What Drives Your Addiction
Chapter 1 The Iceberg Effect - 1. What Drives Your Addiction?
2. Sexual Abuse
What causes a person to get so angry at their life that they take their self-anger out one someone else? That is Porn and Sexual Abuse are – anger movements against our self or someone else.
“Unwanted sexual behavior is any sexual behavior that continues to persist in our life despite our best efforts to change it. You may not like the map you have been giving but to navigate your way out of unwanted sexual behavior you will need to pay closer attention to what it desires to show you. Jay Stringer – Unwanted
Take the time to find out what makes you tick sexually. Jay asks how did you get here?
Our exposure to sex was either a positive one or a negative one. Like John 10:10 - The intention of the evil one is to steal, kill and destroy. Especially your sex life, because it is designed by God to do good things.
Jay also says “emotional isolation, powerlessness and stress are exactly the conditions that promote the addiction. Addiction is primarily a form of medicating oneself. Similarly, if you want to understand why sexual struggles exist in your life, you have to understand the tributaries that make the struggles possible”.
The question must be asked, who are you protecting, yourself or someone else? The most common source of sexual abuse comes from a family member or someone close to the family. Sexual healing comes when we acknowledge the source of the abuse, forgive the source and get help in recovering from the feelings and memories.
3. When You Act on the Look
Whether you are a guy or gal and you look at someone else and think in your mind that they have nice lips, good-looking body or you like the way they talk. It is what comes next that determines your actions. So, you have picked up on something you enjoy about them.
Do you invite them to connect more with you? You already know in your mind something about them attracts you. What are you going to do next with them or too them?
Whatever your answer is in your mind you have already acted on the look. Let’s be clear, after you have thought in your mind that they have nice lips – is your next thought, I want to kiss them. After your initial thought they have a good-looking body you want to touch them. OR if you like the way they talk – do you want to talk with them more.
Whatever sexual upbringing you grew up with has already kicked in and your likes button has been pushed. It’s only a matter of time before your actions take over and you please yourself.
If you continue with a broken sex life mindset, then your relationship could end up being a victim of your abusive past. If you were the fortunate who grew up with a positive sex life, then your end game in this relationship would end up being a positive one, we hope.
4. Emotional Abuse
Chronic Pain + Emotional Pain Make for the Perfect Storm
Separating out the Physical Pain from the Emotional Pain. “The more (pain) you do endure the more you can endure. Our healing is not an eradication of pain, but rather its acceptance. Our lives matter, suffering without hope inevitably leads to despair”. Dave Scrivens
What causes someone to decide that life isn’t worth living? Are they angry about something, but cannot identify what it is? It could be a childhood or adult trauma they have not been able to manage or a combination of tragic life events that have stockpiled into something they cannot deal with any longer.
2 Cor. 1 8b says, ‘For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself’. You and I are not the only ones who have been despaired of life. There have been many before us and there will be many after us. The consolation is we are not alone in this battle of sustainability. In verse 10 it says, ‘He delivered us’, ‘and he will deliver us’ really stands out.
Feeling overwhelmed does not mean that we are overwhelmed. Feeling over-burdened does not mean we are over-burdened. Feeling what-ever we are feeling does not mean we are that feeling. Yes, we maybe in a despairing place with difficult life events to work through but you and I are not stuck there.
Take detachment from your abuse one day at a time and know that there are others who can relate to your story, who understand what you are feeling, and that relief is available to you if you want it.
5. Soul Bleed Part 2
In order to get the emotional healing that is required to be a healthy version of yourself and overcome the obstacles in your life that prevent you from growing up there will be a time period of being in what I call the Soul Bleed, as mentioned in Trauma Line.
This Soul Bleed is a key part in revealing the sources of the emotional pain you are dealing with. The experience can really be hard to take, but afterwards it’s like taking a
deep breath in your soul.
Personally, I have been going through EMDR treatments to get to the root causes of my emotional abuse, which can include sexual abuse and addictions like alcohol, drugs and porn. Without Sage View, the EMDR treatments and 423 Community I would still be at my Trauma Line.
God did not design your life to stay in trauma. He designed your life to be better and do better for yourself. Do not allow past emotional abuses to prevent you from growing up.
Get, the healing you deserve and stop paying the abuse forward.
© 2020 Bryan Long