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Psy-Quotes

Updated on March 11, 2012

Quotes: A Mostly Irreverent Look at Therapy, Therapists and Human Nature

I love a good quote,
I work as a therapist,
and I like to laugh.
ENJOY!

I take it that a successful therapy is an oxymoron.
~ Harold Bloom ~

Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy.
~ Karl Kraus ~

Some of these people need ten years of therapy - ten sentences of mine
do not equal ten years of therapy.
~ Oscar Wilde ~

"If you can't do it, give up." ~ Sigmund Freud ~

"If you can't do it, give up."  ~ Sigmund Freud ~
"If you can't do it, give up." ~ Sigmund Freud ~

Quotes by Therapists/Psychologists

  • Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

    ~ C.G. Jung

  • Dream research is a wonderful field. All you do is sleep for a living.

    ~ Stephen LaBerge ~

  • The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization.

    ~ Sigmund Freud ~

  • It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.

    ~ Abraham Maslow ~

  • Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing, because I talk about movement, about looking good, about taking risks.

    ~ Ruth Westheimer ~

  • If we can abandon our missionary zeal we have less chance of being eaten by cannibals.

    ~ Carl Whitaker ~

  • The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

    ~ William James ~

  • As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use.

    ~ William James ~

  • The only hope for healing is to offer a better form of ecstasy, to upgrade so the addict will give up the stupid one.

    ~ Robert A. Johnson ~

  • The neurotic is nailed to the cross of his fiction.

    ~ Alfred Adler ~

  • "Neurotic" means he's not as sensible as I am, and "psychotic" means he's even worse than my brother-in-law. ~ Karl Menninger ~
  • The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ''What does a woman want?

    ~ Sigmund Freud ~

  • A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.

    ~ William James ~

  • The only normal people are the one's you don't know very well.

    ~ Alfred Adler ~

  • Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

    ~ C.G. Jung ~

  • Neurosis is the inability to tolerate ambiguity.

    ~ Sigmund Freud ~

  • Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.

    ~ Yoda ~

  • Sensation tells us a thing is.

    Thinking tell us what it is this thing is.

    Feeling tells us what this thing is to us.

    ~ Carl Gustav Jung ~

  • Life is not what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

    ~ Virginia Satir ~

  • Sex is on the minds of most people, especially those who shouldn't be having it.

    ~ William Glasser ~

  • We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them.

    ~ M. Scott Peck ~

  • The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.

    ~ B. F. Skinner ~

  • Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.

    ~ Albert Ellis ~

  • The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.

    ~ Abraham Maslow ~

What Animal Are You? David Is a Dolphin, Molly Is a Moose
What Animal Are You? David Is a Dolphin, Molly Is a Moose

Quick, scientific(?) personality tests to find out what animal YOU are! Fun to use at a party, or to pass around the office.

 

Sage Advice from The Office

Quotes About Therapy / Therapists

  • I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

    ~ Jay London ~

  • After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone."

    ~ Larry Brown ~

  • I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

    ~ Richard Lewis ~

  • I think everyone should sit down and write a book. It's a lot like therapy but a lot less expensive.

    ~ Norma McCorvey ~

  • It's unlikely I'll ever submit to a psychiatrist's couch. I don't want some stranger prowling around through my psyche, monkeying with my id. I don't need an analyst to tell me that I have never had any sense of security. Who has?

    ~ Tallulah Bankhead ~

  • Therapy was the biggest romance of my life.

    ~ Dar Williams ~

  • If my devils are to leave me, I am afraid my angels will take flight as well.

    ~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~ (on leaving psychotherapy)

  • I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.

    ~ James Thurber ~

  • My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

    ~ Dave Barry ~

  • Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy.

    ~ Karl Kraus quotes ~

  • Psychologists who undertake to set themselves up as judges in the field of truth and knowledge are shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.

    ~ Albert Einstein ~

  • Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kid's therapy.

    ~ Michelle Pfeiffer ~

  • After ten years in therapy, my psychologist told me something very touching, he said, "no hablo ingles.

    ~ Dennis Wolfberg ~

  • Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date.

    ~ Caroline Rhea ~

  • Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy.

    ~ Dierks Bentley ~

  • A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks for nothing.

    ~ Joey Adams ~

  • You don't realize how useful a therapist is until you see one yourself and discover you have more problems than you ever dreamed of.

    ~ Claire Danes ~

  • If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

    ~ Jack Adams ~

  • Psychology keeps trying to vindicate human nature. History keeps undermining the effort.

    ~ Mason Cooley ~

I'm a therapist AND I'm nosey

I'm a therapist AND I'm nosey
I'm a therapist AND I'm nosey

Funny Quotes On YouTube - WHEN READING JUST ISN'T ENOUGH

Quotes to inspire, and inspire laughter.

How Humor/Laughter Helps In Counseling

  • CHANGES BIOCHEMISTRY for the better. You know, more endorphins released, less tension, etc.
  • CHANGES THOUGHTS. Humor is an effective way to help people look at things from a new perspective.
  • CHANGES FEELINGS. Its hard to laugh without brightening your mood and releasing tension, at least a little.
  • CHANGES BEHAVIOR. Humor can change the atmosphere. For example, it can help defuse anger, or temper sadness.
  • INCREASES COMMUNICATION AND ATTENTION. Humor relaxes people. Its friendly, and so helps people to open up. It also grabs people's attention and helps them focus.
  • BUILDS RELATIONSHIPS. People who laugh together are connecting in an emotional, physical and mental way. Humor helps people form a trusting bond.

Leo frees his inner child

Leo frees his inner child
Leo frees his inner child

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Quotes - ONE QUOTE WORTH A THOUSAND SESSIONS

  • There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.

    ~ Albert Schweitzer ~

  • It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.

    ~ Bertrand Russell ~

  • A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

    ~ Will Rogers ~

  • One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

    ~ Bertrand Russell ~

  • So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

    ~ Will Rogers ~

  • The clearest explanation for the failure of any marriage is that the two people are incompatible; that is, that one is male and the other female.

    ~ Anna Quindlen ~

  • It's unlikely I'll ever submit to a psychiatrist's couch. I don't want some stranger prowling around through my psyche, monkeying with my id. I don't need an analyst to tell me that I have never had any sense of security. Who has?

    ~ Tallulah Bankhead ~

  • Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

    ~ Benjamin Franklin ~

  • History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

    ~ Abba Eban ~

  • What can I say, the best therapy for me was to get in my Marlboro car and drive it.

    ~ Al Unser ~

  • There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.

    ~ James Thurber ~

  • To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

    ~ Elbert Hubbard ~

  • You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

    ~ Dave Barry ~

  • My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

    ~ Woody Allen ~

  • You can learn more about a man in an hour of play than in a lifetime of conversation."

    ~ Plato ~

  • What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.

    ~ Jewish Proverb ~

  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

    ~ Anthony Burgess ~

  • If you understand, things are just as they are. If you don't understand, things are just as they are.

    ~ Zen Proverb ~

  • What people call insincerity is simply a method by which we can multiply our personalities.

    ~ Oscar Wilde ~

  • The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out.

    ~ Francois Voltaire ~

Psychology for Kids: 40 Fun Tests That Help You Learn About Yourself (Self-Help for Kids Series)
Psychology for Kids: 40 Fun Tests That Help You Learn About Yourself (Self-Help for Kids Series)

Tests for creative style, social style, learning style, attitude and more.

 

Major Self-Acceptance

"In my case Pilgrim's Progress consisted

in my having to climb down a thousand ladders

until I could reach out my hand to the

little clod of earth that I am."

~ C.G. Jung ~

Just Joking

  • How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Just one, but the bulb will have to be ready to change.

  • A woman took her husband to the psychiatrists because he thought he was a dog. "Why don't you sit on the couch?" the psychiatrist said when they arrived. "Oh, no" said the woman. "He's not allowed on the furniture."

  • Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?

    To prepare them for the bill

  • I went to a psychologist for years to get my head on straight.

    After all that time and money I found out it was only my tie that was on crooked.

  • A man comes to the shrink with a banana stuck in his left ear, a cucumber in his right ear and 2 carrots up his nose. He looks at the shrink and says : hey doc', what's wrong with me ?!?

    Dr : Well , frankly I don't think your eating well...

  • A man goes to a psychiatrist.

    The doctor says, "You're crazy"

    The man says, "I want a second opinion!"

    The doctor replies, "Okay, you're ugly too!"

What would Freud think about the U.S. today?

What would Freud think about the U.S. today?
What would Freud think about the U.S. today?
Who Do You Think You Are?: 15 Methods for Analyzing the True You
Who Do You Think You Are?: 15 Methods for Analyzing the True You

This book was written for teens but adults have been know to use it. Questions, quizzes, charts, and diagrams make it

fun to find out who you really are (personality).

Find out the answers to these questions:

~ Which Chakra are you in?

~ What does your body type say about you?

~ Who's your inner goddess?

And more . . .

 

If all else fails . . .

If all else fails . . .
If all else fails . . .

What Counselors Tell Themselves Before Sessions - OK, I CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR MYSELF

  1. Never start a counseling session with a full bladder.
  2. Don't fidget.
  3. Don't tell more than one cat story per session.
  4. Silence is golden . . . or even bright yellow.
  5. Always double check to see if your zipper is up, and no lunch between your teeth.
  6. Never, never, never, eat an Oreo between sessions.

Humor and the Human Body

  • Laughing initially increases blood pressure, then B.P. falls below normal.
  • Laughter strengthens our immune systeman d decreases levels of stress hormones.
  • Laughing gives our midsection a good workout. It aids in digestion and absorption. Hearty laughter burns as many calories as spending a few minutes on an exercise bike.
  • Laughter is not picky: it stimulates both sides of the brain. It helps us focus and sharpens memory.

Leave comments, feedback, therapy jokes, or just say hello, etc.

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    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      Wonderfully amusing psychology quotes.

    • profile image

      Jodi 3 years ago

      You are so awesome for helping me solve this myetyrs.

    • waldenthreenet profile image

      waldenthreenet 6 years ago

      great topic, road to many related traills via crooked roads may be. Congrads on reaching Squidoo level 59. Am gong for next level. Looking for an inspiring idea relating to my interest in human psychology and mental health . Thanks.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      :) very nice*****

    • TolovajWordsmith profile image

      Tolovaj Publishing House 6 years ago from Ljubljana

      Great resource of quotes, knowing a lot of therapists I can certainly use most of them sooner or later. This lens goes into my bookmark!

    • David Dove profile image

      David Dove 6 years ago

      Loving it, can't use it ALL in my practice but will work some in for sure, thank you

    • profile image

      SonicShyGuy 6 years ago

      Very cool quotations! As a psychology student I find them interesting. One that stood out was Maslow's, "It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail." So many problems in life are better approached with a variety of methods and strategies.

    • Injete profile image

      Injete 6 years ago

      I love this lens :-) A great collection of wit.

    • profile image

      WendyMarsh 6 years ago

      Great quotes! Thanks for putting them all together in one place!

    • profile image

      poutine 6 years ago

      Fantastic collection of quotes.

      Love this lens.

    • profile image

      poutine 6 years ago

      Fantastic collection of quotes.

      Love this lens.

    • Diana Wenzel profile image

      Renaissance Woman 6 years ago from Colorado

      This is such a great collection of humor. The Freud quote about giving up was one of my favorites. I didn't expect it. Thanks for the laughs.

    • profile image

      WorldVisionary 7 years ago

      Lots of interesting quotes here! Loved this lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      Great Quotes, thanks.

    • Spook LM profile image

      Spook LM 7 years ago

      Forgot to add, lensrolled somewhere.

    • Spook LM profile image

      Spook LM 7 years ago

      Thoroughly enjoyed this and thanks for the laughs. Merry Xmas. Blessed by an Angel.

    • LadyJasmine LM profile image

      LadyJasmine LM 7 years ago

      Oh my god- I'm laughing so hard at all those fabulous ironic quotes about therapy and psychology that it could almost be called cathartic- especially the one where Jung basically says 'show me a sane person and I'll screw him up for you!' . Hah! Thanks for the smile!

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      This is a very entertaining approach to seeing therapy and things like that. Never thought it that way. I was laughing my way reading this lens. Thanks for this. Great lens! And oh, thanks for dropping by my lens, too.

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      i enjoy reading your interesting lens.

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      coin magic | magic card tricks

    • TapIn2U profile image

      TapIn2U 7 years ago

      I laughed all the way to the bottom of the page - needed that! Thanks. Sundae - ;-)

    • sciencefictionn profile image

      sciencefictionn 8 years ago

      Funny quotes that make me think...

      An excellent lens full of humor and- sometimes - bitterness.

      5*

    • profile image

      Trudles88 9 years ago

      Interesting subject matter...

    • profile image

      DarleneOuimet 9 years ago

      Hey, nice Lens! I am going to lensroll it, and I will be back!

      Darlene

    • profile image

      DarleneOuimet 9 years ago

      Hey, nice Lens! I am going to lensroll it, and I will be back!

      Darlene

    • religions7 profile image

      religions7 9 years ago

      Great lens. I think the 'what counselors tell themselves before sessions' bit could be a whole lens - and a popular one too. Don't we all want to know what counselors and psychiatrists REALLY think?

    • gmarlett lm profile image

      gmarlett lm 9 years ago

      I love it, what a great lens! Welcome to the Parody and Satire Group. Nathaniel Emmons - “Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.” Good thing eh?

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