Can You Drink Distilled Water? (And Other Water Concerns)
If you've ever accidentally drank distilled water, you probably know how awful it tastes. Human beings often associate an "off" taste with things that are poisonous or bad for our bodies, so it's easy to associate distilled water with unhealthiness.
In this article, I'll talk to you about why distilled water tastes this way, whether it's safe to consume, and some other serious water concerns: Can I eat snow? What is crunchy ice and where can I get some? Does Smart Water make you smart? Okay, really? Is this whole article really about water?
Yes, my skeptical Internet friend, it is.
Some things to remember: Water is the most abundant natural resource on this planet. Water is the only substance on this planet that exists naturally as a liquid, gas and solid. It's also better at dissolving stuff than anything else, including acid. Our bodies are made of 66% water and accounts for 55 to nearly 80% of our weight.
Water is a very big deal. Without it, you would literally die. Show some respect.
Do you like water?
Why Does Distilled Water Taste Like a Butt?
Straight up distilled water is nasty nancy. Whenever I accidentally drink some, I think that I've somehow gotten a hold of some bad water, like the water has gone bad. Is that even possible?*
The reason why distilled water tastes funny is that normal water has minerals in it, thus changing the flavor slightly. When you drink distilled water, you're tasting what pure H20 tastes like, which apparently is super gross. A bottled water that says "minerals added for flavor," is not the result of some water marketer who hates his job and has given up on figuring out how to market water. Those minerals were added to the water to save your taste buds, man.
*Fun Trivia Time: Some bottles of water have an expiration date because of a New Jersey Law that required foods and beverages to have an expiration date that is no more than 2 years from the manufacture date. Water doesn't actually go bad, but due to the porous nature of water bottle plastic, it can gather unwanted tastes over long periods of time. (source: www.mentalfloss.com)
No, really, I'm freaking out now. Can I drink distilled water??
I just swallowed some. Is it going to kill me?
OMG. Go throw up that foul water right now!
There is a myth that I remember hearing a long time ago that you aren't supposed to drink distilled water because your body's cells will do something weird like BURST** or something. This isn't true. As long as you're getting all your necessary vitamins and minerals from foods and other sources while drinking water, you and your cells should be fine. Distilled water just tastes funky because most of us aren't used to it.
**Maybe not BURST, but there are people that believe that if you drink it enough, distilled water causes minerals to leech out of your body at a dangerous rate. I think it's a bunch of hooey, but if you're really concerned about it, don't drink distilled water. It's gross anyway!
Can You Eat Snow?
When I would go to the wintry mountains as a kid, I'd prefer to sit in the snow and eat it as opposed to actually exerting myself physically by playing. Ugh, just thinking about it exhausts me. I still prefer this snow behavior. I also prefer my snow cones and shaved ice (or Hawaiian "shave ice") without syrup. So it's just water. I like eating frozen water. WHAT OF IT??
So, is it safe to eat snow?
Snow is formed high up in our atmosphere at temperatures cooler than -35 degrees Celsius (-31 deg Fahrenheit). I had always been told that snow formed from itty bits of dust, but it turns out it's probably formed from bacteria. As you may know, bacteria is all over everything in our world, including the foods we eat and the drinks we drink. So, is the bacteria in snow a problem?
Eh, probably not. As long as you're a healthy non-infant, eating a small amount of snow is fine. Straight from the sky is best, but you are probably fine eating some of the freshly fallen stuff too. For obvious reasons, avoid dirty snow or any kind of colored snow. What's that saying? Don't eat.... YELLOW snow. Don't eat yellow snow. That's it.
Why is All Ice NOT Crunchy Ice?
Hey ice lovers, I have a question for you. Have you ever had the kind of ice that comes in these little aerated "bean pellets"? The kind of ice that is crunchy and perfect for munching? The kind of ice that looks like what slush ice and cubed ice would be if they had a non-tooth chipping baby together? If so, boy do I have a surprise for you.
"Crunchy Ice" has a name: Nugget Ice. There is one company that makes the ice machines that creates this perfectly crunchy ice and you can track down all the restaurants, coffee shops, and minimarts in the US that serve it in their beverages. GASP. Here is a starter list for you:
- Sonic Drive-In Restaurants
- Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf
- DQ Grill and Chill / Dairy Queen
- Zaxby's Restaurants
- AM/PM Minimarts
- Flying J
- Circle K
You can find all Nugget Ice vendors in your area HERE. You're welcome.
PS: Can someone please buy me a Scotsman Nugget Ice Machine? They only cost as much as a used car, but I promise I'll use it everyday.
Does Smart Water Make You Smart?
You might be thinking: Um, water is water. You've been duped, missy. Well, maybe, but I really think that SmartWater is different. Believing this gives me a sense of control in this crazy world we live in.
Smart Water is "vapor" distilled meaning it is filtered much in the same way that water in rainclouds forms then falls (nice marketing tactic SmartWater!). They then add electrolytes to the water after it has been purified for taste and "performance."* Electrolytes are the reason why many doctors and coaches recommend drinking Gatorade to prevent dehydration.
Smart Water has all the benefits of Gatorade, but without all the sugar or vomit-inducing flavors. I once had gatorade that tasted like a candle, I'm serious. SmartWater is the superior beverage choice for preventing hangovers (I know this from personal experience) and it is probably what gives Jennifer Aniston her glowing skin and success in life.**
*(I really hate to use the word "performance" when describing, well, anything really, but it's the best way I can describe this.)
**(No correlation between SmartWater and glowing skin/success has been documented.***)
***(I don't even think it makes your smart.)
What are Some Awesome* Movies About Water?
Water has spawned some seriously amazing movies. Don't you agree? As such, I bid you adieu with three of the best movies ever made with water in the title.
*(these movies are actually terrible)
I enjoy watching Waterworld and I am not ashamed. It is one of my favorite movies to watch on Saturday mornings when I just can't seem to get out of bed.
- The Waterboy
Compared to a lot of movies Adam Sandler is putting out now, The Waterboy is not THAT bad. Plus Kathy Bates is in it. And Henry Winkler. And Fairuza Balk... Okay, nevermind. I actually love this movie.
- Lady in the Water
You got me. I've never actually watched Lady in the Water by M. Night Shamalamadingdong.