Temple of Toothpaste
Welcome to the Temple of Toothpaste
On the other hand, if by any chance you're a cavorting Cavity Critter, a genuinely Germy Gingivitus, a Horrible case of Halitosis, or heaven forbid...The Terrible Tooth Troll ... perhaps you'd best find yourself another "jungle" mouth in which to mess about!
Image Credit: shutterstock.com/30739144
A Tale from the "Toothpaste Times"
While gazing at herself in the mirror this morning, Henrietta was pleased as punch at thought that she was one of those rare chronologically-gifted hens with some teeth left in her jaw to polish.
Illustration and caption by Linda Silvestri at http://sketchedout.wordpress.com/page/4/
TV, Truth, Teeth & Teenagers
"Another possible source
of guidance for teenagers is
television, but television's message
has always been that the need
for truth, wisdom and world peace
pales by comparison with the need
for a toothpaste that offers whiter
teeth and fresher breath."
-- Dave Barry, humorist --
Put a Smile on Your Face With "SPLORK"!
Forget a little dab'll do ya, let's just go whole hog!
THE TRUTH ABOUT TEETH
Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you!
THE SHORT HISTORY OF TOOTHPASTE
1. It was invented more than 4,000 years ago (by someone who thought it was a good idea at the time.)
2. Until the mid-nineteenth century, toothpaste contained ingredients that would scare the pants off most people; but by the twentieth century manufacturers realized that by adding a feisty flavor perhaps new consumers might be found.
3. The Americans claimed that in 1850, a dentist by the name of Washington Wentworth Sheffield, living in New London, Connecticut created "Creme Dentifrice", but his son who studied in France, figured out it would be handier to stuff it into a tube.
4. It wasn't until 1946 that cavity-fighters discovered that "fluoride" could be added not to mention an artificial sweetener-free toothpaste to make it palatable for a very picky public.
5. After complaints from consumers about gnarled fingers from rolling up too many toothpaste tubes, manufacturers in the 1980s came up with solution...the toothpaste pump, and later the "stand-up" toothpaste tube (which incidentally will never dissolve in the municipal landfill).
Image Credit: whisky toothpaste print advertisement - reactorfire.files.wordpress.com
"Love conquers all things -- except poverty and toothaches." -- Mae West
Image Credit: Star Shine Gallery@flickr.com
A TALE OF TOOTHPASTE TEMPESTS AND TORTS
American scientists and sociologists have discovered that while toothpaste is great for cleaning teeth, it has some deleterious side-effects.
1. Brushing one's teeth is often a lonely vigil, (in fact over a lifetime, one spends approximately 3.6 months cleaning one's pearly whites and in the case of obsessive-compulsive types may add another 10 years of time-wasting teeth cleaning), all of which may hinder one's ability to bond with others around a campfire (significantly reducing one's chances of promotion any time soon) or restrain comfortable dinner table conversation since queazy feelings in the stomach more often than not causes frequent trips to the loo (and not a hope in heck of winning the golden key to the executive washroom).
2. Failing to clean the toothpaste tube after use and leaving to the toothpaste tube cap off not only causes an unsightly gooey if not hardened mess that in turn will inflame passions by ending years of marital bliss by putting the "War of Roses" to shame; (all of which is why one should avoid this toothpaste tort if at all possible).
3. Frequent teeth-cleaning will do nothing to sharpen one's incisors nor will it enhance one's marbles (mental floss is the only known filament to remove bad attitudes and ideas which threaten to pollute the plaque-fighting planet). Furthermore, excessive peering into the mirror can lead to nasty narcisstic notions and supercillious self-aggrandizement resulting in a precipitous decline in friends or acquaintances or worse yet sand fights that may escalate in gang-violence if not social unrest.
Life Lesson 43: A healthy happy depends on how long how long you spend washing your teeth, cleaning up after yourself, and staring at yourself in the mirror.
Image Credit: toothpaste - flutteringbutterflies.com/cartoon-toothpaste-toothbrush-thumb2887476.jpg
TERRIFIC TEETH & TOOTHPASTE QUOTES
"A good friend - like a tube of toothpaste - comes through in a tight squeeze." -- Anonymous
"I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?" -- Carol Burnett, American comedian
"Also new at Phillips is 'Crooked Tooth Pumpkin Ale'...it has a lot of real pumpkin in the beer, along with traditional pumpkin pie spices." -- John Rowling, Celebrator Beer News Magazine
"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue." -- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), American writer and critic
"Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths." -- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), British author, philosopher, and political activist
"Aristotle could have avoided the mistake of thinking that women have fewer teeth than men, by the simple device of asking Mrs. Aristotle to keep her mouth open while he counted." -- Bertrand Russell
"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath." -- Dave Barry, American writer and humorist
"If you can sell green toothpaste in this country, you can sell opera." Sarah Caldwell (1924-2006), American opera conductor, impresario, and opera company director
"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it is awfully hard to get it back in." H. R. Haldeman (1926-1963), American politician and Watergate co-conspirator
"We are beer market specialists, that is all we focus on. We don't do dog food or toothpaste - just beer." Nicola Pressnell, Operation's Director, Plato Logic
"I wonder if there's such a thing as a spiritual dentist? I think my whole personality is full of cavities!" -- Charles M. Schulz, creator of the comic strip "Peanuts"
WILL BRUSHING YOUR TEETH ENSURE A CLEAN CONVERSATION?
MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT FOR YOUR TEETH CLEANING GIG
For those who didn't pick up a tube of Turkey Toothpaste over the holidays.
Va Va Voom -- Let's hear it for "Toothpaste 2000"!
Toothpaste Kisses...voted No. 1 by the Molars & Munch crowd!
THE ANCIENTS AND THEIR TEETH
"Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths."
-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), British philosopher, mathematician, historian, and social reformer
Time To Take A Peek at the Tooth Fairy!
TRIVIA FROM THE TOOTHFAIRY
1) The tooth is the only part of the human body that can't repair itself (which is why the Toothfairy has to work so much overtime).
2) Every tongue print is unique (which is why you may run but you can never hide from the Toothfairy!)
3) 1 out of every 2,000 infants is born with a tooth (which is why the Toothfairy loves them the best!)
Toothpaste has been the subject of many conversations, some quite profound, others rather piffling as seen below.
"Miss Garland's figure resembles the giant-economy-size tube of toothpaste in girls' bathrooms: squeezed intemperately at all points, it acquires a shape that defies definition by the most resourceful solid geometrician." -- Sir John Simon (1816-1904), English Physician
"Start the day with GLEEM, the toothpaste for people who can't brush after every meal." -- Tagline for Gleem toothpaste
"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." -- Erma Bombeck (1927-1996), American humorist
"Clear Channel is in the business of selling Fords, burgers and toothpaste." -- Lowry Mays, President of Clear Channel Radio in the U.S.
"Brush your teeth with the best toothpaste. Then rinse your mouth with industrial waste." -- Tom Lehrer, American singer, songwriter and Harvard University mathematician.
Which ingredient has not been used to make toothpaste?
A Tiny Tooth Tale
Image Credit: Vimrod cartoon - beyond-my-smile.blogspot.com/5395103178_1ab3532f21.jpg
Who knew that such titillating taglines could sell a tiny tube of toothpaste?
Who wouldn't want to be "pure" (and "white" as the driven snow), "clean" (as a whistle) and "fresh" (as a daisy ... on second thought, make that as "tasty" as a strawberry)?
"It cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth." Colgate toothpaste, 1945
"Look Ma, No cavities!" Crest toothpaste
"You'll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent." Pepsodent toothpaste, 1953.
"Number 1. Recommended by Dentists." Colgate Total toothpaste
"Behold the Fountain of Youth." Metadent Replenishing White toothpaste
"Take the feeling of clean to the Extreme." Aquafresh Extreme Clean toothpaste
"Pure. Fresh. Clean." Colgate Oxygen toothpaste
"Sparkling White Vanilla Mint." Colgate toothpaste
"The toothpaste that kills germs for a cleaner, fresher mouth." Listerine
What I want to know is when will the titans of toothpaste team up with giants of grub and create a tangy toothpaste such as "Cheese Whiz Flavor..for Big Cheeses only."...they'd make a killing!!! Besides, not only would kids brush their teeth more often but, their ambitious parents would get a leg up on their corporate careers.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE IVORY SNATCHERS, TOOTH CARPENTERS, OR TUSK TECHNICIANS?
TOOTH TALES & TOOTHPASTE TRIVIA
- HOW TO CLEAN YOUR CDs AND DVDs
Fret no more about those scratches that prevent you from listening to your favorite CDs or watching your mirthful movie DVDs...have we got a surprise for you!
- ALTERNATIVE USES FOR TOOTHPASTE TUBES
Recyclers of the world will be pleased to know that there are ways of reusing your old toothpaste tubes...some rather inegenious.
- FROZEN TOOTHPASTE
A wonderful way to engage in quasi-intellectual part-time philosophizing about life, politics, culture and a scintillating source for all things banal, mundane, and sometimes enlightening.
- TOOTHPASTE WORLD
The biggest collection of toothpaste brands in the world!
- TOOTHPASTE FOR DINNER
A wonderful collection of cartoons entitled "Toothpaste for Dinner", drawn by a dude named Drew.
- WHAT'S THE BEST TOOTHPASTE?
"Toothpaste Wars - How To Find The Best Toothpaste" will be of great help to tawdry tongues and teeth that need to be cleaned!
- YAHOOERS KNOW THE BEST BRAND!
When in doubt...ask Yahooers!
- "CRUST TOOTHPASTE"
See what a little wacky way-out packaging can do for a traditional brand of toothpaste!
- ARE YOU PART OF THE "GLEEM" TEAM?
A timeless toothpaste ad!
- TOOTH FAIRY LETTERS
If you can write a letter to Santa, then why not compose one to the Tooth Fairy (what do you mean you're over the hill and she won't leave you anything!)
- DENTAL HEALTH THEATER
Clearly this is the only one of it's kind in the world, but you'll have to go to Chicago, Illinois to see it!
- GETTING THAT LAST DROP OF TOOTHPASTE
Here are some humorous if not helpful devices for getting that last drop of toothpaste out of the tube.
- TOOTHPASTE WORLD
Some very odd toothpaste brands..."Hopalong Cassidy", "Mighty Whitey", and "Six-Proof Scotch".
- TOOTHPASTE FOR DINNER
Here are some samples of Natalie Dee's cartoon, "Toothpaste for Dinner".
- SNAGGLE-TOOTH SALAD
A great collections of cartoons, what do you mean you haven't a clue about "purplepeepus-sabertoothus??
THE TRUTH ABOUT TEETH
The Tooth Fairy teaches kids to sell body parts for money while the Leprechaun teaches them to hide gold in their wisdom teeth where the dragons can't find it!
Image Credit: Chud Tsankov Illustrations at flickr.com
THE TRUTH ABOUT TOOTHPASTE:
Q: How do you know that someone from West Virginia invented toothpaste?
A: If anyone else had invented it, it would have been called teethpaste.
WISE WORDS OF WISDOM...
Image Credit: Nathalie Dee, cartoonist, "Toothpaste for Dinner"
"Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was they they escaped teething."
-- Mark Twain, American author and humorist --
TOOTHPASTE KISSES MEANS OODLES OF PUCKER POWER!
A Cuspid Christmas Wish Comes True!
Last year I said, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth." Thank God, Santa made good on his promise!
Image Credit: Jim Lisk, illustrator, cowboy.com
A Tinsel Treat from Toothpaste for Dinner
All I want for Christmas is my TWO FRONT TEETH! Is that too much to ask for at my age!*?
An orgasmic oral health delight.
Search for identity in the age of self-cleaning ovens, digital watches, and tasty toothpaste.
Fun facts about the best fang-cleaners in the nation!
A Titan of Toothpaste Tale if ever there was one!
Look if anti-freeze is good enough for cars...why not teeth!
The Tooth Fairy will personally bless all those who leave favorable feedback. For those who choose to fill their boots with cavity-prone comments...she will be obliged to use her puckish powers and invoke her infamous "Root Canal Hex" upon you (which is reason enough to avoid this option!)