just feel so hopeless my best friend just neglects me when someone else comes along and I'm always picked on I just feel life is pointless and the only way out is death

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I'm having suicidal thoughts and i just feel like doing it right now. But i can't because its selfish and i don't even have the guts. Taking a walk tomorrow or sometimes was my best solution.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just ordered your book!!! I can't wait for it to show up! Please stay strong and encouraged....your positivity is what helps me throughout the day. I'm so excited for your book!!!

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for writing Annika. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. It *is* a tough journey to begin healing. There are others here who have also taken it, and you can get support here on this forum and on the forum of my other article, "I Want to Die". You can also reach me by clicking on my photo. That will take you to my Profile page. On the Profile, there's a button underneath my photo that says, "Contact". If you click that, you will send me a direct email.

      I meant it when I said in my video that life can be bearable again. I still have bad days and still think about suicide sometimes, but it isn't that overwhelming despair and frenzy to have to do it. It is background now and much more manageable. You can build a different life. Please check back and keep writing here. Feeling understood is incredibly important, and you aren't alone here.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      This is the first site I've come across where I truly feel understood. I just got out the hospital last month for attempting suicide by overdosing. I tried again two weekends ago and just ended up throwing up all day and feeling horrible the next day. So this morning I was feeling alone and desperate again so I decided to try and google the best way to kill yourself. (so you know I could actually succeed this time) well I found your site and I watched the video and I honestly finally feel understood. I'm still sad as I'm writing this but now I want to explore other options to getting better. I want to truly be healed. This is going to be a tough journey alone but if I can make it to the end I feel it will all be worth. Thank you so much and wish me luck.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I have been there also. Try building relationship networks with people that are positive and have good advice. Exercise and breathing s also helps. I came back from the brink

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I've been having suicidal thoughts lately, but after I red this, I don't think imma gonna do it anymore... Thanks for the advice :)

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      What if its not your brain....its what is happing to me. I lost my job I can't find a new one I am being sued by 4 co. that i owe money to I will be homeless in days I have no one to turn to I pray and even God has turned his back on me...its not my mind Its just for real life and Im done

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: My email (so.miss_understood@hotmail.com) is open to any one who wants to tell they're story. I've been dealing with depression since i was 10. I'm 21 Now and sometimes the thought of killing myself becomes so real...i am scared of what i will do to myself if i lose control. I have told my boyfriend that i am depressed, but i don't think he knows how serious it is for me. Sometimes i think people like me understand more than those who doesn't have to deal with all the wrong in they're lives.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @InquisitiveOne LM: I would like to hear and so the song also. : )

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Thanks

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: why?

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hello. I wrote back on the YouTube channel and will have a name for you in a few days when I return home. Thank you for writing. I'm glad you like the song.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      what is the song to this? tell me on the video comments on the video on youtube

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: hi,matt,yes it does a lot to me to. just abandaid approach.sometimes however that's all that's needed.are some I read that are mccoys like me.i have never been 1 to put my business on the street but that's the thing today.if you have never 'seen' any theipist ever,try it.wish I did as a kid years ago,maybe I wouldn't have become the disabled wreck I am today.lol. just don't take the notion its all phony ok.its not. tell ya what,whatever it is,consider this first.if it concerns any relationship(s) with friends or family,try a counsler or evan minister if your one for that approach.if its really more just you,go psychologist first.nobody explained that to me as a 22yr old kid when in service many yrs ago,it hurt put it that way,always will forever.nuff said,goodluck

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      l've thought committing suicide at the age of four years old(1999) and now till this day(2013)and still have thought of it.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      It's posts like this that actually make me want to kill myself.

      The focus on the mundane.

      The superficial.

      The fact that this person says to go to YouTube and watch inane videos (as if there is anything else on YouTube). The fact that videos about kittens and video games have MILLIONS of views just reminds me how hopeless and idiotic human beings are, and how there's really no point in trying to fight it because we are living in a worldwide Idiocracy.

      I'm honestly at a breaking point, and this web page did nothing but reaffirm (not assuage) my feelings. Way to go.

      Still, I think I might be just as inclined to "disappear" -- to fly away to another country, adopt a new identity, I don't know -- as I would be to end it all. But the more I see people wasting money, spending all day touching tiny screens with fingers and consuming the dumbest media tripe they can find...

      the less hope it gives me.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      i am a 12 year old boy and i really need help because almost everyday i think of suicide in which my parents don't see it in me but my mom does but she thinks i wont do it one time when i really got mad at her i thought that if i choke my self to death i would be happy when i started to choke my brain just wouldn't let me do it and i decided that if things don't start going well to me im gonna killmyself but if my family members saw attempting it i think they would send me to a mental place but i don't wanta end up there in which math has been going really hard for me for my stupid fault of playing the xbox and when it comes to homework sometimes i hit myself in the head hear my brain say to my self you stupid stupid boy you,ve disappointed everyone god doesn't love you for being stupid and not taking the right decisions you wernt meant to be alive do you see how your brother treats you AND FOR PLAYING THE XBOX! YOU STUPID PIECE OF ATOMS YOU WISH YOU COULD DIE WELL GO AHEAD SEE HOW YOUR FAMILY WILL FEEL YOU STUPID BOY and then when i hear all that i start going crazy in which i say im not going to eat cut your self in the neck or jump of a buiding and one time i got a gun a real one and pointed it at my self i reloaded it and checked if there was bullets but their weren't any and today depression suicide and hopelessness and everything that causes suicide hits me the only thing keeping me alive is my paralized sister who can't speak or do anything and my family and the one and only worst thing is my xbox it helps me forget about everything and that is my story i just wish ive been better in these 5 years i fell like garbage i only want a happeir life and it semms i wont get it :(

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I have a baby i love my baby so much but i feel he doesn't deserve me as his caregiver even if im in college and take good care of him and im having problems with my father of the baby i feel no support from him and that i feel hopeless if i end up being alone i have grabbed a knife before because i wanted to die i have choked myself with a cord but i couldn't do it when i was a teenager i have drank myself to the point of wandering the streets when i was 14 i don't know what to do anymore im so sick of feeling this way throughout my life im confused and scared that i can't handle life anymore that i have no control over my life anymore im writing this as a way to speak out i can't deny it anymore im 20 yrs old and this is my first time realizing my mental problem i wish God wouldve took my life away already so i can stop suffering and be in peace

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
      Author

      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi Sally-Ann. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I understand how hard it is to see a future when you're in so much pain. You mentioned your spouse and that she suffers from depression. Please, don't worry about burdening her. She is the one person in your life who may be able to understand. Together the two of you can create a plan to help both of you. There things you can both do in terms of supplements and exercise that will help your brain and allow you both to start feeling better. Please don't try to get through this alone.

      I know how it is when something starts your brain on the negative thinking highway. It is so hard to get out of that. One thing that sometimes helped me was to picture that as an actual highway. Then, in my mind, I would picture the asphalt starting to break and buckle as nature started to grow up through it and covered the ugly tar with trees and flowers and green -- something pretty. It sometimes really helped calm my mind down, and other times it didn't. If it helps even a small percentage of the time, then it's worth trying.

      Please hang in there and do whatever you can to get the support and love you need.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am trying to distract myself as much as possible, like having a bucket list of things I need to do. I have suffered from Depression since I was a child, and recently diagnosed with BPD. I am having a hard time now to live in the moment, I can only see the end of the line. My family, except for my spouse never reach out to me that much, I constanly feel like I don't matter do them. I miss them so much! And, yes I have told them how much they mean to me. My spouse also suffers from depression and I don't want to drag her down anymore then she is. I have been thinking about suicide, the method I would use and the fact that I have the means to do it. I'm so tired, I go along for awhile relatively ok and then for some reason I start "stinking thinking." then that is compounded by me making a mistake at work or home, no one calling me and/or responding to my emails from my family and then I'm down the rabbit hole. If I speak to my doctor, she'll just have me committed, it has happened many times before. I think the only thing that is somewhat stopping me is I don't want to end up being found before everything kicks in, so that there is no going back or I end up with brain damage. I'm scared for myself and weepy. I'm just plain tired of fighting.

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hello and thank you for writing.

      "Under the Bridge" is one of my favorite songs. I'm so glad you wrote and included it. I'm not familiar with the other song and will go look for it on YouTube. Music can touch us so deeply. Thank you for adding to the list.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I find listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers very useful. Their lyrics are very deep and touching. Under The Bridge for example 'Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner, sometimes I feel like my only friend...' and 'I don't ever want to feel like I did that day. Take me to the place I love, take me all the way' are very useful to me. They make me feel that Anthony Kiedis (writer of those lyrics) is the one person who understand how I feel. 'Fight Like A Brave' is a good one too: 'Fight like a brave, don't be a slave. No one can tell you that you've got to be afraid'. I hope this can be helpful to someone.

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comments. I will look for your book and look forward to reading it. I have definitely "been there". I still have a hard time coinciding with my cycle too, but at least now I know what it is and can work through it. I"m glad some of these tips may help you. Take care, and you're in my prayers.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      Just discovered your site - encouraging to hear these ideas because it's obvious from reading them that you've 'been there.' The one about the onions is great! I've tried so many distractions, and thankfully I'm still here. Suicidal almost monthly, 1-2 weeks prior to my cycle, since I was 12. Earlier this year I came out of the dungeon long enough to write about my experience with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). I invite you to take a look - myebook.com, just do a search for "shine for me". It's written from a Christian perspective.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      As a diagnosed Bi-Polar/PTSD owner, I struggle almost daily with negative thoughts that frequently culminate in suicidal thoughts. This past week is just one of those times when I can't avoid, skirt or eliminate pervasive thoughts of suicide. Except for these thoughts, I am making all the correct clinical moves in that I routinely see a psycho-therapist, psychiatrist and take my meds religiously. I have 2 wonderful children, 5 and 7, and a wife that is beyond patient, yet I am not able to embrace anything beyond my own desperate and hopeless feelings. The daily struggles and turmoil are all masked by intellect and jokes that everyone has come to expect from me anymore. Yet I feel like a complete outcast, completely alone and devoid of true happiness. I am a lost shadow of a soul in view of those who cannot hear me screaming. While I relish at having discovered this forum, I cannot seem to deny that self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation reign supreme. I hope I am here to write more tomorrow.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      i wish i was dead. when someon asks how im doing suicidal wise, i say "Fine" . but when they are asking i have suicidal thoughts. im depressed. im a loser. i"ve screwed up everyone's lives.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @Kateeee777: If he is "a bit violent towards you" you should leave him for sure. Cheating isn't great but violence towards your partner is much much worse. That is abuse plain and simple. It sounds like he is making you to feel guilty for things. Also you shouldn't be so afraid of hurting someone's feelings. Breakups are never easy but they are necessary and everyone gets dumped at least once in their life...people move on.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      if only this was true. my parents say to my face every damned day: "YOU ARE A STUPID, FAILING DISAPPOINTMENT , SO WHY THE HELL ARE WE WASTING OUR TIME ON YOU!! YOU'RE A PIECE OF CRAP!!!!"" HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER TO THAT HUH!????when your own parents have no concern for your existence, emotion, and even insult you because you have a dip in your chest?! Nothing can help you if no one cares about you or your depression

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: You will heal. It seems impossible but time heals you. You are not alone.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Its very hard but you will heal...time is a very good healer, you will be okay....it seems impossible but you get througph it . People have and) you will:)

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Oh darling.

      This breaks my heart.

      You are not alone. Many people here feel what you and I'm one of them.

      Like you, my pets are what keeps me going. My dog and cats are my best friends. And they'll always love me unconditionally.

      If not for a moment, take that love and try and give it to yourself.

      Can you imagine how sad our pets would be if they really knew we didn't want to live? They would have the most difficult time understanding WHY!?!! I think about this sometimes. It helps me a lot.

      Xoxoxox

      Please hold on! Play in your garden! Keep busy.

      It'll all pass soon. <3

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      thank u 4 helping me out it actually worked so thank u for saving my life o god thank u now i'm feeling happy not sad any more so thank u so please share this with others an thank u agan.

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
      Author

      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you Joanne. You are an inspiration. I too have lost a loved one to suicide. There is no pain like it. I appreciate you posting here and send you support and compassion. You are right -- we are not alone, even though it often feels that way.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      Funnily enough - the fact my brother committed suicide is the reason I am able to stay alive. I feel the despair regularly but keep bringing myself back to him and how I felt when I learned of his death. But oh how I wish the despair and sense of hopelessness would leave! I may be alive - bit it is so difficult making it through the day. I know I will - a tribute to his death. Remember, you are not alone.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      My birthday was today. My daughter has been with my sister who has money and her son committed suicide in 1998. Mydaughter told me it would be ewasier if i had money. I told her not to come around anymore until she could be more respectful. I miss her so much. I went thru trauma in this area 6 years ago. I use to be very pretty and very strong this area has brought me down. I have been crying all day. I want to take my pills and die. The only reason I don't is my two dogs. I want to move away. I do massage therapy and love it and also work on my house and garden but the last two days I have not bathed I look awful. I do not want to live like this. I am too scared to live. Help I am slipping away.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      i wanna die die die i m d ost unlucky person in the world

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
      Author

      InquisitiveOne LM 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi. I'm sorry you're struggling. You can contact me directly by clicking my name, "InquisitiveOne", and clicking the "Contact" button beneath my photo. Please write me directly. I don't have all the answers, and I have no magic words. I do have compassion, support, and understanding and will do what I can to help you. Please hang in there.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am having a really hard time, struggling every day to want to live

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am suicidal and I feel like it would be so much easier to just...... die but I'm scared to tell my mom or to call any number but I'm also scared I cant take much more. That stuff doesn't work. Ive got no reason to live but I'm scared to actually kill myself. What do I do?

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am 21. I just got out of the ARMY because I couldn't emotionally handle the disrespect. I turned to anger. I used to be a nice quiet girl and everyone walked on me, now I take offense to everything. I am not close with my family, when I visit (I am visiting now) it seems the only reason they want me there is so that they can say they are a good family. My husband is the nicest sweetest man I have ever met, but no matter what I do it seems like he doesn't truly care about me. He only pays attention when he wants to be intimate. I tell him that I feel alone, but he just ignores me. I hate myself, because I drive everyone away and all I want is for someone to care.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I've been sexual abused by my father numerous times when I was young

      & it still taunts me ! I have dreams about this. I'e also been call black & uqly

      for as lonq as I can remember but I got help. I've had to stay in a suicidal hospital

      for 5 days, 3 times ! Just talk to somebody they will help you !

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years; I have been so loving and supportive. I am good looking but when ever he gets a chance to meet a cuter girl than me, he starts contacting her for no good reason. When i ask him, why he is calling girls for no reason, he says its work. But practically the work does't sound important. It hurts so much that the guy you love is behind others. It breaks me, feel like leaving all these things and running away; the only way seems killing myself.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I know the feeling.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @Kateeee777: I don't think you will gain anything by telling him that you cheated. You know the saying , let sleeping dogs lie..well... you should. If you have to tell someone, tell your therapist. And you can work on your guilt by just saying you won't cheat again on him, if you can avoid it.

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      Kateeee777 4 years ago

      I've been with my partner for 3 and a half years and I have cheated on him 5 times, 2 times having sex with 2 different men the rest has just been foreplay. He's such a nice guy although he can be a bit violent towards me sometimes he is genuinely the nicest guy would never cheat on me tells me I'm beautiful and amazing everyday and that he loves me. I feel so horrible for doing this and the guys I have been with are total wankers. All the time I think about suicide. I can't bring my self to tell him because I know it will crush his heart and he might end up doing something crazy :(. I need some advise before I drive myself insanely crazy over this. Help please :(

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      i used to drink but now i just cry myself out until i have no tears left, usually from watching something really stirring or well written or sung. really good art makes me feel alive fror at least a second then i cry myself back to logical town.

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      anonymous 4 years ago

      i am 25 a married woman.years back something terrible happened to me and my whole life is change, since then ived never told anyone about it until now and that secret i will carry until i die. i screwd everything up hurting everyone around me even my family and ruining my life even more i lost the reason to live theres no point my life is ruined then i meet my husband..promises of love you know and to someone like me whos struggling to find a reason to live it is such a promise made from heaven.everything is perfect until some people start medling us judging me for who i am and everything my last ounce of hope shattered but i tried to hold on until my husband meet another woman i did nothing i just watch and listen just sitting there watching him i coudnt cry i coudnt beg.that's how i start slitting my wrist every pain every anger and suffering cost my blood i want to hang myself but im so scared i might not going to have a chance to tell him i love him more than anyone could love him three days ago is my one thousand and eight hundred 27th wished to die i dont know what to do i cannot tell itt to anyone cannot go to the doctor not him not my family im so lost and alone

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am in my masters program in college. I did something stupid that ended my 6 year relationship with the woman I loved. I cannot forgive myself. I suppose I am writing on this site because I have never been able to talk about this with someone. It is as if they forgot that I was in love with her or they just don't want to bring it up. Now I sit alone everyday in an apartment studying for a future that means nothing without her. I haven't cried about this until right now. I don't think it is helping. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. There is nothing I can do. I know life goes on but it is so cold and lonely without her. She was everything to me and I pissed it away.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I'm 20 and have a one year old son and a boyfriend I love n live with I'm soo unhappy with myself who I am I hate every lil thing about myself I used to self harm when I was younger for unnon reasons then I turned to drugs n drink and I guess grow out of it Iv always felt completely unloved my my mum n dad like the little things come before me n my son I've try to talk to me mum but it's like talkin to myself they just don't care I think I love my son soo much it's makes me cry to think about but I can't stop thinking he n my boyfriend would be better off without me I try to look happy then when I try to talk to someone they tell me I'm silly perfectic attention seeking I've never trusted people coz I've always had reasons not too I'm not lucky like others I don't have a best friend to turn to i feel soo alown it feels like the only time I was happy was when I have those moments cuddling my son and even then all I want to do is cry its not fair for him to see me like this that's why I don't see why I should stay he n my bf will live better happier lives without me please please please is there anyo e out there that can help me !!!!!

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      Came back from Afghanistan 2 years ago to find out my child was being raped the whole time I was away. Been almost two years, I can't cope with the guilt...

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Hello there i have copied and pasted what i wrote to someone else further below. You are hurting big time understandbly. You need God and to understand your life has a purpose and you will be re-united with your loved ones eventually in the spirit world after. I'm truly sorry for all your losses in your life to date. I can only suggest that you reach out for a God / Jesus and find a good church and to fill your life with good music and pleasant things. My life use to be hell but it has been transformed now. Here is what i wrote to someone else tonight, I hope it helps you :-

      "I realise a lot of people have been and are going through very dark, difficult times. I use to suffer from a very dark depression, anxiety and paranoia, but over 2-4 years of listening to Christian music and becoming a Christian I have finally been healed. I now realise retrospectively that the sort of music I had been listening to was very negative and depressing : bands like Coldplay, Travis, Dido, Manic Street Preachers. Music is exceptionally powerful, so choose you music carefully. I can strongly recommend Hillsong, Michael W. Smith, Matt Redman, Jars of Clay, Jesus Culture, Delirious. If you want gritty music with hope then listen to Michael W Smith's album : Wonder. Also my advice is not to get caught up in too many worldly things and values, like how much money you have got, job, possessions, how many friends, etc, because you spirit and true essence as a human being is far more valuable. Remember to take exercise, go outside and view the free wonders of the world : the sky/weather, nature, plants, etc, all the things that aren't governed by mankind. We are all unique creations of God and are worth many googles of dollars ( a google is a 1 followed by a hundred zeros :) ) so be thankful you are priceless!. God bless everyone and if you need help you can find me on Skype : wlintott. Peace and love, William "

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I realise a lot of people have been and are going through very dark, difficult times. I use to suffer from a very dark depression, anxiety and paranoia, but over 2-4 years of listening to Christian music and becoming a Christian I have finally been healed. I now realise retrospectively that the sort of music I had been listening to was very negative and depressing : bands like Coldplay, Travis, Dido, Manic Street Preachers. Music is exceptionally powerful, so choose you music carefully. I can strongly recommend Hillsong, Michael W. Smith, Matt Redman, Jars of Clay, Jesus Culture, Delirious. If you want gritty music with hope then listen to Michael W Smith's album : Wonder. Also my advice is not to get caught up in too many worldly things and values, like how much money you have got, job, possessions, how many friends, etc, because you spirit and true essence as a human being is far more valuable. Remember to take exercise, go outside and view the free wonders of the world : the sky/weather, nature, plants, etc, all the things that aren't governed by mankind. We are all unique creations of God and are worth many googles of dollars ( a google is a 1 followed by a hundred zeros :) ) so be thankful you are priceless!. God bless everyone and if you need help you can find me on Skype : wlintott. Peace and love, William

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      i too am so depressed and suicidal the only person iv loved for years is hurting me like hell in short doesnt need me anymore . i don't knw how to cope with this anymore

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Me to Sarah.

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 5 years ago

      @BusyQueen: Your message is pretty accurate -- certainly 7-12 people's lives are so drastically affected, they'll never be the same again. I am one of those people, and it's one reason I'm so passionate about this.

    • BusyQueen profile image

      BusyQueen 5 years ago

      Food for thought: I once read that when 1 person commits suicide they take 10 people with them by ruining their lives.

      I hope life gets better for you all, good luck and peace to each of you.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I am very unlucky as well Anthony. I am struggling to get through my pain. You are not alone. There are many of us that feel just as you do. Stay strong. God has a plan.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am 22 I am a real unlucky person I have been thru allot from my past I tried to kill my self several attempts but they are not successful I've been in many robberies had guns pointed at me I tell the person just to do it but it scares them as much as it supposed to scare me every time I overdose on my prescriptions they find me and the doctors always bring me back to life where ive seen death and feel it but I end up coming back. When i slice my vains I never get the chance to just lock myself and get it over with cause some1 always finds me and call the ambulance before I die. I had been in attempts my friend are all dyeing on me before I get the chance they succeed before me I lost my mom, lost my dad, have no one to talk to my family are evil whitch I'm just like them since I'm like this my no family no friends I'm on my own with god trying to protect me but the devil trying to position me who do I talk to have no medication or Medicare to give me a doctor some one please help me please pleas please o please

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I'm have almost the exact situation. I never cried for man- never let myself care. He asked me to dream. Said we were soul mates. He said dreams come true. I left my loveless marriage. I dared to dream and hope. He was my best friend. I found out everything was a lie. He ne sf planned to get a divorce. He only copied and pasted the same things he sent his wife. I want to die. It has been a year since ive seen him and I have cried every day and planned my death. Before that there were 4 years of his double life that hurt me and made me want to die. Ive tried to kill myself. Ive taken drugs and its more difficult than you think. I have no one to talk to. No one who wont judge me. I'm all alone. I took a chance on the hope a wonderful life and got shit on and stabbed in the back. I'm so tired of being here. I just want to go home. I want the pain to stop.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I have no method to kill myself but I fall into such deep despair that I fear if I lived on a higher floor I would jump. But then I look at my son. how selfish I am. I also pick up my bible find uplifting verses and then turn on a comedy. But this is after the deep despair I am afraid one day the despair will win over.

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      anonymous 5 years ago

      I always feel like killing my self. I think about just hanging my self and ending it all. My job is very stressful and my wife is saying that our marriage for 9 years is about to be over.

      I don't know what to do so I googled it, yes it sounds stupid but I did. Everyday I put on a happy face and go to work. When im at work, i think about death. I think about being impaled by a forklift.

      I really don't understand why i do this. So i use tip #9, it helps push and calm my thoughts of killing my self.

      But I still don't know why I have these thoughts and why can't i permanently get rid of them.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I would seem to be in a relatively okay state to most - i have an ok job, and have a wife, and a young daughter and my mother. things with wife have not be good at an intimate level ever and it is primarily my problem (not physical but psychological) and we have very different ambitions and temperments.

      my mother is old and may not be around for very long. i have focused my years' to be there for her, but after that what i see is spending a life saying "yes" to avoid arguments and pretty much being a passenger as she carries on with her journey of living life. she is not a bad person but we probably don't share the same attributes.

      i am 32 and still unsure aboiut what i will end up doing in life because of the uncertainty that surrounds on how my spouse would want to live her life, move abroad, or want to do something else.i think i will be better off without worrying about anyone and just ending my life and get over with the troubles on a daily basis. i have never, ever lived my life, for me, and just being myself, have been overweighed with expectations even when many have not asked for it and didn't value it, i thought i was needed and curtailed my life in many aspects. this is what i expect for the future.

      possibly the only liberation i can hope for is dying on my own terms and how i want. rest everybody can fend for themselves - they would feel bad and then carry on with their lives. i doubt anybody would ponder too long when i am gone. there would be enough for them to get by and live their lives. my mom may not because she is old, but then my wife and daughter can have their new lives to look forward to- whosoever my wife decides to get together with. she has mentioned this quite a bit that she would rather be with somebody else than with me.

      the only thing that is kept me from committing suicide as of now was thinking of my mother and how she would get by and now i want to see my daughter grow up, call me daddy, and being part of the life. but then i would end up living my life for her and my wife again. i don't want to. i called up a psychiatrist but none is available before Monday and i doubt prescribing me any medicines would help. i am just in an unhappy place at this time. i am at work and totally unproductive and when i go home my wife would barely speak or smile, and the only thing i look forward to is my daughter smiling when she sees me.

      i wish her all the smiles in the world. this weekend i plan to do a will, settle finances, and then see how and when i want to proceed with the next steps. i want to die, i am just afraid that i will try to not succeed. if i succeed, i will be in a place not bothered about what happens with everybody else. i will for once done something i want to. i may or may not live, but then i wanted to just rant and rave. be happy, all of you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I feel ya...I took a vacation with a good "friend" who i thought i had a connection with. We were in separate states but met somewhere at his uncles beachouse. Turns out he had some other girl there staying in the same damn house as all of us. I went down there for HIM. I left that place early, paying a HUGE airline fee for it, my heart broken and felt stupid. I didn't know anyone down there but him. Humiliating, pissed off, angry, very distrustful of ANY other human fucking being.....

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I've really grown to just hate people in general. I feel like nobody understands me or even cares to. Yes. I'm different. People say its good for people to be different. Then why am I so alone? All I really want is somebody who gets me. But every time some pulls me close, they just push me away. Friends, boyfriends. Even my family barely wants anything to do with me. Will I ever meet someone who understands me, and loves me because of it?

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Dear Anonymous Hope,

      Thank you for sending me your name. I had hoped to learn it so I could credit you. You're welcome to write me at angeronalove at gmail dot com. I didn't publish your last comment to me with your name in it because I didn't want to inadvertently invade your privacy. Please let me know if you prefer otherwise. I'll be posting new updates to my blog over the weekend. If you email me, I'll let you know when the post crediting you is up. Again, thank you so much for your thoughtful, inspiring, and hopeful posts.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Never make someone your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

      I don't want to sound cliché, but it's true; he's not worth it- no-one is worth your life. You already named several reasons to live- namely your mother. This was my reason to stay alive when I felt as you do, as well.

      Talk to someone- you said your family doesn't even realize you feel this way. That may be the first step. Some people, myself included, just don't like talking about things, but it can help, especially with someone who loves you or a very good therapist. You sound like you're suffering from severe depression. If this is the case, sometimes antidepressants can work wonders, too.

      No-one in this life ever saw anything get better by leaving it, and it will. It'll take time and patience and a conscious effort to change your life, but it is very achievable.

      If you're unhappy with your life, then do anything different. Change one small thing a month, change one big thing a day. If you're miserable, it cannot make it any worse and who knows? You just may awake one day not long from now to find that you're happy.

      Nobody deserves to suffer and feel so trapped they end their very lives. There is always another option.

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
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      InquisitiveOne LM 5 years ago

      @anonymous: To Anonymous Hope,

      Thank you for posting this. How lovely. It's a wonderful analogy for people who are hurting and one that I will refer to again and again. I'm going to write a post about it in my blog, www.spiritualityandselfhelp.com. Your words, this metaphor, is something too important to forget. Thank you again.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful- and it's true.

      Steel is not strong simply by nature, it is tempered in the hottest fires; made to endure. Diamonds are not simply the strongest subtance known to man, in fact, they are dirt in the beginning. Yet, with crushing pressure and unimaginable heat, they become a spectacular jewel. So it is with us. Great, beautiful, strong people are not simply born- they are forged.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Man performs and engenders so much more than he can or should have to bear. That is how he finds he can bear anything.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      THis meditation technique fills me with bliss http://newgen.nithyananda.org/deaddiction/break-fr...

      These techniques have constantly and instantly worked miracles when Im in low mood. Also check out - http://www.squidoo.com/newgennithyananda

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      at 5, my father just left. At 12 I watched my grandfather, who became my "father figure" die in front of me. At 17, my mother died in my arms, and for the next 27 years I took care of my grandmother. My only remaining relative. She died two years ago after a year of breast cancer.

      I am alone. There is no one, and I am too old, to "out of it" to even consider dating or finding someone, and even if I did, I am clearly too damaged for it to end up as anything other than more heart break.

      I went off to a cottage with some people I know. They have a daughter that I thought liked me, she practically begged me to go up there with her. I actually fell for it. She knows a lot about me, and my past, and I figured this was a great chance for a lifeline.

      Once there, she left with guy she just met, leaving me to talk with her parents, and being an introvert, days with nothing to do but talk was torment. Watching the daughter hanging out with someone else, torture - and watching people just being able to "be happy" hell.

      So now I am home, staring at four empty walls. More convinced than ever that happiness is something for others. For me, I apparently only desrve pain, sorrow and loneliness for the rest of my life - which as already gone on too long.

      How do I plan on getting through it? Accept it, embrace the pain, accept the emptiness, understand the sorrow, and know that it isn't forever. Just until this wretched body frees me.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi...please email me so that I may send u my pic.. jasmindersembhi@rocketmail.com

      I think I feel the same as u....so jus' take a fucking chance on me

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      i feel so unhappy

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      ive tried to kill myself 8 times now. why can't i die?

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am 45 years old and i have just lost the love of my life my ex is taking almost all of my money i am homeless and i cannot foresee anyway out of the mess i am in i just want the pain to stop

    • bilafond lm profile image

      bilafond lm 5 years ago

      CARAMALIZING Onions.... try them with pasta it tastes well sprinkle on top. May be also some yogurt and sauce :-)

    • InquisitiveOne LM profile image
      Author

      InquisitiveOne LM 5 years ago

      Thank you all for your posts. I apologize that I have not kept up with them. Two recent surgeries have knock me nearly flat for a bit. Please know I read every comment. I wish I had all the answers; I don't. I was suicidal for three years, and it was unspeakably brutal. Even though I developed tools to help, I still don't know how I made it through. There were many times I didn't think I would. Having someone I could email or talk to who didn't judge me helped a lot. Having my dogs helped. Taking solace in the few minutes of reprieve where I could enjoy birds singing or the ebb and flow of the ocean helped. Your mind deserves a break, however short, from the roar of suicide. Find and hold onto those things; they will help.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hello my name is jaycee and i tried to kill my self i was scared cunfused my mother and father didn't now until 2 days later i tride to sit my wrist i cut my hair and i had to go to a crazy person hospitial for like a week now im seeing things filling stuff breath on me wat should i do now.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      i was again in touch with my ex for a year. we had an intimate relation though he was married and father of a 8months baby. i myself detached and now don't feel like doing anything. not able to concentrate in anything. he said he respect me. he need me as friend. but he was not having those feelings in our relationship. now he loves his wife. and he ask me to move on. i was knowing that this only happen. but since 2 months i am not able to concentrate in anything. i am constantly has a feeling to do the suicide. this depression is leading me into more darkness. my ex was also a good friends of mine. i use to share everything with him after our break up. we were daily in touch for last 4 yrs. but since last one year this friendship turns into a different direction. when we broke up first time that was because he was not prepare for an inter religion/different faith marriage. he was also younger to me for 3 yrs. actually it can not be say that we broke up that time, it was like we express to each other that we love each other on same day he cleared that he can not give commitment. with in 3 months a girl propose him and he except it. later in a 6 months period he god married. now he had a 8 months baby girl. during each stage of life we were in touch as good friends. after his marriage i was in depression for a year. later i was stable. but now its difficult for me. after our recent break up our friend blame him and now we are not in talking terms. our common friend who is his best friend and my good friend, he blame him for spoiling my life and that because of him i am not able to concentrate on my career. this common friend was first not at my side. he don't know the full details of our recent break up. yet he is at my side. and i don't want to let him down. but i am not able to forgive myself for being in relationship with my ex. i don't have any grudges against my ex. i m normally a strong girl. people follow my advice. but this time i try my hard yet every now and than i feel like killing myself. i am not able to forget any single movement. i am not able to move on. when ever i stand in the balcony i feel like jumping off. i myself is a very socialite person but now tried of people don't want to mix with anyone except close friends who know about my situation. i am tried of being happy in front of my family and coworkers they all consider me happy go lucky and bold girl. i am very confident about other things yet i feel like i have to die. i bring blade and medicine. because currently everyone of my house is out of town and i am alone. but every time i take them i feel bad for my mom. i don't want to hurt her more. she had already faced a lot. i am not interested in finding any new or dating any new person. from last 3/4 years i am stuck with my ex. i am really scared that at any time if i felt loose i can tried this sucide thing. i had eaten once asprin tablets. but the dose was low. after some weekness i was ok. this time i don't want to do this. yet sometime strongly feel to do it. i hate myself for this. i want to move on in my life. i am not a girl who use to worry about boys. but now i am not able to think over him. i really want to die. i had tried all psychotheraphy in last 2 months still d situation is same. i am not able to understand what to do. because people don't know that i am in problem. even my family member don't realize it. and now im tired of being happy. i really feel some time that this pain is not barable and can only end with me. i have to die. i can't live this life anymore.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      i was again in touch with my ex for a year. we had an intimate relation though he was married and father of a 8months baby. i myself detached and now don't feel like doing anything. not able to concentrate in anything. he said he respect me. he need me as friend. but he was not having those feelings in our relationship. now he loves his wife. and he ask me to move on. i was knowing that this only happen. but since 2 months i am not able to concentrate in anything. i am constantly has a feeling to do the suicide. this depression is leading me into more darkness. my ex was also a good friends of mine. i use to share everything with him after our break up. we were daily in touch for last 4 yrs. but since last one year this friendship turns into a different direction. when we broke up first time that was because he was not prepare for an inter religion/different faith marriage. he was also younger to me for 3 yrs. actually it can not be say that we broke up that time, it was like we express to each other that we love each other on same day he cleared that he can not give commitment. with in 3 months a girl propose him and he except it. later in a 6 months period he god married. now he had a 8 months baby girl. during each stage of life we were in touch as good friends. after his marriage i was in depression for a year. later i was stable. but now its difficult for me. after our recent break up our friend blame him and now we are not in talking terms. our common friend who is his best friend and my good friend, he blame him for spoiling my life and that because of him i am not able to concentrate on my career. this common friend was first not at my side. he don't know the full details of our recent break up. yet he is at my side. and i don't want to let him down. but i am not able to forgive myself for being in relationship with my ex. i don't have any grudges against my ex. i m normally a strong girl. people follow my advice. but this time i try my hard yet every now and than i feel like killing myself. i am not able to forget any single movement. i am not able to move on. when ever i stand in the balcony i feel like jumping off. i myself is a very socialite person but now tried of people don't want to mix with anyone except close friends who know about my situation. i am tried of being happy in front of my family and coworkers they all consider me happy go lucky and bold girl. i am very confident about other things yet i feel like i have to die. i bring blade and medicine. because currently everyone of my house is out of town and i am alone. but every time i take them i feel bad for my mom. i don't want to hurt her more. she had already faced a lot. i am not interested in finding any new or dating any new person. from last 3/4 years i am stuck with my ex. i am really scared that at any time if i felt loose i can tried this sucide thing. i had eaten once asprin tablets. but the dose was low. after some weekness i was ok. this time i don't want to do this. yet sometime strongly feel to do it. i hate myself for this. i want to move on in my life. i am not a girl who use to worry about boys. but now i am not able to think over him. i really want to die. i had tried all psychotheraphy in last 2 months still d situation is same. i am not able to understand what to do. because people don't know that i am in problem. even my family member don't realize it. and now im tired of being happy. i really feel some time that this pain is not barable and can only end with me. i have to die. i can't live this life anymore.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @InquisitiveOne LM: It is very overwhelming and a thought that always is there when you lose someone dear to your Heart. I will be one your first readers on "Why"? I would like to see a lens like this. Blessings to you always Squidy!

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      anonymous 6 years ago

      Thank-you InquisitiveOne. I hope that you have a great weekend. I enjoy James Taylors music also. : )

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @InquisitiveOne LM: That would be very sweet of you InquisitiveOne. Have a nice weekend! I enjoy James Taylors as well. : )

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      InquisitiveOne LM 6 years ago

      @anonymous: I agree Bumpette! Sleep is definitely helpful. Thank you for making a valuable contribution. I hope you don't mind if I add a Bonus Tip and add Sleep the next time I edit this article. I'll credit you with the idea. Thank you for your comment.

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      InquisitiveOne LM 6 years ago

      @JackNimble: James Taylor is great and definitely the right vibe. Thank you for the comment and the reminder.

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      anonymous 6 years ago

      Sleeping does help a lot sometimes as it rests your mind and the thoughts are still there but not as bad when you are at rest.

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      JackNimble 6 years ago

      I listen to James Taylor. His greatest hit album relaxes me. It has helped me through some really tough times.

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      InquisitiveOne LM 6 years ago

      @quickcutterss: I agree. Sometimes going to bed is the best option. I did that plenty of times myself. Thank you for sharing!

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      Mary 6 years ago from Midwest

      I just tried to stay busy. There were times i just went to bed. You have a list of some great ideas, never thought about smelling your shampoo's and what not great idea.

      Great lens again.

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      InquisitiveOne LM 6 years ago

      @serenity4me lm: Greetings to you. I'm so sorry you lost someone you love. I lost my fiancé, and there are always so many questions. I will be writing a "Why" lens as part of this series. Not that I have answers, but sometimes understanding what happens in someone's mind can help provide some peace to some of the questions. Thank you very much for writing.

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      serenity4me lm 6 years ago

      I really like this lens. I so understand a bit about depression, I wonder about suicide and why some people do it. My father did when I was 19 and I have come to accept it. I guess I will never understand why, though. Thank you for writing about this topic, I will make it a point to read your others. Have a beautiful night.

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      InquisitiveOne LM 6 years ago

      @LizMac60: Greetings to you Liz, and thank you for sharing your experience and providing the feedback. I'm very happy you both like and blessed this lens. It means a lot to receive this kind of positive reinforment from people who have also struggled. My best to you!