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Suicide a Choice

Updated on August 23, 2010

Webster defines it as the act of taking ones life. Others have described it as rather not why but why not. Contemplating these thoughts lately I found myself asking this big question as if it were a giant white elephant standing in the corner demanding to be recognized. Why not? The answer is obvious. Not yet. Even though the last year and a half has been shit, I have lost everything and my health and my wife's health has gone south. I have been unemployed for one and one half years, and not by choice.  Every time I have applied for a job ( I have been employed since the age of fourteen ) I have been met with denials. I know I have physical disabilities and combine that with my age and there you have it. in an employers market too much baggage. Coming to the realization now that I need to apply for disability  Which I have done, and being turned done by the State of Indiana Disability as not employable because of my disabilities I am looking at a dim crossroad. Always before I knew I could get a job and get over any problems life threw at me. Now I don't. At the age of fifty eight I am starting with nothing with nothing to look forward to. A friend of mine told me when I lost my job that it isn't so bad he had read in the paper about a man who lost his young son in an accident. Of course it could be worse it seems I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop to get worse. The reason I wrote this blog was not to complain. The reason is to tell anyone who reads this that it could happen to you. Life has no guarantees. It has no reassurances. It is all black and white. I go out of my way to help people. We give money to the Salvation Army at Christmas I follow the golden rule do unto others, but what has it got me. Nothing. I stand at this crossroad without a doubt in my mind it will get worse. It is just a matter of time.


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    • alzel127 profile image

      Alex Zelahy 5 years ago from Indiana

      Thank you

    • tammyfrost profile image

      Tammy Frost 5 years ago from Oregon

      I started reading this hub and was going to click away when I realized there was a purpose why you wrote this. You needed to vent and you need people to here we all are on hubpages supporting your writings and telling you to stay positive. Things will get better.

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      Sunnie Day 6 years ago

      Dear Alzel I don't know why I am reading this moment but I am and I am telling you to hold on..Don't hold on to the thoughts of a job, or things of this world but let go ..just let go into God's arms..I mean with everything in you..release it all..I know loss, I can't say at this moment in time..but I know it is worse than most..but I have to tell you God gave me a vision one time and it was this.."As the waves plumet into the rocks, trust me!" I wanted to quit...when I realized that God did hear me and I was not some insignificant person..I knew things would change..I pray right now for you and your wife...things are going to change..volunteer to help others...give in the area you need most and change will come..May God bless you today and that God will move on your behalf.