- Mental Health»
How to achieve true happiness
ARE YOU HAPPY?
Have you asked yourself sometimes; “ Am I happy? Am I enjoying the life I live? Am I really living or just existing? “
And what is your answer? Are you happy or do you already get a headache when you think about tomorrow and what the future might bring?
Well, unfortunately there is a common belief that happiness comes about as a result of having certain things like money, material goods, relationships etc. But as a matter of fact nothing and no one in the world can make you happy if you are miserable on the inside, not the man or woman of your dreams, no luxurious holiday, no promotion and not even a million dollar win, because true happiness comes from within!
WHAT IS HAPPINESS?
For many people praise, respect and being approved by others means everything. They let others admire their achievements and with their money they buy things they don’t really need. But deep inside and in spite of all their efforts they might not be happy, but dissatisfied, fearful and restless instead. Material goods will never satisfy your desires; the more you get the more you want.
So they look for more, something else, something new, more exciting…but not really knowing what it is they are looking for.
Many people try to find happiness from alcohol, psychopharmaka and other drugs, not even realizing that it’s just an illusion which will lead to addiction and destruction.
Then there are others who just live according to the “rules” of society and do what others expect them to do. They have already given up on their dream to live a life they really want to live and they constantly suppress their longing for a truly fulfilling and happy life.
They console themselves by thinking that others have even worse problems and have to go through tough times as well. They keep on telling themselves “WELL, THAT’S LIFE”.
But that’s not what life is about!
Life is not a problem to solve but a gift to cherish!
Everybody has a different idea how his life should be. But there is one thing we all have in common: We all want to be happy, and that is something everybody can learn.
And here is my step by step guide how to achieve true happiness:
1. CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS
We all have the choice of turning our thoughts either into a positive (constructive) or negative (destructive) direction. Positive thoughts of love, optimism, inner peace, tolerance, trust etc. will usually result in joy, success, health, prosperity, harmony and happiness.
On the other hand negative thoughts of anger, hate, jealousy, doubts, criticism usually results in misfortune, failure, illness and self destruction. Negative thoughts are your worst enemy! They deprive you of your sleep, health and inner peace.
So all you have to do is free yourself from negativity and only allow positive thoughts in your mind. And that’s something you have to practice every day.
The following will help you with it:
- Visualize and see yourself as a happy person. Your imagination is a powerful tool.
- Power of speech: Control your tongue and you will see how you can easily control your mind.
- Meditation will also help you to get rid of negative thoughts
2. GET RID OF WORRIES AND FEARS
One of mankind’s biggest problems are worries and fears. An old Chinese wisdom says;
“ Man only lives up to 100 years but he worries as if he had to live more than 1000 years”
Fear is like the lid of a coffin which is closing above you! Only if you lift it up and move it away you will be able to live a carefree and happy life.
What you can do:
- Face your fears instead of running away from them
- Don’t ask yourself “what happens if…” ask instead “what are the chances that it will really happen?”
- Imagine what you would do if these things happened. Once you have faced up to your worst fear it will automatically feel less scary.
Kill your fears before they kill you!
3. BE OPTIMISTIC
Optimism is vital for your happiness. An optimistic person is successful in most of his actions. (You get what you expect).
Let your natural optimism shine through and you will be amazed by the results.
Always believe in your success and don’t have doubts:
Everything is possible for those who believe.
4. BE SELF-CONFIDENT
With a lack of self-confidence you become your worst enemy. If you don’t think much of yourself how can you expect other people to do so?
Only your limiting self beliefs stand in your way.. Change the way you think and talk about yourself and your life will change.
Go for a positive self image and you will see that people treat you with greater respect.
5. MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS
Don’t do what others say is right for you! Only you know what’s best for you und you have to live with your decisions not those who helped you with them.
Remember, if you are not able to make your own decisions you will be constantly manipulated by your environment.
You are in charge of your own life, so don’t be controlled by other people, circumstances or difficulties.
Everyone is the architect of his own future.
6. LIVE ENTHUSIASTIC
Enthusiasm gives your life a meaning and joy, helps you to get rid of your fears and to view problems differently. It’s the secret of a happy fulfilling life.
Whatever you do, do it with pleasure. Seek joy in what you give not just in what you get.
Look into a babies eyes and see the joy and delight. We all were once like this; thrilled and enchanted by life and full of positive expectations. But what happened to that little child who was so open, trusting and full of joy and expectations? IT HASN’T GONE ANYWHERE! It’s still there, buried somewhere within you longing to be free.
But in order to cope with life we build defences to protect ourselves from being hurt and disappointed. And we may have been hurt deeply in our lifes so that the open and trusting part of ourselves has become buried. We have abandoned our inner child and have lost contact with that playful, loving and open part of ourselves.
All you have to do is let down your protective defences and openness will set you free.
Allow your inner child to emerge again and it will be much easier to form close relationships, to trust others, to express your feelings, have fun, feel more optimistic and to find happiness.
7. BE PATIENT
People who give up because it takes too long to achieve their goals will never get anywhere in life.
Set yourself goals and concentrate on achieving them one by one, step by step..
Don’t be afraid of doing slow, small steps just be afraid of a standstill.
Learn to be patient; you can’t attempt to run before you learn to walk.
And keep in mind that you don’t need strength to achieve your goals, but persistence!
8. STOP MOANING AND COMPLAINING
Talking about your worries and problems to other people will only make you feel worse.
People who are always complaining are not respected, are being avoided by others and don’t have many friends.
If you are like that you have to change! You can achieve that through positive thinking.
If you have problems do everything to solve them instead of complaining. There is a solution for every problem. You can also find lots of advice in self help books.
Do everything to achieve your goals and you won’t have much time to complain.
Make sure you make at least one hour time per day just for yourself and you will feel much better.
9. SET YOURSELF GOALS
In order to achieve happiness you need to have dreams and goals in your life and you need to know your direction. If you don’t have goals which you want to achieve you are just existing and you never get anywhere in life. You are wasting your time with useless things which will result in negative thinking and dissatisfaction.
But do you really know what you want? What is your deepest desire? What do you work for? Where do you want to be in a years time? THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.
If you don’t know the answers, meditate. Listen to your subconscious mind and ask yourself what you really want. Only your inner voice can tell you what is important for you.
You don’t want to regret when you are old that you have never done what you really wanted to do.
10. ACCEPT THE UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE
There will be a lot of unfortunate incidents and situations in everybody’s life and some of them can be very painful.
But we have a choice; we either accept the inevitable and adapt to the situation or we fight it and make our life miserable and unhappy. Whatever happens we cannot change it.
To resign yourself to the circumstances is the first step to cope with the consequences of disaster and misfortune. You will get over it! It’s not just that time will heal but we all have an astonishing strength that will help us if we allow it.
Remember, it’s not the circumstances alone that make you happy or unhappy, it’s your thoughts about it.
So live your life to the fullest and be happy every moment but learn to accept that things can go wrong, that you can loose what you love and attract what you hate.
And when that happens remind yourself that there will be better times again.
Learn from nature: There can be a storm after sunshine but there will always be sunshine again after the storm!
11. NEVER LET GO OF HOPE
Hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.
When the world says “give up”, Hope whispers “try it one more time!”
12. BE COURAGEOUS
Courage doesn’t mean ‘absence of fear’ but acting regardless of the feelings and consequences. Courage also means FORGIVENESS which is a powerful way of increasing your personal power. And courage means TO STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN no matter what others think, and the ABILITY TO DO IT WHEN THINGS ARE TOUGH.
But we often don’t have the courage because we don’t trust our abilities and talents and because we are afraid to fail.
But courage is something you can learn; use your imagination and see yourself as a courageous and successful person. Make positive self affirmations and tell yourself “I can do it!” Always believe in yourself without any doubts. Self-belief is the key ingredient of a happy successful life!
And keep in mind: One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
13. DON'T RUN YOURSELF DOWN
Don’t compare yourself with others and stop thinking others are better than you. You can’t do all things equally well and you can’t do all things better than everyone else.
Stop all negative self-belief. Anything in life is possible: whenever you think that you can’t, know that you can!
Enhance your originality and tell yourself again and again; “I am a wonderful person, I am happy, clever and successful… I AM UNIQUE!
Find a quiet spot, close your eyes and visualize: See yourself as a happy, successful and incredible person, SEE IT, FEEL IT AND BELIEVE IT! Belief is a very strong magic!
But if you constantly compare yourself with others you are acting like a victim.
So stop it and remember; you are unique! There is no person in the whole world who is like you! And it’s not just your right, it’s your duty to be who you are.
You will become what you expect to become, the choice is yours.
14. DON'T GET ANGRY
Anger is just one letter away from DANGER! If you get angry you let your enemy into your mind to torture you!
Don’t let other people or circumstances annoy you. Remember; the true reason for your anger are your thoughts; negative (destructive) thoughts not only result in destructive feelings they are also harmful to your health!
So change and control your thoughts and your anger will disappear.
15. LET GO OF THE PAST
Stop thinking about the past, free yourself of guilt and remorse and learn to forgive.Each small act of forgiveness will move mountains of emotional pain. Keep forgiving, even if it feels you don’t get anywhere. TRUST YOU ARE!
We live in this moment, here and now, not yesterday or tomorrow. You can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. Just try to learn from them and close that chapter of your life forever.
A bright future is always based on a forgotten past.
16. REDUCE STRESS
We all need a certain amount of stress in our lives. It encourages us to develop and grow and to reach our potential.
But there is good stress and bad stress.
Good stress is the type that propels a person to reach new heights or to complete a big project in time.
Bad stress comes from conflict, worries and fears. This kind of stress is harmful to your health, keeps a person from sleeping and prevents you from being happy.
You have to get rid of this stress as quickly as you can before it affects your health and quality of life!
When you are angry, worried or upset, stop for a minute, have a deep breath and ask yourself; ‘does it matter? Is it really worth it?” If not, let go and move on!
Remember; stress is not an outside influence, it’s an inner feeling.
Change the way you see negative situations and you can take the stress from your life.
17. DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS
Expectations usually result in disappointments. Don’t demand more from others than you are prepared to give.
There are two kinds of expectations everybody should give up:
- to demand or expect gratitude and favours in return
- to expect that others can read your mind
Keep in mind that it’s only human that people forget to show gratitude and that no one can read in your mind what you expect. This will save yourself a lot of sorrows.
18. LOVE IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS
Love is the only thing we should be lavish with; the more we give the more we get. And even if you didn’t get anything you can still give something to the other person.
One of the most important requirements for a happy fulfilling life is the ability to give and receive love. (The love that is growing inside you makes your beauty growing too, as love is the beauty of your soul).
But some people have a strange and childish idea of love; they want to own the person they love. But true love can only flourish in freedom:
If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.
19. DON'T GET UPSET OVER MINOR MATTERS
It’s surprising how much energy people are wasting over tiny things one cannot change anyway, for example in traffic, when the weather is bad, or the bus is 2 minutes late, when the phone was ringing at dinner time, the neighbour’s music is too loud etc.
Don’t let small problems escalate into disaster and don’t let little things accumulate in your mind and eat away your inner peace and happiness like a cancer.
20. DEVELOP A SENSE OF HUMOUR
Don’t take life too serious.. We all know that a joke or funny remark can make a big problem look much smaller.We should therefore spend most of the time laughing rather than crying or being angry.
Even if someone annoys you rather smile than being upset.
Besides, most of the time people’s statements are not meant to be hurting. They often don’t think about how others will interpret their words because they are just too busy with their own big and small problems.
With a bit of practice you can learn to see a funny side in unpleasant situations, learn to laugh at yourself and to develop a sense of humour in every day situations.
21. BE FRIENDLY TO EVERYBODY
A friendly word is like a bridge. Being friendly to your family, friends, colleagues and others means to be never alone, because a friendly person attracts other people and has many friends. So be friendly to everybody and don’t wait until others are friendly to you.
And pay attention to the tone of your voice; it should always be calm and friendly.
Start your day with a smile in the mirror. If you can be friendly to yourself you can also be friendly to others.
22. LIVE AND LET LIVE
There are not even two people who are the same. Although they might share some interests but they are all different and unique.
If you feel that other people have to think, believe, feel and act the way you do or according to how you think they “should”, you will never experience true freedom and happiness. It will just cause suffering in your life and relationships.
`Forget about your “need” to make everyone conform in order to feel good about yourself and “your” world.
Let’s say you see someone “misbehaving” (the way you see it), for example someone is a bit tipsy and is dancing on a table. Let go of the feeling that you want that person to stop this behaviour, don’t take it personally and don’t let it affect your mood and rob you of your inner peace and freedom.
Instead allow that person to be as he is.
In order to experience freedom and happiness you have to learn not just to tolerate but also to accept other people’s differences.
You are who you are and you have to allow others to be as they are.
A smile doesn’t cost anything but it can give a lot.. It’s like a lightning, you won’t forget it. You can’t buy it or beg for it, you can’t borrow or steal it, in fact it’s useless if it doesn’t come from the heart.
If you meet someone who has lost the ability to smile because he is drowning in sorrows, problems and fears, give him a little bit of pleasure with your smile! No one needs it as much as he does. And you’ll see how it makes you feel good as well.
Remember, it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
If it doesn’t come easy for you to smile at other people use your imagination and picture yourself walking up to other people smiling, even to the people you don’t like that much.
You’ll be surprised how your personal relations will improve dramatically and how it makes you feel happy too.
24. DON'T PROCRASTINATE
Do you love your life? Of course you do! But remember, no one lives forever; life is short and you cannot afford to waste your time. Every minute, every hour, every day of your life which is passing is gone forever! So plan your time and don’t waste it!
A very tragic characteristic of mankind is his inclination to procrastinate.
The small boy says “when I am a big boy…”, the big boy says “when I am a man…”, and when he is a man he says “when I am married…”, and then he says “when I don’t have to work anymore…”, and then, when he is old he looks back and suddenly realizes that there were so many things he wanted to do but somehow he has missed everything and now it’s too late.
Don’t make the same mistake! Organize your time or you will run out of time!
Tell yourself every day; “just do it! And do it NOW and not tomorrow!”Do your jobs that are important and let go of the ones that don’t really need to be done.
If you want to achieve true happiness you have to enjoy every minute of your life, live every day to the fullest, dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go and be what you want to be because you only have ONE LIFE and ONE CHANCE TO DO ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO!
25. OPEN YOUR EYES!
Walk around with open eyes, see the beauty around you and don’t take anything for granted.
Happiness is hidden everywhere you just have to look for it!
And here is one more advice which is very important for your happiness:
Always remember to forget the things that made you sad,
but never forget the things that made you glad!