Senior Citizen Living: How To Enjoy Life In The Slow Lane
Clever Senior Citizen Living: Be Strong In Mind, Body and Soul!
So many people have asked me what keeps the Clever Senior citizen looking good, full of health and vigor, living life each day with a smile and good humor.
Photo Courtesy Themorguefile by BBoomerinDenialWhere do they get that charismatic panache that causes others to stop and stare at them in wonder? It's simple, really; they are just so happy that they woke up that morning! Yes, my friends, they know that once again, they punched Old Man Time in the kisser. You see, there is a bit of a rebel in the soul of every senior citizen. A maverick, if you will, who takes pride and satisfaction in pausing the countdown that starts the Journey To The Great Beyond, of which they have no interest in joining anytime soon. That's just not the way they go about their business!
In The Clever Seniors Toolbox, we explained how they can successfully manipulate the unwary in getting the gifts they want. Today, we will explore how the Clever Senior maintains a healthy mind, body and soul for a positive outlook on life, and we will provide invaluable tips for you, the aspiring Clever Senior.
The Steel Trap Mind
Clever Senior citizens are renown for their Jedi Mind Tricks, snappy comebacks, and sharp memory, but how do they keep their minds on such a keen edge?
Photo Courtesy Themorguefile by GeertHere are a few tips I can pass on to you:
1) Read a book a week. The best books for honing the mind of the Senior Citizen are mysteries, detective stories and "seat of the pants" adventures. Why? Because they force the mind to work and reward them in then end, like getting a ice cream cone after a cleansing for a heinous medical exam.
2) Each night before you go to sleep, count backwards from 100. If you miss a number, you have to start all over again. This mental torture is actually a good sleep inducement as well as a tool to help you remember your numbers. Remembering number sequences is vital to Clever Seniors finances as well as being able to tell the time of day.
3) Visualization. The Clever Senior builds homes, towns, and countrysides with their futile imagination while practicing their napping skills each day. The memories of such pleasant mental exercises often stay with them when awake, and is the reason for the "secret smile" you often see on their faces.
4) Listen and learn from Henny Youngman, Groucho Marx and Don Rickles. These three, with their sharp barbs, quick retorts and one liners, are actually the Fathers of the Clever Senior Mind Honing Technique. You must be sharp of wit to keep up with the fast pace of these minds as they take you here and there, down twisting roads of absurdity. Tip: Take notes so you can use some of their one liners the next time you are out and about in public. People tolerate cranky Oldsters and will smile or laugh, unlike when you were younger and the same things would have put you in jail, and ostracized you from your peers.
Tools For The Laughing Clever Senior Citizen - Makes a great gift too!
Senior Citizen Swag
Keeping up one's physical appearance is important to the Clever Senior citizens life, as it keeps The Young from thinking about retirement homes and assisted living facilities before the senior citizen is
Photo Courtesy Themorguefile by bjwebbizready for them. It also makes them feel good about themselves, that they can still "turn an eye" for something other than a food stain or a mutant hair the length of a football field hanging off their chin that they failed to notice while grooming.
The best way to keep looking your best is to hone your basic grooming skills into a habit to perform each day. Here are some of my favorites along with some tool suggestion to make your Good Looks Regime a success:
1) Easy on the make-up, Senior Gals! The tell tale sign of a Senior in distress, is one who tries to hide their age by putting on an inch of liquid mask followed by a dusting of power and rouge. Avoid bright red glossy lipstick and thick black eyelash stuff because it runs, and streaking bright colors on your face is not the look we are after! Be proud of your age lines, you worked hard to get them!
2) Practice smiling. It will help stop gravity from giving you that eternal frown we want to avoid. The Clever Senior does not care if their family and friends see them practicing because they know it will pay off at the next Senior Center Dance when that attractive widower with a boatload of money is there!
3) Exercise your arms! You can do this without a fuss while watching your favorite TV shows. Get some handy small exercise tools to aid in this effort, as punching the air repeatedly does little more than get you uncomfortable looks from those around you. You might also inadvertently punch someone, or send a small pet flying accross the room. Trust me, it happens.
4) Get a good mirror so you can actually see what you are doing! Nothing is worse than grooming in the dark. I personally can attest to mis-matched socks, inside out tops and poorly applied make-up, to not having a good light and mirror! The Clever Senior has a reputation to maintain and this is not the effect we want to produce when out in public!
5) Even if you do not plan on going out of the home that day, try not to look like you are a refugee from the Great Depression. You never know if the Bible Ladies might show up to talk about what you need to do if you want to get to Heaven, and it will make you feel better about yourself too. Instead of just changing the sweatpants you slept in for a different pair, try putting on some shorts, or a comfortable pair of jeans for cryin' out loud. (Sorry, that last one is a "Note To Self")
The Bold Senior Soul
Most of us are aware that there is a connection between the mind and body, each affecting the other. The Clever Senior citizen knows that the key third ingredient,
Photo Courtesy Themorguefile by JulesinKythat makes the connection work, is the Soul. It is the spark that keeps everything ticking and get's us through the tough times, when the mind and body just aren't up to facing the challenges life sends our way.
But, you ask, how can I strengthen my soul to make it more bold and up to the task? Here's how: follow these simple Clever Senior Soul Strengthening exercises and you will find yourself on the road to success, in ways you might never had imagined! But, be forewarned! As your soul gets stronger, those around you will start looking at you in new ways; even listening to you again instead of just nodding their heads and interrupting you, saying that they "have to run".
1) Watch Clint Eastwood movies, at least twice a week for the first month, then taper off to 1 a week thereafter. Carefully weave phrases like "Make My Day" into your conversations with The Young to put them back on their heels. Clint Eastwood is a Hero to the Clever Senior, who knows that spunk is a major ingredient in soul building! Caution: Do not watch more than one Dirty Harry movie in a row or you might get really cranky.
2) Watch "Blazing Saddles" and "The Cheap Detective" once a month to exercise your gift of laughter. The ability to laugh, loud and long, until tears stream down your face, not only moisturizes your skin, it also makes the soul grow stronger.
3) Take just 10 minutes each day or so, to get angry at the world around you, for any good reason that strikes your fancy. Shake your fist and throw cusswords at the evildoers in your sights and give them a piece of your mind. After 10 minutes is up, blow them a kiss, tell them you will be back to give them hell again tomorrow if they don't watch out, then mentally swagger away, waving goodbye. (It's good to stay attached to the foibles of Man, to keep tabs on them, but bad to hold on to it. The Clever Senior is not just a fighter, but a survivor too!)
4) When no one is looking, and you are outside, away from the prying eyes of others, spit. Yes, spit! Make it a loogie, if you have the stuff for it! This is even more important if you are a female Senior. To be more effective, try saying in a low threatening voice, "Oh Yeah?" before you spit, and squint your eyes like Clint does. For maximum effectiveness, after you spit, sharply pump your fist in the air. This not only builds your self esteem, but reminds you that no one, and I mean NO ONE, pushes the Clever Senior around!
Bonus! Have Fun And Be Creative With Others
Special Feature From The Clever Seniors Toolbox!
Clever Seniors like to toss in a special trick or treat for those good readers who have managed to get through this article before falling asleep.
Here is a good way to make new friends:
Perfect an English or Irish accent so you can speak with it naturally. Americans LOVE those accents for some reason, immediately suscribing all kinds of delightful attributes to these strangers they happen upon. You will get smiles and handshakes and if you are lucky they might even buy you lunch, just so they can listen to you speak funny!
How to part a crowd when you are trying to make your way to the people you are trying to meet up with:
Affect a limp and a weeze. While you are limping, pretend you see the person you are meeting accross the throng of humanity; wave frantically and weeze loudly, "Did you bring my flu medications?"