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Avoid depression - whats on your mind?

Updated on September 17, 2012

do you say what you mean and mean what you say every time?

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getting to the point

How many times this week have you lied when your partner, friend, family member asked you how you were.

It often goes a bit like this

friend - "how are you?"

you - "ok,"

friend - "are you sure? you're a little quiet"

you - "no really I'm ok"

Come on admit it we all do this. When we are feeling a bit wobbly the last thing we need is someone asking us what is wrong, us admitting we feel like sh*t then simultaneously bursting into tears.

No, no many of us hold it in, much preferring to have conversations in our own head about who and what has made us feel a little fed up, bored, tired, unhappy or all of these.

I do this a lot. With kids around you need to keep your mind focused on their day to day and their development, behaviour, schooling, homework, emotions, happiness, meals, bedtime routine.

Their this and their that. Its about everyone but you therefore when we are asked by a genuinely interested person "how are you?" we really do not have the energy or inclination to respond openly and honestly.

Bursting into tears during the dinner time routine or any other part of the day seems so outlandish and we simply cannot afford to allow those emotions out when we do really, REALLY need to vent.

Instead we bottle it up really tightly with a cork squeezed into the bottle so far it will take an explosion to make it pop.

Yet often this cork does pop and POP is exactly what it does usually spraying the output all over innocent parties at the wrong time when triggered by the most innocent of incidents.

Spilled milk - I can recall reacting so badly to this and upon reflection realising the persons who spilled the milk and the others in the room really did not deserve the onslaught of anger, annoyance and frustration which ideally would have been vented in a more constructive way - i.e. in the gym or even at the person who caused the state of emotional distress I could find myself it.

Yet time and time again this can happen. Tiredness for me is a major factor in holding it in yet as the years pass and we start to lose loved ones I realise that life is way to short to bottle anything up and it is much better to get it out there in a very open and honest way.

I have been described as brutally honest (usually by people no longer featuring in my life, thank goodness) however being brave and honest are words used to describe me and I am very proud of this. I have a constructive manner yet I do not see the benefit in kidding people along, making them feel their actions are acceptable when deep down you find them pretty upsetting.

I don't suffer fools gladly as the saying goes yet I can be the softest, most emotional person put in certain circumstances.

So why can we not all say what we mean and mean what we say. Why is it so hard for others to hear the truth, the low down, the honest feedback. Why do we often go through life saying "yes, I'm great" when deep down your heart can be breaking or longing for a big hug or an ear to hear you.

Well we are a nation who yes we will be honest and outspoken about more general agenda items - politics, war, state of the nation, government etc etc. These topics are safe for us all to have an opinion on as there will always be someone who agree or disagrees and it is never insulting to air your views, yet when it comes to being really honest about how we are feeling due to other people's actions we act like we have lost our voice and had it replaced by a robotic version of ourselves, where no emotional outlet is possible until we are along with our thoughts.

So let us try to get to the point.

Let us try to say what we mean and let us try even harder to mean what we say.

Yes it can be hard but your sense of relief and the clearing of the air will surpass the negative emotions stifled inside your mind and your heart by saying nothing at all.

So, "how are you?"


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    • gcm0904 profile image

      Mrs McK 6 years ago from Scotland

      great comment thank you for taking the time. I agree - many people bizarrely seem to need to hear what they want to hear, as opposed to wanting to hear what they need to hear.

    • shea duane profile image

      shea duane 6 years ago from new jersey

      gcm, very interesting hub. however, i grew up in an alcoholic household and we learned to lie early and well. When I had my own son 13 years ago, my husband and I decided we were going to leave our alcohol-influenced behaviors in the trash a start anew. One of the things we decided to do was to always tell the truth. People always say, Tell the truth! I've learned that people don't really want the truth. When I'm honest, people get mad and hurt and tell others I'm insensitive and hurtful. I try to 'tell the truth with love' as a good Christian person would, but people hate it. I've lost more friends being honest. I honestly believe now that people don't want the truth. When they ask if something looks good and it looks awful, they don't want to hear 'I'd like it better if it wasn't such a bright yellow' A close friend had her hair highlighted at a beauty college and asked me how it looked. It was terrible with chunks of mouse brown in the back. I said, it looks good in the front but go back and have them fix the these strands. She cried. My neighbor asked if I liked her daughter's boyfriend (who moved in and has no job)... I said, I'd like him more if he had a job... Jesus said the truth will see you free... I agree. I feel better about myself and the truth, but most people think i'm mean.


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