Living With Addiction

Where is addiction not? It's in homes, among families, seen by friends, told by acquaintances. It starts out with fun...smoking pot, drinking on the weekend with a bunch of friends. The party is all about-- fun. Getting a little tipsy to go to the movies or during dinner with friends. Having the party at the house so everyone can have fun without being a public problem. Getting a little mentally transformed. But, something changes. Somehow the fun-time, escape with friends becomes a need that is met daily.

Slowing the weekend or even monthly fun increases. The weekend plans seem so far away that more fun-times are planned into the week until eventually there is no planning--only day to day use. 

That is how it began with my ex-husband.  We would go out on the weekends having drinks with friends.  There would also be multiple drugs that he chose to use.  At first it was okay because it was only the weekends and it was all about having a good time.

Then, my ex would begin having a drink or smoking pot at home without any friends or any reason besides it was a nice way to relax. He would wake up in the morning and immediately roll a joint, smoking it with a beer in hand while eating bacon and eggs for breakfast. Dessert became a joint.

At this point, he still worked. Busy with school and work, I didn't realize how much he was drinking or smoking. But, I also didn't want to know. I didn't want to think he had a problem--he worked, continued his hobbies, and helped around the house so why should a little alcohol and marijuana be a problem? So, I ignored the signs and things went downhill pretty quick.

He began getting pills. He'd bring them home and crush them on our marble cutting board and then take a cut-off straw and snort them. Mornings transformed from waking up to the aroma of marijuana in the bedroom to the sound of crushing in the kitchen. And like the pot and beer, he ended up doing the pills throughout the day.

We began fighting most of the time. I was angry because he wasn't involved. He didn't help around the house, didn't want to do things we had always done, and never had money to put into the bills. He said I was a nag and began staying away from home more and more.

That's when we hit bottom in our marriage. My husband was never around. He'd be gone for days at a time. I had no idea if he was dead, in jail, or on a few day high. At first, I'd get panicked and call the hospitals and police after I had called all of his popular hang-outs. Then, it got to the point that I was glad he was gone. I'd learned that I typically wouldn't be able to locate him and if he was gone then I didn't have to worry about fighting, him tearing the house apart, or worse...burning the house down.

When my husband did come home, he steal money, take the paid bills out of the mail box so that he could go to the bank and take out the money that I'd written a bill for. He'd basically make life miserable by stealing from our finances and creating havoc in day to day life.

I confronted his family with the problems. That did not help. He denied the truth and became worse. He began using needles. At that point, I had enough. I calmly told him I was leaving one bright spring morning and moved in with my grandparents until I could legally end our marriage.

Being free of my husband, I was able to get control of my life back. However, I still had to watch him lose his life from a distance. At first, I thought he may get better because he joined a rehab program. But, the program didn't help because he didn't really want help. He began going to a methadone clinic where he was legally capable of staying high. Moreover, he began drinking excessively. Things stayed this way for him for a few years and then one day his behavior finally caught up to him--he killed a child when he hit another car while under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

Today, my ex is currently in jail waiting his trial. As my life improves, I have to wonder if anything could have helped his. He must now live his life knowing that he killed an innocent child. I must wonder if this will enable him to finally quit drugs?