I had a decent job you know. It was close to home (fifteen minutes with traffic), I had friends there, the type of friend that will meet you at the Mexican restaurant for drinks anytime; I was also making decent money (can’t complain), I was on my way to the top with my awesome supervisor having my back and wanting more for me. Now, I will not lie, I hated her. She was the reason everyone was so miserable so we told ourselves that we would take her out. I was so sure that once she was out we would all be so fucking happy, our lives would be spectacular! Well my friends, I now have a different job, I commute 35 minutes each way and none on my co-workers meets with me at the Mexican restaurant for drinks. They have lives. They have boring marriages; they schedule time with their friends and send motherfucking Christmas cards to people (btw like more than your parents people, 60 people .l.)
Life was good until...
I woke up, got all dressed up, made coffee for Alberto, breakfast for penny and our lunch boxes. This is what I used to do every day. I went to work where I buried myself in all the paperwork that I had to do for my patients. I used to do so much shit I got in at 7:00 am just so I could do something in silence before everyone else got there and started bitching about everything. I used to basically run the Behavioral Health Department of the health center. I made sure that all the social workers and psych people had everything they needed, I called patients to confirm, I made sure our patients where being seen and treated with dignity and respect. I was happy doing this and wearing my many other hats (psychologist, billing, reception, lunch girl, friend, priest among many other LMAO). Not today.
I was minding my own fucking business when I get the call from the office where Behavioral Health is
---“ Hi, do you know where Santiago is?”
---“What do you mean?, She has clients waiting for her she should be there.”
--- “yeah that’s why this lady has been waiting for over 30 minutes for her and I tried calling and no one answers”.
---“Give me a second ill find out what the fuck is happening.”
So I tried calling our supervisor, no answer. I tried Santiago, no answer. I then called my supervisor’s cellphone and he picks up
---“ Angela, what’s up?”
---“ Do you know where Santiago is? She has clients waiting and they cannot find her”
---“Oh my God. I thought they called you. She called the CMO this morning, she’s out sick”
---“ Nope, no one told me but I will figure it out. Thanks”
What is there to worry about?
Do you worry more about
Yep... pretty accurate
Because that is how I was, I would figure everything out. I said that not knowing that 6 months later I would have no clue where my life was going and how the fuck am I supposed to deal with this. So I called the medical assistant and informed her of the situation and told her to reschedule Santiago’s patients, so she did. After this I fucking lost it, I started crying and talking really fast and punched a wall (still hurts). I had lost my marbles, screws where undone and I had no idea what to do with myself. This is where it all started for me, that’s when I knew I needed help. I was flying off the handle and had nowhere to land. I was bat-shit crazy and needed to be restrained; these all accurate thoughts by the way. That’s how I dealt with it you know, I laugh it off. Then I got empowered by it and now I laugh it and I’m empowered. I have to be. I am BIPOLAR…
My daily battle in 3 minutes
Time to go on google!
So I went there. Everyone gets diagnosed or has some symptoms and goes to google to find out what the hell is wrong with them. This is what I found out:
Risk factors for developing bipolar disorder include:
- A close blood relative, such as a sibling or parent, with bipolar disorder
- Chronic stress; CHECK
- Death of a loved one or similar significant life changes: CHECK
- Substance abuse
- Young adults, especially those in their young 20s, are at a higher risk: CHECK
More or less...
It gets better, I promise
So that was back then. I lost my marbles, switched jobs and I am still losing my marbles every now and then. But it gets better, you just have to make sure that you are okay with it and to forgive yourself for all the stupid shit you did before you were diagnosed. I will let you know how I deal with it later on.