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Coping With Grief After the Death and Loss of a Loved One

Updated on August 12, 2013

How does one cope with death and grief for the loss of a love one


It is better to cope with grief and loss in the natural tendency of emotional outburst when a loved one dies. In emotionally charge situations, one should not be ashamed or afraid of breaking down under the strain of a loss. Self restraint in the expression of emotions or keeping a stiff upper lip will only delay healing and might even lead to a future nervous breakdown.It is not those emotional outburst which will harm us but their total avoidance which will scar and tear our inner soul.

"Seek not to comfort thy neighbor while his dead still lies before him"- Rabbi Simeon Ben Eleazar

In dealing with grief , society have encourage us to avoid the unpleasantness of facing death in all its depths. To hide the painfulness from our eyes.

How to help grieving people It is wrong for friends to try to shield or distract attention of the bereaved from coping with the pain and grief of losing a loved one. Friends should offer the opportunity and encouragement for the bereaved to talk about his or her loss and to dwell upon their feelings of sorrow. We,human beings are a tougher lot and can withstand much rough handling than we actually think.

Dealing with grief and loss


Death leaves an aching void and a gaping hole in the fabric of life of the bereaved.Yet it cannot erase quickly enough the shared memories.The surviving person yearns for the presence of the loved one and the continuity of the life pattern of their relationship.It would be better if he or she courageously accept and live through the pain of the loss and loneliness rather than to evade or avoid it.

Opening up and speaking to others about the magnitude of the grief and loss makes the pain gradually become bearable.The establishment of new interactions with other people is also essential. We should try to seek out others of kindred spirit who will help us in finding the road back to life

Surviving your grief and loss


Seek the help of relatives or friends in finding parallel activities that demand the same or similar life patterns which death had cut off.These substitute patterns of life will not come spontaneously and will need effort to achieve. One should not expect any instant or miraculous healing. There will be many lonely hours and empty days of despairing of any recovery and renewal of life interest.

Death and grief


When a love one who plays an important role in our life pattern dies, we experience to a greater or lesser degree reactions such as bodily symptoms of pain and distress,continual preoccupation with thoughts and image of the deceased, disinterest in life and even deep feelings of guilt and anger. A person with emotional maturity will find ways to enable them to cope with their grief and loss creatively rather than destructively. They will find outlets for emotional release and healing. Eventually returning their life to normalcy.

"Men have died....and worms have eaten them, but not for love" _Shakespeare

There are many instances of love relationships that could be describe as bogus or a counterfeit because rather than a mutual maturity,the partnership is based on one person having a passive nature and a dependent attachment on the other. Left suddenly alone by death, the person may continue to mourn the passing of the love one with unrelenting melancholia. Developing severe depression and withdrawal from social contact. They make a shrine out of their sorrow and turn the world into a funeral home. It is really not a mourning for the loss love but a mourning for themselves. An expression of self-centered pity for their inadequacy and their now directionless lives.

Death and Grief

Let love into your grief

"A time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance"
- Ecclesiates 3:4

As tears fall in prayer
and heaven pause in silence
we mourn their passing

Yet with courage and resolute
we leave by the graveside
our heartaches and sorrow
to start the healing process

Bequeathed to us
are tears and laughter
of the hopes and dreams
they toiled and strive for

their memory and legacy
be true and worthy emissaries
in the portion of life.... they left behind

One must learn how to cope with grief and loss.To accept the passing of a loved one or face a painful drift aimlessly in a life without purpose.


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  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    8 years ago from Philippines

    I have recently loss my mother who pass away at the age of 90. Now looking at this article, I can't help but feel that these advice are easier to give than to follow. What you say is so true. "Grief is a journey each of us must make at his own pace." Thank you for your comment.

  • Sherry Hewins profile image

    Sherry Hewins 

    8 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

    Your hub has the ring of truth to it. It is so destructive and unfair for people to expect you to "get over it" after the death of a loved one, and make you feel that you need to hide your feelings. Grief is a journey each of us must make at his own pace.

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    8 years ago from Philippines

    bac2basics ~ Hi Anne, the loss of a love one is a particularly difficult time. If this hub can in some measure help ease the pain then feel free to link and share it with others. Thank you.

  • bac2basics profile image


    8 years ago from Spain

    Hello. What great advice. I am going to link this to hubs of mine, I hope you don´t mind, but it´s such good advice it needs to be shared. Thank you so much.

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    I am sorry for your loss Petra, We can never know the depth of your pain but one person's loss diminish us all. In time and with the support of those who love you I am certain that this too shall pass and grief will be replace with the fond memories you share with your husband. I wish you well and please take care.Your friend Kendrick

  • Petra Vlah profile image

    Petra Vlah 

    9 years ago from Los Angeles

    Thank you for writing this. At this very moment I am going through the painful grief of loosing my husband of 26 years (just 2 months ago). I will bookmark this hub and read it again and again until I will be able to actually follow all those great suggestions. Thank you again, Petra

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    Ladda Boonmee ~ Hello and thank you for the read. I'm also glad to be a fan of yours. :)

  • Ladda Boonmee profile image

    Ladda Boonmee 

    9 years ago from Vancouver

    Hi SilentReed,

    Thank you for this hub. It is such a great writing. I'm glad to be your fan and thank you for being my fan :)

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    Denise Handlon ~ I'm glad to share and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Grief because of the loss of a love one is such a hard subject to write about and much more painful and sad to experience.

  • Denise Handlon profile image

    Denise Handlon 

    9 years ago from North Carolina

    What an absolutely beautiful hub filled with sensitivity and sound advice. I especially liked the second paragraph in which it is advised not to try to talk someone out of their grief. So true. My hub: Unresolved grief is the story of my anniversary grief with my husband who died 5 years ago.

    Rated this hub up. Thanks for sharing.

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    Genna East ~ We all share the experience of losing a love one at one time or another in our life.If this article have help in any way then it would have serve it's purpose and I am thankful.God Bless.

  • Genna East profile image

    Genna East 

    9 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

    Having experienced a deep loss myself a few months ago, I was touched and gratified reading this wonderful hub. Bless you!

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    Erin LeFey ~ We sometime are at a loss for words.Wondering what are the proper things to say to those who are in mourning.There are rules of etiquette But they will never replace the sincerity of an empathetic heart. Namaste

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    izetti ~ When death unexpectedly come knocking and take someone who was so much a part of our life.The grief can be so intense that we become paralyze emotionally.Sometimes I believe it is also because of guilty feelings on our part because of things that should have been said or done but we weren't given the opportunity.

  • Erin LeFey profile image

    Erin LeFey 

    9 years ago from Maryland

    This is beautiful and informative. We've all be touched by loss and many a truly deep loss through death. You describe very well what no one seems to want to talk about and what our parents never told us - the etiquette attached to how to deal with the person who is most affected by a death - the widow/widower. Thanks so much for writing this hub. Namaste.

  • izettl profile image

    Laura Izett-Irwin 

    9 years ago from The Great Northwest

    This is the best thing I've read about grief, and I even took a course on it in college. Everything you say here is so true and well said. "LEARN HOW TO EXTRICATE ONE'S SELF FROM THE DEPENDENCY OF THE PHYSICAL EXISTENCE AND COEXISTENCE OF THE LOVED ONE". This is truly important point. I've gotten stuck in that position for a while and wondered what life would be like if that person(s) were still alive. Anyway,great hub!

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    CMCastro ~ I read your hub and I'm glad this article provided some solace.I am sure your Aunt has found peace.

  • CMCastro profile image

    Christina M. Castro 

    9 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA

    How appropriate was the timing of this hub! Wow! Read my hub that I just wrote, "You Couldn't Stand Alone". I find that I have been comforted by the Lord through writing this hub. I just hope my Aunt felt Peace and not Pain when she passed. Thanks, dear, for sharing your thoughts.

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    imatellmuva ~ Sorry for your loss. Sometimes people can be insensitive to the feelings of others because they are not aware of the emotional ties between the bereaved and the departed. But like the side story in this hub,there are some who turned their life into a martyrdom and people tend to feel uncomfortable when they are around because of the gloomy atmosphere they create with their self-centered pity and their constant reminding of how they are suffering to those who were unfortunate enough to be around them. We either try to help them get over their grief or we avoid them. Thank you for your comments.

  • imatellmuva profile image


    9 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

    SilentReed, you are the calm before the storm and the storm. You are the calm that fosters sensitivity and compassion, and you are the storm that brings forth a call to action! This is a marvelous piece. One that I truly, truly appreciate, especially following the loss of my Grandmother and Father.

    Your statement, "...seeking out others of kindred spirit..." is so right on! Too often, people rely on others who can not understand or appreciate the magnitude of grief. This woman I know lost her brother, he died at the age of 29, at home, and after a long illness. Maybe (6) months later someone else I knew said they thought she was starving for attention, because she should be over it by now. The audacity! Her brother had been gone from her life for only (6) months, but in her life for 29 years! Anyway, thanks're AWESOME!!

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    Hello Nell,Thanks for the read and your comment. I think the human psyche is wired in a way that we have to pass through the different stages of grieving.Some may take a little longer than others depending on how strong the bond was with the love one.It is unfortunate that some choose to remain at one stage refusing to move on with their lives.

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 

    9 years ago from England

    Hi, grief is so painful, it feels like it is tugging your heart out, but of course you must try and go on, and then one day you realise that you have laughed at something, then you feel guilty, but that is the turning point, then you must try and go on, learning new things and meeting new people, nell

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    SilverGenes ~ Sometimes we hesitate in saying what we feel believing that it might open up the wound and hurt so we say what we think are the acceptable words of condolences.Yet it is in this most lonely moment that the grieving person need not only our sympathy but our empathy

  • SilentReed profile imageAUTHOR


    9 years ago from Philippines

    MartieCoetser ~ We can never know the level of grief the bereave is feeling.As friends we can only be there for them as they go through their pain and sorrow.I remember a short story where a person during a wake at the home of a friend notice the dirty shoes on the stairways.The family obviously had their mind on the preparation for the funeral. Picking up some shoe polish he quietly found a corner to clean and polish them.

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    SilentReed, thank you for your sensitive words. We are strange creatures sometimes, and in trying to avoid causing discomfort, we avoid mentioning the person who has passed. But you know, there is nothing sweeter to the ear than the name of a beloved person. Hearing the name and talking about good memories helps build a bridge and carries our beloved with us as we heal.

    "It is wrong for friends to try to shield or distract attention of the bereaved from the pain and grief of the loss. Friends should offer the opportunity and encouragement for the bereaved to talk about his or her loss and to dwell upon their feelings of sorrow. " SilentReed, there is no greater comfort than this when someone we love has died.

  • MartieCoetser profile image

    Martie Coetser 

    9 years ago from South Africa

    Grief is the most painful emotion to bear. It does have levels of intensity therefore one person never knows on what level another one is. Excellent writing, SilentReed! You’ve covered the topic ‘life after the death of a beloved’ very sensitive and empathically and you’ve given feasible advice and healing techniques. Voted UP in all ways.


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