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Coping With A Miscarriage

Updated on October 11, 2014
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About Me

Because of my work on the Misdiagnosed Miscarriage site, I hear from women daily both at the site and via email who are struggling to cope with their miscarriages.

For many women, the time during and after they miscarry is a lonely time. They feel alone and helpless with their emotions. I'd like to share a bit of what I've learned from many women who have been there and what they've shared with me. This page focuses more on the emotional healing after miscarriage because most often after a miscarriage, women struggle more with their loss than their physical healing.

I am not a medical professional. The information I share is meant to supplement the information given you by your doctor. If you feel your doctor is not doing enough for you or not willing to listen to your concerns, I strongly encourage you to take what you've learned here and get a second opinion.


Where to Begin?

Your physical recovery may be the easier part of recovery

Generally, physical recovery happens within the first month or so after the miscarriage. If you have had surgical intervention, your uterus may need a bit more time to heal. Some women may go on to have complications. Infections can occur with surgically or medically managed miscarriages as well as in natural miscarriages. If you have a fever, chills or foul discharge, call your physician right away. Sometimes bleeding and cramping can set in after you believe your miscarriage is complete. Often women are just doing too much and not getting the rest they need but sometimes the miscarriage may just not be over. If this happens, call your physician. Most women do not have these complications and their bodies heal within weeks.

Have you had a miscarriage?

See results

Your Emotional Recovery

Chances are, if you are here reading this, emotionally you are struggling

Many women have told me that their physical healing was the easy part. Emotionally, however, they are struggling. Studies show an increased risk of depression within the first month after a miscarriage. Grief is very common and to be expected. I believe the first step to healing is to acknowledge your loss in one way or another.

I'd like to share with you though some things women have shared over the last few years in order to cope with their miscarriages.

You Need A Shoulder

Allow yourself to open up and express your grief.

Many women just need to be heard. Unfortunately, men also go through the grieving process when a baby is lost. They just are not always very good at providing the comfort we need at this time.

I really recommend finding somebody who will just listen and be a shoulder to lean on.

If you attend church, ask to meet with your Pastor or even his wife or one of the priests in your parish. Some churches will even have a small service for babies who have been lost too early.

Find a friend or a woman at work or at church who has been through a miscarriage. Often just having somebody who has been there, done that can help in ways you cannot even imagine.

If you just have nobody who can truly listen or empathize, find a good support group online.

The important thing is just to vocalize what you are feeling. Don't keep it locked in. You are not alone. So many women have been where you are right now. Allow them to comfort you and one day, you'll provide that comfort for another grieving mother.

Do Something to Memorialize Your Little One

I've heard numerous ideas over the years to memorialize the lives that are lost too early. Every woman is different and some of these ideas may not be for you. I do hope you find something in this page that will help ease the pain a bit.

Create or buy a piece of jewelry

Many sites offer jewelry for grieving mothers. Some popular sites include:

My Forever Child offers pendants, rings, keychains, candles and more. Prices range from less than $10 to more than $250.

La Bella Dame offers pendants, rings and more ranging in price from $16 to more than $250.

Plant a Tree (I think this one is my favorite idea)

Many women have told me they planted trees to remember their babies. Some like to plant the tree on the baby's due date but many women feel it helps them a bit to plant the tree during the first month or two.

If you don't have the space for a tree, the Arbor Day Foundation will plant a tree in one of America's national forests for only $10. You will also receive a card in remembrance.

Create a Memory Box

Include a favorite poem, an ultrasound photo if you have one, something you bought to remember your little one. If you've kept a journal, you can include your journal or copies of some especially poignant pages. Some women who post online will print out their posts while they were pregnant and miscarrying to remember by.

My Forever Child
My Forever Child

You can find beautiful remembrance jewelry and gifts at My Forever Child

Writing is Very Therapeutic

Try keeping a journal during this time. You may find the experience of writing down your innermost thoughts to be therapeutic.

Try your hand at writing a poem.

Write a letter to your little one.

While these may be very emotional endeavors, they may help in your healing process.

Comfort found in the Bible

Bible Verses

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Mark 10:14

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 18:14

Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 46:1-2

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea

Revelation 21:4

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Sites with Poetry

I didn't want to 'steal' any poems but I'll share the links:

My Heart Belongs To You A collection of poetry

Labor of Love Poems about Miscarriage

Songs on YouTube for those who have Miscarried

You'll need a box of kleenex for these. Not all of the videos specifically deal with the loss of a baby but just listen to the words.

Still by Gerrit Hofsink

Perhaps the most beautiful song I've heard about enduring a miscarriage

Recommended books

For some reason, many women just seemed to find comfort in childrens' books.

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby

Although highly recommended by many women, this book does share stories of women who chose to end their pregnancies due to birth defects. Many women would not choose to end their pregnancies due to Spina Bifida, Down Syndrome or other deformities. This book may not be a good choice for many based on that reason.


If you have any helpful sites or information that could help another woman heal, please, share that link.

If I don't reply to you here, please feel free to e-mail me directly at

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    • profile image

      katespade 5 years ago

      Losing a child before or shortly after birth is particularly difficult. Coping with loss is a very personal experience, but as you cope, you will emerge with a stronger character. That is the miracle that comes for this tragic moment.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      My first prenatal visit was routine and based on my LMP I should have been around 8weeks at the time. I was curious to hear my baby's heart beat so everything went down from there. My doctor tried with a doppler with no success and reassured me I could not be as far along as they thought I would be and to try another time. On my next follow up visit which was a week later I had a sonogram and transvaginal done but she couldn't figure out how far along I would be because it was too small and definitely im not 8-9weeks. She ordered some lab work for my hcg to determine the hormone level. Came back for my 3rd visit for a second blood drawn and follow up but this time I spotted light brown blood with no cramping. My doctor perform a pelvis exam and check that my cervix is still crowning also told me my 1st hcg result was at 21000. She ordered another ultrasound for the next day to check for viability since im bleeding. Went to the hospital the next day and the ultrasound technician took awhile to find my baby both pelvis and transvaginal. The technichian was just quiet the whole time looking and measuring the baby's size. I was able to watch the screen monitor and knew what to look for and saw my little peanut. She then got up and asked if my menstrual cycle's usual normal and stated that im only measuring @6weeks and no heart beat could be detected and based on my LMP my baby should been@12weeks :*( she said she will have to call my doctor to make out a decision before saying anything. I just broke down in the room waiting and hoping maybe I might have ovulated late. I got sent home and waited for my doctor to call with the results. My heart sink deeper as all these thoughts going through my mind. How could this be and why me. This is my 3rd pregnancy and its been 10 years since my last one. I had 2 healthy uncomplicated pregnancy and both were full terms at birth. My doctor called and told me that my second hcg came back lower @1700 and that based on the ultrasound results im to expect a miscarriage and it will happen real soon and suggest having it past naturally but if I want there's other medical choice. I chose to do it naturally because im in denial the fact that my baby had stop developing for 6weeks..??? I feel that if my baby's a fighter my pregnancy would be a miracle if I don't miscarry. Right now it's really hard and it's a waiting period. Im still spotting brown. Im glad I found this site it had helped me cope and gave me some hope. I know im not alone and so are you. Please keep me in your prayers. God bless everyone <3

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I lost my baby at only 5 weeks and 1 day a month ago after 5 years of trying. People think you are supposed to "get over it" and move on but when you try to explain and communicate it with your partner they become often dismissive or nonchalant. My spouse comforted me after the loss but he still doesn't understand my grieving, anger, or how I blame myself because it happened. I didn't know I was pregnant and I was working out intensely (3 hrs a day), not eating properly, and not resting. My dr said its nothing I did because it was a blighted ovum but I blame myself everyday. My husband thought I would be over it by now and I'm still not, we began to argue a lot because he told me we need to wait to try again knowing it was miracle we got pregnant to begin with, so he couldn't deal with my ups and downs so we got into an argument because he said he wants to put trying again off a little longer but the day I lost the baby he was comforting me saying we would try again. He lied to me and it hurt. I lashed out in anger towards the world literally so after he told me that we were going to wait a while I just went into this deep depression, I had nothing to look forward to anymore, he and I argued I told him I didn't care what he did so he packed all of his things and left. He said he isn't coming back because he can't take my anger anymore. I tried and tried explaining why and how I was feeling but he just doesn't care. He's gone. So I've loss not only our first child together but my marriage too. I feel worse than ever so I spend my free time reading the Bible and praying. I know my husband loves me but not enough to come back home. I have literally nothing now. I never saw any of this coming and I have no friends who can relate or care. I'm all alone with my pain now.

    • JillY88 profile image

      JillY88 6 years ago

      I tried to get pregnant for fifteen years with no success, during that time I had one miscarriage. I cried for days and it took along time to get over it. I have since come to the conclusion that I was only ever meant to have one child and have given up trying to have more, getting a little long in the tooth now. I like your lens and am sure it will help someone.

    • profile image

      glutenallergy 6 years ago

      I remember feeling both guilt and shame after my miscarriage. Looking back I realize there was no reason for either feeling, since I had done everything right, but I suspect I'm not alone in either (or both) of these feelings.I had a D&C, and told the doctor that I wanted to see them, which was a right that I had. He treated me with total disdain for this request, and it was awful! But they were my babies, and I wanted to say goodbye to them. He made it worse by showing them to me immediately after I woke up, knowing that I would have amnesia from the anesthesia. So, I have almost no memory of seeing them (which my doctor friend says might be a blessing, but I disagree).

    • yourselfempowered profile image

      Odille Rault 6 years ago from Gloucester

      Wonderful resource on coping with miscarriage - I'm sure it's helping a lot of people.

    • Cari Kay 11 profile image

      Kay 6 years ago

      @Brandi Bush: I hear from women who miscarry all the time and so many women tell of the loneliness they feel. Everybody seems to think it best to just move on but these are our babies and we deserve the right to mourn their loss. That is why it can be so beneficial to find a friend or somebody who has been through this who will just let us grieve. No advice necessary. Just a shoulder. I am so sorry for your loss and yours as well Melissa. (((hugs))) to both of you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @Brandi Bush: I feel the exact same as you. Like life & everyone around me just moved on like it never happened! My boyfriend has been great but doesn't like to talk about it the way I would like him to. I know its been very hard for us both & its completely different for us both. But you can grieve for as long as you like & you will always treasure your 4 babies lives, because they were & still are precious! Times a great healer as they say. I know I still havent came to terms with my own miscarriage but I hope you find peace.

    • Brandi Bush profile image

      Brandi 6 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you for talking about miscarriage. I have had 4 and I still don't think I'm emotionally healed. No one wanted to talk about just went on like they never happened. To me, those were precious lives lost...precious babies I would never hold. It meant more than I was ever allowed to feel. I wish more people would acknowledge how difficult the loss of a pregnancy is. Thank you for doing that here!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I had a miscarriage, and it was devastating. Thank goodness we do pull through those hard things in life that can make us stronger. I feel for anyone who has had a miscarriage. - This must have been a difficult article for you to write through tears. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I went for my first scan on 8/9/2011. On that day, the day that should have been the happiest day of my life I found out my baby was dead! No trace of a heart beat and the baby was under developed. I was supposed to be 10.5 weeks and my baby was only measuring 7. Almost 6 months on I'm still a mess! Not a day is spent not thinking about my baby! March is quickly coming to an end and my due date in April is fast approaching and I really don't know what to do or how I'm going to cope. My boyfriend has been the best, but men don't feel it like we do. I know his heart is broke just as much as mine but a man's concern is more you for and not the baby because they don't see it as a baby until its placed in their arms and I don't mean that to sound cruel. I know at 10.5 weeks I wouldn't have felt my baby move or kick, but I felt its presence and I loved it so much from the minute I found out! Motherly instinct just takes over. I cry as I write this because I can truly emphasis with everyone's comments and I feel your pain and I hope one day I will be blessed again, but I will never forget the joy brought to me in the short weeks before losing my baby. After reading this I hope to plant a tree to remember my baby, never thought of that before. Maybe its something I can do on my due date. Much love to you all xx

    • Nimblepins profile image

      Nimblepins 6 years ago

      Thank you for this lens and all your helpful lenses. I miscarried (traumatic experience) But now am a happy mother of a 5 month old! The more information there is (from real people) the better. PS Thanks for the feedback - happy flower making!

    • profile image

      athena2011 6 years ago

      My sister had a miscarriage at around 8 months and it was heartbreaking. She is diabetic and has been since she was a child so it was due to complications from this. Nevertheless it was very sad and I had no idea what it was really like until reading your lens so thanks for that. Squidliked your lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      It has been more than a week since my miscarriage. A pang of sadness and emptiness still lingers - comes and goes through time. I took to heart the advice on this link - plant a tree. I now have a tree at a memory grove in Perth, WA (that comes with a plaque and certificate) to simply have a memory to cherish. By just organizing something small and simple like this, I felt such relieved and less pain. I hope my experience of letting go and cherish a memory will help others to move on too. Hope floats! xx

    • profile image

      moonlitta 6 years ago

      I have a friend who gave stillbirth. This is the most painful experience I can ever recall, and it even was not mine!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I had a miscarriage last Thursday (8/12/2011). I was 9.5 weeks and it was my first. It was a struggle from the start. I had two ultrasounds in week 6 and 7 and both of the radiology doctors were more concern about the heartbeat of the fetus, rather than explaining to me what am I looking at on the monitor. The way they communicated wasn't exactly kind either - abruptly gave me two options, wait and see or d/c. Talk about shock!My GP then referred me to the maternity hospital, where I found comfort and felt very relaxed. The doctor said the fetus is still too small and will give it another week. I felt so blessed given another chance. But sadly, as it did grow, I also had internal bleeding around the uterus and there was still no heartbeat. I now feel empty and deeply sad, but I know am not alone and believe that hope floats. Reading this website has helped me too, and I'm sending my love to all who has been on the same road as I. Hope floats! xx

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I just miscarried yesterday, I was 5 1/2 weeks with our first...... I am in such shock, doubt, confusion and pain. I am thankful to the poems I have read from this page, also the page itself has given me ideas of where to channel this pain.. so thank you. I am sending my love to all those who have been on this road.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I just miscarried yesterday, I was 5 1/2 weeks with our first...... I am in such shock, doubt, confusion and pain. I am thankful to the poems I have read from this page, also the page itself has given me ideas of where to channel this pain.. so thank you. I am sending my love to all those who have been on this road.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      We had a miscarriage on October 31, i was 8 weeks.The doctor didn't even give us a due date, i was scheduled for November 2 to see about my due date. This would have been my second child. I think this is the hardest thing that we're going to have to go through.

    • Cari Kay 11 profile image

      Kay 7 years ago

      @javr: My heart goes out to each and every woman who suffers through a miscarriage. Thank you for the kind words.

    • javr profile image

      javr 7 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      My thoughts are for those women who have suffered as my wife did. This lens, (and the women), have been blessed by a Squid Angel.

    • Cari Kay 11 profile image

      Kay 7 years ago

      @amkatee: I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. At 19 weeks, not much could really be done. I'd love to see your lens though. I am always passing along helpful lenses. If you'd like to post a link, please, feel free.

    • amkatee profile image

      amkatee 7 years ago

      We miscarried in May. I was 19 weeks. I still feel regret that I did not try to be more aggressive. I was in labor. I know that now. I wish I had asked them to try everything to stop it. My baby had a heartbeat the night before he died. I wrote a lens on creating scrapbooks for those we have lost and include some of my story there.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      @anonymous: i had amisscarriage on the 6th of july, i was ten weeks.i am abeliever and i was so happy when i found out that i was pregnant, i really felt he LORD'S hand on my life, and then suddenly it was all taken away from me, i am woorried i won't get pregnant agin because of my age of forty six, i know i have to trust because nothing is impossible with the LORD evrything is in his hands.i have good days and bad days, i get jealous of tiny babies , i still count the weeks of how old it would be .

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      It is devastating to have a miscarriage. I was completely in despair and wanted to die. But, for the grace of God, there go I. He turned wiped my tears of sorrow away, and put a song in my heart. Everything we go through is worth it, just to know Him.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      @anonymous: One more thing Maxine: I have read of a study from the University of Arizona that says mothers are overwhelmingly correct in naming the sex of their baby before confirmed by ultrasound. I believe you can trust your instincts on that one. If you really don't have a sense about it, choose a name that can fit either sex - like Avery. (my favorite) There are so many things you can do to memorialize your child and remember him. Don't let ANYBODY tell you how to grieve, or when to get over it. You won't get over it. You move on, but the baby goes right along with you. As a mother, it is your job to name and remember your child and make sure they do make an imprint on the world. You can do it. After going through this, the hardest thing anyone can experience, you are stronger than you know. You will go on to help other mothers because only someone who has experienced it has an ounce of understanding about it. You will be in my prayers dear Maxine.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      @anonymous: Maxine: you do NOT have to have your baby's body to name him, love him, memorialize him. If you were not a good mother with a mother's heart you would not be grieving like you are. It is normal. You will never forget your precious child but you will come to a place where you remember him with love and a happiness he existed, even for short time - along with your sadness, there can also be a joy. The value of a life is not based on how long it lives, but because it is a miracle at any age. I read something that helped me "love can last a moment, love can last a lifetime - sometimes a moment IS a lifetime." You can do kind and beautiful things in the name of your baby, things that would never have happened on this earth in your lifetime had you not had this experience. Bless your dear heart, it is broken I know. You will eventually move forward, but your baby will go with you in your heart.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      @anonymous: tiffaniemarie: you have been through so much most people don't go through in a lifetime. it is so hard to understand, probably impossible. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. Name your babies and don't be ashamed to talk about them. Don't let anybody tell you to get over it or not to cry. If you weren't a good mother you wouldn't hurt so bad. Yes, you are a mother. Do something beautiful in the world that would never have happened on this earth had you not had these sweet lives for such a short time. Their existence can make a difference in the world because you have two hands and a heart and can act on their behalf. I send you love and a hug.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      @anonymous: BabyTearz: please don't blame yourself - your baby would not blame you -it wasn't your fault. Think of it this way: as long as you feel guilty then your baby's time with you is only something sad, not something to treasure. Do something good for the world in the name of your baby - something that would never have occured on this earth had your specific and precious child not been conceived. God doesn't blame you, your baby doesn't blame you. I wish I could give you a hug.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      About 8 months ago I had a miscarriage due to an abusive partner. I blame myself all the time always thinking "well if I had been a better girlfriend and not made him mad, my baby would still be here" I feel like my baby paid for my mistakes, and it hurts me everytime I think about it. I always try to surpress it not wanting to break down, for fear that I will lose control of myself and my emotions. This page has been added to my favorites so that everytime I feel like im spinning out of control, I at least have something to hold on to. Thank you!!

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      im eighteen and i have been with my fiance for two years. ive had to miscarriages. its very hard to understand. and sometimes i feel like i have no one to talk to about it. i wear a piece of jewelery around my neck to remind me of it. and a lot of the times i still feel like i am grieving and i cry so much.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      [in reply to Maxine Janse van Vuuren] Maxine - I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I too am in the same boat. I lost my first pregnancy a few days ago and I am in a fog. Searching for answers, remedies, clues. Trying to make sense of things, while also trying to make progress. I did see something this morning that gave me pause and relief: "This too shall pass."Godspeed.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      I was 3 months pregnant and was rushed to hospital on sunday morning (18 Oct 2009) I had a mis-carriage at 3 months... My baby wanst even haf the size of palm... It also hurts me because I don't know what sex my little baby would have been, I didnt even give it a propper burial... I just wish I couls have my bundle of joy in my arms... but now its gone away from me, I doubt I'll ever get over it, that was my baby that got flushed down the toilet.. Please I'm just asking for help from anyone or even some advice please :'(

    • profile image

      bturner751 8 years ago

      I experienced 3 miscarriages in 2007. Each one was very difficult to overcome but prayer and trusting in God's plan got me through. I wrote an article on 10 tips in dealing with a miscarriage. This is what I did to get me through. This article would have been so helpful for me then! Thank you for sharing this information. Emotional support during this time is crucial.By the way, I had my son in November 2008, he was my 4th pregnancy.Never give up hope!

    • techmom profile image

      techmom 9 years ago

      I had a miscarriage almost two years ago now. It was awful and hard to get over. We did get pregnant three months later, and now my son is turning one in a week. But I still miss the one we lost, though I look forward to seeing him in heaven.

    • profile image

      MrMarmalade 9 years ago

      My wife had one many years ago.We were in a high pressure business together and Her mother had just died on Christmas day. It was a very sad time. We sold the business without any trouble and went to Australia and traveled around seeing lots of different areas of Life for six months.This is a great lens.Thank you for your effort

    • Cari Kay 11 profile image

      Kay 9 years ago

      [in reply to dc64] I think peace is what every woman needs after a miscarriage. Although the pain never diminishes completely, women can find that peace. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • dc64 lm profile image

      dc64 lm 9 years ago

      Overcoming a miscarriage was harder than I thought. I never really understood until I had one myself. It's not just losing a baby, it's what you have to do after you've lost it. I carried mine for 2 weeks after the baby died. I felt like a walking grave. I was home alone when the baby came out. It was so painful, the doctor said I need to bring all the "aborted material" to the hospital. I squinted my eyes, so I wouldn't see any detail. I scooped it into a tupperware container (sad) and drove to the hospital...A year later, I gave birth to my son, Niklas. He is 6 now, and his birth gave me peace. I pray for peace for everyone else.

    • dc64 lm profile image

      dc64 lm 9 years ago

      Overcoming a miscarriage was harder than I thought. I never really understood until I had one myself. It's not just losing a baby, it's what you have to do after you've lost it. I carried mine for 2 weeks after the baby died. I felt like a walking grave. I was home alone when the baby came out. It was so painful, the doctor said I need to bring all the "aborted material" to the hospital. I squinted my eyes, so I wouldn't see any detail. I scooped it into a tupperware container (sad) and drove to the hospital...A year later, I gave birth to my son, Niklas. He is 6 now, and his birth gave me peace. I pray for peace for everyone else.


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